Friday, June 29, 2007

For When X Wakes Up Tomorrow Morning

Don't forget, the moon is grey not blue and 3 pints of beer makes for a drunk X!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The HOchies love a good Peep Show.

You should too.

click here for the Peep Show...

Sort it out.

- H1

Seriously, How Could Anyone Not Lov' Alex Turner?

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Sad Times, Kobayashi, Sad Times

Jaw-Dropping News: Hot Dog Champ No-Show for July 4 Event?

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's like Tiger Woods tearing his rotator cuff, or LeBron James blowing out his knee. Takeru Kobayashi, the six-time defending Nathan's hot dog eating champion, received a chilling diagnosis that could end his Fourth of July roll:


The Japanese eating machine's complaint of an achy jaw set stomachs rumbling throughout the dog-eat-dog world of competitive eating in the days before the annual Independence Day chowdown.

On his blog earlier this week, the 29-year-old said a mouthful with the news that he was visiting a specialist and a chiropractor for relief of the bum jaw. "Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit,'' he wrote.

Word of the champ's woes spread quickly from Kyoto to Coney Island.

Some believe his mandible misery is a ploy to unnerve his bun-swallowing bete noir, Joey Chestnut, who recently broke Kobayashi's world record by downing 59 dogs in 12 minutes. Others suggest it's a dodge to avoid Chestnut.

Or maybe it's true: a half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has left Kobayashi's overworked jaw in an upright and locked position.

Kobayashi was keeping his mouth shut Thursday, although he issued a written statement promising to ``aggressively pursue treatment for my condition ... I intend to do everything I can to treat this condition in what little time I have.''

"I look forward to facing my fellow competitors on July 4,'' he said Thursday, although there was no guarantee that would happen.

A weak jaw won't cut the mustard in a competition where the winner will likely need to down more than 50 hot dogs and buns. During his six years as champion, the 165-pound Kobayashi has consumed 301 hot dogs -- a string of performances that made him the Michael Jordan of mass consumption.

His personal best was 53 last year. Chestnut, who smashed that mark June 2 in Phoenix, was among those perplexed by Kobayashi's reported condition.

"I hate to call anybody a coward, and I wouldn't call him that,'' said Chestnut, 23, from his San Jose, Calif., home. ``But I don't know. He's shown up the six previous years. It's a strange coincidence, now that he's the underdog.''

No less an expert than Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, on his ESPN show "Pardon The Interruption,'' suggested Kobayashi was trying to lull Chestnut into a false sense of gluttony.

"I think he's playing possum,'' Kornheiser said of the defending champion.

Chestnut, despite his skepticism, acknowledged Kobayashi might have strained his jaw while training (gorging?) for the event -- similiar to a pitcher throwing out his arm. "Your jaw and the muscles in your esophagus are the first to get sore,'' he explained, providing a little too much information.

The Japanese have recently dominated the annual event, which started on Brooklyn's beachfront in 1916. The only American winner since 1996 was New Jersey's Steve Keiner in 1999; two years later, Kobayashi -- whose voracious appetite earned him the nickname "Tsunami'' -- launched his belly busting reign.

Kobayashi plans to appear in Coney Island for Wednesday's event even if he can't compete, said Rich Shea, one of the founders of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (and inventor of the term jaw-thritis).

At the very least, Shea hoped, Kobayashi would present this year's winner with the mustard yellow belt emblematic of eating excellence.

"I think, like all great champions, Kobayashi doesn't want to shy away from competition,'' said Shea. "But I don't want to put words in his mouth. And if I did, they'd have to be monosyllabic -- not too much for him to swallow.''

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

I hate these assholes who are raggin' on Kobayashi. They're idiots, all of them.

Sad Times, Dummy, Sad Times

Westchester Chopper Gets Too Close, Dummy in Life Jacket Sinks

Posted: Thursday, 28 June 2007 1:07PM

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. (AP) -- The brand new rescue boat worked fine, but the dummy drowned.

Westchester County's police department staged a rescue drill Wednesday in a harbor off Long Island Sound. It was the debut of Marine 4, the department's $200,000, 27-foot patrol boat. County Executive Andrew Spano was aboard, and a cluster of reporters observed from a second boat.

The idea was to put a dummy into a life jacket, drop the dummy into the harbor, have the chopper pilot spot the dummy and transmit its location -- using global positioning technology -- to the boat crew.

However, the wash from the helicopter's rotor pushed the dummy out of its life jacket and the flesh-colored mannequin quickly sank.

Only the life jacket was recovered.

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Maybe Jeebus knows but ...

I don't understand why I have bad concerts in between my good ones.

Not that I think the Fratellis will be God-awful but Switches will be.

Quote: "I think I'm coming down with love." WTF?!


And then there was the Bon Jovi incident.

Save me Jeebus.

An epiphany y'all...

Mal = Bad

Malaysian = Bad Asian?

The "y" is in there because they may not only be bad asians, they cannot spell.

Beetchie, don't be sensitive. You know how we lurve you.


Monday, June 25, 2007

Dear TD5:

We do not believe that you need to make a trip to Jerusalem in March of 2008. Have you forgotten that we already found Jesus? Remember? He was hiding behind the couch.


The HOchieS, who would like you to come to NYC instead to find the Arctic Monkeys and MUSE.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

How Are You Doing, Wembley? It Looks Like You're Having Fun, We Are!" - Dom

Y & M & M @ WS:

We came to London with a purpose and that was to be a part of history.

My boys, after a very long career of ups and down, four studio albums and acquiring the title of being one of the best live acts around, have made it.

They finally made it to a venue that could actually house and do justice to their sound and energy.

Wembley Stadium

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Fucking Beautiful.

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From their stage entrance (and everything in between including huge, searching-the-night-and-the-crowd satellites; thousands of lights; brilliant stage set up; giant crowd-surfing balloons filled with confetti we've come to know and love; and acrobats) to their farewell, everything MUSE did was phenomenal. Sure it seemed a little cheesey sometimes and always over the top but MUSE are incapable of doing anything on a small scale.

All other concerts of theirs before this (that I've been to) have paled in comparison simply because like I said, nothing could contain their greatness and it'd finally take a newly built Wembley Stadium to even begin doing it proper. And even then, Wembley needed two nights to pack it all in. I'm fairly certain those boys could sell out many more nights @ 75,000 + people per show had they added them.

As Matt said, they were finally ready for this.

The eerie anticipation was dispelled by confetti raining down on WS as MUSE came up from the center of it, masked by a confusion of white for just a moment until those red, green and grey clothes became visible to us.

The cat walk was a little lengthy but at the end of it, the boys took their instruments and began belting out KofC.

They kept the excitement going strong with the real greatness for us starting up with the "R&B" track Dom liked to call it.

"R&B?", H1 questioned.

"It's Supermassive!", I screamed and sure enough, they did not disappoint. The dancing robots filled the screens and my favourite stripper song started blasting from Dom's kit, Chris' bass and Matt's guitar.

Yeah, I know. R&B. Forgive Dom. He's a joker.

The song that sold them for H1 (you know, she dislikes MUSE for the most part but I think she's now been converted some, to the point she's considering going to see them at MSG in August) was their performance of "Map of the Problematique".

