Sunday, July 30, 2006

It's Official!

I am finished with the specials on the Kenka menu.

But honestly, who knew that bull penis would be the lesser of two evils?
Turkey Testicles - the second most vile thing on the planet.

Speaking of the first most vile thing, I don't know why I do this to myself but I had to be an asshat and try Durian ice-cream. It was as expected. And let us never speak of this again.

The other thing on the Kenka menu that I finally ate was an entire fried frog. it tasted of chicken and fish combined. It was good stuff actually.

Song and quote of the day:

"It's time to face the truth, 'cause I'll never be with you...

That's how I feel about.............

David Beckham." - Sons.

HOchie 1 "Do you guys feel my industrial strength fan?"

Currently playing: "Who Wrote Holden Caufield" by Green Day.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

We Eat Ham and Jam and Spamalot

After over a year of trying to fanagle tickets (and actually considering buying them at 300 bucks) to one of the hottest shows on Broadway, the HOchieS and friends finally made it to "Spamalot" on 86 dollar tickets. Our seats were not bad at all and certainly not that crap partial viewing that was trying to be sold to us for months.
We missed the cast that included Tim Curry, David Hyde Pierce and Hank Azaria and while that's a little sad, I was quite happy with the cast we saw. The show was hilarious as expected from a Monty Python production. The songs may not be as memorable as say "Avenue Q" (which we saw two years ago and to this day we still sing "The Internet is for Porn" and state on occasion "Grab your dick and double-click; Porn Porn Porn"), but classic MP memories will live on from this show. There's not much to say about the show because although I could toss quotes back and forth, you just have to be there to understand.
After the show, Beetchie being an autograph opportunist ran off to get her playbill signed. Of course, in true dorkdom fashion, I followed and Sons came with us. We managed to get the autographs of Sir Not Appearing (Kevin Covert), Sir Lancelot (Steve Kazee), Prince Herbert (Christian Borle - who incidentally was trying his best to sneak away after the show but we accosted him nicely), some unrecognizable signature I have here nor do I remember who it was... and King Arthur (Harry Groener).
One word for Lancelot - hot. And I've got a picture to justify my decree. As for myself in that picture, two words - not hot. Ah well. Apparently no one should take pictures of me whilst I'm speaking but whatever, we should all be gazing upon Lancelot anyway.
My only regret is that we did not get the autograph of THE Eric Idle.

Of course, the best performance of the evening came from my favourite character:

I love you!!!!!

Quote of the evening:

"Forget the Prince. Look de King! Get the King! The KING!!" - Tones.
All Hail the King.

Quote of July 27th:
"The potentials are horrendous." - HOchie 1, on the outcome of a ginger and black union.

The D.C. Blog

Work is overrated but much more fun when you know that by 2 p.m. you'll be on a road trip with good friends!
Thanks for making work overrated stupid traffic - we didn't actually hit the road until 3.30 p.m. That extra hour and a half really killed it.

Being stuck in the car for 9 hours when the trip was supposed to be 4 hours is not good times. Can someone tell me if George Washington had as much trouble crossing the Delaware as we did? Delaware may need to be a part of the new Axis of Evil.

No one needs to tell me about New Jersey being hell, I already know because where else do you have people driving around in their cars with multi-coloured rollers in their heads?

At least we had interesting times watching and taking incriminating photos of sketch people driving while on their cellphones and doing recon missions on MC while he was on his cellphone. There were such classic lines as:

MC "You don't have time for me when I'm in Brooklyn..."
X, singing off to the side "All I need is the air that I breathe."

Finally at 11.30 we made it and even though we were cranky it was alright because what followed was fun save the part where more crankiness ensued the night after...and the day after that. Heh Heh...

After much laughing and HOchie 1 telling us that she could hear MC from her hotel room two doors down, we settled in and slept until morning, which brought me an awesome breakfast of a belgian waffle with strawberries and whipped cream. Now, it's only awesome because diners insist on screwing me over with their lack of bwwsawc.

Then came the walking. We walked all over D.C. and explored the monuments. It was there I had a few words with Lincoln, Slave Daddy. Aims was not impressed by my reasoning behind the title but Mitch and I know the real deal with the 16th President of the USA.

