Sunday, December 31, 2006

Mitch Connors: He Can Make It On His Own!

This week was all about MC because he's currently off on a new adventure, and it's one that doesn't involve the HOchies (at least one that doesn't involve the HOchies living an amtrack ride away).

Ponsgri saw us for the millionth time this year but a great time was had by all as we hung out with MC. Battler, SF, Aims, Beetchie and myself were there to join him for good eats. The night was full of chaos as per usual but all in good fun.

SF decided to use his new Kirby with wand toy to bless all who he felt needed blessing at the table.

"Do you have your finger up Kirby's ass?" - Beetchie
"Uhhhh..." - SF

It's okay, I was blessed. It worked.

Fruity drinks were sipped, pinkies were stuck out and the Asian smack-talk was plentiful.

Beetchie didn't have a chair when she got to the table and opted to get one herself, much to the annoyance of the woman at Pongsri who already hates my ass. Why? Because although we told her we thought she'd be okay with and used to sitting on the floor, Beetchie informed us and I quote, "I'm not that type of Asian".

Other memorable conversations of the evening:

"Beetchie, I hope you choke on your rice." - MC
"It's not gonna happen. Asians can never choke on rice." - Battler

"Let's leave Beetchie white rice only. That should be enough for her to eat." - MC & SF.
"You know, just because she's Chinese don't mean she's used to just eating rice." - Me.

Friday was awesome.

Mitch Connors was in line at 6 AM until about 10:25 AM in front of Nintendo World in the hopes of purchasing a Wii. And all I can say now is, "A Winner is MC". Yes!

The awesomeness continued (after another boring day at work but hey! I got to see my Alex!) when SF, MC and I walked to Grand Central for parting eats at Junior's Cheesecake Restuarant. It was simple but good...we had many good laughs together and the best video footage of MC opening his presents from SF. Oh the hilarity that ensued but it just goes to show you that SF loves me the most. And I love him! You did good, SF. I see you took my blog threat seriously.

Quotes of that day:

"Nothing like that ever happens to me." - SF
"That's because you're too damned loveable." - Me.
"Yeah, I look innocent. But I'm not THAT innocent." - SF
"..." - Me
"I was having a Britney Moment." - SF.

"Are you sure you can make it on your own?" - Me
"Yeah. I'm sure. I'm leaving SF/Tenderfoot in your care." - MC.

Now for the 2006 wrap-up post I'm sneaking in here but it's all relative, really -

Ah the vodka's settling into my brain right now but as I'm here watching lame ass performers on MTV (you know, I'd rather watch these "Mafia" people with their blingie gold stage than watch Toni Braxton and her poor excuse for a dress on FOX), I'm trying my best to remember all the goo' times we had together in 2006. I can't remember the details because like I said, the vodka's settling in but heck, that's what the HOchies have this blog thingie for.

I would like to say though, I know great times were had and I thank all of you for that. You all are the best familiends the HOchies can have and we're the best frenemies you guys have. Heh Heh.

We went to Broadway shows, Off Broadway Shows, Movies, Museums, Exhibits, Good Time Eateries, Concerts, London & Scotland, lame ass strip clubs (or just one), other states, each other's homes and everyplace on the streets of NY and it was all hella' awesome (save the one stripclub). But we had great times no matter what. I love all you bitches.

Next year looks to be the same and I hope it is.

And to our M.C.:


I saiiiiddd...You are D.T.U.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Presents, Kyle... Presents

Dear Sons,

You are right: Hot Pink, Tokyo & Funny Looking Things go well together.

Dear Battler,

As usual, the plethora of love in a bag is good times. Badtz Maru is being rocked at the job today.

Dear Bughie J.,

Thank you for the copious amounts of love in brownies and new music.

Dear MC,

I love <3 redundancy. And that makes me think maybe I really do need that "Brain Boost"

Dear TD5,

Thanks. I live in the Amazonian Jungle, as you know. Hopefully I can find an 80gb Ipod hanging from a tree.

Dear SF,

It better be good and by good, it better be my MUSE Wembley Stadium Tickets for June 16th, 2007. And I realize I have no right to tell you it better be good especially after you see what I got you. Heh heh heh. I suspect you will slay me.

Dear X,

My ring looks fantabulous on my finger. I know this because right after lunch today, I looked down at my hand & had a moment.

Dear Beetchie,

My MUSElet is the best damned thing eva' and my obsession will not be ending anytime soon despite your pleading. And now you have only yourself to blame.

Dear The Cheat,

Thanks for saving my life with the T.S.C. I think I'm addicted to them. Also, the piggyh pez dispenser is now in the garbage. I the rubbish. I keed.

Dear Beat,

Thanks for the monkey pajamas. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say considering you're the only little monkey around hya (or was it quenk?); but I do know what you're trying to do but let me assure you that getting overly large PJ pants may be a good way to trip Suga'Face down the stairs but I will always have that title even if you are Suga'Babe. I cannot be replaced.

Dear HOchie 1,

Thanks for the fun times with Wii and for the sleep sack. I was kind of hoping it had ducks on it like Beat's. Please provide me with ducks.

And to all,

Everyone is welcome to come over to my room for some cold ones.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Decemberween

And Merry Christmas, Bitches!

More about the present situation later... har har.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Decemberween Eve with The Cheat

The Cheat In Front of the Decemberween Tree with present in hand

The Cheat Opens said present and look,

Why, if it isn't a The Legend of Zelda Kirby.