It was indeed well worth standing there for the 5 hours before MUSE took the stage. That already killer track (possibly one of MUSE's greatest) took on a whole new life. TD5, it was at this point that I started cursing you under my breath every 2 seconds as opposed to the 50 minutes intervals I was doing before.

Matt, being a lover of the Rage Against the Machine, metted out some good ol' Tom Morello riffs. They were so well done and they were songs that aren't as well-known RATM pieces that H1 has now taken to calling my boy an elitist. It's true. I really hope that what Matt has said is true and that a Rage/Muse show will go down. It better be in NY though but something tells me it's going to be Cali. and I'm going to be really pissed off.

I could rant about all the other tracks during the first part but here are the highlights and lowlamps -

H1 got "City of Delusion" and I got "Butterflies and Hurricanes". Stop laughing H1. Stop laughing. I like B&H.

The megaphone got tossed again! Ahaha. That slays me everytime.

Sunburn! Do you hear me?! Sunburn! "From our very first album, our very first song." Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. The boys do love me...

...but not so much when they dedicated "Starlight" to the fans as they hoped that they could see them in the back. Okay, I'll admit it. I was clapping and singing right along. It's kind of hard not to.

Once again, they tried to get me to tear and have a meltdown. "Citizen Erased" was played but then those bitches went straight into Hoodoo. Two of my personal tear jerker songs in a row?! They were trying to kill me!

And oo, we got that new MUSE track that came out while I was in England. It's one of the funkiest things I've heard in a while... You know, in the 3 weeks I stopped listening to Arctic Monkeys. It was well played in concert though. Well. Played.

Encore 1 began as an acoustic set with the thousands of fans willingly holding up their lit mobiles in unity at Dom's request.

I finally got to hear "Blackout" and it was then the floating acrobats drifted among the thousands of people in the pit. Again, Matt was trying to make me cry but succeeded in not doing so because H1 and I were confused by the acrobats.

It was a good thing that happened too because "Unintended" had me really cheesed out.

The lowlamp - "Plug In Baby". The opening riff is always great but um, yeah. I still dislike that song for the most part. I know. I'm a MUSE fan that slightly dislikes "Plug In Baby". Stop judging me, you assholes.

They like to tease me, my boys. Well, not really. I knew they'd be back but oh my god I didn't expect what came next...

...Encore 2 began with one of my favourite damned songs ever. It's probably the song I really fell in love with Matthew for and while most ::cough:: H1 ::cough:: may find his falsetto sometimes grating, "Micro Cuts" just wins it for me. There's something about destroying the puppet strings to my soul that does it for me. I love my Banshee.

Before we knew it, the night was almost done. Well, that's not entirely true. I actually couldn't believe after that extra long performance of "Stockholm Syndrome" that they were actually doing to do another song but once "Take A Bow" came on, we knew for sure that was it.

I saw my man bow and 3 minutes later it was over. Just like that, we were filing out of the stadium with his words ringing harsh in my heart "see you tomorrow!". No Matt. I wasn't going to but you had to rub it in, yeah?


It's alright. I'll be all over you, Dom and Chris on August 6th for probably the last time at a concert until you grace us with your next new collection of songs.

The Brilliant 06/16/2007 MUSE, the first artists to sell out (the new) WEMBLEY "FUCKING" STADIUM Set List:

1. Knights of Cydonia
2. Hysteria
3. Supermassive Blackhole
4. Map of the Problematique ~ Maggie's Farm riff (RATM)
5. City of Delusion
6. Butterflies and Hurricanes
7. Citizen Erased
8. Hoodoo
9. Feeling Good
10. piano interlude + Sunburn
11. Invincible
12. Starlight
13. Time is Running Out
14. Man of Mystery
15. New Born + Microphone Fiend riff (RATM) + Ashamed outro

Encore 1:

16. Soldier's Poem (acoustic guitar)
17. Unintended
18. Blackout
19. Plug In Baby

Encore 2:

20. Micro Cuts
21. riff + Stockholm Syndrome + riff
22. Take A Bow

Finally, (and whoever actually had the patience to read through this which I'm sure is not a lot of you, indulge me one last swoon) I must say that one of the most memorable moments of the night for me was seeing the smiles on their faces. Those little smiles beamed of relief, pure excitement and the feelings of being on top of the world.

And seeing those smiles made me genuinely, and happily content and had me beaming back in adoration.

This is what I consider my most expensive concert considering transportation costs but oh was it worth it.

I've no regrets.

*This is the blog in photos, since I'm sure none of you got through any of this though I didn't expect you to. But you know, who am I kidding? I'm posting these pics for myself! Har Har!:

Confetti filled fun-time entrance!

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Walking the Catwalk. They're too cute and it's just hilarious to me:

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"Look! Look! He's strutting!" - H1
"Yeah. Because he can." - Or 2

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One of my own pics. My lot's not very good because even though I think we had fairly decent seats, it was still far back as all heck but notice... A little obscene there, yeah Matt baby?

The traditional HOchie blog post would include the following -

The WTF Moments of the Night

1. Alright. Again, no fookin' "Muscle Museum". But AT LEAST, I finally got some justice and would consider our set list better than Sunday's. Thank goodness. I mean, I would have liked to hear "Apocalypse Please" but it's okay that those bastards at Sunday's show got it.

2. I finally get to hear "Blackout" and right when the most beautifully sung portion of the song comes on, Matt's fookin' mic. gives out for the 6 seconds I need it most! WTF!!!!!

3. I've seen Matt wear better outfits. By the way Frass, he did a costume change. But anyway, back to the better outfits. It is thus far, their biggest gig and he comes out in this red suit? Granted I still found it very hot especially the silk lining and the red shoes but come now, the 'cape' at the arena was better lookin'. And then out came the white pants... ah, who am I kidding. I loved it but only on Matt! This is not an invitation for the rest of you to start going about in my line of vision all white pant-ed!

Currently listening to: "Space Dementia" by MUSE. A song I'm still waiting to hear in concert. Here's hoping for it at Y&M&M@MSG!!!!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

The HOchies Muck About in England!

That's right, we're not adults but louts. At least I am but I think H1 would disagree on that assessment of her character.

She's more like Terry.

Law-abiding and all.

All legal.

4.5 days after the Tokyo-Ho trip, H1 and I jetted off to London for basically 2 days.

I was very much destroyed at that point but what did I care?! I was off to London with a purpose!

And that was to have H1 enjoy the best In-Flight Entertainment ever!

Perhaps that's not the only reason why but goddamn does that airline keep proving to be the most fabulous ever. More on Virgin-A later. Before I forget, I'm sorry Pandy but we did not ask the flight attendants if "all of allyuh is virgin?".

We fled the office at 2 PM on Thursday, June 14th only to get a car driver who was suspect at best. This man was so mother-fookin' racist. There was no conversation he could have with you that didn't involve the phrase, "the whites like to attack you, man. They attack your culture if you're not pure bred."

Normally if someone asks you about a band they don't know of, what do you think their first question would be? You'd think it be along the lines of what type of music that is, right?
Is it just me to think this? This guy didn't care about that. All he wanted to know was whether or not the band was white or black. I almost didn't want to answer for fear he'd kill us.

The airport was fairly uneventful. We did eat some great cheese fries with bacon and the flight was delayed.

