Monday, July 23, 2007

Ready The Popeye's!

The rest of our summer into fall is turning out to be a little bit busy.

There are potential chicken bone incidents to dole out, so let us begin this consolidated post.

A Warning to Cold War Kids:

Listen, CWK. I am not in love with your album. I can appreciate it's originality though. There are some great tracks on there and the story-telling element is fantastic. However, due to your supposed lack of respect of MUSE and your utmost adoration of The White Stripes, I am a little resentful. I hope you realize you're opening for one of the greatest bands in the world by opening for MUSE @ MSG.

While you may think that being asked by the White Stripes to open for them on their tour is an honour, quite frankly, I think Jack White is overrated. He should stop being hailed as a god because he's far from it.

He's a stupid ass.

My warning to you is that I want you to perform "Electioneering". While you may have bastardized Radiohead some, I can understand that it's hard to cover Radiohead. It may even be virtually impossible, actually. That is of course, unless you're Mindless Self Indulgence then most things you touch become gold. Hmm, maybe I should write MSI. Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, even though you bastardized it some, you did the best you could and it didn't turn out THAT bad. So, I'd kind of like to hear it.

Redeem yourselves some and then maybe you'll get fewer chicken bones to the head but just know they're coming regardless.

Not a Whole Lotta Love,

Or 2.

A Warning To MUSE:

To my beloved Matt, my funny-assed Dom and that other guy...ahaha, I keed and Chris,

Boys, boys, boys. I love you so much. It's really hard for me to issue a warning to you but I feel that I must.

I've seen you 3 times for this album. Everytime I saw you, I was amazed by your brilliance but you know what didn't amaze me? The fact that you insisted on screwing me over by not playing "Muscle Museum". I've had enough of your bullshit.

You bitches best be playing that song or else there'll be a barrage of chicken bones. I'm already collecting them because I fear that if I didn't hear it at Wembley Fuckin' Stadium, then there's no hope for me.

And I hate you for it.

Please boys, this will probably be the last time I see you for this tour until the new album.

Don't make me cry.

Love you lots,

Or 2.

A Warning to Alex Turner II:

Dear loveable Alex Turner,

It was great seeing Arctic Monkeys back in May. That was really fun times and I was very upset when I didn't get to go to Malahide but oo! Perhaps there'll be muddy fun at Central Park's Summerstage on September 5th just like there was at Malahide Castle?! Well, I sure hope for no mud but ahhh, the greatness that will be that pit, which makes me really scared actually.

In any event, H1's super excited to be seeing "the little boy she's having dirty thoughts about". That's just wrong, H1. I loved him first but no worries. Anyway, the point of all of this is that H1's issuing you another warning.

Apparently you will get a chicken bone to nose (and she's confident she won't miss - yes, she continues to keed) if you do not sing "505". Stop...and wait a sec. Think about it, Alex. Think about it.

Sincerely,

Or 2 (kind of on behalf of H1).

P.S. Don't hate me, the messenger.

A Warning to Paul Banks II:

Hello Paul Friend.

I'm falling in love with that voice of yours. It's sort of sexy and dirty.

But please be aware that you will no longer be my friend if Interpol does not perform "All Fired Up".

Loving me some of you these days,

Or 2.

A Warning To J.K Rowling:

Bitch, if we get tickets to see you at Carnegie Hall on October 19th, you are so assed out. There'll be 2 chicken bones for every death in the last installment of Harry Potter and if Ron dies, there'll be 7 buckets of the stuff.

- H1, backed up by Or 2.

Currently listening to: Beetchie on the phone. She interrupted the MUSE I was listening to. Pox on her.

2 comments:

  1. Loved the Muse warning. But Harry Potter??? Are you people fans??? Say it ain't so.

    ReplyDelete
  2. H1's a fan.
    Is this Frass? If it is, she may issue a warning to you.

    ReplyDelete

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