But wait!!

The Cheat Got Me a Present as well! What is it?! On first glance it seems to be a box of 32 Decemberween Cards.

But inside the box reveals the actual present!

That Piggyh Pez dispenser and those Tiny Size Chicklets will save my life (as HOchie 1 pointed out), much like Altoids did at College.

Thank you, The Cheat.

2006 - Fun Times With The HOchies List

The trickery I do so love to lay down on you guys! This isn't exactly the Fun Times with the HOchies 2006 list. I already did a photo post of that to you guys. No, this is really the Or 2's Best of 2006 Music, Concert and Broadway List.

Joke's on me because some of you are going to skip over this, yeah? Asshats. That's right, HOchie 1! I called you an asshat!

Anyway, of the albums I got this year and mind you, some of them weren't released this year but they were new to me, here they are and the songs that were best from them:

Death Cab for Cutie

We Got the facts and We're Voting Yes - so far disappointing and I can't even pick a song from here yet but I will listen again in the near future

Something About Airplanes - "Bend to Squares" is a fantastic song. Other than that, this album is another I'll need to listen to because so far it's boring as heck. Sorry TD5.

Transatlanticism - "Tiny Vessels", "Title and Registration"


Revelations - "Shape of Things To Come", "Moth", Wide Awake

With no tour planned for the year after the album came out, I don't know what's going with Audioslave. They had one of the worst songs this year, "Original Fire". I cringe everytime I hear it. This album, other than those three songs, is mostly forgettable and that is painful for me to say. Sweet D., you can keep him even though I still love you, T.M.

The Streets

The Hardest Way to Make An Easy Living - "Can't Con an Honest John", "The Hardest Way To Make an Easy Living", "When You Wasn't Famous". This is another not-so-great album after the golden greatness of Mike Skinner's first two.


10,000 Days - "The Pot", "Vicarious". "The Pot" is one of the greatest songs this year but Tool, why are you making me add you to the list of not-so-great overall?! Maybe if you stopped your bullshit pretentiousness, then you'd make an album that wasn't one long boring song and an extension from your last! Geez.


OK Go - "Get Over It" (Hilarious video and amazing song), "Hello My Treacherous Friends" (I like the bit about the spider children. I don't understand it but I like it as long as they're not Hobo Spiders, that is. Right X?), "1000 Miles Per Hour"

Oh No - "Oh Lately It's So Quiet", "It's a Disaster", "Maybe This Time". I took a chance on this band this year starting with this album and loved it so much that I forced them upon SF (but you know you should be thanking me, right, SF?), made enemies with Hinder and went out and bought OK Go's first. This is a really fun album and they seem to be a fun bunch of guys who are really about their fans and that's always a plus.

Thom Yorke

The Eraser - "Analyse" (One of the best songs this year!), "The Clock", "Harrowdown Hill". Thom Yorke, that loveable freak. I liked this album well enough. Oh and "The Drunk Machine" from the Harrowdown Hill EP is pretty good too.

Arctic Monkeys

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not - "Dancing Shoes", "Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong But...", "Mardy Bum", "You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me".

Okay, so I stayed away from this band realizing how hyped up they were as soon as they came out until of course, a 7 hour flight to London and a broken pair of Ipod headphones forced me to make use of Virgin Atlantic's In-Flight Entertainment Service. So, I listened and actually liked it. It's not to be taken seriously, the whole thing's about how to hook up on the dancefloor (yeah, let's say the Arctic Monkeys can write only as well as, well, Arctic Monkeys. But ah, the lyrics and music are fun so whatever) and wow, do they like long titles.

Mindless Self Indulgence

Another Mindless Rip Off - (it truly is but at $8.99 and my undying love for this band, I had to get it. They know we're idiot fans who will buy anything but we know it too so it doesn't make it better but it makes it something) "Born to be Beheaded", "Frying Pan", "What Do They Know?" remix by MSI VS. Julien-K. & Chester Bennington

Shut Me Up: The Remixes + 3

This was truly disappointing! I mean, I rushed out to buy it for MSI's cover of "Big Poppa" because if you've heard their covers of "Tom Sawyer" and "Bring The Pain", you'll agree with me that MSI can cover a song like nobody's business but ugh, I was so sad and unimpressed by "Big Poppa". It wasn't horrible but it wasn't A+ material either. It was rather boring.

Despierto Los Ninos - "Alienating my Audience", "Joke", "Wack". And these songs are examples of why I love them because they're self-loathing, fan-hating, fun time bitches.

The Legend of Zelda

From The Oracle of Ages Sdtk - "Tower of Black", "Ralph's Theme" and no, Ralph is NOT my BFF!!!!!!!

From "The Oracle of Seasons" Sdtk - "Castle of Despair"

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children

"Battle in the Forgotten City", "Beyond the Wasteland", "Sairin: Kata Tsubata No Tenshi". Yes, "One-Winged Angel" remains bad-assed even after given a rock on opera makeover.

And now for the two greatest albums all year...


Under the Iron Sea - "Nothing in My Way", "Leaving So Soon?", "A Bad Dream". Thanks to some drugs, Keane released a stellar album this year. The entire thing is amazing save maybe one song I refuse to listen to. They would have made number one on my list and heck knows they're really close to being at that spot but of course...