The flight going to London was greatness. It was not without some sadness though. For one, the very politically incorrect safety flight video that I really wanted H1 to see was not working thanks to interference.

Secondly, we got stuck sitting between this family of annoying daughters. Those little bastards were so rude.

And finally, my gay British boys were not working that flight. We had mostly female attendants which was fine because they were so cute with their constant laughing. No fear though, I got all of my boys on the flight back.

We got to Heathrow on Friday London time at 8 AM or so. And as per usual, Heathrow was a mess. We were in the line at customs for a little over 1 hour, hoping that our friends Marvs and T. checked the flight to see it was going to be late.

We finally made it out of there and was greeted by our sleepy friends who had been there since 6.30 AM.

That day we did some sightseeing!

H1 and Or 2's Adventures in the Famous...Slough?

We saw Windsor Castle. Never you mind it was in the distance! We still 'saw' it!

We also saw where The Office UK was filmed. The series centered around an office in Slough and here it is -

Impressive, yeah?

We then headed to Tesco Extra, which is the most fantastic place ever. We came back to NY with 10.5 pounds (in weight) worth of candy (40 pounds in money) thanks to that place. We were told that Tesco's out to take over the world and start branching out overseas including the U.S., so here's hoping that happens very soon and that they stock all the great Euro. candies. Although, that won't help make us sugary...

The rest of the day was spent hanging out with friends we had not seen in years. It was fun, relaxing times.

WTF Moments of the Trip:

1. I didn't get my chip butty this time but next time for sure!

2. Euro Fried Chicken?

3. It's Three Tuns, H1. Not Nuns. Tuns.

4. Joy Dining, Joy Living, Joy Sleep at Joy Fur iture

5. The cameras both dying at the most inopportune moment.

6. That fookin' vending machine at Heathrow robbed me of 30p!

7. The idiot American children who did not know the meaning of complimentary and continue to give other people in the world good reason to hate Americans. Oh those kids deserve to be kicked hard in the head for their disgusting behaviour on the plane.

8. Those racist croatians and their racist bags of peanuts!

The Great Moments of the Trip:

1. Peepshow and That Mitchell and Webb Look. Those two are killer. Oh if only I could find video of the banana dance...

2. Virgin Atlantic's In-flight Entertainment

3. Tony, a flight attendant with Virgin Atlantic. He's the bitchiest Brit. I've ever seen. That man was eye-rollin' everybody, grabbed my cup hatefully out of my hand with an exasperated 'thank you' and what's more, he looked as H1 described him, "like Matt's uglier brother". I loved-ed him and he loved-ed him some Indian baby, which made him even more endearing to me because he actually has a bit of a heart.

I hope that one day, on a 7 hour flight (or a 45 minute my imagination you're waiting lying on your side), I'll run into his cranky ass again.

On Saturday, we ran off to Paddington Station (the second time we were actually in London) to catch our show at Wembley Stadium.

The highlights and yes, some lowlamps of the day:

Lamb and mint pie - yum

Somewhat of a lowlamp was the rain that poured down on us before the show started but cleared up nicely for the show.

The Drunken "headless" lout at WS was definitely a highlight. H1 rather enjoyed his hijinks, as did many others. It was very sad when they took him away and all we have left is the memory of an abandoned beer...

A Lowlamp for sure were the majority of slags at WS.

Another Lowlamp was the lack of Klaxons. Those idiots! I think it would have been awesome hearing their sound in that space. It certainly sounded fantastic during Zane Lowe's DJ set.

Rodrigo y Gabriela = good times. TD5, if you haven't already, you may want to check them out.

Dirty Pretty Things = crap band live & possibly in studio as well which is sad because they've potential. The HOchies have a suggestion though and that is to get rid of the singer!

While we love the Streets dearly, we do not think they were the best opening act. Still, it was good seeing Mike Skinner even though my one major complaint was his lack of a good selection of songs for the set list.

The Streets @ Wembley Stadium 06/16/07 Set List

Prangin' Out
Radio Ga Ga
Don't Mug Yourself
Time Is Running Out (MUSE)
Let's Push Things Forward
Smile (Lily Allen)
Has It Come To This?
It's Too Late
When You Wasn't Famous
Never Went To Church
Turn The Page
Blinded By The Lights
Weak Become Heroes
Dry Your Eyes
Fit But You Know It

Mike Skinner -

Oh by the way, Mike, what was up with your constant Radio Ga Ga-ing?!

Of course, the highlight of the entire trip for me, and the reason why I came to London for two days - MUSE. I've an entire blog forth coming and yes, I don't expect any of you to read it (except you, TD5) but I can assure you, they were totally worth the trip.

And Frass, your comment to me the other day about Madison Square Garden being too big for MUSE was perhaps one of the most frasslike things I've ever heard come out of your mouth.

My boys sold out TWO nights at Wembley Stadium @ 75,000 people per night (and did it in half an hour per show) and with good reason.

If anything, MSG's not big enough, despite what ticket sales for this may be. They may not have sold out this show yet and that's really unfortunate because people have no clue what they'll be missing.

Quotes of that weekend:

"I do like foie gras but I don't like Alzheimer's." - H1

"When God was giving out asses that girl said, 'two please!'" - H1

"When God was giving out hair that girl said, 'two buschel please. Calves? No thanks!" - H1

We found on a card featuring two nuns and one says to the other, "Jesus loves you but I think you're a bitch." Ahahaha, that's good stuff that.

Currently listening to: "Battle for Britain (The Letter)" by David Bowie


That damn mofo show Death Note is taking its toll on me.

I hate that motherfookin' Light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Friday, June 22, 2007

Reminscing II - This Time on Transformers

I remember when we had Shockwave and he was broken in the most inappropriate place that that little Decepticon could be broken. That's exactly the kind of thing an asshole country in Africa would do to him.

Two Dead Animals

Angry Squirrel Finished Off by Crutch

BERLIN (AP) -- An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off.

The squirrel then bit a builder before fleeing into a nearby garden, where it bit a 72-year-old man who eventually killed it with his crutch, police said.

The dead animal was to be tested for rabies.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Learn more about our Privacy Policy.


And now for this story, which is not as traumatic to the HOchies but perhaps plenty to others -

Turtle causes Parkway wreck, then dies


Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 9:38 AM

UPPER TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Why did the turtle cross the road?

We'll never know, but it sure caused one heck of an accident.

A woman who swerved to avoid hitting the amphibian as it crawled across the northbound lanes of the Garden State Parkway Tuesday afternoon lost control of her car, crashed through a guardrail and tumbled down an embankment before the car flipped over onto its roof.

Saranne Goldinger, 65, of Cape May, was wearing a seat belt and was not critically injured, State Police said. Her car, however, was heavily damaged.

The turtle fared even worse. A vehicle that had been driving behind Goldinger flattened the critter.

"All of that for nothing," Trooper Scott Farkas told The Press of Atlantic City for Wednesday's newspapers.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Good Luck Today!

Good Luck on the Dragon Boat Race, Pandy and MC.

A Winner is You!

Monday, June 18, 2007


The Cowboy Bebop soundtrack really is phenomenal and that series was and still is, one of the best I've seen.

