Sunday, December 31, 2006

Mitch Connors: He Can Make It On His Own!

This week was all about MC because he's currently off on a new adventure, and it's one that doesn't involve the HOchies (at least one that doesn't involve the HOchies living an amtrack ride away).

Ponsgri saw us for the millionth time this year but a great time was had by all as we hung out with MC. Battler, SF, Aims, Beetchie and myself were there to join him for good eats. The night was full of chaos as per usual but all in good fun.

SF decided to use his new Kirby with wand toy to bless all who he felt needed blessing at the table.

"Do you have your finger up Kirby's ass?" - Beetchie
"Uhhhh..." - SF

It's okay, I was blessed. It worked.

Fruity drinks were sipped, pinkies were stuck out and the Asian smack-talk was plentiful.

Beetchie didn't have a chair when she got to the table and opted to get one herself, much to the annoyance of the woman at Pongsri who already hates my ass. Why? Because although we told her we thought she'd be okay with and used to sitting on the floor, Beetchie informed us and I quote, "I'm not that type of Asian".

Other memorable conversations of the evening:

"Beetchie, I hope you choke on your rice." - MC
"It's not gonna happen. Asians can never choke on rice." - Battler

"Let's leave Beetchie white rice only. That should be enough for her to eat." - MC & SF.
"You know, just because she's Chinese don't mean she's used to just eating rice." - Me.

Friday was awesome.

Mitch Connors was in line at 6 AM until about 10:25 AM in front of Nintendo World in the hopes of purchasing a Wii. And all I can say now is, "A Winner is MC". Yes!

The awesomeness continued (after another boring day at work but hey! I got to see my Alex!) when SF, MC and I walked to Grand Central for parting eats at Junior's Cheesecake Restuarant. It was simple but good...we had many good laughs together and the best video footage of MC opening his presents from SF. Oh the hilarity that ensued but it just goes to show you that SF loves me the most. And I love him! You did good, SF. I see you took my blog threat seriously.

Quotes of that day:

"Nothing like that ever happens to me." - SF
"That's because you're too damned loveable." - Me.
"Yeah, I look innocent. But I'm not THAT innocent." - SF
"..." - Me
"I was having a Britney Moment." - SF.

"Are you sure you can make it on your own?" - Me
"Yeah. I'm sure. I'm leaving SF/Tenderfoot in your care." - MC.

Now for the 2006 wrap-up post I'm sneaking in here but it's all relative, really -

Ah the vodka's settling into my brain right now but as I'm here watching lame ass performers on MTV (you know, I'd rather watch these "Mafia" people with their blingie gold stage than watch Toni Braxton and her poor excuse for a dress on FOX), I'm trying my best to remember all the goo' times we had together in 2006. I can't remember the details because like I said, the vodka's settling in but heck, that's what the HOchies have this blog thingie for.

I would like to say though, I know great times were had and I thank all of you for that. You all are the best familiends the HOchies can have and we're the best frenemies you guys have. Heh Heh.

We went to Broadway shows, Off Broadway Shows, Movies, Museums, Exhibits, Good Time Eateries, Concerts, London & Scotland, lame ass strip clubs (or just one), other states, each other's homes and everyplace on the streets of NY and it was all hella' awesome (save the one stripclub). But we had great times no matter what. I love all you bitches.

Next year looks to be the same and I hope it is.

And to our M.C.:


I saiiiiddd...You are D.T.U.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Presents, Kyle... Presents

Dear Sons,

You are right: Hot Pink, Tokyo & Funny Looking Things go well together.

Dear Battler,

As usual, the plethora of love in a bag is good times. Badtz Maru is being rocked at the job today.

Dear Bughie J.,

Thank you for the copious amounts of love in brownies and new music.

Dear MC,

I love <3 redundancy. And that makes me think maybe I really do need that "Brain Boost"

Dear TD5,

Thanks. I live in the Amazonian Jungle, as you know. Hopefully I can find an 80gb Ipod hanging from a tree.

Dear SF,

It better be good and by good, it better be my MUSE Wembley Stadium Tickets for June 16th, 2007. And I realize I have no right to tell you it better be good especially after you see what I got you. Heh heh heh. I suspect you will slay me.

Dear X,

My ring looks fantabulous on my finger. I know this because right after lunch today, I looked down at my hand & had a moment.

Dear Beetchie,

My MUSElet is the best damned thing eva' and my obsession will not be ending anytime soon despite your pleading. And now you have only yourself to blame.

Dear The Cheat,

Thanks for saving my life with the T.S.C. I think I'm addicted to them. Also, the piggyh pez dispenser is now in the garbage. I the rubbish. I keed.

Dear Beat,

Thanks for the monkey pajamas. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say considering you're the only little monkey around hya (or was it quenk?); but I do know what you're trying to do but let me assure you that getting overly large PJ pants may be a good way to trip Suga'Face down the stairs but I will always have that title even if you are Suga'Babe. I cannot be replaced.

Dear HOchie 1,

Thanks for the fun times with Wii and for the sleep sack. I was kind of hoping it had ducks on it like Beat's. Please provide me with ducks.

And to all,

Everyone is welcome to come over to my room for some cold ones.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Decemberween

And Merry Christmas, Bitches!

More about the present situation later... har har.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Decemberween Eve with The Cheat

The Cheat In Front of the Decemberween Tree with present in hand

The Cheat Opens said present and look,

Why, if it isn't a The Legend of Zelda Kirby.

But wait!!

The Cheat Got Me a Present as well! What is it?! On first glance it seems to be a box of 32 Decemberween Cards.

But inside the box reveals the actual present!

That Piggyh Pez dispenser and those Tiny Size Chicklets will save my life (as HOchie 1 pointed out), much like Altoids did at College.

Thank you, The Cheat.

2006 - Fun Times With The HOchies List

The trickery I do so love to lay down on you guys! This isn't exactly the Fun Times with the HOchies 2006 list. I already did a photo post of that to you guys. No, this is really the Or 2's Best of 2006 Music, Concert and Broadway List.

Joke's on me because some of you are going to skip over this, yeah? Asshats. That's right, HOchie 1! I called you an asshat!

Anyway, of the albums I got this year and mind you, some of them weren't released this year but they were new to me, here they are and the songs that were best from them:

Death Cab for Cutie

We Got the facts and We're Voting Yes - so far disappointing and I can't even pick a song from here yet but I will listen again in the near future

Something About Airplanes - "Bend to Squares" is a fantastic song. Other than that, this album is another I'll need to listen to because so far it's boring as heck. Sorry TD5.

Transatlanticism - "Tiny Vessels", "Title and Registration"


Revelations - "Shape of Things To Come", "Moth", Wide Awake

With no tour planned for the year after the album came out, I don't know what's going with Audioslave. They had one of the worst songs this year, "Original Fire". I cringe everytime I hear it. This album, other than those three songs, is mostly forgettable and that is painful for me to say. Sweet D., you can keep him even though I still love you, T.M.

The Streets

The Hardest Way to Make An Easy Living - "Can't Con an Honest John", "The Hardest Way To Make an Easy Living", "When You Wasn't Famous". This is another not-so-great album after the golden greatness of Mike Skinner's first two.


10,000 Days - "The Pot", "Vicarious". "The Pot" is one of the greatest songs this year but Tool, why are you making me add you to the list of not-so-great overall?! Maybe if you stopped your bullshit pretentiousness, then you'd make an album that wasn't one long boring song and an extension from your last! Geez.


OK Go - "Get Over It" (Hilarious video and amazing song), "Hello My Treacherous Friends" (I like the bit about the spider children. I don't understand it but I like it as long as they're not Hobo Spiders, that is. Right X?), "1000 Miles Per Hour"

Oh No - "Oh Lately It's So Quiet", "It's a Disaster", "Maybe This Time". I took a chance on this band this year starting with this album and loved it so much that I forced them upon SF (but you know you should be thanking me, right, SF?), made enemies with Hinder and went out and bought OK Go's first. This is a really fun album and they seem to be a fun bunch of guys who are really about their fans and that's always a plus.

Thom Yorke

The Eraser - "Analyse" (One of the best songs this year!), "The Clock", "Harrowdown Hill". Thom Yorke, that loveable freak. I liked this album well enough. Oh and "The Drunk Machine" from the Harrowdown Hill EP is pretty good too.

Arctic Monkeys

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not - "Dancing Shoes", "Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong But...", "Mardy Bum", "You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me".

Okay, so I stayed away from this band realizing how hyped up they were as soon as they came out until of course, a 7 hour flight to London and a broken pair of Ipod headphones forced me to make use of Virgin Atlantic's In-Flight Entertainment Service. So, I listened and actually liked it. It's not to be taken seriously, the whole thing's about how to hook up on the dancefloor (yeah, let's say the Arctic Monkeys can write only as well as, well, Arctic Monkeys. But ah, the lyrics and music are fun so whatever) and wow, do they like long titles.