And it was there that the ducks had a few words with me or rather, showed me their asses. Man, I hate those bitchin' ass ducks.

We then took the shady metro to the Washington Zoo. The Metro is nothing like NY. The ticket system is shady. It's not simple like NY leaving me grounded in my belief that NY is still number 1 - yeah!!!

Before we could actually get to the zoo, we had to go up "The Escalator To Hell" or was it Heaven? Not sure but whatever it was, it took 2 minutes and 42 seconds to ride. Crazy!
The zoo was fun minus the double dose of annoying frickin' Behemoths. Grrrr.

Why did this happen though? What's up with animals in this place showing me their asses?!

But what was really hella awesome - my biatch Komodo Dragon. I don't know how smart the Komodo's keeper was because my ass wouldn't be in the enclosure trying to lure the Komodo in. Ah, he was a bitch though that KD; he ignored initial attempts at getting him in. "Am I interested? Meh. ::lumbered off::" That's what I do sometimes. We're kindred spirits.

At 5 p.m. we set off to see the cutest pandas eva'. Tian was being a Drama Queen. He flopped himself down on the floor all panting like as though it was the end of the world. Poor stupid panda. It was rather hot and humid though. Who can blame him?
Mei, the best lOOking panda eva' was tearing up bamboo like nobody's buisness, as expected. Bamboo was flying everywhere and all you could see was Mei's cute little head sticking out from a huge pile of the green stuff. It was awesome.

Finally, the main reason why we made this trip, the star of it all - Tai Shan became visbile to us. The little baby had his back to his viewing audience which prompted HOchie 1 to toss a mini hissy fit, scaring this dude next to her. But, due to clumsiness, Tai who had been munching on an apple, dropped said fruit and was forced to climb down his perch and then back up in all his cutie panda glory - ushering coos, squeals of delight and 'oooo's and ahhhh's' from all his fans.
The remainder of the evening was spent hanging out with TD5 and his family for good eats and good times.

That night back at the hotel was hilarious. X heard nothing and all I could make out was "It's MC" but apparently TD5 "porn slapped" MC which he claimed was really his getting up stupid in the middle of the night not knowing where he was and asking, "who dat?!" ::slap:: followed by MC's, "It's MC". Since it seemed they sorted themselves out I didn't bother to wake up completely.

The next morning was the most fun part of the weekend. HOchie 1, Luis and Aims set off for the American Indian Museum while MC, X and I made our way to the Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian and African exhibits. Our pictures are hilarious. There are such memorable moments as "India vs. China in Japan", "Praying to the Sun God, Rah", "Red Ninja Ho of the Red Ninja Clan - D.C. Division" and "I don't know how to wrap iiittttt". We were infused with culture and had fun while doing it. Don't judge us!

The trip back home was long, once again thank you to NJ but not as bad as before. MC, X and I did get our asses handed to us though in round 3 of the Car Outburst Champeenship.

All in all it was fun.

Though, the question remains: was it really worth it being stuck in the car for 9 hours, a trip that was supposed to be about 4, to see that Panda?

A few general notes about Washington D.C.:

The signs are cool because this is EXACTLY how I run:

Everything is consolidated in D.C. There's the chinese food/fried chicken/seafood/crab/lobster eatery all in one on every corner. And these are right next to the lottery/liqour/pawn shop/spa shops. It's brilliant! They're on to something...

D.C. is FULL of Plague Carriers!!! ::shudder::

And don't mess with shady people in shady vans

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Animal Story 2

Python Gulps Queen-Size Electric Blanket

KETCHUM, Idaho (AP) -- It took surgery to save a 12-foot Burmese python after it swallowed an entire queen-size electric blanket - with the electrical cord and control box.

The blanket must have gotten tangled up in the snake's rabbit dinner, owner Karl Beznoska said. He kept the blanket in the cage to keep the 60-pound reptile, named Houdini, warm.

"Somehow, he was able to unplug the electric cord," Beznoska said Wednesday. "He at least wasn't hooked up to the power. It might have been pretty warm there."

Veterinarian Karsten Fostvedt conducted a two-hour operation on the python Tuesday, and said afterward, "The prognosis is great."

An animal I should not be in my next life - an electric blanket. I mean, burmese python. Or a rabbit, now that I think about it...