Currently listening to: Bad Dog No Biscuit by Yoko Kanno & The Seatbelts

Sunday, June 17, 2007

The Tokyo-Ho Japan to New York-Ho (or is it just Ho, in that case?) Chronicles - Day 14, Almost. And The Japan Wrap Up

We gained a day flying back. It was awesome but has me completey wrecked.

Day 14, Saturday, June 9th.

We awoke before 6 AM to catch our flight back to NY. There's nothing truly worth mentioning on this day other than the breakfast that was served to us before we left Homeikan. So. Much. Food.


The Day's Eats:

Here's a list of all you saw above - miso, rice, tea, egg, sweet red beans, ham, and cold tofu.

And so ends the Japan Adventure. I can't wait for all of us to make the trip in the future. It'll be fun, fun times.

Next up is the H1 and Or 2 London Adventure.

This is for everything I missed or need to re-cap:

1. Japanese people smell. And not good either. At least, this is what I've discovered of some of the males.

Said males especially enjoy sitting next to me on the plane.

On the flight to Japan, this man with B.O. sat right next to me. I was actually concerned it had been me and kept sniffing my armpits but figured out 10 hours in that it was indeed that dude.

On the way coming back from Japan, the man next to me smelt, not of B.O. but would constantly let out these rank farts. Seriously, beer is evil.

And where was Beetchie in all of this? That's right, she was safely sitting by the window while my senses got all the foulness and she was shielded.

I hate her sometimes...

2. In keeping with point 1, the Japanese have created the most fantastic thing ever. I won't go into the details now since I have to first distribute the presents I have for you lot but I'd like to point out now before I forget, it doesn't work on your shit.

3. If I had heard Avril Lavigne one more time in Japan, I was going to have to bitch slap them all. Like I said, foward thinkers they are but not so much when it comes to their love of crap music like AL.

4. When we do said trip in the future, remember to bring lots of money and/or lots of access to money.

5. Toilet Misadventures in case I missed them:

a. First there was smell of mildew in the toilet at the Kyoto Ryokan. Everytime we into the stalls, it stank. But as soon as I would get into one stall, everything would be alright but Beetchie would always leave the stall next to mine complaining up a storm. It turns out mildew may have been growing only in her stall.

b. Beetchie was convinced that our ryokan in Kyoto was haunted. I felt that nothing was wrong with our room but we both agreed that walking the long hallway to the toilets on the first floor was a creepy deal everytime. That part may have been haunted but upon reflection, it could have been the mildew... Mildew always makes you feel scuzzy and spooked.

c. The Bidet Incident.

"When in Japan, do as the Japanese do! And what better place to try a bidet than in this really high class, clean Starbucks?" - Beetchie. She came out of the bathroom at a local Kyoto Starbucks in our area one morning looking very sheepish.

"What happened?" - Me
"Nothing...I just tested out the bidet." - Beetchie
"...and...?" - Me (asked nervously)
"Oh, nothing. It was...strange. I didn't realize you could press this button for stop and there were puffs of air but I couldn't figure out why it wasn't stopping." - Beetchie
"::shaking head in embarrassment::" - my reaction and response

6. Japanese television is great. They're into reality tv but it's all centered around food and/or animals. We also watched whatever the latest "Power Rangers" is being aired in Japan, and got into it. Sue me, I like the new Red Power Ranger! He's so stupid...

7. For some reason they're still obsessed with the "Dragon Ball" Series and "Neon Genesis Evangelion". I was slightly confused by it all and I'm wondering if there's some sort of new EVA thing coming out.

8. Japan is all about pork. I must have eaten pork almost every day for at least 2 times out of the day. It was great times. I kind of miss that. I feel oppressed in this house!

9. The Japanese really do all do the 'victory' sign for their pictures. They're so frickin' lame and hilarious. Gotta love them. Beetchie and I, however, refused to do it with Hello Kitty. We Devil-Horned that Wholesome Betch.

Confessions I'd Like To Make Now. I'm Ready To Be Ridiculed:

1. I have to admit, I actually really enjoyed holding Hello Kitty's hand. When she stared at me with those blank eyes, I was hooked. I wanted to let go...but I just...couldn't bring myself to do so...

I was strangely comforted.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 13

Day 13 - Friday, June 8th

After a not so restful night at the capsule, we ventured off to find the last of our sleeping quarters which was by far our most expensive, traditional quarters.

I wonder if part of the tradition is that you couldn't find that damned Homeikan?!

We got lost... In the hottest day in Tokyo since we'd been there... On practically our last day. It was not fun times but whatever, we managed to get there in one piece and lived to blog about it.

At least it was quite aesthetically pleasing.

We went to Harajuku again so that I could find that coat I wanted. I didn't quite get what I wanted but got something I like. If any of those spots for the Harajuku Girls' becomes available, I'm ready for it.

I also finally found a good capsule machine and it was of Bleach pins! But my ass had to get a damned Mayuri pin. Why wouldn't I? Ugh, that freakin' Mayuri but hey, at least it wasn't Tousen - worst Bleach Character in the Bleach Universe.

We contemplated going to Akihabara to spend our last hours at the arcades and ufo catcher machines but decided that that was money we didn't have. Next time though, when I make it back to Japan with you guys, you can go off and do the touristy things but you'll find us at the UFO catchers.

So we had a quiet evening back in our neighbourhood, where we had a mini-foodie adventure which almost turned out to be a misadventure.

Things We Observed This Day - Volume IX

1. a 5 minute walk to the Japanese is in actuality a 30 minute walk for us. 5 minutes from the train station to Homeikan my ass! Even in the taxi it took about 15 minutes. Those liars.

2. Beetchie noted that everything tastes 'watered-down' in Japan. Especially their beverages. That might be true. I had some cocoa from the vending machine and it was not that impressive. I still drank it like it was good times though. I was thirsty, okay?!

The "OOPS" moment of the Day:

We took off our shoes like good guests before stepping on their wooden floors but we forgot to put on the slippers provided to us. The concierge was quite mortified by our behaviour and hurriedly brought them to us.

The Day's Eats:

1. Korean food. Can you believe the little Japanese girl mixed up my food for me like I was a kid? She may have been appalled by the fact that I wasn't eating it 'Korean style' so she badgered me and mixed my food for me and asked me if I didn't like spicy food. Clearly she doesn't know Trinis. Except for you, TD5, you fake pi you.

Sometimes I enjoy having my food segregated especially when I was trying to keep the raw egg from getting into my bowl. That B. mixed all that up in my rice.

2. Suspect ramen that was black. Beetchie thought maybe it was squid ink that gave it that colour. I just think the way they curried that broth was not very appealing to me. It certainly was better than most curry we had but those curry noodles still got overwhelming. I must be the only crazy to think that though because that little noodle house was very packed, with a line out the door.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Kyoto-Ho to Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 12

Day 12 - Thursday, June 7th

The last thing that happened in Kyoto was that we got liquored up at 10 AM on our final day there. Thanks to some sake happy old women selling the good stuff at the market in Kyoto Mall, we were drunk off 3 samples of high class sake. Fun times with the cute old ladies. Oh those bitches will try to sell you anything after they've made you proper drunk.

We took the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and this time the kids next to us were not noisy. It was fairly uneventful save our sushi bento boxes we ate for lunch on the train.