Mindless Self Indulgence

Another Mindless Rip Off - (it truly is but at $8.99 and my undying love for this band, I had to get it. They know we're idiot fans who will buy anything but we know it too so it doesn't make it better but it makes it something) "Born to be Beheaded", "Frying Pan", "What Do They Know?" remix by MSI VS. Julien-K. & Chester Bennington

Shut Me Up: The Remixes + 3

This was truly disappointing! I mean, I rushed out to buy it for MSI's cover of "Big Poppa" because if you've heard their covers of "Tom Sawyer" and "Bring The Pain", you'll agree with me that MSI can cover a song like nobody's business but ugh, I was so sad and unimpressed by "Big Poppa". It wasn't horrible but it wasn't A+ material either. It was rather boring.

Despierto Los Ninos - "Alienating my Audience", "Joke", "Wack". And these songs are examples of why I love them because they're self-loathing, fan-hating, fun time bitches.

The Legend of Zelda

From The Oracle of Ages Sdtk - "Tower of Black", "Ralph's Theme" and no, Ralph is NOT my BFF!!!!!!!

From "The Oracle of Seasons" Sdtk - "Castle of Despair"

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children

"Battle in the Forgotten City", "Beyond the Wasteland", "Sairin: Kata Tsubata No Tenshi". Yes, "One-Winged Angel" remains bad-assed even after given a rock on opera makeover.

And now for the two greatest albums all year...


Under the Iron Sea - "Nothing in My Way", "Leaving So Soon?", "A Bad Dream". Thanks to some drugs, Keane released a stellar album this year. The entire thing is amazing save maybe one song I refuse to listen to. They would have made number one on my list and heck knows they're really close to being at that spot but of course...


Black Holes & Revelations - "Map of the Problematique", "Hoodoo", "Take A Bow". I'd be a traitor if I didn't have them as the most revered. But in all honesty, had they not made an incredible album, Keane would have taken this one. Every track is great except for that damned "Knights of Cydonia" that I hate but absolutely love in concert. And "Invincible" which grew on me because it's also great in concert.

[Personal Message: Matt, I love you. Please send me tickets and VIP passes to your show at Wembley Stadium on June 16th of next year. No one got tickets for me even though I pleaded that that was the only present I wanted for Christmas. Bitches.]

But talk about another hideous album cover...

For those of you who missed receiving a copy of this c.d. from me or TD5 this year, no soon as their concert dvd comes out, you're all getting one.

Now for my list of the shows (concerts & broadway) I saw this year starting with the best and ending with the worst:

1. MUSE at Wembley Arena. "Assassin (Grand Omega Bosses Mix)" is the most bad-assed performance in concert I've ever seen and/or heard.

2. Mindless Self Indulgence (tied with below) - oh how I love Jimmy. Within two years, baby, I'll have Urine tattoed to my foot. This was my first real pit. I'm alive. Barely. If not for Beetchie and Jess, I wouldn't be posting right now.

2. Evil Dead The Musical (tied with above) - great because X got roughed up.

4. Spamalot - I like Lancelot; he likes to dancealot. And he was pretty hot.

5. MUSE @ The Hammerstein Ballroom - small venue greatness because I was close to my man and fun because now SF is hooked.

6. Franz Ferdinand @ The Hammerstein Ballroom - as my Budgie would say, "if it's free, it's for me" and then there was the Alex moment.

7. Wicked - There's nothing like a gOOd-lOOkin' flying monkey. Yes, it is possible.

8. Les Miserables - the slo'mo' death scene was hilarious even though I don't think they meant it to be. The flush was just damned lame.

9. (and now for the worst show, please view two blogs before this one) Matisyahu. That's right, MC. Matisdamnedyahu.

And this next bit is for my own purposes -

My Top 25 Most Played Ipod Playlist

At the end of 2006, here's what it looks like:

1. What Do They Know? @ 314 times played
2. Stupid MF
3. Microphone Commander
4. Map of the Problematique
5. Time is Running Out
6. Eternally Missed
7. Hysteria
8. Shut Me Up
9. Tom Sawyer
10. New Born
11. You'll Rebel To Anything (As Long As It's Not Challenging)
12. Talk To Me, Dance With Me
13. Bomb This Track
14. The Small Print
15. Thank God
16. Revenge
17. The Groove
18. 1989
19. Last Gay Song
20. Rip Off
21. Muscle Museum
22. Apocalypse Please
23. Supermassive Black Hole
24. Micro Cuts
25. Sunburn @150 times played

All MSI & MUSE except for the one Hot Hot Heat song in there. Sad. Let's see what the playlist will look like at the end of 2007.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


Been there, done that.

You other guys get to go next year so I won't say anything about it yet.

Yes, continue to hate me until that time you see it.

But here's the one thing everyone else said though:

Who knew Ana Gasteyer could sing?

"I've Been Converted!"


is what I would be saying had that blasted Matisyahu concert been any good!

In Matisyahu's defense, even though I still don't like his genre of music, I could tell he put on a good show.

You can tell from that picture, right? For some reason that picture really cracks me up.

But as I stated before, thanks to Mitch Connors, my December was ruined! RUINED!

The Lowlamps:

1. The little 15 year old, rich, gansta' wannabees with their "Ohhhh, he's playing our shit!", smoking up, & self-made drama of "fainting" but then passing it off as we "fell asleep" certainly made for a rotten evening.

2. The opening act, Mr. Lif was the worst opener I've seen all year. Or ever. I didn't think anyone would take the place of Seether but I'll be damned. So if you ever see this man and friend,

stay the fuck away.

3. Now, I understand he's a reggae-stylin', rappin' Rabbi but if your music has become mainstream, then I don't wanna hear about how your people were on the run for a long time and how you must unite. Yeah. As a Heathen, I felt discriminated against. I suppose though I've only MC to blame dragging my ass to this on the third night of Hanukkah. In NYC.

4. The waiting. 6.30 to 8. Horrible Opener then 9 to 11. Oh. the. agony.

The Highlights:

1. SF & MC. SF with the Popcorn. MC's face during the crowd surfing when he almost got killed by some kid and MC's face during the show, proving my point that we never should have been there in the first place.

2. DJ Boo.

3. The really tall kid who couldn't dance. Anyone who wants to see video footage, I will gladly show it or please reference the Seinfeld episode with Elaine's infamous dance.

4. Matisyahu the Monkey. He's very energetic and the climbing was out of control.

There he is climbing from one balcony level to the next.

Ah, climb Monkey Boy. Climb.

5. The Rocky Theme Song Sung and Mixed with Hebrew.

And just the lights:

Quotes & Memorable Moments of the Evening (and yes, they're wrong but that's because I am stoopid):

MC: I want to be up in front! Get that Jew sweat all over me!
Or 2: You know it's called Jewce, right?

Matisyahu to the crowd: Our people have been chased by communists!
Or 2: Uhhhhh, what bag am I...wearing todaaayy..uh oh. (and sure enough, I was rockin' my hammer & sickle pin). Stop judging me! It works in theory!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

In Preparation for Season 6 of 24

This post has nothing to do with Season 6 actually but it was kind of fun. Thanks to Char Kar (one of Jack Bauer's bitches) for sharing this article taken from Esquire Magazine:


Counterterrorism Expert, Los Angeles

By Nicole Ranadive and Matt Michnovetz
January 2007, Volume 147, Issue 1

Fuck diplomacy.

Actions speak louder than words. Though shouting can also be effective.

If you shoot a man's wife in the knee and he still doesn't give you the information, he's bad.

Revenge is the cruelest trick. I've seen it taken out on others, I've been victim to it, I've even done it myself. But it doesn't change anything, and it doesn't bring comfort.

Trust is the key to survival. And by trust, I mean getting out of the way and letting me do what I need to do.

The only thing harder than racing to stop a madman from releasing a deadly virus that will kill thousands of people is doing it while simultaneously trying to kick heroin.

I've been beaten, kidnapped, gassed, and shot at, but the most terrifying thing I've ever been through was facing my daughter after I made her believe I was dead.

I eat a lot of bananas. They're a good source of vitamin B and potassium. They're also easy to take on the move.

Love is a privilege.

If you have to trust someone, make it a quirky computer genius.

If I say "dammit," either something bad just happened, something bad is about to happen, or I'm going to do something drastic.

Any man can make a mistake. It's what he does to remedy that mistake that shows his character.

You better know who you are before you go undercover. If you don't, you could easily lose yourself.

Always carry at least one spare fully charged cell-phone battery.

So many times when I thought there was no more time, there was.

When interrogating a suspect, I've often found it effective to ask the question loudly and repeat it several times.

Remember, terrorists use the phone as much as we do.

