Sunday, May 16, 2010

My VG Follies


So as to no longer torture my sensitive eyes and yours, I have decided to create a new post removing the current Batman's Ass as the thing you see on BloggieBoo first.

In its stead, let us enjoy the many hilarious and embarrassing VG related stories I have to share.

This year and last, I reconnected with the nerd bit of my self that loves video games.

I have been a 'serious gamer' for 13 years now with Final Fantasy VII being my first major foray into the RPG genre of games.

As a side note, H1 credits Sephiroth as the thing that started it all for me - obsessions with anime, toys, and white or silver-haired characters I enjoy among other things.

I am not writing to gush about FFVII though or my short life story as a nut.

I am writing to disclose the many (major) VG follies I have had.  This is an exercise in what I can only name as my desire to be persecuted and judged.

These are some of my funnier, deep and dark video game secrets I have that only a few know.

1.  Final Fantasy VI

For my FFVI obsessed fan, Beetchie - this one's for you.  You know at some point in FFVI, you run along with Locke in your party and go off to the Opera to save Terra?

There's the whole roof sequence where you walk across the beams filled with angry rats who will try to kill your ass.  This is followed by the actual on stage Opera fight with the Octopus looking thing, I think...

Well, I literally ran off to the fight with Locke.

Locke and no one else in my party.

I was under the impression that I could only take him and therefore went alone.

I won the entire segment with just my THIEF Locke but as you can well imagine, it was pretty freakin' hard.

2. Dew Prism 

There I was, the proud defender of the universe with Rue.  I finished that one side to the story then started up Mint's Story.  I fought my way through many an enemy but when I got to the end, I could not defeat the final boss.  It was downright impossible to do so and no amount of leveling up or whatever it is I had to do would help.

Tortured and confused, I read the manual.

"Magic?", I questioned.

What is this combination of mixed magic the manual was talking about, I wonder.

"I can combine magic? Since when?"

Since the beginning of the game, apparently.

I went through the ENTIRE game not using the benefits of magic combining bestowed upon me because I had no idea.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that pesky Final Boss.

To this day, I still do not read manuals.

I never learn.

3. Final Fantasy Tactics

I wasn't always such a Rock Star when it came to VG skill, you know being able to finish incredible feats of glory with one player and a gross lack of proper knowledge to finish said feats.   

Final Fantasy Tactics bested me.  Twice.

In 1998 when Tactics came out, I was still in awe of the amazing Square Soft.  FFVII came out in 1997 meaning I had only probably just finished that game and was on to my next adventure.

I rented FFT and did not renew it after the week was up because I could not get past the first board.

It's any wonder I even wanted to touch a game after that.  I had hurt feelings and a sore lack of confidence.

12 years later, I finally defeat FFT and it really was one of the best games I am finally happy to have known.

Having finished that and Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor, I figured that I could task any Strategy RPG.  My confidence was quickly shot down again as I am still struggling with Disgaea DS.

Thanks, Tactics.  Thanks.

4. Final Fantasy VII

My days of gaming have often been lonely.  Most times I finish all my games by my lonesome with no one to really share the memories with.  Poor Bughie J. and H1 often have to hear of my crazy tales and rants of nothingness.  And now that I have the blog, everyone can gloss over at will.

Once in a while, I have Papa HOchie.

From memory, he probably has watched me play something maybe 3 times and parts of FFVII was one of them.

I was on the roof of a speeding train, fighting my way through wave of wave of monsters except I kept dying and dying...

And Papa HOchie made sure to rub salt in the wound.

"Died AGAIN?!", he would say.

I rather enjoy my days of lonely gaming.

5. Jak II

It was either Jak II or Jak III...whichever the one where Daxter was separated from Jak and found himself caught in spiders' nests.  I was frantically running away from this giant Spider beast who was coming after me, found myself tangled in a web and having to redo the scene from a game over fall.

Over and over again I was running, and then it occurred to me that I was hearing something that was making my blood angry.

I turned and there was H1, unwittingly and out of sheer coincidence singing Coldplay's "Trouble".

"...a spider web is tangled up with me..."

H1 was always an ass even back then and even if she didn't intend to be one.

6. Resident Evil Series

Other than some Licker massacre and fumbling with knives to cut industrial strength pad locks, Bunji used to hand me the controller, walk away and tell me to "get him back to the save point without wasting my ammo".  I have not played RE1 to really see if I could do it but thinking on it now, the zombies were awfully slow.  Why couldn't I just run past them again without ease?

Oh that's right, it's called fear.

I am much more afraid of those fast-moving Rage (28 Days Later) zombies in later installments but back in the day, RE's setting was just built to scare and scare me it did.

I know I mentioned it before but it's worth mentioning again.

One night, as H1 witnessed, Bunji and I were playing RE2, I think it was.  A dog jumped through a double glass interrogation room police window unexpectedly.  We both jumped.

Later on, Bunji's character got killed and he restarted.

The same scene, the same dog jumping out at us and we jumped again.

I think H1 must have laughed her ass off a lot.

Bunji's trying to play it as though it were a licker, but it wasn't.  It was a zombie dog but there's nothing to be ashamed about.  It was really scary at the time.

7. Dynasty Warriors 2

Two players, one split screen and a fun afternoon in college battling Asian armies for the glory of a new Empire.

One player did not hear the heed of the other to mind the oncoming rampaging elephant fast approaching.

Said player went flying being not able to see the rather large elephant.

Forever taunted that player will be.

Honourable Mention:

1. Katamari Damacy

I've spoken at length about this before so I won't go into the details.  Just know that whenever I see a picture of a Katamari, I feel slightly ill.  I wouldn't really call this a folly but it certainly was my worst memory of a VG.

Currently listening to: "I'd Be Lying To You" by The Rascals.


  1. Hmm, weren't there some unfortunate incidents in the early Sims days? hmmmm....

  2. Yeah, I was trying to think of any follies with the Sims and forgot to post one of H1's. For myself though...can't think of any.


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