Once we got to Tokyo, we made our back to Akihabara to the Capsule Hotel to drop off our gear, then headed off to Ginza to go to Japan Sword.

Japan Sword, according to Frommers, is one of the most well-known sword stores in Tokyo and is like a museum of antique swords and armour. They weren't kidding. We got the tour and I couldn't gaze for too long because that place was beautiful and their collection was nothing short of amazing and that's an understatement. I was unworthy. Also, the prices on those antiques made my head hurt.

The main point of this trip was to buy Bunji his functional katana. And although I promised him a Hattori Hanzo from Okinawa, I didn't quite make it and decided this was second best. It's not due here until the 18th, so we'll see... I'm nervous that he won't like it. But at least it's not zinc alloy! It'll have to do until I can afford the real thing.

After much stressing about dropping all that cash, (and who am I kidding, I stressed the entire rest of the day), we made our way back to Shinjiku so that Beetchie could check out the Gay scene once more now that we had more time.

Oh did we see plenty of the gay boys. They were fabulous. We hung out there for a while with a bunch of English speakers (all theatre actors) from all over including Europe and America. Those boys were bitchy but cool. And we ran into celebrity when we met the voice actor for Zero from Tekken 5! Ha.

And then it all went downhill. We met a bridge and tunnel rat. But he posed as a New Yorker, tricked us and touched us. ::shudder:: Just kidding. That Jersey-ite was cool enough and very happy to see us as we were him.

We returned to our capsule and settled in for the night - our second to last in Japan.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

The Cost of our 100 yen piggyhs rose. We may have won 7 pigs for 100 yen but the pain, grief and suffering of carrying said pigs more than took its toll on us. Beetchie was ready to ditch their little piggyh asses when we got back to Tokyo because the locker we offloaded them in tricked us and cost us so much money to bail them out, it wasn't even funny.

We were under the impression that every day after the initial 4 days would cost 100 yen. Oh, were we wrong. The total cost of the extra 2 days those pigs were in the locker came up to 2000 yen.


But, I, being a lover of pork, could not leave their little porky selves behind. Not to mention I had some presents in the locker with the piggyhs that could not be left behind. I like to feel that I went to Sanrio Puro Land for a purpose other than trauma.

The Shooed Away Incident Count:

2 times -

1. For some reason the ever so reliable Japanese metro was not so reliable! It got to a station stop before the one we needed and for some reason could not go further. We were booted off the train because of course, we didn't understand that we had to get off until the conductor came around and gave the sign for no, which oddly likes like you're going to get your head chopped off.

2. This time we actually we got shushed and yelled at. Apparently this woman thought we were speaking too loudly (we were talking in hushed tones) when she was trying to sleep at a capsule hotel.

And then I heard in perfect English, mind you, that "some people had to work". Yet, 10 minutes after we went to bed I didn't hear anything when two other girls came in practically shouting to each other for five minutes.

Racist effin' Japanese biatch.

I could very well respect her need to go to sleep because of work but the attitude was highly unncessary. Seriously, you're at a capsule hotel and you don't expect to hear noise? The fact that you're in a cube surrounded by other cubes in extremely close quarters with a place with no curfew, means your ass is going to be disturbed by people shuffling around with their coming and going.

And I did not need to hear about people and work. I know about work and I know about going in for 7 AM and leaving the next morning at 4 AM only to go back to work 2 hours later. On a Saturday. Whatever, her stupid cranky ass should have found itself home or in a better hotel if she was so concerned about waking up at 7 AM after going to bed at 10 PM.

That stupid bitch is still making my blood boil. Could you tell?

The Day's Eats:

1. A Cheese stick. Which was kind of like a cheese cake/cream cheesey thing on a thin layer of sponge cake.

2. My high class custard roll.

3. Sushi Bento. That was some good sushi. And it was a lot.

4. Shabu Shabu. Oh the good times. We had the kimchi broth and the pork broth. And we ate 25 pieces of beef and pork per person. 25 pieces of meat each! Ugh. It was 2100 yen for all you could eat in 90 minutes. Those peeps cut us off after the 4th round but luckily for them, we couldn't handle much more after that.

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Osaka-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 11

Day 11 - Wednesday, June 6th

This entire day can be classified as a WTF Moment.

We Shinkansened it to Shin Osaka Station. We weren't sure what the heck was up with Shin Osaka as opposed to Osaka.

Well, whatever the case, all thoughts of going to the Osaka Station were thwarted when we got to the Shin Osaka station and stepped outside.

Oh, it was shady. As all hell.

A Brief Summary of Osaka is as follows,

Bunraku and Love Hotels is a dangerous, and ugly combination.

I rather enjoyed violating people's privacy by getting their pictures at midday visiting the love hotel but what i did not enjoy was the plethora of lewd santas. Oh, wrong.

Ha. We didn't hang about for too long but just caught our Bunraku Puppet Play at the National Bunraku Theatre. It was fabulous but slow and most of the dialog escaped us because it was purely Japanese. We also were admist an audience of only high school children. Again. With the children. Most of them were annoying and needed to be slapped but whatever. At least the puppets were very awesome as was the storyteller. He was quite the emotional actor and amazing at his job.

We went back to Kyoto for our last night there and visited the mall at Kyoto Station. It was lame, much like Kyoto Tower.

Things We Observed This Day:

1. Baruse?

2. Carnival Pepsi?

The Day's Eats:

1. Takoyaki

2. Sukiyaki - Beef, udon, veggies, simmered in pot with rice

3. I had to cook my own pork! It was pretty good though and one of the tastiest things I ate in Japan.

4. Noodle bao and regular pork bao. That Noodle bao was far from good times. That makes me sad.

5. Big Mac

6. Carnival Pepsi. This was also disgusting. It wanted to be orange soda with a pepsi aftertaste. Bleck. Nothing carnival about it! Not that I would know being displaced and all.

7. Oatmeal raisin cookies from the plane

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 10

Day 10 - Tuesday, June 5th

Another easy day in Kyoto. One that involved our going to a ghetto zoo. The Kyoto Zoological Park was quite sketch and once again, we found ourselves surrounded by school children. It had a petting zoo section for crap's sake!

There were no alligators which made it lame. And as per usual, I end up at a zoo on a really hot day so the red pandas refused to show themselves. But the vulture was really damned hilarious to me. He lumbered around like nobody's business. Beetchie enjoyed the multiple fowl because according to her, if it's a bird, it's edible.

After the short-lived zoo visit, we made our way back to the maze strip mall and couldn't find the movie theatre we had seen the day before. Why did we want the movie theatre?

We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End.

Look, don't judge us okay? We wanted a movie experience in Japan and it was really hot that day!

Anyway, the movie theatre impressed Beetchie due to something about the high resolution screen and reserved seating. I was impressed by the fact that I could eat caramel popcorn as my choice of popcorn and it was good too. A choice in popcorn that isn't extra butter! It was a little burnt but still, it was fantastic. I was confused by the hippo mascots and the fact that the Japanese were very quiet in the theatre.

As for the movie itself, it was better than part 2 save that whole stupid role of that "jamaican" woman. Ugh. But TD5, we need to discuss.