Black Holes & Revelations - "Map of the Problematique", "Hoodoo", "Take A Bow". I'd be a traitor if I didn't have them as the most revered. But in all honesty, had they not made an incredible album, Keane would have taken this one. Every track is great except for that damned "Knights of Cydonia" that I hate but absolutely love in concert. And "Invincible" which grew on me because it's also great in concert.

[Personal Message: Matt, I love you. Please send me tickets and VIP passes to your show at Wembley Stadium on June 16th of next year. No one got tickets for me even though I pleaded that that was the only present I wanted for Christmas. Bitches.]

But talk about another hideous album cover...

For those of you who missed receiving a copy of this c.d. from me or TD5 this year, no soon as their concert dvd comes out, you're all getting one.

Now for my list of the shows (concerts & broadway) I saw this year starting with the best and ending with the worst:

1. MUSE at Wembley Arena. "Assassin (Grand Omega Bosses Mix)" is the most bad-assed performance in concert I've ever seen and/or heard.

2. Mindless Self Indulgence (tied with below) - oh how I love Jimmy. Within two years, baby, I'll have Urine tattoed to my foot. This was my first real pit. I'm alive. Barely. If not for Beetchie and Jess, I wouldn't be posting right now.

2. Evil Dead The Musical (tied with above) - great because X got roughed up.

4. Spamalot - I like Lancelot; he likes to dancealot. And he was pretty hot.

5. MUSE @ The Hammerstein Ballroom - small venue greatness because I was close to my man and fun because now SF is hooked.

6. Franz Ferdinand @ The Hammerstein Ballroom - as my Budgie would say, "if it's free, it's for me" and then there was the Alex moment.

7. Wicked - There's nothing like a gOOd-lOOkin' flying monkey. Yes, it is possible.

8. Les Miserables - the slo'mo' death scene was hilarious even though I don't think they meant it to be. The flush was just damned lame.

9. (and now for the worst show, please view two blogs before this one) Matisyahu. That's right, MC. Matisdamnedyahu.

And this next bit is for my own purposes -

My Top 25 Most Played Ipod Playlist

At the end of 2006, here's what it looks like:

1. What Do They Know? @ 314 times played
2. Stupid MF
3. Microphone Commander
4. Map of the Problematique
5. Time is Running Out
6. Eternally Missed
7. Hysteria
8. Shut Me Up
9. Tom Sawyer
10. New Born
11. You'll Rebel To Anything (As Long As It's Not Challenging)
12. Talk To Me, Dance With Me
13. Bomb This Track
14. The Small Print
15. Thank God
16. Revenge
17. The Groove
18. 1989
19. Last Gay Song
20. Rip Off
21. Muscle Museum
22. Apocalypse Please
23. Supermassive Black Hole
24. Micro Cuts
25. Sunburn @150 times played

All MSI & MUSE except for the one Hot Hot Heat song in there. Sad. Let's see what the playlist will look like at the end of 2007.

Saturday, December 23, 2006


Been there, done that.

You other guys get to go next year so I won't say anything about it yet.

Yes, continue to hate me until that time you see it.

But here's the one thing everyone else said though:

Who knew Ana Gasteyer could sing?

"I've Been Converted!"


is what I would be saying had that blasted Matisyahu concert been any good!

In Matisyahu's defense, even though I still don't like his genre of music, I could tell he put on a good show.

You can tell from that picture, right? For some reason that picture really cracks me up.

But as I stated before, thanks to Mitch Connors, my December was ruined! RUINED!

The Lowlamps:

1. The little 15 year old, rich, gansta' wannabees with their "Ohhhh, he's playing our shit!", smoking up, & self-made drama of "fainting" but then passing it off as we "fell asleep" certainly made for a rotten evening.

2. The opening act, Mr. Lif was the worst opener I've seen all year. Or ever. I didn't think anyone would take the place of Seether but I'll be damned. So if you ever see this man and friend,

stay the fuck away.

3. Now, I understand he's a reggae-stylin', rappin' Rabbi but if your music has become mainstream, then I don't wanna hear about how your people were on the run for a long time and how you must unite. Yeah. As a Heathen, I felt discriminated against. I suppose though I've only MC to blame dragging my ass to this on the third night of Hanukkah. In NYC.

4. The waiting. 6.30 to 8. Horrible Opener then 9 to 11. Oh. the. agony.

The Highlights:

1. SF & MC. SF with the Popcorn. MC's face during the crowd surfing when he almost got killed by some kid and MC's face during the show, proving my point that we never should have been there in the first place.

2. DJ Boo.

3. The really tall kid who couldn't dance. Anyone who wants to see video footage, I will gladly show it or please reference the Seinfeld episode with Elaine's infamous dance.

4. Matisyahu the Monkey. He's very energetic and the climbing was out of control.

There he is climbing from one balcony level to the next.

Ah, climb Monkey Boy. Climb.

5. The Rocky Theme Song Sung and Mixed with Hebrew.

And just the lights:

Quotes & Memorable Moments of the Evening (and yes, they're wrong but that's because I am stoopid):

MC: I want to be up in front! Get that Jew sweat all over me!
Or 2: You know it's called Jewce, right?