Animal Story 1

Scientists: Sea Squirts Invading LI Sound

GROTON, Conn. -- A blob-like creature is invading Long Island Sound and posing a threat to its lobsters and other shellfish, University of Connecticut scientists say.

The researchers say they have found colonies of invasive sea squirts, blob-shaped animals that reproduce easily, on the floor of the sound.

They believe this variety of sea squirt, known as didemnum, arrived on the hulls of ships from Asia. They have no known predators.

"This thing has the potential for causing significant economic impact when it attaches to the floor of the Sound, where it blankets and suffocates shellfish and lobsters,'' said Ivar Babb, director of UConn's Undersea Research Center at Avery Point in Groton.

The animals range in color from a creamy translucent pearl to olive or tan. In Japan, there are some red species.

"This thing is ugly,'' Babb said. "It has no socially redeeming virtues.''

They cannot break the colonies apart, Babb said. Like sea stars that become damaged, they can grow replacement parts. Splitting one sea squirt in half doesn't kill it; it only creates two of the plankton-eating creatures.

If the scientists don't find bigger quantities of the blob-like creature, they might use chlorine or vinegar to kill it. First, however, they plan to study the effect those substances might have on other marine life native to the Sound.

Information from: Connecticut Post,

I lost the squirts!!!!! But here they are. All gathered in one area, blanketing one of the new axis of evil places. Good job, squirts. Good job!!!!

A few points about this story:

1. No known predators, you say? my next life, my choices have expanded on what I would like to be - a crocodile, shark or sea squirt.

2. Oooo, being chopped into pieces only creates more of us! That's one awesome creature. And so what if the trade off is that it's one ugly beast? Whatever.

3. It's blanketing LI, people! Muwahahahaha. I knew that place was evil.

4. I don't like LI but I do like shellfish... well, can't have something for nothing, I guess. It's for the greater good.

5. There's a red species in Japan. I am not so not surprised.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Good Times with Friends and the Not-So Good Times with Strippers

"Cute but evil."

I certainly can be sometimes.

A week ago Mitch, X, Beetchie and I went to Kenka for dinner.
Why am I evil? Because anyone who doesn't really eat pork and/or is tall then 60% of the menu at Kenka is not for you nor are the tiny chairs they make you sit your ass on. Ahahahaha. Poor Mitch. He has every right to curse me.

He didn't like the pork gyozas but that's only due to the fact that he is crazy. And it took a long time for him to finally decide on what he should have but he ended up eating a ginger-flavoured beef dish. I think he actually enjoyed it...

X had ramen and we shared our grilled buttered scallops.

Beetchie and I had awesome times (note the not so awesome times we had at the last trip to Kenka):
Una Don (grilled eel over rice) which was soooo good. Grilled eel is awesome.

Fried flour balls with octopus. They burnt us being that we stupidly tried to devour them immediately but mmmm...There's nothing like fried flour and mayo.

Stingray fin, chewy goodness.

Salted Pork Ribs - need I say anything else?

With time to kill we talked, drank cocktails that involved bizarre concoctions and photos were taken of X drunk off her ass after one sip of said cocktails. She wasn't really but the picture says otherwise.

We headed out to see The Street Bohemians, a band in which apparently I have stock - the bassist (Melissa the crazy Mongolian) and lead singer (No.8) are my friends. Being this their first public performance, I figured I had no excuse but to go but I certainly was trying to find something. Har Har.
Lured by the potential of seeing strippers, quote "If the set is going downhill, I'm going downstairs to the strippers", we trooped off to the Pussycat Lounge in the Financial District.

Those SBs were pretty decent. Musically, the band sounded great. They were comfortable with each other.
No. 8 was a little shaky on the vocals at the start but being the first gig, she was a little nervous but became more confident further into the set.

Battler as always amazes me by the strength and clarity of her voice, her sheer coolness and antics on stage and of course, her bass skills. I have a heterosexual girl crush on her as a rocker. Yep. She knows. And she puts that compliment right up there with the "You make me sick" comment I made to her a few weeks ago. She assures me she'll treasure them forever.

As decent as they were though, I informed them that the next show I attend will be at Madison Square Garden or else no dice. I don't think No. 8 was very impressed by me but meh.

On to the strippers!