In the event of a highway landing, always fasten your seat belt and return your chair and tray table to their upright and locked positions.

It's all key cards and thumb drives these days.

If the president of the United States ever orders you to shoot your boss in the head at point-blank range in cold blood, take a deep breath, ask God to forgive you, and just do it.

Without conscience, a man becomes his worst enemy.

Sometimes it's necessary to create a believable diversion, even at the risk of others thinking you're an asshole.

A cell phone can sometimes be used to activate a secondary detonator on a terrorist's explosive vest regardless of how many minutes are left on your plan.

Dead terrorists can often be effectively used as human shields. So can live ones.

Bureaucrats want results but never want to get their hands dirty.

The safety of the people I love is worth any sacrifice. Even their trust.

Some people don't deserve to die, but that's not my call.

Serbs have a different word for everything.

If you don't have a Taser gun, the wires from a lamp will deliver the current needed to shock your subject just enough to get him to give up the information you need without doing any permanent damage.

Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reasons.

You can't save everyone.

If you see me running down the street, it's probably a good idea to take cover.

Don't piss off the Chinese.

Nicole Ranadive is the staff writer of 24. Matt Michnovetz is the show's story editor.

Copyright © 2006 by the Hearst Corporation

Those are some awesome truths right there.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It's the End of Evelyn! Uh, I mean S5 of the 24 HC: 11PM to 7 AM

11 PM to 12 AM:

What's up with this crazy music in this episode? And for most of the season now that I think about it. Who composes this and why are they on drugs?

Head Count: 9.

12 AM to 1 AM:

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene. But this time...we'll excuse her. I'd probably cry to if I had 3 minutes to live.

Head Count: 6.

1 AM to 2 AM:

HOchie 1 on SofD Heller: That's the worst act of begging for forgiveness I've ever seen.

Audrey Cry Count: 2 Scenes.

Head Count: 4. WTF! Heller just killed himself?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2 AM to 3 AM:

This episode was hilarious. First there was this:

That hole has a gun!

Then there was the tasering of the asshole. Oh Chloe, how I love thee and the faces, Chloe. The faces!

Who I'd like to see dead in the near future: The little ass-kisser, Miles. Why didn't Chloe taser his ass too? I hope she gets a chance.

And who was that idiot trying to be a hero on the plane? That's right, Jack. Shut him up and put him in his place.

Head Count: 0.

3 AM to 4 AM:

So that Graham person, he better watch who he's talking to or else there might be a very unfortunate helicopter incident, the kind of incident in which he loses an arm... again.

The biggest bitch of all of Jack Bauer: C.T.U.

How long until that ass-kisser Miles gets added to the Head Count?

Head Count: 0. We have to amend the Head Count because Heller's alive apparently.

4 AM to 5 AM:

What kind of pansy slap was that Karen Hayes gave Miles? You know if Chloe had the chance to deal with Miles, he'd be number one on this Head Count.

Aaron nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Low blow, Buchanan, low blow! How dare you pull the "What would David Palmer want you to do if he were here" card?

Head Count: All of the men transporting Bierko are out so...that's about..hmmm, 6? 12.

5 AM to 6 AM:

You know I don't like when they show Aaron in the beginning recap.

There goes Jack again, trying his best to make a murderer out of an innocent little Petty Engineer Rooney.

Or 2: Who's this Morris?!
HOchie 1: Morris? Morris is a cat! Chloe's ex-husband is a cat.

Head Count: 8. Jack's too hardcore but that's what Henderson gets for killing the tri-force of BFFs. R.I.P. David Palmer, Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler.

Let me re-phrase, is this the face of man who is truly hardcore?


6 AM to 7 AM:

That face President Logan had when he saw Jack in the helicopter was classic and I didn't take a picture.

Dude, the Chinese are truly hardcore. They came in there like ninjas and took Jack Bauer out! Let the water torture begin!

Classic line of the episode: China has a long memory, Mr. Bauer.

Exactly what does THAT mean? As half-Chinese, I guess I just don't understand...

What's up with Karen and Buchanan? That was lame. They certainly are no Tony A. and Michelle. Awwwww. Poor dead Tony A. and Michelle. Damn this show!

And that reminds me - next season, I have to do the Jack Bauer "Damn It" count. It happens at least twice in every season.

Head Count: 0.

People, we started in August and watched through October (somewhere along the way, I lost HOchie 1), took a break in November and finished this day (21st) in December (HOchie 1 finished 3.5 weeks ago). That's right. 120 episodes done - 0 to go! We are READY for Season 6.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

They're Killing Me Here! And everyone else. S5: 3 PM to 11 PM - The 24 HC

3 PM to 4 PM:

Round 1: a Hobbit Vs. Jack Bauer. Let's weigh this here. I'm putting my money on the Hobbit!

Oh Vampires and their Sentox gas. I've seen THAT story a million times.

Jack, way to leave the black man on the side of the street.

Round 2: President Logan Vs. Moscow. Let's weigh this situation: the assassination of the Russian President on U.S. soil would lead to some reaaaallly pissed off Russians. I'm undecided.

I wonder if Matt watches this show... his ass is all about conspiracy theories. He probably loves this damned thing. Matt: Jack Bauer's Bitch. Or 2: Matt's Bitch. Powerful Logic - Or 2: Jack Bauer's Bitch.

Head Count: 6. Forever Knight is Forever (un)Dead.

4 PM to 5 PM:

Omicron Persei 8? It looked a lot different the last time I saw it. It didn't look so...building-ish or nice looking. Where are the Popplers?

Yeah Jack, how COULD you be so stupid? But being under the floor works out like good times!

Headcount: 6.

5 PM to 6 PM:

Tony A.! I forgot all about your ass already. You are already DTU.

Okay, so before my array of photos gets stuck in here, please notice the wonderful lamp reflection that goes along with all. That lamp needs to be added to the head count. But here we have the story of "Jack Bauer, Miriam & Her Leg and the Lamp":

Headcount: 3 + the plant that Jack kicked. We need to send a medic for not only Miriam but the plant too! Send a medic for the plant! Ahahahahaha, Lynn's drugged-up sister and her drugged-up boyfriend are DTL.L.

6 PM to 7 PM:

Ugh, how many times do I have to add that blasted Kim to the Head Count? I to believe that a cripple left Kim? A one-armed guy who had nothing going for him, left her? I never realized Chase was so smart before... Chase is my new hero.

Stupid line of the episode and it comes from Kim, of course: Don't judge him (in reference to Barry). It's okay for Barry to judge Jack but Jack can't judge? That's right, you secretly add Barry to the Head Count in the story of "Jack Bauer Gives Barry The Look of Death and The Lamp":

Who Jack would like to see dead in the near future: Barry.

I see what they're doing here. They've been trying to ween us off Tony A. all season so that when he got killed, we wouldn't notice the non-silent clock because they thought we wouldn't care! Well, I have to say it's working so far. I'll see how I feel once he goes.

Head Count: 9 including Carrie - the shortest lived anaylst on this show. Plus, poor...dead...Edgar. But you're right, HOchie 1 that was mostly funny due to Chloe's face.

I present to you, a photo post of this Head Count and the Story of "Chloe, Edgar, Sentox Nerve Gas and The Lamp" -

7 PM to 8 PM:

Jack Bauer is holding his breath. This is hilarious.

You know all those little CTU guards? Yeah, the ones running around in red? They're like the unknown people on the Away Missions who always die in Star Trek. But awww, they gave one of them a name - that's right, send Harry Swinton off to die. Good job, Harry. You will remain a hero in 24 history - first for yelling at the Hobbit with the classic line such as "So everyone is dead in CTU because you were embarrassed?" and then for being sent off to your death to save Jack Bauer's life.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, this "Hobbit Save C.T.U" Music is killing me! One ring to unite them all! Awwwww.

Head count: 3 (and about 55 dead in total in CTU). But, but...Tony A. whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...Why are you last words pansy-ish? "She's gone, Jack"? WTF. But here's the story of "Jack Bauer and His Dead BFF Yet The Tears Still Won't Come and The Lamp":

8 PM to 9 PM:

This Collette person is one scary beast.

Who I'd like to see dead in the near future: Karen Hayes, from HomeS.

Ahahaha, Jack's hiding in the back of the car again. I remember that from season 1 and just how hilarious that was. It's still hilarious.

Head Count: 0.

9 PM to 10 PM:

HOchie 1: I like this whole Audrey interrogation thing.

Audrey Cry Count: 2 Scenes.

Worst line of the season and it came from none other than Audrey: Because he wasn't you, Jack!
Apparently she's the queen of lame lines: the only thing that got me through this was that I knew you would come, Jack.

Rick Burke's getting lots of screen time this season; he's also getting a lot of talk time. I thought Rick was the silent interrogator?

Head Count: 11.

