Sunday, November 26, 2006

More Idiot Than Savant

Once upon a time, in the land of Denial, there lived an IS named Mitch *Connors*...uh I mean... an IS named Mooch *Cunnurs* (identity changed so as not to protect the seemingly innocent).

MC lived a quiet life in gloomy ole Rochester, counseling the troubled youth of America. Uh, make that Rochester.

MC was loved by all but was not without enemies. Actually, his only true self-proclaimed enemy was pork. Although not much is known as to where this animosity between MC and the pork emerged, one thing was 'certain'... Pork was the Babylon Meat.

One day at a local pizza parlor while treating said troubled youth to some lunch,
little did he know about the trouble HE was about to face and counseling he would receive from his young students. Nothing would prepare him for what would become one of the greatest life choices he would ever have to make.

MC: Kids! What will we be having today? I could go for a slice of pepperoni myself.

Kids: That sounds good but why don't you get more meat? You should add some bacon and ham as well.

MC: No, no, no. I don't eat pork.

Kids: What?! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

MC: What is so funny?" he asked, while thinking 'WDA?' (He was trying his best to keep it PG being that these were youths and all).

Kids: But sir, don't you know what pepperoni is?

MC: ...

(MC now has a bewildered look on his face)

Kids: Sir, pepperoni is pork.

MC, having already ordered the pepperoni slice, shrugged.

A few weeks later, via gchat with TD5, he raised the question, "TD5, did you know pepperoni is pork?"

To which TD5 responded, "of course it is; what kind of Trini are you?"

"I didn't know...all these years.", MC said.

"So where did you think it came from, MC?" asked TD5.

"I always thought some kind of pepperoni animal," Mitch replied.

TD5 logged off.

Flashforward to Thanksgiving weekend at the HOchie Residence. The scent of ham was wafting throughout the house. All creatures were stirring except Mooch *Cunnurs*.

Papa HOchie: MC, you don't eat pork?

TD5: Ask him about pepperoni.

MC: TD5, why did you have to go there?

Papa HOchie: You eat ham?

MC: No

Papa HOchie: You eat bacon?

(no response)

Papa Hochie: You eat pepperoni?

MC: yes (in a meek voice)

Papa HOchie: But you like pepperoni?

MC: yes, all these years...

Papa HOchie: But then you like pork. Just admit it.

- This blog post and story was brought to you by The HOchies, TD5 and X


Details of the above story are not transcripted and are a bit sketchy but have been assembled through conversations by all parties involved. Denial is most welcome by MC even though video footage of a full confession is available to provide further corroboration.

In a quest to discover what a Pepperoni Animal may look like, we searched google for answers. Google turned up with nothing as expected. With paper, pencil, markers and imaginaaaation, we have come up with a concept sketch:



We can only assume that a Pepperoni Animal would say "moink moink" being that as pepperoni is a combination of a cow and pig, 'moink' is only as logical as this entire post.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches!

It was a good Thanksgiving. There was lots of good food and lots of good times with friends and family.

I hope all had good times as well.

Here are the classic quotes for the day, 11/23/06:

"That's what you get for calling me a cowbell!" - Me to Beetchie, on Guitar Hero.

"Omg, I pulled a Matt." - Beetchie
"We will not be using the term "pulling a Matt" to describe bad hair." - Me.

"This mouth has launched 1000 restaurants." - Beetchie.

"We're from Trinidad, what do we know about trees?!" - MC & myself, during a game of Cranium.

Or 2's The Famous U.K. MUSE - DAY 6

Chapter 5: "Someone Tell Me Why He Breaks My Fall, and Then Breaks My Heart"

Ah the final full day. Char Kar ran off to the British National Museum and The British Library. Battler ran off to find a lost and found since she lost her hat on the train and to the Sherlock Holmes Museum Gift Shop. These things were all very interesting and I would have liked to visit all of those places but I needed to pack the not so copious amounts of candy I bought the night before. Also, I had to stay at the hotel and get ready for my future husband!

Seeing MUSE in London was brilliant! I wasn't very close to my man this time around but I got to see the show the way the band's performances are meant to be seen - in a huge space. What better a place to see my boys than at Wembley Arena?