Matisyahu to the crowd: Our people have been chased by communists!
Or 2: Uhhhhh, what bag am I...wearing todaaayy..uh oh. (and sure enough, I was rockin' my hammer & sickle pin). Stop judging me! It works in theory!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

In Preparation for Season 6 of 24

This post has nothing to do with Season 6 actually but it was kind of fun. Thanks to Char Kar (one of Jack Bauer's bitches) for sharing this article taken from Esquire Magazine:


Counterterrorism Expert, Los Angeles

By Nicole Ranadive and Matt Michnovetz
January 2007, Volume 147, Issue 1

Fuck diplomacy.

Actions speak louder than words. Though shouting can also be effective.

If you shoot a man's wife in the knee and he still doesn't give you the information, he's bad.

Revenge is the cruelest trick. I've seen it taken out on others, I've been victim to it, I've even done it myself. But it doesn't change anything, and it doesn't bring comfort.

Trust is the key to survival. And by trust, I mean getting out of the way and letting me do what I need to do.

The only thing harder than racing to stop a madman from releasing a deadly virus that will kill thousands of people is doing it while simultaneously trying to kick heroin.

I've been beaten, kidnapped, gassed, and shot at, but the most terrifying thing I've ever been through was facing my daughter after I made her believe I was dead.

I eat a lot of bananas. They're a good source of vitamin B and potassium. They're also easy to take on the move.

Love is a privilege.

If you have to trust someone, make it a quirky computer genius.

If I say "dammit," either something bad just happened, something bad is about to happen, or I'm going to do something drastic.

Any man can make a mistake. It's what he does to remedy that mistake that shows his character.

You better know who you are before you go undercover. If you don't, you could easily lose yourself.

Always carry at least one spare fully charged cell-phone battery.

So many times when I thought there was no more time, there was.

When interrogating a suspect, I've often found it effective to ask the question loudly and repeat it several times.

Remember, terrorists use the phone as much as we do.

In the event of a highway landing, always fasten your seat belt and return your chair and tray table to their upright and locked positions.

It's all key cards and thumb drives these days.

If the president of the United States ever orders you to shoot your boss in the head at point-blank range in cold blood, take a deep breath, ask God to forgive you, and just do it.

Without conscience, a man becomes his worst enemy.

Sometimes it's necessary to create a believable diversion, even at the risk of others thinking you're an asshole.

A cell phone can sometimes be used to activate a secondary detonator on a terrorist's explosive vest regardless of how many minutes are left on your plan.

Dead terrorists can often be effectively used as human shields. So can live ones.

Bureaucrats want results but never want to get their hands dirty.

The safety of the people I love is worth any sacrifice. Even their trust.

Some people don't deserve to die, but that's not my call.

Serbs have a different word for everything.

If you don't have a Taser gun, the wires from a lamp will deliver the current needed to shock your subject just enough to get him to give up the information you need without doing any permanent damage.

Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reasons.

You can't save everyone.

If you see me running down the street, it's probably a good idea to take cover.

Don't piss off the Chinese.

Nicole Ranadive is the staff writer of 24. Matt Michnovetz is the show's story editor.

Copyright © 2006 by the Hearst Corporation

Those are some awesome truths right there.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It's the End of Evelyn! Uh, I mean S5 of the 24 HC: 11PM to 7 AM

11 PM to 12 AM:

What's up with this crazy music in this episode? And for most of the season now that I think about it. Who composes this and why are they on drugs?

Head Count: 9.

12 AM to 1 AM:

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene. But this time...we'll excuse her. I'd probably cry to if I had 3 minutes to live.

Head Count: 6.

1 AM to 2 AM:

HOchie 1 on SofD Heller: That's the worst act of begging for forgiveness I've ever seen.

Audrey Cry Count: 2 Scenes.

Head Count: 4. WTF! Heller just killed himself?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2 AM to 3 AM:

This episode was hilarious. First there was this:

That hole has a gun!

Then there was the tasering of the asshole. Oh Chloe, how I love thee and the faces, Chloe. The faces!

Who I'd like to see dead in the near future: The little ass-kisser, Miles. Why didn't Chloe taser his ass too? I hope she gets a chance.

And who was that idiot trying to be a hero on the plane? That's right, Jack. Shut him up and put him in his place.

Head Count: 0.

3 AM to 4 AM:

So that Graham person, he better watch who he's talking to or else there might be a very unfortunate helicopter incident, the kind of incident in which he loses an arm... again.

The biggest bitch of all of Jack Bauer: C.T.U.

How long until that ass-kisser Miles gets added to the Head Count?

Head Count: 0. We have to amend the Head Count because Heller's alive apparently.

4 AM to 5 AM:

What kind of pansy slap was that Karen Hayes gave Miles? You know if Chloe had the chance to deal with Miles, he'd be number one on this Head Count.

Aaron nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Low blow, Buchanan, low blow! How dare you pull the "What would David Palmer want you to do if he were here" card?

Head Count: All of the men transporting Bierko are out so...that's about..hmmm, 6? 12.

5 AM to 6 AM:

You know I don't like when they show Aaron in the beginning recap.

There goes Jack again, trying his best to make a murderer out of an innocent little Petty Engineer Rooney.

Or 2: Who's this Morris?!
HOchie 1: Morris? Morris is a cat! Chloe's ex-husband is a cat.

Head Count: 8. Jack's too hardcore but that's what Henderson gets for killing the tri-force of BFFs. R.I.P. David Palmer, Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler.

Let me re-phrase, is this the face of man who is truly hardcore?


6 AM to 7 AM:

That face President Logan had when he saw Jack in the helicopter was classic and I didn't take a picture.