10 PM to 11 PM:

Head Count: 7. Uh, there's a bit of a disclaimer...apparently I forgot to blog about this episode as it was going on. WTF, I don't know what happened either but I did a rough count of who got killed off as Jack & Wayne took out all those people, then J.B. played sniper.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Why does my kid hate me?

It's All Lies!

I'm still telling you guys - green onions and all onions are evil. It's obvious the lettuce is being set up.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

ITunes: Some The Times Useless

Can someone explain to me why I can access the ITunes Music Store in various countries, preview songs from these countries but unless I can show proof of residency in said countries, I am unauthorized to make any foreign purchases?

And then to add insult to injury, they tell me that they're gonna re-direct me to the U.S. Store. Needless to say..., Steve Job's getting an angry e-mail soon.


68,000 tickets sold in 35 minutes and I don't have one.


A quiz ... and some revelations about The Hochies, MC, X , SF, J, Beetchie and Battler

Here's the thing, we're going to fill this out first then anyone who'd like to respond - copy and paste your answers in a comment. Remember, in the second part your answers should be in response to how you feel about us. Whoever responds, we'll do the same for you. You know you guys want to.

This quiz is not our own and was pilfered from sources we'd rather not disclose.

1.Your Full Name: HOchie 1 & Or 2.
2. Age: 13 & 62
3. Single or Taken: Taken but you know, I am my own Ho; Taken (Matt will find out soon enough) and I am also my own Ho.
4. Favorite Movie: Labyrinth; The Nightmare Before Christmas
5. Favorite Song: If God Will Send His Angels" by U2; This is hard for me so I'll go with two current - "Map of the Problematique" by MUSE & "What Do They Know?" by MSI
6. Favorite Band/Artist: U2; MUSE
7. Dirty or Clean: Half Dirty/Half Clean - depends on how you look at me; Dirty because dirt don't hurt.
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: None (my dad would have killed me); one piercing in the upper right ear portion and I live
9. Worst Habit: not exercising enough; not eating enough pork

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of the blog community? Yes
2. What's your philosophy on life? "Only the good die young"; "Bacon"
3. Negative or Optimistic? Negative; Realistic or is that I just don't care enough?
4. What was your dream growing up? To be a singer; I'm still growing up and I still have dreams
5. Worst thing ever happen to you? Those stupid assholes. x2.
6. Would you kiss me? Ew. You're my sister! x2.
7. Tell me one weird fact about you: I can sleep with my eyes open; I have really violent dreams, why just last night I dreamt I had been feasting on human flesh for years and only reconsidered my actions when I got a bad piece of finger. It tasted nasty.
8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down? I would have your assback AND kick you when you're down. It depends on my mood; Thanks, HOchie 1. Thanks. I'd have your back whenever it worked out for me.
9. Do you Trust me? Yes; Yes
10. Have you ever kept anything from me? Yes; Yes
11. What do you think of me as a Person? I think you da bomb; You're a Kitty.
12. Do you think I'm sane or insane? I think you're sane; I think you're sane.
13. Would you cry for me if I died? I would lay down and die myself but that was before Beat; I would follow you into the dark.
14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? I would be your partner in crime then be your conscience AFTER; I would be your crime partner then let you deal with the consequences
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? Yes, I would make you more ambitious so you could make me more money; No. Biatch.
16. How do you fall asleep? On my left side; on my left side thanks to my piercing.
17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call? Both; I never yell.
18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up? Yeah, totally; Yeah. As long as it's no emo kids. I am not Emo.
19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie? Honest because I'd want you to do lots of things before you die. I would want you to go to England just in time to get there and die. You wouldn't find Matt but at least you'd be there where he is unless he's doing a concert in Seattle; I would be honest so we can go do stuff like burn bridges.
20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it? I would take it in a suitcase to my workplace, curse out all those bitches, leave then go on vacation; I would invest to make more millions THEN I would curse everyone out and go on vaction.
21. What is your worst fear? That Or 2 would die before me; that HOchie 1 would die before me.
22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? It used to be reading but now I'm illiterate thanks to Baby B.; play vgames
23. How many times did u curse at me while filling out this thing? Twice; four times
24. Can you sing or dance? Yes and yes; I can do something like both.
25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest.... Suga'Face; Hilarical

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Conversations at the Mall

"My feet hurt. My uterus hurts. Everything hurts." - woman to her boyfriend.

"You are never wearing these shoes to the mall again!" - Mother, as she picked up her daughter's shoe.
"But why? They're so crrraaaaaazzzzzzzyyyyy!!!" - little girl in stroller, showing her mom the pink dazzly shoe.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

June 17th, 2007

I cannot believe MUSE sold out their June 16th show at Wembley Stadium and within the 4 hours (probably less because that's a rough estimate on my part) of it being sold out, because of the high demand they added a 2nd night - also on its way to being sold out. My boys are killing me here. I'm just going to go cry now...

Friday, December 08, 2006

Am I Surprised? Not Really.

Let the record show that I've been an advocate for the death of onions, onion family vegetables including the green onion or scallion and California since the day I was born:

First lawsuit filed in E.coli outbreak

Officials believe they may have found the source

Eyewitness News
(New Hyde Park - WABC, December 7, 2006) - The first lawsuit in the wake of this week's E.coli outbreak was filed Thursday.

They say the contamination may have come from an onion grower in California, with scallions sprinkled on top of food at Taco Bell infecting customers.
A family on Long Island filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell for millions of dollars Thursday after an 11-year old boy got sick after eating at a restaurant.

copyright 2006 WABC - TV

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Guess What?

Season 5 of 24 Starts NOW. Ahahahahahahahaha.

Let's call this season the "I Hate All Of You Writers On This Show For Killing Almost Everyone I Love Off!!!!"

7 AM to 8 AM:


no words can describe the grief I feel right now for the DP.

WTF is up with taking the black man down not even 3 minutes into the show?! =(

HOchie 1: What is this hat Jack is wearing? It's looking ridiculous.

Wait, wait, wait...who's this kid Chloe's with? This isn't THE Andrew!

HOchie 1: Who knew that Chloe had a body on her. She lOOkin' pretty good.

Awwwww, Jack's BFF is dead and he's crying! He must have really felt that one.

We're posing as "Frank" now? Frank what? Black? Har Har.

Crap! Damned Smallville is new today and I can't continue watching 24! I'll continue tomorrow when it's Y&M&B&J.

Ok, I'm back but Michelle, not so much...not so much. Poor dead Michelle and poor soon to be dead Tony A. This show is cruel.

Do I want to do an Audrey Cry Count this season? Hmmm, why not I guess.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes.

Head Count: 5. Damn, Jack killed that guy's ass like nobody's business. That ass, he deserved it. Out of respect, let us take a moment to remember The DP:

DP, you were the best but who's going to sell us car insurance now?

And Michelle, just the way we'd all like to remember her:

8 AM to 9 AM:

Ah, look how they blame Jack for everything. You know Jack is going to kill some asses for being set up as the murderer of his BFFs.

Oh no! They're going to bring Chloe back to CTU to interrogate her! But it's okay, as long as Jack doesn't do it, you'll live.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes but she's definitely gotten close to tears.

Head Count: 4 or 5. 3 for sure. I don't know how many people got blown up in that one scene...

9 AM to 10 AM:

And once again, Chloe makes an ass out of someone by being so damned blunt and awesome.

Ewwww! He didn't wash his hands after using the urinal, I wouldn't take the security entry card from him and then put it in my mouth. Wow, Mrs. Logan is really crazier than I thought.

Umm, is that Geraint Wyn Davies looking all old and scary? I thought vampires didn't age!

Audrey Cry Count: O Scenes. Perhaps I should change this to the Mike cry count. Audrey's being a little hardcore this season.

Head Count: 2 and if that ugly Ryder Strong dies, he'll have only himself to blame.

10 AM to 11 AM:

Quote of this episode: Mr. President, you are not responsible for the actions of these murderers.

Or 2: No, but I (Walt) am.

And why look, if it isn't the Hobbit, Samwise. And his name is Lynn. Ooooooo, asshole is trying to out Buchanan. Oooooo.

Hobbits save lives.

Head Count: 12.

11 AM to 12 PM:

HOchie 1: Jack Bauer just collects bitches wherever he goes.

Ok that was the worst death on this show - the way that Jack stabbed those scissors

Did Audrey forget that Jack killed her husband? I guess 18 months is enough to heal the heart.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene.

Head Count: 1 rat, 2

12 PM to 1 PM:

Oooooo, Aaron's on to Walt. Aaron is apparently another of Jack Bauer's bitches.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene

Head Count: 1. I should go ahead and Walt on the headcount too because once Jack finds out Walt was responsible for the DP's death, Walt can consider his ass grass. Ok, that was the most hardcore act of interrogation Jack laid down ever. I really wanted to see Walt's eyes go though...damn.