They put on one hell of a show as expected and I got so much footage, it's disgusting. If I wanted to, I could have taped the entire show. I totally smuggled that camera in. Uhh, I mean...I'm a tourist. I had it on me after doing so much sightseeing that day. Yes... That's EXACTLY what went down. Unfortunately, I was kind of far from the stage so I didn't get to really see Matt's semi-beautiful face but my view was not so horrible that he appeared a tiny speck.

The lightshow was even more impressive this time. I didn't get outright blinded (The Cheat got banned from Wembley and couldn't do the laser lights at the show this time either):



And look! I actually got a picture of Chris this time! Uh, kind of:



The setlist was basically the same as the show in NY save the three new songs I got to hear:

Take A Bow (still an awesome opener)
Hysteria
New Born
Butterflies & Hurricanes
Assassin (Extended) - (my boys rock!!!!!!!!!!!! It was complete hotness and ::cough:: J, I have a request - Nov. 27th when the KofC single comes out, can you please acquire the Assassin Extended version for me? Heh Heh Heh)
Map Of The Problematique (Matt dedicated my song to me ::sniff:: I love you too, Bells)
Plug In Baby
Soldier's Poem
Invincible
Supermassive Black Hole (I don't know what was up with the robots but it was hilarious and great)
Forced In
Time Is Running Out
Starlight (It was Space Invaders all over again!)
Stockholm Syndrome

Encore 1:

Citizen Erased (I almost cried. That song is beautiful)
Bliss

Encore 2:

Hoodoo (And again, I cannot stress how much I love that man and that band)
Knights Of Cydonia (still only great in concert but it was even more awesome this time around)

WTF Moments II:

1. Notice how once again I didn't get Muscle Museum?! WTF guys?! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! And what's worse... I had to do the stupid thing and torture myself to see what the setlist was for the other nights at Wembley. The show for Nov. 22nd got Sunburn but what really kills me is that the Nov. 23rd show got EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They got Exo-Politics, City of Delusion, Apocalypse Please and damned Muscle Museum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bitches, why?!!!!!

2. Okay, Matt. WTF was up with the 'cape'? I know it was a giant scarf and it was really cool as all hell but still. You were really hot standing on stage with the 'cape' blowing in the wind but then when the prancing started, I was just...so confused and embarrassed. Ugh.
Still, like I said...the cape was pretty was hot:



3. WTF was up with the 'smashing' of the guitar at the end of the set? First of all, there was no need for that. You could have given it to me. Secondly, only hardcore rockers should do that because they know how to. You kind of looked silly and once again my face turned red from embarrassment. God knows I have to get rid of that video footage to hide the evidence. *Disclaimer II: if you ever read this Matt, I swear you're a hardcore rocker. Honestly, that riff you pulled during Assassin was amazing!*

4. Trumpets at the other Wembley Shows?! WTF? Why do you hate me, boys?!

5. WTF - That guy was back... The one that looked like a troll next to Dom's drumkit. This time he was on his keyboard which was kind of hidden in the shadows.

It was a good end to the trip for me. I got to see my favourite band and bought a jacket with MUSE's logo on it. It is a bit too big for me but whatever. I may have to have it tailored. I really wanted that shirt with the hot pink though. Maybe I'll get it next year when they return.

Currently listening to: Whatever crappy XM stations we have on the TV. 80's on 8 with some song by The Eagles.

*And on a side note, (it's 05/01/2007) as I amend this blog, since they're blowing up in a big way state side these days, I'll give them their due now:

The Noisettes opened for MUSE at this show. I can't say I was very impressed by them. They were alright but I really couldn't handle the lead singer's voice too much. They did have one or two songs I liked but ask me if I remember what they were...*

Or 2's The Famous London Frog or Crow. Whatever! - DAY 5

Chapter 4: The Tower, the Crows, the Bridge, the Circus and the Ripper

We made it to the Tower of London on Monday. I really liked the Tower and all in it. Look at it below. It's pretty cool, right?