With a name like the Pussycat Lounge and a crowd of young, business men you'd think good times were abound but as the title of this entry already implies - that was SO not the case.

We did have quite a selection of strippers though. Let's see...there was the one that was 3 months pregnant. Then there was the one who was a tranny (oh yes, we saw the back of that when she/he turned around...). And then there was fried eggs...

Impressive the way she could alternately move one boob up and down after the other but we're not sure what kind of fried eggs Beetchie has been eating but she claims that's what that display reminded her of.

After we decided it wasn't even worth it to do dances of our own to show up the strippers and collect their dough (quite frankly, I think the pregnant one would have slayed us had that gone down), we all set off for home. Beetchie and Mitch back to Crooklyn and X and I to her place on the UWS.

After washing away the disappointment of my first stripclub via a well needed shower, X and I did what we do best. We talked until ungodly hours in the morning until finally falling asleep.
And then came the police and ambulance sirens...

And then came X screaming at me that it was my fault something was going down at 3.30 in the morning...
It really wasn't my fault but we figure I've some kind of dark, negative energy surrounding me that I need to be taking care of and hence, a usually quiet neighbourhood turns into chaos.

Luckily our building was not going down in a fiery explosion but perhaps something like it (or whatever warranted police and ambulance services) at the building next door. And then there was the poor old man who was attacked by a crazy dude wielding electric saws at the subway stop right after X's.
I had nothing to do with any of that but pretty soon people aren't going to want to hang around me anymore...

Thursday saw a whole lot of nothing happening save extreme tiredness from the fun-filled night of scary strippers the night before.

Friday - Pirates of the Caribbean. We gathered as much of the clan as we could to go see this unnecessarily long, not enough Johnny Depp, sorry excuse for a movie.
And even though the movie (starring Beetchie as the Kraken) was not fantastic, having the friends together, sitting in an overpriced midtown diner and then in the theatre is equivalent to the best times this Hochie can have.

Stupid things like walking with Stupid Franz to Toys R' Us and having incriminating photos taken at Barbie's Dream House make these times memorable (but note to self, destroy photos).
Beetchie, Battler and I sat together and we laughed our asses off the entire time because of the idiotic comments that always pass our lips when we're together watching a film. I know, people hate us. We're just like Mystery Theatre commentators. We're horrible.

Saturday involved the Adidas Store, Chinatown, shady neurologists, The Chicken Arcade, Shanghai dumplings, rice pudding and a scary-assed rat.

First, Mitch and I went to the Adidas store in one last attempt to acquire some France World Cup gear for the final. Let us just say this - if there's a shirt on display in the window, you better believe you should be selling it to me if you're out of stock and if not, then take it out of the damned window. Asshats!

We pissily made our way to Chinatown, met Beetchie and ate Baos. Mitch then left my ass to go take a three hour nap and Beetchie and I headed to her appointment with a neurologist.

Now, I'm not saying said neurologist didn't have creds on her wall...wait..did she? Ha, she did. She did. But there was something so suspect about the whole thing. Maybe it's just that everyone was being extra mean to the 1/2 breed Asian HoChie but I don't know. I guess you just had to be there.

And for those of you reading this and are concerned about the welfare of Beetchie (yes, that means you Beetchie - you're probably the only one! I'm kidding. I heart you?), I think she'll be okay. She better be.

In typical fashion, with time to kill before dinner, Beetchie and I decided to float around someplace to build up an appetite. And how better to do so than to visit a Chicken Arcade. I am still a little fuzzy on why it is called the chicken arcade but I know it had something to do with live chickens and games... Now, it's just a regular arcade but there are pictures on the walls of various chickens to prove that chickens once played a vital role in that dark place.

Beetchie proceeded to kick my ass in Street Fighter Puzzle and racing. I crashed many times as expected. Then there was Miss Pac-Man and Jr. Pac-Man and we both sucked.

Dumplings - what I wouldn't give to go to a Dumpling House in Taiwan... We did the next best thing which was to go to a Shanghainese restuarant. It was the first time I had Shanghai style dumplings and even though the soupy goodness inside went down my throat too quickly and it was hot, oh man was that awesome!!!!