Next we hit up Gion Corner, which literally was a corner. Those Japanese can be so humourless sometimes though alright, maybe I found that slightly amusing. Unfortunately we arrived too late as the Geisha had already retired for the night. It was only a little after 8 p.m. but who am I to judge a Geisha? They certainly know how to reel in the money. Damned rich Gion...

Things We Observed This Day - Volume VIII

1. Frankly, we'd observed this a long time before but the Japanese are all about day trips and school trips for their kids. I question whether the children go to school at all. Look at those children, the real animals at the zoo!

2. We had nothing but bus misadventures on this trip. Even when it wasn't our fault, we still mananged to hold up the bus because their stupid machines didn't want to read our 500 yen.

The Day's Eats:

1. Takoyaki.

2. Bad Hot Dog/Onion Cheese Bread.

3. Maple, condensed milk sandwich.

4. Caramel Popcorn.

5. Ramen with really fatty pork.

Obligatory Animal Picture for Beetchie:

Here's your squeaky toy sounding bush-dog, Beetchie. I'm sure he had a WTF moment of the day when you insisted on wakin' his tired ass. 'Thanks. Thanks for waking me.'

The Shooed Away Count:

1. The bus driver kicked us off his buss for holding up his bus. I think I got a free ride off of him or Beetchie. It wasn't our fault the stupid change machine wasn't working properly!

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 9

Day 9 - Monday, June 4th

Kyoto had the biggest, frickin' strip mall ever. That damned place was never-ending and scary.

We mostly just hung out around the giant mall and had many good time meals. We also got presents for a lot of you peeps including checking out a music store for the latest in Japanese music. And oo! I found my boys MUSE and Arctic Monkeys on the second floor of Juegia CD store. Awww. Sorry. They make me happy. Stop judging.

Now on to the food because it was the great thing of the day!

The Day's Eats:

1. There was a squashed custard bun incident that I'm trying to forget.

2. Takoyaki

3. X, yep - we did a Sushi Conveyor Belt. Mmmm, we ate 14 plates of sushi with 2 to a plate for 1990 yen. Good times, right X?

4. And now for one of the best eats of the trip and certainly the most expensive meal - the Kobe steak. We had a five course meal that included grilled mushrooms that were fantastic but it was all about the Kobe. Beetchie says it melted in the mouth and it did. It really did. And for 115 dollars, that damned steak better have melted in the mouth!

That's the shoddy picture of the kobe. I was in a high class place, people, I couldn't exactly be flash-photographing the chef and the kobe like a stupid American.

Things We Observed and the WTF Moments - Volume VII:

1. If I hear Avril Lavigne one more time...I'll kick a Japanese person. They are obsessed with her and I cannot understand it for the life of me. Stupid ass, Japanese and their love of stupid Canadians.

2. Those Japanese like to keed. We found this store that claimed it had the funniest things from America. Either the Japanese don't know funny or are trying to rub it in our faces that we're not funny. I hardly find this amusing at all -

3. Beetchie ate the fugu. I actually pointed it out to her like the good friend that I am. She got high off of it.

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 8

Day 8 - Sunday, June 3rd

We had a holy day of Temple Shrine Hopping. I didn't feel very holy though after those biatches made us pay to get in to see their shrines!

We did lots of walking and lots of getting lost along the way until we discovered that the easiest way to get around Kyoto is via their bus system and that it'd take you to whatever tourist spot you needed to see. I don't even take the bus in NYC, so the fact that Kyoto forced this upon me was criminal! But for 220 yen, we could pretty much tour Kyoto's major spots if we just stayed on the bus. And we did the day after but not because we wanted to but because we just had to make a roundabout as we got on the bus going in the direction opposite what we wanted.

Sadly, we never got to Nijo Castle. And the ninjas remained in hiding.

Not much more to say so just look at the pretty pictures!

This here is the Golden Pavillion. It's pretty golden, right?

Some Zen Garden Goodness

And please notice the duck, will you?
He argued with me the entire time I was there.
Asshole animals strike again!
I prefered the Ryoan-ji Zen Garden to the Golden Pavillion, even if I did get heckled by a duck. It's okay though, I paparrazi'd his ass.

But by far, the best temple we visted that day and perhaps for our entire journey, I felt (and not because it cost nothing to go to) was the one that was involved quick healing and safe travels. The atmosphere there was peaceful and felt special...

...ah yes, Goo Shrine. You cannot have anything but love and respect for a temple dedicated to pigs.

WTF Moment of the Day:

1. Seriously, 400 yen for the Golden Pavillion and 500 yen to see a tiny zen rock garden that lied to me in the pictures?! Those rocks were not as white as in the brochure!!!!

Things We Observed This Day:

1. The Japanese are trusting when it comes to the bus. I mean, if there's one thing you're taught in NY, it's that you should always have exact change for the bus. This is not needed on the Japanese bus. The bus actually has a machine to give you change! That's crazy.

Also, they do everything backwards and here's why they're 'trusting'. You get on the bus in the middle and you don't pay until you get off. They're insane.

The Day's Eats:

1. Pizza buns/bread

2. Green tea and vanilla Soft Serve Ice-Cream (which was fabulous)

3. Melon Cream Soda (which was a crime against nature)

4. "Regular" food - pasta, fries, baked pork with sweet sauce? Oh but was it good times.

5. Japanese Teriyaki pizza. (Gross. The chicken, the rice cakes, the mayo and corn. Ugh.)

The Tokyo-Ho to Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 7

Day 7 - Saturday, June 2nd

Well this was fairly exciting!

We traveled on the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto. The usual 8 hour trip by regular rail was only 2.5 hours on the Shinkansen.

The Shinkansen was not only super fast but also super quiet. It was quite amazing how smooth a ride it was. But while fast and impressive, that couldn't stop noisy little bastard children from invading our car. We would be the ones to get the noisiest children in Japan. There's nothing worse than a train riddled with brats, save the one bitchy fat assed baby who sat in his own chair and grimaced like nobody's business. Damned future Yakuza.

Misadventure number 1 of Kyoto was finding our Ryokan. We eventually found it by following a kind old lady who lead us to the place but not before accosting a plain clothed police officer? We're not sure what he was but he was awesome and his accent was awesome. He could have been from Osaka. He managed to help us some, even if all he did was direct us to an old lady after 15 minutes of listening to his prattling off about something. He wouldn't let us go for a while there.

The Ryokan was nice and was run by Yumiko, a woman we did not want to mess with.

Bad shot of our room -

And then came the communal bath which was quite sketchy. I tried to make a pact with Beetchie, who refused to shower the same time I wanted to until of course, she had to go clean her tattoo and begged me to come with her.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

For some reason the toilets were quite smelly. We later discovered that was due to mildew but man, was that nasty everytime we had to use the bathroom.

The Day's Eats:

1. Pork and rice for breakfast, salmon and rice for breakfast minus the natto this time.

2. Shrimp Fillet sandwiches laden with onions and potato salad sandwiches also laden with onions.

Why Haven't I Eaten This?!

Burger King Puts Spam on the Menu

By Jaymes Song, Associated Press

HONOLULU — For many Americans, spam is a four-letter word for unwanted e-mail. In Hawaii, Spam is a beloved comfort food, with cans of the pork bricks found in virtually every cupboard.

Hoping to cash in on Hawaii's love affair with the canned meat product, Burger King (BKC) last month began offering Spam for breakfast — going head-to-head with rival McDonald's (MCD), which has offered Spam in the islands for years.