There were Knights and Armour but my stupid ass didn't buy my St. George's Cross umbrella. They didn't even have a Jester's Hat for me to buy. So exactly why did I like the Tower? Hm. Now that I think about it, the Tower sucked! The long spiral staircases were almost the death of me. And those damned crows were waiting for it, you know, when they weren't showing me their asses (Whether it be D.C. or London, animals like showing me their asses):





And I just have to say it but London Bridge can be seen from the Tower and Fergie should stop bastardizing it.

Now for something random and because I just wanted to post it, here's an example of a toilet in the Tower:



Yes, it was tough work for me using that bathroom and yes, it was even worse for the person walking below.

After the Tower, we made our way to Picadilly Circus which was the equivalent of Times Square & 5th Avenue. I was very unimpressed and got out of there quickly. I went there with a mission and succeeded.

The last thing we did that day was go on the Jack the Ripper Tour at East End. We were late but caught up with the tour. We snuck at the back and thought we were in the clear but for some reason that Tour Guide was quite keen and noticed that we joined the tour later. And so another 6 pounds came out of my pocket. At least, we three weren't the only ones. I took no pictures on that tour due to the fact that the neighbourhood is now so modern that the photos would all be useless.

Or 2's The Famous Edinburgh...Sheep - DAY 3.7

Chapter 3: Haggis, Sheep, Heighlan' Coos and Scratchy Ghosts

Saturday morning saw us up at 5.15 AM to catch a 7 AM train to Scotland.

The train ride was nice. We saw lots of sheep but it was quite difficult trying to snag a picture of them since everytime I put the camera down, there'd they be with their painted asses. The multi-coloured sheep asses were quite funny.



We didn't make it to the Highlands but this photo from the train was as close as we got:



As soon as we got out of the train station at Edinburgh we could hear bagpipes. There was something very disturbing seeing very old buildings on cobblestone streets housing and littered by stores such as the gap.

Char Kar and I went to Edinburgh Castle which we got to by climbing a really steep hill. I guess it wasn't steep enough though because if I could climb it then the Brits truly had no problem invading the damned place. Har Har.

The Castle was pretty cool but Char Kar thought the King's Dining Room was not as impressive as it should have been. I liked the prisoner barracks and was impressed by the view of the city from the cannon view point:



After running around the castle, I had to go try some haggis. Sadly, I didn't get the real deal because I was starving and didn't want to chance buying an entire meal only to waste it if I didn't want it (hey, this trip was expensive as all hell) so I got a Haggis and Drambuie appetiser. It was deep fried and GOOD times. MMMmmmm, nothing like some sheep insides:



I had the lamb for dinner which was really good. It was very unlike most lamb I had as this was incredibly smooth to the point where it was melting off the bone. It was good times also but meat usually is.

After dinner, we walked around the little city but for some reason the whole place ran amuck with damned partying teenagers who were interested only in clubbing and drinking. Ignoring the lot, we walked and visited little shops that had the strangest things. I felt as though I was in Chinatown because we happened upon one of those cheap ones that sold lots of hello kitty stickers and stuff. I was incredibly unimpressed until we passed by the Castle at night.

Char Kar and I parted ways with Battler and went on the Death and Torture Tour at B's suggestion. It was very cheesey and fun walking along the cobbled streets, hearing about some of Edinburgh's dark history. Our Tour Guide, Fiona was pretty cute too. Then we went to three vaults discovered in the old city back around 1996. The vaults are supposedly haunted and being kind of sensitive to paranormal activity, I definitely felt there was something to that place. Here's the picture I took that confused me some:



For the most part, I laughed at how scared everyone else was but I guess the joke was on me. The next morning, I went to the bathroom to discover I had a bit of a scratch/gash on my forehead. Yes. I was scratched by an entity. Alright, so it may be possible that I did it to myself in the night but I can't be certain. In any event, it makes for a good story.

What doesn't make for a good story was the little prison cell we slept in at the Hostel. It wasn't that bad though save the fact there was a co-ed bathroom. Needless to say, Char Kar and I went stinky that night without a shower because there was no way either of us wanted to come out of the shower only to encounter some crazy drunk and drugged up kids.