1 PM to 2 PM:

Who Mike would like to see dead in the near future: Mrs. Logan.

You know, as ugly as that Ryder Strong look a-like, he's a better child for Jack than Kim will ever be. Ugh, do we really have to see her useless ass again?

Headcount: 5. Awwww, Walt offed himself. I was hoping Jack would get his retribution. Yeesh, how many times do we have to play the woman scorned card? It was a twist this time but the result is always the same. I can write this damned show now.

2 PM to 3 PM:

Headcount: 22. Jack Bauer would save Baby A and Baby B, Suga'Face not so much.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Unspecified Medical Condition My ***

I hate ridiculous stories like this.

Just call it what is please. We all do it.

The UMC is called GAS.

Update: This is the kind of intelligent woman that Nashville, Tenn. produces. Does anyone really want to move there? =)

- Dr. Hochie 1

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Memorable Quotes I Failed To Mentioned For The Past Two Weeks

"You'll always be close to my heart. Or 2 Supports Me." - X on 2006-05-12

GChat Away Messages:

MC's: Swine is a Filthy Animal.
Or 2's: MC is a Filthy Animal.
X's: Therefore MC is a Swine.

Ah, the power of logic...

And speaking of logic -
Remember the chuckles? Yes. I remember when MC sent us this brilliant display at genius mathetical problem solving. And I remembered it again two weeks ago after a scenario went down, a like so:

During our visit to the Bodies Exhibit (which by the way was good yet verrrry shady) :

"TD5, can you come help me out for a second?" - MC
"What's up?" - TD5
"I can't find it." - MC
"Find what?" - TD5
"I don't understand it...I can't find it." - MC
"Well, here's the digestive tract and nutrients go where they need to go and waste is excreeted from here." - TD5
"I still don't understand. I can't find it. I'm seeing a lot of holes. Where's the asshole?" - MC
"..." - TD5
Bounce in "I see it. There it is!" - Or 2. Bounce out.
"It's so...small." - MC.

At which point, TD5 walks off.

When relating this fantastic story of MC and the Asshole to X, her comment was: Doesn't MC wipe his own ass?! What does he mean 'small'?!

Monday, December 04, 2006

June 16th, 2007

MUSE held a press conference today and announced a show at Wembley Stadium for 06/16/07. It's going to be huge! So here's the plan (because you all so love hearing my MUSE related banter and plans):

The concert's a Saturday. So we fly to London on Friday night, go for Dim Sum when we get in Saturday morning, visit the Aquarium near Big Ben for 2 hours, fancy up ourselves for the concert, then head to Wembley STADIUM via the Bakerloo Line, see the greatest band in the world at WS (but not really see anything other than what we can make out on the screens because we're talking massive space), and then fly to Japan for 2 weeks!

I will now edit and add to my "Christmas wishlist" to include:

3. Tickets to the Wembley Stadium Show. They go on sale at 9 AM London time this Saturday (12/09/06), so that's 4 AM for NY.

And now I wait for the (and to use an SF term - hopefully I'm using it correctly) lambasting to begin but honestly, before tearing me a new one, my friends...think about it. Think about it...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

My Christmas Un-WishList

I happened upon a very disturbing blog last night. I couldn't believe my eyes - that bitch wrote up a wishlist. I have a problem with writing up a wishlist. Maybe it's just me and because I know her but how much of a bitch do you have to be to put up a wishlist on your blog, online for the public to see? Well alright, maybe her friends asked her to do so but when I read what she wanted... my word. Her list was high maintenance and demanding. I'm sorry, but if your ass wants an upgraded electronic item then you should go out and buy it your damned self since your original is working just fine.

Anyway, so in response to the atrocity I read, I've decided to create the Un-WishList of my own.

1. I don't want 'trendy and overly expensive' coats and sweaters.
2. I don't want an entirely new 130 dollar gaming system JUST because it's pink and been slightly upgraded.
3. I don't want ridiculously priced perfume that's only what it is due to brand name.
4. I don't want gift certificates to lame ass, trendy stores for hoochies when I know their clothes aren't going to fit me properly nor should I be trying to rock such obscene gear.

Yes, I am a bitch but you guys already know that. But because you assclowns love me, I'll put a wishlist of my own here:

1. SF, get me Fergie and I will destroy you. The same goes for Gwen. Don't forget what I told you. Remember what I said - you give any of those to me for Christmas and I will give you video footage of my destroying them for YOUR Christmas gift. I love you too, SF. I love you too.

2. Matt.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

DRV Ruins Broadway Shows...

Never mind that I have only seen and heard her in one Broadway show but I cannot believe that the cur that is Daphne Rubin-Vega could be good in any show. That woman almost got a bottle in her head from me because I could not believe that after waiting more than a decade to see Les Miserables and to hear "I dreamed a Dream" and "Come To Me" that the moment came down to a raspy, flat belting out and a bastardization of the two greatest Broadway songs eva'.


I so did not pay 118USD to hear such crap.

The only reason that I did not write this off as a total loss is because DRV/Fantine died quickly and that Jean Valjean and Javert were just terrific. DRV sucks. A disgrace to Panama and to all other people on Broadway who can actually sing. Eponine and Little Cosette included. Imagine, even Little Cosette outsang you and moved me to almost crying with her "Castle in the Clouds". I just wanted you to die.

I getting vex again. This post is DONE.

TD5, I don't want to hear about how she was not that bad and don't forget, if I get any DRV stuff, it is getting sent back to you ... in pieces! - H1, angried up.

Quote of the day:

H1: I am woman.
Giant Kitty: Hear me roar. I mean, hear you roar.

Hot Hot Heat

This post is in honour of X.

X at the bus stop:

"Oh my god! A pigeon was trying to get away from a car and flew straight into me!"

X on coconuts:

"I wanted one jelly nut and he brought me 10 water nuts! So I threw a tantrum for 4 hours and kicked his shoes down the hallway, then kicked them back up the hallway!"

X 'on fire' (and hence name of this blog post):

"I always think I'm hotter than I really am."

Friday, December 01, 2006

"I Bitch-Slapped Death With My One Good Hand"

It's true...Ash did it. And all 8 of us saw it and loved it!

Evil Dead The Musical was greatness. It was cheesey, brilliant and bloody. Oh the blood! It was everywhere and on everyone! At least it was on everyone in the first three rows and wouldn't you know it? Or 2, Giant Kitty, TD5, X, Beetchie, Marie, Jess, & Battler were FRONT and CENTER.

The highlights of the evening all involved X. Beetchie and X got grabbed by Cheryl but did Beetchie and X save poor Cheryl when she was being dragged away by evil trees?! No.

And then came the Splatter Zone along with that blood I was mentioning before. I don't think anyone in our group saw that scene of gore because we were all too busy covering our faces and protecting our bodies from the blood.

And again, Cheryl, now zombiefied, grabbed X and riiiiippped her poncho all the way down and apart! Protection from the blood for X was gone! But X, being a Dr. and all, improvised and bunched the poncho in front, bent foward and covered her body. Triumph was X's...front but not so much the back. It was brilliant when the blood rolled off her back and unto her ass. And it was even more brilliant when she had to walk the streets of NYC with it too.

Classic songs and lines and of the evening -

"Death's a bitch...a stupid bitch." - Scott.

"What The Fuck Was That?"

I even got my picture taken with Ash for 10 bucks. That Ash is kind of cute even if he is Canadian...

Sunday, November 26, 2006

More Idiot Than Savant

Once upon a time, in the land of Denial, there lived an IS named Mitch *Connors*...uh I mean... an IS named Mooch *Cunnurs* (identity changed so as not to protect the seemingly innocent).

MC lived a quiet life in gloomy ole Rochester, counseling the troubled youth of America. Uh, make that Rochester.

MC was loved by all but was not without enemies. Actually, his only true self-proclaimed enemy was pork. Although not much is known as to where this animosity between MC and the pork emerged, one thing was 'certain'... Pork was the Babylon Meat.

One day at a local pizza parlor while treating said troubled youth to some lunch,
little did he know about the trouble HE was about to face and counseling he would receive from his young students. Nothing would prepare him for what would become one of the greatest life choices he would ever have to make.

MC: Kids! What will we be having today? I could go for a slice of pepperoni myself.

Kids: That sounds good but why don't you get more meat? You should add some bacon and ham as well.

MC: No, no, no. I don't eat pork.

Kids: What?! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

MC: What is so funny?" he asked, while thinking 'WDA?' (He was trying his best to keep it PG being that these were youths and all).

Kids: But sir, don't you know what pepperoni is?

MC: ...

(MC now has a bewildered look on his face)

Kids: Sir, pepperoni is pork.

MC, having already ordered the pepperoni slice, shrugged.

A few weeks later, via gchat with TD5, he raised the question, "TD5, did you know pepperoni is pork?"