Dude, the Chinese are truly hardcore. They came in there like ninjas and took Jack Bauer out! Let the water torture begin!

Classic line of the episode: China has a long memory, Mr. Bauer.

Exactly what does THAT mean? As half-Chinese, I guess I just don't understand...

What's up with Karen and Buchanan? That was lame. They certainly are no Tony A. and Michelle. Awwwww. Poor dead Tony A. and Michelle. Damn this show!

And that reminds me - next season, I have to do the Jack Bauer "Damn It" count. It happens at least twice in every season.

Head Count: 0.

People, we started in August and watched through October (somewhere along the way, I lost HOchie 1), took a break in November and finished this day (21st) in December (HOchie 1 finished 3.5 weeks ago). That's right. 120 episodes done - 0 to go! We are READY for Season 6.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

They're Killing Me Here! And everyone else. S5: 3 PM to 11 PM - The 24 HC

3 PM to 4 PM:

Round 1: a Hobbit Vs. Jack Bauer. Let's weigh this here. I'm putting my money on the Hobbit!

Oh Vampires and their Sentox gas. I've seen THAT story a million times.

Jack, way to leave the black man on the side of the street.

Round 2: President Logan Vs. Moscow. Let's weigh this situation: the assassination of the Russian President on U.S. soil would lead to some reaaaallly pissed off Russians. I'm undecided.

I wonder if Matt watches this show... his ass is all about conspiracy theories. He probably loves this damned thing. Matt: Jack Bauer's Bitch. Or 2: Matt's Bitch. Powerful Logic - Or 2: Jack Bauer's Bitch.

Head Count: 6. Forever Knight is Forever (un)Dead.

4 PM to 5 PM:

Omicron Persei 8? It looked a lot different the last time I saw it. It didn't look so...building-ish or nice looking. Where are the Popplers?

Yeah Jack, how COULD you be so stupid? But being under the floor works out like good times!

Headcount: 6.

5 PM to 6 PM:

Tony A.! I forgot all about your ass already. You are already DTU.

Okay, so before my array of photos gets stuck in here, please notice the wonderful lamp reflection that goes along with all. That lamp needs to be added to the head count. But here we have the story of "Jack Bauer, Miriam & Her Leg and the Lamp":

Headcount: 3 + the plant that Jack kicked. We need to send a medic for not only Miriam but the plant too! Send a medic for the plant! Ahahahahaha, Lynn's drugged-up sister and her drugged-up boyfriend are DTL.L.

6 PM to 7 PM:

Ugh, how many times do I have to add that blasted Kim to the Head Count? I to believe that a cripple left Kim? A one-armed guy who had nothing going for him, left her? I never realized Chase was so smart before... Chase is my new hero.

Stupid line of the episode and it comes from Kim, of course: Don't judge him (in reference to Barry). It's okay for Barry to judge Jack but Jack can't judge? That's right, you secretly add Barry to the Head Count in the story of "Jack Bauer Gives Barry The Look of Death and The Lamp":

Who Jack would like to see dead in the near future: Barry.

I see what they're doing here. They've been trying to ween us off Tony A. all season so that when he got killed, we wouldn't notice the non-silent clock because they thought we wouldn't care! Well, I have to say it's working so far. I'll see how I feel once he goes.

Head Count: 9 including Carrie - the shortest lived anaylst on this show. Plus, poor...dead...Edgar. But you're right, HOchie 1 that was mostly funny due to Chloe's face.

I present to you, a photo post of this Head Count and the Story of "Chloe, Edgar, Sentox Nerve Gas and The Lamp" -

7 PM to 8 PM:

Jack Bauer is holding his breath. This is hilarious.

You know all those little CTU guards? Yeah, the ones running around in red? They're like the unknown people on the Away Missions who always die in Star Trek. But awww, they gave one of them a name - that's right, send Harry Swinton off to die. Good job, Harry. You will remain a hero in 24 history - first for yelling at the Hobbit with the classic line such as "So everyone is dead in CTU because you were embarrassed?" and then for being sent off to your death to save Jack Bauer's life.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, this "Hobbit Save C.T.U" Music is killing me! One ring to unite them all! Awwwww.

Head count: 3 (and about 55 dead in total in CTU). But, but...Tony A. whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...Why are you last words pansy-ish? "She's gone, Jack"? WTF. But here's the story of "Jack Bauer and His Dead BFF Yet The Tears Still Won't Come and The Lamp":

8 PM to 9 PM:

This Collette person is one scary beast.

Who I'd like to see dead in the near future: Karen Hayes, from HomeS.

Ahahaha, Jack's hiding in the back of the car again. I remember that from season 1 and just how hilarious that was. It's still hilarious.

Head Count: 0.

9 PM to 10 PM:

HOchie 1: I like this whole Audrey interrogation thing.

Audrey Cry Count: 2 Scenes.

Worst line of the season and it came from none other than Audrey: Because he wasn't you, Jack!
Apparently she's the queen of lame lines: the only thing that got me through this was that I knew you would come, Jack.

Rick Burke's getting lots of screen time this season; he's also getting a lot of talk time. I thought Rick was the silent interrogator?

Head Count: 11.

10 PM to 11 PM:

Head Count: 7. Uh, there's a bit of a disclaimer...apparently I forgot to blog about this episode as it was going on. WTF, I don't know what happened either but I did a rough count of who got killed off as Jack & Wayne took out all those people, then J.B. played sniper.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Why does my kid hate me?