I didn't actually get to see an Heighland Coos but I bought one the morning after at the gift shop for HOchie 1. She loves him and has named him Apappa.

The ride back was much of the same and involved Battler and I trying to capture photos of the stupid sheep and our miserable failures.

Quotes of the trip:

On Sheep -

"When it rains, do you put them away?" - Char Kar
"Yeah. Put them in a box." - Battler.

"Some of the sheep have colours on them. Are they marked for death?" - Char Kar.

"I could take one home." - Char Kar
"Yeah, box it up. Shear your own." - Battler
"They don't look very soft." - Char Kar
"Yeah. They're wooly. Literally. God didn't front when he made the sheep." - Battler

On Pigs -

"Look! Pigs! It's like {Or 2's} dreams come true!" - Char Kar
"Yeah...awww, piggies. Awwww, bacon." - Me
"Come on. That's just shameful. They're still alive!" - Char Kar.

Or 2's The Famous London Fog - DAY 2

Chapter 2: Scary Birds Everywhere including the Queen. Har Har.

The Tube or Underground Subway system's pretty good and easy to learn in London. The only complaint really is that if one line shuts down, we're not sure if there's anyway to compensate for it - you're pretty much assed out or have to take a cab or maybe the bus. Since Or 2 won't even do buses in NYC, then there was no way in hell one was going to be done in London. Yep, not even the Double Decker kind. I think I was on one of those when I was 3.

We spent the day walking around near Parliament, Big Ben and the London Eye. We also saw Buckingham Palace but no MI5 Building! Sorry Char Kar. I wanted to go the Aquarium but maybe next time.

Now let's talk about the fun stuff - this had to be the coolest thing we saw that day:



That's right, bitches! Jack Bauer in London!!!!! Oh yeah, that's the London Eye in the background. Meh.  Haha.

In St. James' Park we found some scary birds, you know, other than the Queen:



I don't know what they feed them over there but DAMN.

And here's a duck with the evil eye -



I, of course, re-visited my steps across Buckingham Palace and let's just leave it at that.

Obviously, I didn't actually see the Queen but I did spend pounds at the Queen's gift shop and got the tackiest little Christmas Tree Ornament for Beetchie. And that's as close to the Queen as I got.

We then hopped on the tube to go see the Tower of London but it was too late to tour it in the half an hour we had left but I did a kind of cool shot of it at night:



Then the real shadiness began when we got back to our neighbourhood. It wasn't really shady but instead of a young, dashing Brit. Lad joining our table at the pub, we got an old, not so good-looking Scot named Angus who joined instead.

Blow.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Or 2's The Famous London (B)log - DAY 1.5

Chapter 1: 7 PM to 7 AM (No no, this isn't 24)

The flight to London on the 15th messed up this HOchie and company big time. NY time was 7 PM when we departed and arrival at Heathrow was 7 AM on November 16th. What messed with the head was the fact that the head was still in NY time @ 2 AM November 16th. As you can tell, I'm still very much confused and incoherent.

I have to say though that Virgin Atlantic's got some bad-assed plane gear. The in-flight entertainment is so fun. I got to watch this UK comedy series called Peepshow which I liked but like most British comedies, it was painful to watch sometimes. I got to listen in full to albums that I've been meaning to preview for some while and walked away with an appreciation for Arctic Monkeys. The hype surrounding them is still too great but really, it isn't bad at all. I really couldn't get through The Kaiser Chiefs though.

Another point of interest worth mentioning was my very gay flight attendant. He was adorable.

The boring details of that day after getting into London involved renting a phone, taking a rail to the hotel (and by the way, a lot of the London Outskirts looks like Queens. That alone is really scary. Also, taggers in England got nothing on NY Taggers - when you do graffiti, do it right!) and trying to find our hotel.
Things didn't start out THAT fantastic. We got stuck in the elevator at the hotel and I almost broke my foot when I missed a step, with suitcase in hand. My foot went under itself in the worst way possible. I guess it wouldn't be a London trip if I didn't fall at some point (ahaha, London Trip? Get it? Ahhh. I slay myself) but it was scary because it's shocking I didn't actually break it off. This was an ongoing concern of mine during the entire trip actually. I always felt that I was going to break my foot either on some cobblestones or spiral staircases.