To which TD5 responded, "of course it is; what kind of Trini are you?"

"I didn't know...all these years.", MC said.

"So where did you think it came from, MC?" asked TD5.

"I always thought some kind of pepperoni animal," Mitch replied.

TD5 logged off.

Flashforward to Thanksgiving weekend at the HOchie Residence. The scent of ham was wafting throughout the house. All creatures were stirring except Mooch *Cunnurs*.

Papa HOchie: MC, you don't eat pork?

TD5: Ask him about pepperoni.

MC: TD5, why did you have to go there?

Papa HOchie: You eat ham?

MC: No

Papa HOchie: You eat bacon?

(no response)

Papa Hochie: You eat pepperoni?

MC: yes (in a meek voice)

Papa HOchie: But you like pepperoni?

MC: yes, all these years...

Papa HOchie: But then you like pork. Just admit it.

- This blog post and story was brought to you by The HOchies, TD5 and X

Details of the above story are not transcripted and are a bit sketchy but have been assembled through conversations by all parties involved. Denial is most welcome by MC even though video footage of a full confession is available to provide further corroboration.

In a quest to discover what a Pepperoni Animal may look like, we searched google for answers. Google turned up with nothing as expected. With paper, pencil, markers and imaginaaaation, we have come up with a concept sketch:

We can only assume that a Pepperoni Animal would say "moink moink" being that as pepperoni is a combination of a cow and pig, 'moink' is only as logical as this entire post.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches!

It was a good Thanksgiving. There was lots of good food and lots of good times with friends and family.

I hope all had good times as well.

Here are the classic quotes for the day, 11/23/06:

"That's what you get for calling me a cowbell!" - Me to Beetchie, on Guitar Hero.

"Omg, I pulled a Matt." - Beetchie
"We will not be using the term "pulling a Matt" to describe bad hair." - Me.

"This mouth has launched 1000 restaurants." - Beetchie.

"We're from Trinidad, what do we know about trees?!" - MC & myself, during a game of Cranium.

Or 2's The Famous U.K. MUSE - DAY 6

Chapter 5: "Someone Tell Me Why He Breaks My Fall, and Then Breaks My Heart"

Ah the final full day. Char Kar ran off to the British National Museum and The British Library. Battler ran off to find a lost and found since she lost her hat on the train and to the Sherlock Holmes Museum Gift Shop. These things were all very interesting and I would have liked to visit all of those places but I needed to pack the not so copious amounts of candy I bought the night before. Also, I had to stay at the hotel and get ready for my future husband!

Seeing MUSE in London was brilliant! I wasn't very close to my man this time around but I got to see the show the way the band's performances are meant to be seen - in a huge space. What better a place to see my boys than at Wembley Arena?

They put on one hell of a show as expected and I got so much footage, it's disgusting. If I wanted to, I could have taped the entire show. I totally smuggled that camera in. Uhh, I mean...I'm a tourist. I had it on me after doing so much sightseeing that day. Yes... That's EXACTLY what went down. Unfortunately, I was kind of far from the stage so I didn't get to really see Matt's semi-beautiful face but my view was not so horrible that he appeared a tiny speck.

The lightshow was even more impressive this time. I didn't get outright blinded (The Cheat got banned from Wembley and couldn't do the laser lights at the show this time either):

And look! I actually got a picture of Chris this time! Uh, kind of:

The setlist was basically the same as the show in NY save the three new songs I got to hear:

Take A Bow (still an awesome opener)
New Born
Butterflies & Hurricanes
Assassin (Extended) - (my boys rock!!!!!!!!!!!! It was complete hotness and ::cough:: J, I have a request - Nov. 27th when the KofC single comes out, can you please acquire the Assassin Extended version for me? Heh Heh Heh)
Map Of The Problematique (Matt dedicated my song to me ::sniff:: I love you too, Bells)
Plug In Baby
Soldier's Poem
Supermassive Black Hole (I don't know what was up with the robots but it was hilarious and great)
Forced In
Time Is Running Out
Starlight (It was Space Invaders all over again!)
Stockholm Syndrome

Encore 1:

Citizen Erased (I almost cried. That song is beautiful)

Encore 2:

Hoodoo (And again, I cannot stress how much I love that man and that band)
Knights Of Cydonia (still only great in concert but it was even more awesome this time around)

WTF Moments II:

1. Notice how once again I didn't get Muscle Museum?! WTF guys?! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! And what's worse... I had to do the stupid thing and torture myself to see what the setlist was for the other nights at Wembley. The show for Nov. 22nd got Sunburn but what really kills me is that the Nov. 23rd show got EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They got Exo-Politics, City of Delusion, Apocalypse Please and damned Muscle Museum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bitches, why?!!!!!

2. Okay, Matt. WTF was up with the 'cape'? I know it was a giant scarf and it was really cool as all hell but still. You were really hot standing on stage with the 'cape' blowing in the wind but then when the prancing started, I was confused and embarrassed. Ugh.
Still, like I said...the cape was pretty was hot:

3. WTF was up with the 'smashing' of the guitar at the end of the set? First of all, there was no need for that. You could have given it to me. Secondly, only hardcore rockers should do that because they know how to. You kind of looked silly and once again my face turned red from embarrassment. God knows I have to get rid of that video footage to hide the evidence. *Disclaimer II: if you ever read this Matt, I swear you're a hardcore rocker. Honestly, that riff you pulled during Assassin was amazing!*

4. Trumpets at the other Wembley Shows?! WTF? Why do you hate me, boys?!

5. WTF - That guy was back... The one that looked like a troll next to Dom's drumkit. This time he was on his keyboard which was kind of hidden in the shadows.

It was a good end to the trip for me. I got to see my favourite band and bought a jacket with MUSE's logo on it. It is a bit too big for me but whatever. I may have to have it tailored. I really wanted that shirt with the hot pink though. Maybe I'll get it next year when they return.

Currently listening to: Whatever crappy XM stations we have on the TV. 80's on 8 with some song by The Eagles.

*And on a side note, (it's 05/01/2007) as I amend this blog, since they're blowing up in a big way state side these days, I'll give them their due now:

The Noisettes opened for MUSE at this show. I can't say I was very impressed by them. They were alright but I really couldn't handle the lead singer's voice too much. They did have one or two songs I liked but ask me if I remember what they were...*

Or 2's The Famous London Frog or Crow. Whatever! - DAY 5

Chapter 4: The Tower, the Crows, the Bridge, the Circus and the Ripper

We made it to the Tower of London on Monday. I really liked the Tower and all in it. Look at it below. It's pretty cool, right?

There were Knights and Armour but my stupid ass didn't buy my St. George's Cross umbrella. They didn't even have a Jester's Hat for me to buy. So exactly why did I like the Tower? Hm. Now that I think about it, the Tower sucked! The long spiral staircases were almost the death of me. And those damned crows were waiting for it, you know, when they weren't showing me their asses (Whether it be D.C. or London, animals like showing me their asses):

And I just have to say it but London Bridge can be seen from the Tower and Fergie should stop bastardizing it.

Now for something random and because I just wanted to post it, here's an example of a toilet in the Tower:

Yes, it was tough work for me using that bathroom and yes, it was even worse for the person walking below.

After the Tower, we made our way to Picadilly Circus which was the equivalent of Times Square & 5th Avenue. I was very unimpressed and got out of there quickly. I went there with a mission and succeeded.

The last thing we did that day was go on the Jack the Ripper Tour at East End. We were late but caught up with the tour. We snuck at the back and thought we were in the clear but for some reason that Tour Guide was quite keen and noticed that we joined the tour later. And so another 6 pounds came out of my pocket. At least, we three weren't the only ones. I took no pictures on that tour due to the fact that the neighbourhood is now so modern that the photos would all be useless.

Or 2's The Famous Edinburgh...Sheep - DAY 3.7

Chapter 3: Haggis, Sheep, Heighlan' Coos and Scratchy Ghosts

Saturday morning saw us up at 5.15 AM to catch a 7 AM train to Scotland.

The train ride was nice. We saw lots of sheep but it was quite difficult trying to snag a picture of them since everytime I put the camera down, there'd they be with their painted asses. The multi-coloured sheep asses were quite funny.

We didn't make it to the Highlands but this photo from the train was as close as we got:

As soon as we got out of the train station at Edinburgh we could hear bagpipes. There was something very disturbing seeing very old buildings on cobblestone streets housing and littered by stores such as the gap.

Char Kar and I went to Edinburgh Castle which we got to by climbing a really steep hill. I guess it wasn't steep enough though because if I could climb it then the Brits truly had no problem invading the damned place. Har Har.