Burger King is offering the Spam Platter — two slices of Spam with white rice and scrambled eggs. The fast-food giant also offers the Croissanwich or Biscuit Sandwich with Spam.

Denise Yamauchi, Burger King managing director in Hawaii, says sales have been "very good and very promising."

Putting Spam on the menu, alongside Burger King's traditional items, such as the Whopper, has been in the works about a year, and corporate headquarters finally signed off on the idea.

"It's something that was a little unique and a little different for them, so it was a bit of a hard sell to bring to Hawaii," Yamauchi said. "But they finally realized it is a unique flavor and something the locals really like."

At a Burger King near downtown Honolulu, where a poster in the window proudly advertises "Spam in the A.M.," the Spam Platter was selling for $3.49. The nearly identical Spam, Eggs and Rice plate across the street at McDonald's was $3.39.

Melanie Okazaki, marketing manager for McDonald's Restaurants of Hawaii, said Spam has been offered at the chain's 75 island restaurants since 2002.

"In Hawaii, it is a very popular menu item, and we will continue to offer it to our customers," she said.

Burger King's latest offering runs counter to the chain's push to offer healthier fare, including salads and the meatless BK Veggie Burger. But no one can deny Hawaii's appetite for Spam.

Despite being one of the least-populated states, Hawaii leads the nation in consumption of the Hormel Foods (HRL) product. It's been a hit since World War II. Island residents consume more than 5 million pounds of Spam a year, an average of about six cans for every man, woman and child.

Spam "musubi" — a slice of Spam atop a block of rice, wrapped in seaweed — is a favorite at nearly every convenience store, including 7-Eleven. And Spam fried rice is a local classic.

There are more varieties of Spam sold in Hawaii than anywhere else. There's Spam Garlic, Spam Bacon, Spam with Cheese, Spam with Tabasco, Spam Turkey and Spam Lite, which features less sodium and less fat.

"We're pleased to see more and more restaurants adding it to their menu, providing Hawaiians additional opportunities to experience the savory, salty-sweet taste they love," said Dan Goldman, Spam's product manager.

Are you a Spam fan? What's your favorite Spam recipe?

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Why haven't I had Spam Bacon?! You people saw that right? Spam. Bacon. Oh the awesomeness that must be.

Let's go to Hawaii!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 6

Day 6 - Friday, June 1st.

We left the security of the Oakhotel Inn for our new digs in Akihabara. Ah yes, the Capsule Hotel. We got lost over there trying to find it and had the dude at the front desk run out to come get us. Luckily, we were close by so he didn't have to leave his post for long. We were only allowed to drop our bags off at that time so more on the Capsule sleeping situation later.

This day found us at Harajuku. Yes, MC and TD5, this shit is bananas. Yes. The one and same. And the girls were out in their sometimes ridiculous outfits. That place was crowded. Not much to say about Harajuku - Snoopy Town's over there, lots of clothing stores but oh, it was awful because you've got the punks on one street then the Japanese Hipsters on the other! Stupid hipsters... stupid no matter what the country.

We were accosted by some punks in Harajuku who were interested in Beetchie's Green Day shirt and we were shown pictures of Green Day themselves visiting that particular store we were in. Lots of musicians and such were there apparently. That was kind of cool. We tried to tell them to listen to Mindless Self Indulgence if they were looking for new music so we'll see if MSI catches on in Japan. You know, we have to do our part to rid of them of that awful J-Pop, much like I try every day to rid the U.S. of pop over here.

Beetchie also got a tattoo! Yep, a little wispy Japanese fart cloud. Uh, I mean regular cloud. It's pretty cool and caused her much paranoia and grief for a few days after but we think it's going to heal just fine. It's pretty cute.

We then headed over to Shinjuku where Beetchie attempted to find the gay district and a lesbian bar.

It was there I had a breakdown. And it's not that I was very sad but you know how when you start tearing, you just can't stop tearing if someone tries to ask you what's wrong? Well that happens to me. At this point in the trip, I felt that I had been in Tokyo forever. I missed home and I even missed my little boobey-head. So I broke down in a lesbian bar and what's worse, it was very tiny so of course, now all the lesbians in that bar probably think that Beetchie was breaking up with me.

But you guys saw my true plan right? I wasn't really sad. I was just trying to ensure that Beetchie didn't leave me stranded in Shinjuku by going off on a late night rendevouz with a Japanese lady she found!

Ah, yes. Crying. One of the best thwarting tactics around.

But H1's right, it wasn't fair because as she pointed out, if I had seen my man Matt or my Clown Hooligan boy Alex T. in Japan, I probably would have bailed on Beetchie. Heh. Well in my defense, I knew Alex was not going to be in Japan until August and Matt's currently preparing for Wembley Stadium!

We rushed to catch a train back to Aki. (the trains stop running after midnight) for our stay at the Capsule Hotel. Those things are sweet. It's not coffin-like because they're quite spacious. It's got a tv in there. My only complaint was that it's kind of hot and well, 'communal' showers suck. But the sleeping space itself is pretty awesome.

Catching some Zzzz's in the Capsule 809-

Now get me the fudge out of nyo!

WTF Moments of the Day:

1. Studio Cafe Strawberry.

It's one of many Maid Cafes in Akihabara and I couldn't take pictures or see the real thing in action but ugh.

Apparently for 500 yen we could dress up in a selection of ridiculous outfits and play games with the maids in three different settings. This particular cafe had the "School Classroom", the "Children's Playroom" and the "Doctor's Office".

Perverted? Thankfully we left right before a troop of guys came in. I wasn't sure if I was alright watching those little maids, complete in French Maid Outfits get on their knees to ask their 'masters' if they wanted anything off the menu. Ugh. So damned dirty. I feel so incredibly dirty typing that out.

Just like the dirty men going down the shady little staircase to the cafe:

2. Japanese and Hip-Hop do not mix. I don't know what their deal is but it's troubling.

Things We Observed This Day - Volume VI

1. Another toilet incident. This time, we went to use the tattoo parlour's bathroom, flushed the toilet and couldn't find the sink to wash our hands. But no! Trickery! Because as you flush the toilet, it triggers water to come out from the faucet attached to the top of the toilet! You'd think I'd be highly appalled but I was actually very fascinated by it. Beetchie on the other hand was disgusted.

The Incident of the Day:

1. The Failed Pachinko Experiment.

One of the main things Beetchie wanted to do was play Pachinko. That night we met Hattori Hanzo and the band of Japanese business men, one of them who was quite the avid player of Pachinko we gathered, had said to us that as a minimum we should put down 30,000 yen at a machine. We...were confused and informed him that 300 USD was quite a bit and our cap was maybe 1000 yen or 10 USD.

That Friday in Aki., we discovered what the hell the man was talking about. For 1000 yen, we got two balls. Two. Two silver balls in that slot machine is about as valuable as a baconless hamburger.

Now let us never speak about it again.

The Day's Eats:

1. Tonkatsu Sandwich; Turkey/Cheese Sandwich from our good, close friend in Japan - Lawsons, which is like a Seven Eleven.