It's All Lies!

I'm still telling you guys - green onions and all onions are evil. It's obvious the lettuce is being set up.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

ITunes: Some The Times Useless

Can someone explain to me why I can access the ITunes Music Store in various countries, preview songs from these countries but unless I can show proof of residency in said countries, I am unauthorized to make any foreign purchases?

And then to add insult to injury, they tell me that they're gonna re-direct me to the U.S. Store. Needless to say..., Steve Job's getting an angry e-mail soon.


68,000 tickets sold in 35 minutes and I don't have one.


A quiz ... and some revelations about The Hochies, MC, X , SF, J, Beetchie and Battler

Here's the thing, we're going to fill this out first then anyone who'd like to respond - copy and paste your answers in a comment. Remember, in the second part your answers should be in response to how you feel about us. Whoever responds, we'll do the same for you. You know you guys want to.

This quiz is not our own and was pilfered from sources we'd rather not disclose.

1.Your Full Name: HOchie 1 & Or 2.
2. Age: 13 & 62
3. Single or Taken: Taken but you know, I am my own Ho; Taken (Matt will find out soon enough) and I am also my own Ho.
4. Favorite Movie: Labyrinth; The Nightmare Before Christmas
5. Favorite Song: If God Will Send His Angels" by U2; This is hard for me so I'll go with two current - "Map of the Problematique" by MUSE & "What Do They Know?" by MSI
6. Favorite Band/Artist: U2; MUSE
7. Dirty or Clean: Half Dirty/Half Clean - depends on how you look at me; Dirty because dirt don't hurt.
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: None (my dad would have killed me); one piercing in the upper right ear portion and I live
9. Worst Habit: not exercising enough; not eating enough pork

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of the blog community? Yes
2. What's your philosophy on life? "Only the good die young"; "Bacon"
3. Negative or Optimistic? Negative; Realistic or is that I just don't care enough?
4. What was your dream growing up? To be a singer; I'm still growing up and I still have dreams
5. Worst thing ever happen to you? Those stupid assholes. x2.
6. Would you kiss me? Ew. You're my sister! x2.
7. Tell me one weird fact about you: I can sleep with my eyes open; I have really violent dreams, why just last night I dreamt I had been feasting on human flesh for years and only reconsidered my actions when I got a bad piece of finger. It tasted nasty.
8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down? I would have your assback AND kick you when you're down. It depends on my mood; Thanks, HOchie 1. Thanks. I'd have your back whenever it worked out for me.
9. Do you Trust me? Yes; Yes
10. Have you ever kept anything from me? Yes; Yes
11. What do you think of me as a Person? I think you da bomb; You're a Kitty.
12. Do you think I'm sane or insane? I think you're sane; I think you're sane.
13. Would you cry for me if I died? I would lay down and die myself but that was before Beat; I would follow you into the dark.
14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? I would be your partner in crime then be your conscience AFTER; I would be your crime partner then let you deal with the consequences
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? Yes, I would make you more ambitious so you could make me more money; No. Biatch.
16. How do you fall asleep? On my left side; on my left side thanks to my piercing.
17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call? Both; I never yell.
18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up? Yeah, totally; Yeah. As long as it's no emo kids. I am not Emo.
19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie? Honest because I'd want you to do lots of things before you die. I would want you to go to England just in time to get there and die. You wouldn't find Matt but at least you'd be there where he is unless he's doing a concert in Seattle; I would be honest so we can go do stuff like burn bridges.
20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it? I would take it in a suitcase to my workplace, curse out all those bitches, leave then go on vacation; I would invest to make more millions THEN I would curse everyone out and go on vaction.
21. What is your worst fear? That Or 2 would die before me; that HOchie 1 would die before me.
22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? It used to be reading but now I'm illiterate thanks to Baby B.; play vgames
23. How many times did u curse at me while filling out this thing? Twice; four times
24. Can you sing or dance? Yes and yes; I can do something like both.
25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest.... Suga'Face; Hilarical

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Conversations at the Mall

"My feet hurt. My uterus hurts. Everything hurts." - woman to her boyfriend.

"You are never wearing these shoes to the mall again!" - Mother, as she picked up her daughter's shoe.
"But why? They're so crrraaaaaazzzzzzzyyyyy!!!" - little girl in stroller, showing her mom the pink dazzly shoe.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

June 17th, 2007

I cannot believe MUSE sold out their June 16th show at Wembley Stadium and within the 4 hours (probably less because that's a rough estimate on my part) of it being sold out, because of the high demand they added a 2nd night - also on its way to being sold out. My boys are killing me here. I'm just going to go cry now...

Friday, December 08, 2006

Am I Surprised? Not Really.

Let the record show that I've been an advocate for the death of onions, onion family vegetables including the green onion or scallion and California since the day I was born:

First lawsuit filed in E.coli outbreak

Officials believe they may have found the source

Eyewitness News
(New Hyde Park - WABC, December 7, 2006) - The first lawsuit in the wake of this week's E.coli outbreak was filed Thursday.

They say the contamination may have come from an onion grower in California, with scallions sprinkled on top of food at Taco Bell infecting customers.
A family on Long Island filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell for millions of dollars Thursday after an 11-year old boy got sick after eating at a restaurant.

copyright 2006 WABC - TV

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Guess What?

Season 5 of 24 Starts NOW. Ahahahahahahahaha.