The Castle was pretty cool but Char Kar thought the King's Dining Room was not as impressive as it should have been. I liked the prisoner barracks and was impressed by the view of the city from the cannon view point:

After running around the castle, I had to go try some haggis. Sadly, I didn't get the real deal because I was starving and didn't want to chance buying an entire meal only to waste it if I didn't want it (hey, this trip was expensive as all hell) so I got a Haggis and Drambuie appetiser. It was deep fried and GOOD times. MMMmmmm, nothing like some sheep insides:

I had the lamb for dinner which was really good. It was very unlike most lamb I had as this was incredibly smooth to the point where it was melting off the bone. It was good times also but meat usually is.

After dinner, we walked around the little city but for some reason the whole place ran amuck with damned partying teenagers who were interested only in clubbing and drinking. Ignoring the lot, we walked and visited little shops that had the strangest things. I felt as though I was in Chinatown because we happened upon one of those cheap ones that sold lots of hello kitty stickers and stuff. I was incredibly unimpressed until we passed by the Castle at night.

Char Kar and I parted ways with Battler and went on the Death and Torture Tour at B's suggestion. It was very cheesey and fun walking along the cobbled streets, hearing about some of Edinburgh's dark history. Our Tour Guide, Fiona was pretty cute too. Then we went to three vaults discovered in the old city back around 1996. The vaults are supposedly haunted and being kind of sensitive to paranormal activity, I definitely felt there was something to that place. Here's the picture I took that confused me some:

For the most part, I laughed at how scared everyone else was but I guess the joke was on me. The next morning, I went to the bathroom to discover I had a bit of a scratch/gash on my forehead. Yes. I was scratched by an entity. Alright, so it may be possible that I did it to myself in the night but I can't be certain. In any event, it makes for a good story.

What doesn't make for a good story was the little prison cell we slept in at the Hostel. It wasn't that bad though save the fact there was a co-ed bathroom. Needless to say, Char Kar and I went stinky that night without a shower because there was no way either of us wanted to come out of the shower only to encounter some crazy drunk and drugged up kids.

I didn't actually get to see an Heighland Coos but I bought one the morning after at the gift shop for HOchie 1. She loves him and has named him Apappa.

The ride back was much of the same and involved Battler and I trying to capture photos of the stupid sheep and our miserable failures.

Quotes of the trip:

On Sheep -

"When it rains, do you put them away?" - Char Kar
"Yeah. Put them in a box." - Battler.

"Some of the sheep have colours on them. Are they marked for death?" - Char Kar.

"I could take one home." - Char Kar
"Yeah, box it up. Shear your own." - Battler
"They don't look very soft." - Char Kar
"Yeah. They're wooly. Literally. God didn't front when he made the sheep." - Battler

On Pigs -

"Look! Pigs! It's like {Or 2's} dreams come true!" - Char Kar
"Yeah...awww, piggies. Awwww, bacon." - Me
"Come on. That's just shameful. They're still alive!" - Char Kar.

Or 2's The Famous London Fog - DAY 2

Chapter 2: Scary Birds Everywhere including the Queen. Har Har.

The Tube or Underground Subway system's pretty good and easy to learn in London. The only complaint really is that if one line shuts down, we're not sure if there's anyway to compensate for it - you're pretty much assed out or have to take a cab or maybe the bus. Since Or 2 won't even do buses in NYC, then there was no way in hell one was going to be done in London. Yep, not even the Double Decker kind. I think I was on one of those when I was 3.

We spent the day walking around near Parliament, Big Ben and the London Eye. We also saw Buckingham Palace but no MI5 Building! Sorry Char Kar. I wanted to go the Aquarium but maybe next time.

Now let's talk about the fun stuff - this had to be the coolest thing we saw that day:

That's right, bitches! Jack Bauer in London!!!!! Oh yeah, that's the London Eye in the background. Meh.  Haha.

In St. James' Park we found some scary birds, you know, other than the Queen:

I don't know what they feed them over there but DAMN.

And here's a duck with the evil eye -

I, of course, re-visited my steps across Buckingham Palace and let's just leave it at that.

Obviously, I didn't actually see the Queen but I did spend pounds at the Queen's gift shop and got the tackiest little Christmas Tree Ornament for Beetchie. And that's as close to the Queen as I got.

We then hopped on the tube to go see the Tower of London but it was too late to tour it in the half an hour we had left but I did a kind of cool shot of it at night:

Then the real shadiness began when we got back to our neighbourhood. It wasn't really shady but instead of a young, dashing Brit. Lad joining our table at the pub, we got an old, not so good-looking Scot named Angus who joined instead.


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Or 2's The Famous London (B)log - DAY 1.5

Chapter 1: 7 PM to 7 AM (No no, this isn't 24)

The flight to London on the 15th messed up this HOchie and company big time. NY time was 7 PM when we departed and arrival at Heathrow was 7 AM on November 16th. What messed with the head was the fact that the head was still in NY time @ 2 AM November 16th. As you can tell, I'm still very much confused and incoherent.

I have to say though that Virgin Atlantic's got some bad-assed plane gear. The in-flight entertainment is so fun. I got to watch this UK comedy series called Peepshow which I liked but like most British comedies, it was painful to watch sometimes. I got to listen in full to albums that I've been meaning to preview for some while and walked away with an appreciation for Arctic Monkeys. The hype surrounding them is still too great but really, it isn't bad at all. I really couldn't get through The Kaiser Chiefs though.

Another point of interest worth mentioning was my very gay flight attendant. He was adorable.

The boring details of that day after getting into London involved renting a phone, taking a rail to the hotel (and by the way, a lot of the London Outskirts looks like Queens. That alone is really scary. Also, taggers in England got nothing on NY Taggers - when you do graffiti, do it right!) and trying to find our hotel.
Things didn't start out THAT fantastic. We got stuck in the elevator at the hotel and I almost broke my foot when I missed a step, with suitcase in hand. My foot went under itself in the worst way possible. I guess it wouldn't be a London trip if I didn't fall at some point (ahaha, London Trip? Get it? Ahhh. I slay myself) but it was scary because it's shocking I didn't actually break it off. This was an ongoing concern of mine during the entire trip actually. I always felt that I was going to break my foot either on some cobblestones or spiral staircases.

The rest of the day was spent walking around like zombies as Battler and I went on an almost fruitless search for flip flops. After getting lost for 3 + hours, I finally remembered that I could have saved us the aches since I knew fully well that flip flops are not in use in England. Heh. Oh well. Not only could I have saved us the achey feet but I could have saved myself some grief:

The only real thing of interest I found in the tuck shop other than my childhood in cadbury chocolate was Fido. That's right, Fido is still rockin' the 7UP can in London:

That night after some fish and chips (not in newspaper much to my dismay) at the corner pub "The Pride of Paddington", Battler, Char Kar and I knocked out for the night.

Wow, what a fairly boring day. It's a sad thing when the flight was the most exciting event.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Truth About J.B.

Now I know why Jack Bauer never really cries (or at least the reason I've deduced)!
In an interview with David Letterman, Kiefer Sutherland was asked if he hears Donald Sutherland in his head whenever he does a scene. Kiefer replied that the good piece of advice given to him by his father was to never lie in a scene..."for example, if the scene requires crying and you don't feel it, then just don't fake it because they'll just know and try to act the scene in another direction."

So THAT's why Jack Bauer never cries! Kiefer never feels the need to cry. That or Jack Bauer is an ass.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

HOchie 1's Observations on Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory

Charlie might be the worst paperboy in the world. Or is he? Hmmmm.

There's a lot of in-breeding going on in the towns - all married couples have the 'same' names. There's George and Georgina, Joe and Josephina and Henry and Henrietta.

On top of the in-breeding, there are a whole hella of a lotta child molestors running around town. There's the candyman and the chopper peddler.

Charlie's mother has a good voice - why didn't she market that talent and make some real money instead of working in the laundrymat?

Charlie can't read! He had to have his grandfather read the details of the ticket for him. I don't know what kind of school this poor kid's going to. Oh, that's right. Poor kid...

And it's unfortunate that Charlie's not cuter because I'd feel happier for him that he won the Golden Ticket. Things should even out. If you're poor, you should at least be cute.

And Gene Wilder is the man.

Things Observed This Week: 10/30 - 11/04

Or 2's observations and random thoughts this week:

1. Filene's Basement is always on a very high level of whatever building houses it.
2. Being under-dressed in cold weather makes people stupid, e.g. Pharrel.
3. My 25 Cents Trail Mix adventures this week have gone something like this -

Day 1: TONS of M&Ms (much to my dismay) and no raisins
Day 2: TONS of M&Ms (much to my dismay), four raisins including the mother of all humiliated grapes and a loss of two valuable cashews. The ONLY two cashes of the batch.
Day 3: A good mix of not too many M&Ms, lots of cashews, almonds and one raisin.