The rest of the day was spent walking around like zombies as Battler and I went on an almost fruitless search for flip flops. After getting lost for 3 + hours, I finally remembered that I could have saved us the aches since I knew fully well that flip flops are not in use in England. Heh. Oh well. Not only could I have saved us the achey feet but I could have saved myself some grief:



The only real thing of interest I found in the tuck shop other than my childhood in cadbury chocolate was Fido. That's right, Fido is still rockin' the 7UP can in London:



That night after some fish and chips (not in newspaper much to my dismay) at the corner pub "The Pride of Paddington", Battler, Char Kar and I knocked out for the night.

Wow, what a fairly boring day. It's a sad thing when the flight was the most exciting event.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Truth About J.B.

Now I know why Jack Bauer never really cries (or at least the reason I've deduced)!
In an interview with David Letterman, Kiefer Sutherland was asked if he hears Donald Sutherland in his head whenever he does a scene. Kiefer replied that the good piece of advice given to him by his father was to never lie in a scene..."for example, if the scene requires crying and you don't feel it, then just don't fake it because they'll just know and try to act the scene in another direction."


So THAT's why Jack Bauer never cries! Kiefer never feels the need to cry. That or Jack Bauer is an ass.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

HOchie 1's Observations on Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory

Charlie might be the worst paperboy in the world. Or is he? Hmmmm.

There's a lot of in-breeding going on in the towns - all married couples have the 'same' names. There's George and Georgina, Joe and Josephina and Henry and Henrietta.

On top of the in-breeding, there are a whole hella of a lotta child molestors running around town. There's the candyman and the chopper peddler.

Charlie's mother has a good voice - why didn't she market that talent and make some real money instead of working in the laundrymat?

Charlie can't read! He had to have his grandfather read the details of the ticket for him. I don't know what kind of school this poor kid's going to. Oh, that's right. Poor kid...

And it's unfortunate that Charlie's not cuter because I'd feel happier for him that he won the Golden Ticket. Things should even out. If you're poor, you should at least be cute.

And Gene Wilder is the man.

Things Observed This Week: 10/30 - 11/04

Or 2's observations and random thoughts this week:

1. Filene's Basement is always on a very high level of whatever building houses it.
2. Being under-dressed in cold weather makes people stupid, e.g. Pharrel.
3. My 25 Cents Trail Mix adventures this week have gone something like this -

Day 1: TONS of M&Ms (much to my dismay) and no raisins
Day 2: TONS of M&Ms (much to my dismay), four raisins including the mother of all humiliated grapes and a loss of two valuable cashews. The ONLY two cashes of the batch.
Day 3: A good mix of not too many M&Ms, lots of cashews, almonds and one raisin.

4. Monsters don't give you gil in FFXII?! WTF! They're going to force me to sell items! If there's two things I hate, it's selling items and monsters who are useless and don't give gil. I mean, honestly! Isn't it in the monsters' best interest to walk around loaded, like they actually sit down at towns' bars to drink ale or spend nights at inns?! This FFXII is having a lot more cons than pros at this point...

5. Korean Food is impressive for the most part in both taste and looks.

6. HOchie 1 would rather allow Beat to have a dirty ass than a red ass.

Currently Listening to: a mix of songs, much like Trail Mix, that went something like this -

Track 1. "Supermassive Black Hole" by MUSE, Live on BBC's Radio 1.
Track 2. "New Born" by MUSE, Live from the Absolution Australian Concert Bonus Disc.
Track 3. "Black Waltz" by Nobuo Uematsu, from the Final Fantasy IX Original Soundtrack.
Track 4. "Falling Down" by MUSE, from Showbiz .
Track 5. "Encounter with Tetra" by Kenta Negata, Hajime Wakai, Toru Minigeshi and Koji Kondo, from the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Original Soundtrack.
Track 6. "Windmills" by Toad the Wet Sprocket, from Dulcinea.
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