Let's call this season the "I Hate All Of You Writers On This Show For Killing Almost Everyone I Love Off!!!!"

7 AM to 8 AM:


no words can describe the grief I feel right now for the DP.

WTF is up with taking the black man down not even 3 minutes into the show?! =(

HOchie 1: What is this hat Jack is wearing? It's looking ridiculous.

Wait, wait, wait...who's this kid Chloe's with? This isn't THE Andrew!

HOchie 1: Who knew that Chloe had a body on her. She lOOkin' pretty good.

Awwwww, Jack's BFF is dead and he's crying! He must have really felt that one.

We're posing as "Frank" now? Frank what? Black? Har Har.

Crap! Damned Smallville is new today and I can't continue watching 24! I'll continue tomorrow when it's Y&M&B&J.

Ok, I'm back but Michelle, not so much...not so much. Poor dead Michelle and poor soon to be dead Tony A. This show is cruel.

Do I want to do an Audrey Cry Count this season? Hmmm, why not I guess.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes.

Head Count: 5. Damn, Jack killed that guy's ass like nobody's business. That ass, he deserved it. Out of respect, let us take a moment to remember The DP:

DP, you were the best but who's going to sell us car insurance now?

And Michelle, just the way we'd all like to remember her:

8 AM to 9 AM:

Ah, look how they blame Jack for everything. You know Jack is going to kill some asses for being set up as the murderer of his BFFs.

Oh no! They're going to bring Chloe back to CTU to interrogate her! But it's okay, as long as Jack doesn't do it, you'll live.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes but she's definitely gotten close to tears.

Head Count: 4 or 5. 3 for sure. I don't know how many people got blown up in that one scene...

9 AM to 10 AM:

And once again, Chloe makes an ass out of someone by being so damned blunt and awesome.

Ewwww! He didn't wash his hands after using the urinal, I wouldn't take the security entry card from him and then put it in my mouth. Wow, Mrs. Logan is really crazier than I thought.

Umm, is that Geraint Wyn Davies looking all old and scary? I thought vampires didn't age!

Audrey Cry Count: O Scenes. Perhaps I should change this to the Mike cry count. Audrey's being a little hardcore this season.

Head Count: 2 and if that ugly Ryder Strong dies, he'll have only himself to blame.

10 AM to 11 AM:

Quote of this episode: Mr. President, you are not responsible for the actions of these murderers.

Or 2: No, but I (Walt) am.

And why look, if it isn't the Hobbit, Samwise. And his name is Lynn. Ooooooo, asshole is trying to out Buchanan. Oooooo.

Hobbits save lives.

Head Count: 12.

11 AM to 12 PM:

HOchie 1: Jack Bauer just collects bitches wherever he goes.

Ok that was the worst death on this show - the way that Jack stabbed those scissors

Did Audrey forget that Jack killed her husband? I guess 18 months is enough to heal the heart.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene.

Head Count: 1 rat, 2

12 PM to 1 PM:

Oooooo, Aaron's on to Walt. Aaron is apparently another of Jack Bauer's bitches.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene

Head Count: 1. I should go ahead and Walt on the headcount too because once Jack finds out Walt was responsible for the DP's death, Walt can consider his ass grass. Ok, that was the most hardcore act of interrogation Jack laid down ever. I really wanted to see Walt's eyes go though...damn.

1 PM to 2 PM:

Who Mike would like to see dead in the near future: Mrs. Logan.

You know, as ugly as that Ryder Strong look a-like, he's a better child for Jack than Kim will ever be. Ugh, do we really have to see her useless ass again?

Headcount: 5. Awwww, Walt offed himself. I was hoping Jack would get his retribution. Yeesh, how many times do we have to play the woman scorned card? It was a twist this time but the result is always the same. I can write this damned show now.

2 PM to 3 PM:

Headcount: 22. Jack Bauer would save Baby A and Baby B, Suga'Face not so much.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Unspecified Medical Condition My ***

I hate ridiculous stories like this.

Just call it what is please. We all do it.

The UMC is called GAS.

Update: This is the kind of intelligent woman that Nashville, Tenn. produces. Does anyone really want to move there? =)

- Dr. Hochie 1

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Memorable Quotes I Failed To Mentioned For The Past Two Weeks

"You'll always be close to my heart. Or 2 Supports Me." - X on 2006-05-12

GChat Away Messages:

MC's: Swine is a Filthy Animal.
Or 2's: MC is a Filthy Animal.
X's: Therefore MC is a Swine.

Ah, the power of logic...

And speaking of logic -
Remember the chuckles? Yes. I remember when MC sent us this brilliant display at genius mathetical problem solving. And I remembered it again two weeks ago after a scenario went down, a like so:

During our visit to the Bodies Exhibit (which by the way was good yet verrrry shady) :

"TD5, can you come help me out for a second?" - MC
"What's up?" - TD5
"I can't find it." - MC
"Find what?" - TD5
"I don't understand it...I can't find it." - MC
"Well, here's the digestive tract and nutrients go where they need to go and waste is excreeted from here." - TD5
"I still don't understand. I can't find it. I'm seeing a lot of holes. Where's the asshole?" - MC
"..." - TD5
Bounce in "I see it. There it is!" - Or 2. Bounce out.
"It's so...small." - MC.

At which point, TD5 walks off.

When relating this fantastic story of MC and the Asshole to X, her comment was: Doesn't MC wipe his own ass?! What does he mean 'small'?!