After dinner, we made an attempt to find "Rice to Riches", an upscale rice pudding dessert spot if you can believe that. Who knew rice pudding could be high class? Our attempts were fruitful and we feasted upon rice pudding of the cookies and cream variety (this after we sampled damned near 5 types of rice pudding this place had to offer including banana and rocky road).
And then it happened - I lost Beetchie...

To this!!!!!!

I hate it that this is the last I saw of her - Oh Beetchie... I always knew that a random rat on a swing would get you...I always knew... =,(

Anyway, about Sunday (I'm all about fast recoveries):

The final in the 2006 World Cup.

As all know, I was supporting England because I figured that if I had to support a football team, it should be the best looking one. Someone commented once that they didn't understand my loyalty to England considering I was more supportive to that country having not been born there nor never been for more than a few days than the bastards who were actually born and raised there. My response, "Stockholm Syndrome".
And then when England went down, I supported Germany.

And then Germany went down and I could care less but Mitch insisted that there be a World Cup lime at the HoChies. Mitch was backing France and I decided I wanted them to win rather than my enemy team Italy.
I am now being blamed for the Zidane headbutting incident because my voodoo doll "Spider Boy" worked WAY too well when I was shaking it on behalf of a hopeful victory for France. His job is to tangle the enemy in a web just long enough for you to escape or do something. Well...I guess Zidane decided he needed to headbutt that ass.

And France lost.

So the dolls worked but not quite the way they should have...

That's me.

"Cute but evil".

Memorable quotes:

MC "I like my tea black like me."

Me "Rhinna has man hands!"
MC and Frass "Oh gawd, it's true!"
Frass "Doh worry, all she need is some ponds. She from Barbados."

During the game of dominoes -

MC "Wait, I can't play this...these numbers go up to 9. I can't count past 6."

Frass "I don't know how to play...oh, ok. So I match whatever number is on the tile . Um, what should I play?"
Me "What do you mean 'what number'?! The only number you can play - 9! It's double 9 on the board!!!! Stupid Frass..."

Battler, on Transformers the Movie "You guys don't understand, I've been waiting for retribution for Optimus Prime for 20 years!!!!!"

Currently listening to: Lots among the Muse playlist including my new acquistion "Crying Shame" and then, "Analyse" by Thom Yorke.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Which Sesame Street Characters Are We Most Like?

A scarf started this entire discussion.

TheHOchies present:

Which Sesame Street Characters Are TheHOchies and Friends Most Like?

note: this list can be amended and recommendations are welcome but not necessarily accepted. =)

HOchie 1:

Preposterous Puppy

Oscar the Grouch's puppy who surprisingly, is even more of a grouch than Oscar. But who can deny the cuteness when he chews the cud and occasionally tries to bite all that touch him?

Or 2:

I haven't decided yet who I am most like... the only things I could think of was the Shark that jumped into Bert's & Ernie's boat after Bert called for him or the pink bottle cap with the black star that Bert has in his collection. I know. Weak.

Medium Budgie


"Wuh Wuh Wuh!!! W is for Wilemmina!" Because what else could W stand for? Certainly not something ridiculous like "Wesley". Preposterous! Uh, HOchie 1!


Remember that girl with the scarf over her head? The little vagabond who longingly gazed at Cookie Monster's cookies as he ate it? "Share?". And when CM finally did, that cookie was gone like nobody's buisness!!!! "Nyumm Yumm Nyumm grra rraa nyumm" SCARY! But so X... ahahahahahahahaha.



Quote HOchie 1: Grover is black. And Mitch is black.



Honestly, do I REALLY need to go into any sort of explanation?


The Letter Q

Man 1 "That's a funny looking thing."
Man 2 "No it isn't, it's the letter Q."
Man 1 "Hmm, I still say it's a funny looking thing."
Man 2 "YOU'RE a funny looking thing."

Yep, that's Beetchie - a funny looking thing. Har Har.

Ah, so wrong yet so right on so many levels...

The Bughie

Travis Traveling!

Travis Traveling likes to travel! On a unicycle, no less. I'm not sure how this relates to the Bughie but it does. It's not the fact that he travels on a unicycle and any other form of transportation but he's so knowledgeable, that Travis Traveling. That is the character that comes to mind.

Currently listening to: "Map of the Problematique" - Muse
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