2. Chocolate bagel with white chocolate chips; Soy & Edamame Bagel

3. Pizza Bao

4. Banana, Vanilla Ice-Cream, Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce Crepe

5. Cheese Bacon Bread which tasted like a cheese paste sandwich and this is my reminder to ask H1 to make me some cheese paste with bacon in it.

6. Chicken Hot Dog

7. Some kind of honey drizzled dessert that I can't quite recall right now. And some sort of refreshing beverage from the same maid cafe... lemonade? grapefruit drink? I don't remember.

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 5

Day 5 - Thursday, May 31st

We set out to the Tokyo Sea Life Park. I was expecting more sharks but otherwise, it was pretty decent. The space itself was nice and the displays were alright. I guess the big deal was the tuna exhibit, which I suppose was rather impressive. Those things are huge and scary. I've decided if I need to get a true Aquarium experience, I'd have to have H1 take me to see Marvin at The Shed Aquarium. Also, I can visit the Sunshine Aquarium on the next trip to Japan.

Anyways, look at them mean ass tuna!

After a billion photos taken at the aquarium, we headed over to Akihabara - Anime, Video Game and Manga Central.

We were quite happy to see this here building in true anime/gamers nerdy fashion:

However, after waiting all our short little anime lives (which really isn't that short - what's it going on for you now, Beetchie? 12 years?) to hit up this place/Electric Town, we found it to be kind of sad. We didn't find goods that we really wanted from our various anime series and what's worse, all the cool toys that we would have wanted all had release dates pegged after our trip to Japan, ie on Tuesday the 12th of June or September!

They rob me of the new anime love of my life, L! Those rat bastards.

So now I'm off on a mission to find the mini 5 piece chibi "L" figure collection that I want badly (and isn't out yet but already sold out over there), the new Bleach Soundtracks which come out in a few weeks, and my "Knights of the Round" Final Fantasy VII figure set.

Am I a nerd? Yes. Do I care what Frass has to say about it? No. I care about nothing Frass has to say and no Frass, no matter what you think, I am not Rosie O' Donnell and it is not a coincidence that she went off The View the same time I was out of the U.S. You insult me, and yet I still get you presents from Japan. But as I discussed with MC, your present is not one of meaning unlike his. Anyway, I'll give it to you when I see you next.

The UFO Catchers pretty much kicked our asses that day save the Kon and Ryuk plushies we acquired but oh was Beetchie angry by that L plush that escaped her. No worries though, she owned it the day after.

Things We Observed in Japan - Volume V.

1. Tokyo's one noisy place. Everytime you enter a store, every worker will greet you and bid you farewell when you're leaving. The constant babbling makes me wonder if they feel incredibly tired and have dry throats by the end of the day.

*2. Exactly how things might look if we were to use an Eastern Style Toilet...

The Day's Eats:

1. Japanese black curry with beef. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. If there's one thing the Japanese do not know about, it's curry. Ugh.

2. Hamburg Steak with rice and fries. The Hamburg tasted like frozen meatballs. Bleck.

3. Sukiyaki, a chain restaurant provided us with more bad Japanese curry. It was pork this time but not black but that really didn't matter.

4. This day began the string of Takoyaki eating that Beetchie set out to do. Those little octopus filled flour batter balls made her happy. They were good but I was never really hungry when she ate them despite her theory that I hate them.

Obligatory Photo Post of Ugly Fish For Beetchie:

*To protect our identities, since we do have enemies floating about on the internet, I will be inserting wacom-drawn bao heads where I deem appropriate. They are not loads of poop with stink lines. They are pork bao with steam lines. Please do not judge my drawings.

remember, b-a-o-s.

a like so:

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 4

Day 4 - Wednesday, May 30

I waited up or tried to until 12.55 AM to catch Death Note as it aired. I watched a few minutes and gathered that Near was freakin' out for some reason. That was cool for all of 5 minutes until I fell asleep. I so need to play catch up in that series. It's almost done and I'm three episodes behind! ::sigh:: That also reminds me, I can't wait to eat my L Death Note Chocolate Cake.

The Day of Cheap

This was the day I discovered that my ATM was not going to be working in Japan and all I had for money was the 1000USD I converted for food, travel and whatever else. Oh the love of the credit card until I see my bill.

And this was the day we were traumatized and it's something we'd rather not remember, yet I still took video footage...

We call it, "Sanrio Puro Land".

There was a boat ride, a ton of children, a kiddie show and pink. Lots and lots of pink and of course, Hello Kitty. Everywhere. We went to her house. That cat's living the good life and apparently loves to watch Britney Spears videos in her den. Odd. We also took pictures with the cat herself. She held my hand. I am still very confused and feel slightly sullied and unusual.

Here are some pictures and yes, a video of the boat ride (which shames me to admit was one of our finer Tokyo moments - alright, don't judge me!) so you guys can join in that madness we experienced not that you could ever understand.

No Sanrio related blog of mine would be complete without Badtz Maru!

Why didn't you guys ever tell me about that male kitty that Hello likes to hang out with? He's fantastic! And um, trapped in a cage. Ahahahahahahahaha. Whatever, he's still awesome.

And I thought this was a kids' show! This villain is the stuff of nightmares. Though, the entire Sanrio Puro Land is the stuff of nightmares really.

And the boat ride footage. Okay. It's 2.45 minutes long and not even the entire thing, so you don't have to watch it all. In fact, I can guarantee not many of you will sit through this thing. But as I said before, I actually liked this. It was confusing and cracked us the hell up:

Gen and Battler, I went for you guys and came out with some stuff for you and that's all that matters.

It was raining lots when we got out, so after Sanrio, we just walked about and visited another arcade. It wasn't Sega Joyopolis but it was a Sega Arcade World. We did the usual but then we also did some of the things all the girls are into over there - those damned picture poses with your friends. It was fun times but ridiculous.

We then hit up a department store in that area in search of a bag for the pigghies and found a grocery. There we got some fugu sake. It's gross. It has a little piece of fugu floating in it. It's Clownie's present and he can drink it at his own risk.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

1. On the Virtual Adventure Trip we had to Digimon Digital World ('cause you know, I love those Digimon to this day), why did we get sprayed with mysterious puffs of smoke?! It reminds me of that Bidet incident I need to blog about in a future post...

Things We Observed That Day - Volume IV:

1. If you ever need assistance at a ticket machine in the subway, it's the funniest thing. You hit the assistance button and out of no where, from the wall pops open this little trap door and a little Japanese guy will pop up and start talking to you. And then he'll prattle off something crazily, slide the trap door shut and come out from the magical room behind the ticket machines, invisible and unknown to all.

2. The Japanese love them a clear umbrella. For the love of crap, why couldn't I get one that'd fit in my suitcase?! I'm so sad.

The Day's Eats:

1. Onigiri - bacon, salmon, pickles, tuna roe.

2. Street Pork Bao. Mmm.

3. Wendy's - The worst chicken nuggets ever. I'm not even sure it was chicken at this point.

4. Beetchie had a blue flavoured popsicle, which she swears is the best flavour ever.

5. Mister Donut - it was unimpressive and kind of dry actually.

6. Gyoza chips and peach & orange wine coolers in a can.

The Obligatory Photo of the Day (I mean, I really couldn't just post about Sanrio Puro Land and not post a picture of the betch herself, right? Here she is with my boy):

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