4. Monsters don't give you gil in FFXII?! WTF! They're going to force me to sell items! If there's two things I hate, it's selling items and monsters who are useless and don't give gil. I mean, honestly! Isn't it in the monsters' best interest to walk around loaded, like they actually sit down at towns' bars to drink ale or spend nights at inns?! This FFXII is having a lot more cons than pros at this point...

5. Korean Food is impressive for the most part in both taste and looks.

6. HOchie 1 would rather allow Beat to have a dirty ass than a red ass.

Currently Listening to: a mix of songs, much like Trail Mix, that went something like this -

Track 1. "Supermassive Black Hole" by MUSE, Live on BBC's Radio 1.
Track 2. "New Born" by MUSE, Live from the Absolution Australian Concert Bonus Disc.
Track 3. "Black Waltz" by Nobuo Uematsu, from the Final Fantasy IX Original Soundtrack.
Track 4. "Falling Down" by MUSE, from Showbiz .
Track 5. "Encounter with Tetra" by Kenta Negata, Hajime Wakai, Toru Minigeshi and Koji Kondo, from the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Original Soundtrack.
Track 6. "Windmills" by Toad the Wet Sprocket, from Dulcinea.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

F Minus Minus All 'Round

Happy Halloween, Biatches.
Yep, it's that time of year again when the HOchies rate kids' costumes.
This won't be a very in-depth post like last year's, mostly due to the fact that this HOchie came home late and got a bunch of lazy costume-clathed children at the door.
They swarmed and were unimpressive.

The only kid that caught my attention this year and got an A was a little Agumon. He had a little tail as well.

Being that I had every intention of skipping Halloween this year, my costume was very last minute. I scared no children this year but I will give myself a D for effort for my rendition of Jack Skellington.

The only funny thing that happened today was the fact that I walked the streets of Manhattan with a jack o' lantern bucket full of bread and 5 pieces of candy in hand, like the ass that I am.

Maybe next year will be more exciting. I really hate it when my Birthday Month ends on a low. Halloween's usually my second favourite holiday.

Monday, October 30, 2006

"Is like a demon sen' from de pit a hell dat is taking the lives of the youth even before dem have time to repent."

Well, the laughing has ended some. An apology is in order for QT although okay, we still haven't seen anything about the dance actually being banned but the death part is seemingly true. This is all very tragic. And if you noted, I said 'the laughing has ended some'. The HOchies are not laughing at anyone's plight but we are still laughing at Jamaicans misuse of the language and sense.

Here's an update and thank you to Mitch *Connors* for providing this follow up news article on the "Dutty Wine" taken from the Jamaican Gleaner News:

Dance of death? - Beacon Hill residents blame 'Dutty Wine' for teen's death
published: Monday | October 30, 2006

Rasbert Turner, Gleaner Writer

A dancer in The Star's Dutty Wine contest performs at The Asylum Night Club, Knutsford Boulevard, New Kingston, in July. - file

SPANISH TOWN, St. Catherine:

The popular "Dutty Wine" dance is being blamed for yesterday's death of an 18-year-old St. Catherine woman.

Tanisha Henry was attending a 'school uniform' party at Beacon Hill, Thompson Pen, about four o' clock Sunday morning when, while doing the popular dance, she collapsed and was rushed to the nearby Spanish Town Hospital where she was pronounced dead.

When The Gleaner checked with the institution, a representative said persons have for some time been warned of the dangers associated with the dance, but that no one seems to have taken heed.

In March, The Star reported warnings from doctors that the 'Dutty Wine' was a dangerous dance that could cause serious neck injury and lifelong pain.

Residents in shock

The dance, done mainly by women, involves the rapid rotation of the neck and posterior simultaneously.

"If you throw the body in extreme positions, as in the case of the 'Dutty Wine', you could have muscle trauma, damage to your ligaments and shifting in bones," Dr. Jephthath Ford, general practitioner, told The Star.

In the Beacon Hill area, where yesterday's incident occurred, several persons said they were shocked by what had happened.

"It is a warning to young people that dem mus stop du de Dutty Wine," said one woman who called the incident a curse on the land. "Is like a demon sen' from de pit a hell dat is taking the lives of the youth even before dem have time to repent."

Yesterday Tanisha's mother, Linda Henry, said she was still in shock.

"I was at home about 4 o'clock when I feel like something is wrong with Tanisha as I did not see her when she came from work last night," she said. "About half an hour after, I got the news that she was dancing Dutty Wine and collapse."

Ms. Henry said that, on going to the hospital, her worst fear was realised when the doctor told her that her daughter was dead as a result of the dance. She added that it was a very sad moment and that Tanisha, who works at a pharmacy, was her last child. She said she did not know how the family would cope with her death.

The Spanish Town police are conducting a routine investigation into the matter.

Well, MC has also provided a video so let's all look at it together -

And after watching that...goddamn. Goddamn. From a Hell Pit indeed.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

"Move Along People, There's Nothing To See Here"

Seriously though, where's Officer Barbrady?

I haven't seen him much ever since he was replaced by the Police Department headed by that Ginger.

Currently listening to: "Zombie Creeping Flesh" from the OST and "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen on Shaun of the Dead on Comedy Central.

"This is the Funniest Shit I've Heard All Year!" - Mitch *Connors*

Our friend QT told us that the Dutty Wine was banned in Jamaica due to deaths caused by whiplash.

After much laughing and almost choking over pie, I called everyone I could get in contact with to inquire if this was true.

After much laughing on the phone with the three I could get a hold of, we finally found an answer. Thank you X for finding this article, taken from The Jamaica Star News:

Dutty Wine Danger

THE 'DUTTY WINE' is a dangerous dance that may cause serious neck injury and lifelong pain, doctors warn.

'Dutty wine' a popular dance done mainly by women involves the rapid rotation of the neck and posterior simultaneously.

"If you throw the body in extreme positions as in the case of the 'dutty wine' you could have muscle trauma, damage to your ligaments and shifting in bones," said Dr. Jephthath Ford.

Orthopaedic surgeon, Dr. Paul Wright agrees. He said the 'dutty wine' dance could cause injury in persons who are described as pre-morbid.

"If the person has an existing condition and they do the dance then they could hurt themselves. They would start getting pains in their arms and shoulders," he said.

But dancehall queens who popularise the 'wine' said they have suffered no injuries.

"It just like a normal dance if you don't do it for a while you are going to feel a pain but when you get used to it everything is all right. It's like when you split and you haven't done it for a while yuh leg muscle dem a go pain yuh until yuh get used to it," said dancehall queen Stacey.

"I haven't felt any pain while doing it and have never heard anybody say they were injured doing it," she added.

Recently, rumours started swirling about injuries to persons doing the 'dutty wine.'

"I hear people saying I was doing it and break my neck. I hear I was on a bus doing it and hurt myself but nothing like that. I have been doing it a while now and I don't feel any pain," said Stacey.

Leticia, another dancehall queen, admits the dance can cause some discomfort but she has never heard of injuries.

"If yuh spin yuh head too hard yuh get dizzy but I don't know of anybody who get hurt doing it. I know people who seh when dem do it dem get a pain in a dem neck but no injuries," she said.

Dr. Wright said anyone who feels discomfort 'dutty wining' should stop.

"If they feel any burning or pains or what the Americans call the stinger effect they should stop." He added: "they should not do it again because that's a warning sign."

In the event of injury, paralysis and other illnesses could result the doctors warn.

So the bottomline if you could read through all that nonsense is that, it hasn't been banned but people, take heed because Jamaican doctors issued a health warning.


Quote of the Day: "Little Men are Cool." - QT.

Currently listening to: Shaun of the Dead on Comedy Central. I love that movie. "Who made you fucking king of the zombies?" Also, HOchie 1 and I have come to the realization that the only Ginger we like is Simon Pegg. We love you, Simon Pegg!


Happy Birthday to the Giant Kitty from the HOchies.

We hope your birthday turns out awesome, with all your enemies being fed to you a like so -

Or at least that you like all the presents you get, although there should be no worries about what Vendetta got you. It's fantastic.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

There's Only ONE Comet!

Ah, I remember the good times.

It was cheese but it was good cheese! Who could deny the awesomeness of witty dialog and unforgettable characters such as:

Lord Bowler?

Pete (and don't forget, don't touch Pete's piece) -

Comet (the one and ONLY Comet. Here he is eating a newspaper containing important information that could prove deadly if in the wrong hands) -

Socrates Poole,

And of course, the man himself...(Hail to the King, Baby! Yes, wrong series but Bruce Campbell will forever be the King. Oh and here he is with Bowler because I missed my opportunity to take a great one of him solo) in one of my favourite series of all time?

Currently listening to: The Brisco County, Jr. Theme Song stuck in my head.

I have a break from watching 24, so I started up Brisco on Netflix. Brisco isn't doing anything to help me with the withdrawal though because I discovered this during one of the episodes:

::sniff:: Y & M & G.
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