Monday, December 04, 2006

June 16th, 2007

MUSE held a press conference today and announced a show at Wembley Stadium for 06/16/07. It's going to be huge! So here's the plan (because you all so love hearing my MUSE related banter and plans):

The concert's a Saturday. So we fly to London on Friday night, go for Dim Sum when we get in Saturday morning, visit the Aquarium near Big Ben for 2 hours, fancy up ourselves for the concert, then head to Wembley STADIUM via the Bakerloo Line, see the greatest band in the world at WS (but not really see anything other than what we can make out on the screens because we're talking massive space), and then fly to Japan for 2 weeks!

I will now edit and add to my "Christmas wishlist" to include:

3. Tickets to the Wembley Stadium Show. They go on sale at 9 AM London time this Saturday (12/09/06), so that's 4 AM for NY.

And now I wait for the (and to use an SF term - hopefully I'm using it correctly) lambasting to begin but honestly, before tearing me a new one, my friends...think about it. Think about it...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

My Christmas Un-WishList

I happened upon a very disturbing blog last night. I couldn't believe my eyes - that bitch wrote up a wishlist. I have a problem with writing up a wishlist. Maybe it's just me and because I know her but how much of a bitch do you have to be to put up a wishlist on your blog, online for the public to see? Well alright, maybe her friends asked her to do so but when I read what she wanted... my word. Her list was high maintenance and demanding. I'm sorry, but if your ass wants an upgraded electronic item then you should go out and buy it your damned self since your original is working just fine.

Anyway, so in response to the atrocity I read, I've decided to create the Un-WishList of my own.

1. I don't want 'trendy and overly expensive' coats and sweaters.
2. I don't want an entirely new 130 dollar gaming system JUST because it's pink and been slightly upgraded.
3. I don't want ridiculously priced perfume that's only what it is due to brand name.
4. I don't want gift certificates to lame ass, trendy stores for hoochies when I know their clothes aren't going to fit me properly nor should I be trying to rock such obscene gear.

Yes, I am a bitch but you guys already know that. But because you assclowns love me, I'll put a wishlist of my own here:

1. SF, get me Fergie and I will destroy you. The same goes for Gwen. Don't forget what I told you. Remember what I said - you give any of those to me for Christmas and I will give you video footage of my destroying them for YOUR Christmas gift. I love you too, SF. I love you too.

2. Matt.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

DRV Ruins Broadway Shows...

Never mind that I have only seen and heard her in one Broadway show but I cannot believe that the cur that is Daphne Rubin-Vega could be good in any show. That woman almost got a bottle in her head from me because I could not believe that after waiting more than a decade to see Les Miserables and to hear "I dreamed a Dream" and "Come To Me" that the moment came down to a raspy, flat belting out and a bastardization of the two greatest Broadway songs eva'.


I so did not pay 118USD to hear such crap.

The only reason that I did not write this off as a total loss is because DRV/Fantine died quickly and that Jean Valjean and Javert were just terrific. DRV sucks. A disgrace to Panama and to all other people on Broadway who can actually sing. Eponine and Little Cosette included. Imagine, even Little Cosette outsang you and moved me to almost crying with her "Castle in the Clouds". I just wanted you to die.

I getting vex again. This post is DONE.

TD5, I don't want to hear about how she was not that bad and don't forget, if I get any DRV stuff, it is getting sent back to you ... in pieces! - H1, angried up.

Quote of the day:

H1: I am woman.
Giant Kitty: Hear me roar. I mean, hear you roar.

Hot Hot Heat

This post is in honour of X.

X at the bus stop:

"Oh my god! A pigeon was trying to get away from a car and flew straight into me!"

X on coconuts:

"I wanted one jelly nut and he brought me 10 water nuts! So I threw a tantrum for 4 hours and kicked his shoes down the hallway, then kicked them back up the hallway!"

X 'on fire' (and hence name of this blog post):

"I always think I'm hotter than I really am."

Friday, December 01, 2006

"I Bitch-Slapped Death With My One Good Hand"

It's true...Ash did it. And all 8 of us saw it and loved it!

Evil Dead The Musical was greatness. It was cheesey, brilliant and bloody. Oh the blood! It was everywhere and on everyone! At least it was on everyone in the first three rows and wouldn't you know it? Or 2, Giant Kitty, TD5, X, Beetchie, Marie, Jess, & Battler were FRONT and CENTER.

The highlights of the evening all involved X. Beetchie and X got grabbed by Cheryl but did Beetchie and X save poor Cheryl when she was being dragged away by evil trees?! No.

And then came the Splatter Zone along with that blood I was mentioning before. I don't think anyone in our group saw that scene of gore because we were all too busy covering our faces and protecting our bodies from the blood.

And again, Cheryl, now zombiefied, grabbed X and riiiiippped her poncho all the way down and apart! Protection from the blood for X was gone! But X, being a Dr. and all, improvised and bunched the poncho in front, bent foward and covered her body. Triumph was X's...front but not so much the back. It was brilliant when the blood rolled off her back and unto her ass. And it was even more brilliant when she had to walk the streets of NYC with it too.

Classic songs and lines and of the evening -

"Death's a bitch...a stupid bitch." - Scott.

"What The Fuck Was That?"

I even got my picture taken with Ash for 10 bucks. That Ash is kind of cute even if he is Canadian...

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