Wednesday, May 16, 2007

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late

Under constant correction,
A fraud,
A fraud,
Someone's perception, trying not to bore
I'm a cold-hearted kidda,
If you're the highest bidder, I'm yours

You figure out pathetic sets
And We're not sure of the etiquette
We think out pathetic sets
We're not sure of the etiquette

And if you found this it's probably too late
Clinically cynical, hereditary hate...

...If we concentrate on being off the cuff
Not sure we're ready but probably rough
Frightened that honesty isn't enough
And it's nothing on the early stuff

- "If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late" by Arctic Monkeys

My Love-Hate relationship with Arctic Monkeys has ended.

Those assholes may have killed at least two Ipods that I know of (one being mine), and I may have slightly flamed them in the past by saying they were not to be taken too seriously but 7 months ago I was CLEARLY "fuckin' mental" (said in my best Yorkshire/Sheffield (?) accent). And highly unstable.

This band has fast become one of my favourites. I retract any ill I may have spoken of them in the past.

"Tonight there'll be some love. Tonight there'll be some rawkus regardless of what's come before."

And goddamn it, do we love those Ukkers.

And when my cutie Alex Turner says "don't believe the hype", I think I partially understand why...

May 15th, 2007

I'm sitting here trying to write a really fantastic blog entry about events on the above mentioned date but I really don't know how to begin addressing the topic at hand.

I could start by saying that my dilemma may be partially due to the fact that I'm really quite tired and beaten up. I'm in so much pain that I may have to take another pain killer in the morning.

H1's full of bruises from being the bad-ass that H1 only knows how to be by fighting betches off me left, back and right.

I'm hurting from fighting off betches off me from the left, front and right of me.

My neck aches from taking video footage. Why and how is that possible? Straining to see your camera screen above a crowd of jumping, moshing crazies as you hold it high above your head is tough work.

It also didn't help that my head was going back and forth from dancing (no, no dutty whiplash) and continues to do so even though I'm now 24 hours out of the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Our feet ache from standing way too long (which is a bitch when the opening act is Be Your Own Pet and they're so ass that even the Vibe magazine bought to pacify Frass becomes not only his saviour but yours as well. One long song disguised as nine is just god awful especially when your lead 'singer' is a female who cannot dance and H1 phrased it best when she said, "If Pulp Fiction didn't come out, this bitch wouldn't know what to do. She thinks she's Uma Thurman." And to answer your question, H1 - be thankful for small mercies that her hair was in her face the whole time because apparently trolls abound these days), jumping around to music you just can't help but jump around to and then racing along subway platforms to catch an 11.10 p.m. train home.

Another thing I can talk about is the fact that I had to elbow some asshole child who insisted I put my arms down because they were digging into her back. Well, asshole child, if you didn't push me out of my spot, or if you didn't actually take up someone's spot on the dancefloor by disregarding your mezzanine ticket purchases, then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?

Or how about the time I cut up the kids with X's Christmas present? Ah, we knew that ring would really be put to good use one day.

All that sounds awfully violent and should all be included in this blog but you'd swear we had a horrid night, yeah?


Arctic Monkeys gave us one of the best concert experiences eva'!

Arctic Monkeys 05/15/07 @ Hammerstein Ballroom "Favourite Worst Nightmare" Tour Set List:

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late
Still Take You Home
Dancing Shoes
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Teddy Picker
You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me
D is For Dangerous
I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
This House Is A Circus
If You Were There, Beware
From The Ritz to the Rubble
Old Yellow Bricks
Fluorescent Adolescence
Do Me A Favour
The View From The Afternoon
When The Sun Goes Down
Leave Before The Lights Come On
A Certain Romance

(note - they played all these songs but in between 'Dancing Shoes' and 'The View From the Afternoon', the actual order may be slightly off) - (Oh yeah, and notice there was no need for a Chicken Bone incident. Phew. I really didn't want to see H1 attack my boy and his nose)

Grievances of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet

2. All the Asshole Kids Mentioned Before

3. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far back to see Arctic Monkeys in all their glory playing their set. I'm really bummed I didn't get to see Matthew tear it up on drums.

4. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far to take any good pictures of the band due to their dark stage lighting. Damn it!

5. Not having Beetchie there to tear up the pit.

6. Having time fly by so quickly once our boys took the stage because of the fun, and fast-paced, great times of their performance.

7. My Hammer and Sickle pin got tossed off my bag and is now doing one of three things - a. floating around in Hammerstein Ballroom Hell lost forever, b. stuck under someone's shoe and then lost somewhere on 34th street and beyond or c. was stolen by one of the asshole kids who's blogging about it right now.

WTF Moments of the Night:

1. The Opening Act: Be Your Own Pet with special mention to that asshole Max, was it? The shirtless ass who did nothing but act a fool on stage. He's the kind of guy who's the '4th' useless member of the band. The one who has no talent so he sits around sucking the life out of the real members, who also happen to have no talent. Bad Combination + Bad Combination = Be Your Own Pet. I'll give small props to their drummer though. He actually worked.

2. No "Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"? WTF, Arctic Monkeys?! That's just wrong. I can almost forgive you boys for no "Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But..." too. Almost.

3. "Fake Tales of San Francisco"?! Ugh. Okay, so it was good in concert and singing "I don't want to hear you, kick me out" was pretty fun but still.

4. Finding out AFTER the concert that I could adjust my ISO on the camera to enhance the camera's ability to take better quality pictures when conditions make for poorly lit areas. That's more a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck' moment, really.

Fun Times of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet's guitarist's incident with the floor. When he tried to crowd surf and he hit the ground because they refused to hold him, THAT was the most single hilarious thing.

2. The fact that H1 was with me for this. It's been a while since we've been to a concert together. Goo'd times.

3. The insanity of the crowd during "Brianstorm".

4. The bassist, Nick O' Malley who actually didn't lose weight but is kind of an entirely different person. Heh Heh.

5. Jamie Cook(ie). Ah, the Cookie.

6. Matthew Helders. My favourite drummer and backing vocalist!

7. Trying to decipher Alex's accent. The fact that he spoke to us so much was fun too. "Boring, Boring. Yawn. Yawn." , "You've been very kind to us. Very kind." and "I'm very fond of New York" were all some of the cute quotes I could actually understand.
Did we mention we're in love with that clever little boy? Stop judging! 21's legal last I checked.

8. Alex's dancing.

9. And of course, Alex Turner himself. The brilliant lyricist with vocals unique. He really is just too damned adorable a boy, that. Annnnnddd I got no good pictures of him (and I really, really tried). Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck!

...about that hype: Disregard all the accolade you hear through the media. Listen for yourself because they're making music for themselves, for us and not the Vampires.

And like The HOchieS, you'll probably discover one of the most fantastic fuckin' bands to date.

I partially understand the statement because I'm sorry Arctic Monkeys, there is no unwarranted hype.

Currently listening to: All 53 songs (on random) I have belonging to them and ending this entry with "If You Were There, Beware" by Arctic Monkeys.

And stupidly bopping my head making my neck continue its ballistic insane pain.

Memorable Quotes of the Night:

"Akon Alert!" - H1, on Concert Security hitting on the 15 year olds.

"X is an ass." - Or 2, on X thinking she's too 'old' to be at this concert.


  1. I know! We missed you terribly. Frass, being the Frass that he is, didn't prepare like I told him to so he didn't love it.

    Next time they come back to NY, you HAVE to come!

  2. Seriously TD5, those young fellas rocked it. And the moshing was fun. You HAVE to see them in concert if only to hear Dancing Shoes and Old Yellow Bricks.

    - H1

  3. I actually thought that it was so sad that they didnt play mardy bum or who the fuck, but yes i was also lamenting the absence of red light indicates doors are secure and perhaps vampires is a bit strong.
    If it were up to me they'd stay all night and play every song they know how to play until dawn, then start again the next night. now THAT would be amazing

  4. That, i agree, is a fantastic idea on your part.

    If only I could see them at Malahide... Wonder if they will keep the same setlist for their European tour.


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