Sunday, October 02, 2011

The End of Days, Part III: Back to the Bronx Zoo

We went back to the Bronx Zoo one weekend in September.

It's not that I found the animal asses to be fetching as per our last visit in May.  No, because if I did that would group me into that corner of the internet that no one should speak about or exist.

Lego Master Builders,the people who are just that more skilled than you and I (psst, that's why they call them M-a-s-t-e-r-s.  It's a true, sad story), designed and built set pieces for exhibition at the Zoo.

Scattered amongst some of the major displays, lego animals lurked.  With special passports, you could spot the wild lego beasts and stamp your way through the zoo grounds - proof that you survived a certain type of blockish massacre.

We found about 5 out of the 8.  Don't judge us! Having just visited the zoo some months ago, we did not need to wander the exhibit too much again but hit up some of the places we missed in May.  Yes, we probably should have at least tried to go find the Lego exhibits but there was callaloo, crab and a Frass waiting at home for us.

It was also decided that since Beetchie had not gone in some years save her last visit for an interview in which there was some snootiness involved on behalf of the staff, that perhaps since she was visiting for the weekend we could make a fun time of it.

The day started though, with a proper mini-Irish breakfast.  As it turns out, a mini-Irish breakfast is anything but mini.

At $5.00, it was a great deal.  And one can only imagine what a full Irish entails.
The mini Irish breakfast had all of the following - 2 slices of buttered toast, a slice of tomato, 1 egg, 2 sausages, 1 slice of Irish bacon, home fries, a mini white pudding and a mini black pudding.

Beetchie rather likes her egg all runny and over easy.  She sickens me.  Bwaha.  I keed.

The white pudding.  I'm not sure what white pudding is but I want some right now.

Hidden under the bacon, just peeking over the top, is your black  pudding.
The white pudding was interesting.  I liked it a lot but that was until I met the black pudding.  White pudding? Who? Oh, that loser of a brother to the fantabulous black pudding? Yeah, whatever, white pudding was so 15 minutes ago (literally 15 minutes, we had to shovel down some white pudding at the zoo entrance, then shovel down some black pudding in the line to the monorail.  We live a hard life sometimes).

Speaking of the monorail, as we mentioned before, the best time to go on the monorail if you're going to do it is right when the zoo opens.  The animals are somewhat active except that bastard Walter the Red Panda who continues to avoid my camera shots - it's been years at this point, the little jerk.

Unlike our guide David the last time, we had a Robert.  Robert, I think, right H1? Anyway, he was not nearly as funny as David but he was a tad entertaining.  Again, we gazed upon some deer asses, peacocks and observed the bossy elephant, Patty.  For some reason, Beetchie was amused by this bossy elephant named Patty.  H1, please deal with her.

Some deer kicking peacock asses? Or maybe he was peeing.  I can't be sure.

giant! sources of food.  In a zombie apocalypse, I know where I'm headed.

Awww, sleepy Pumps.  Uh, I mean, sleepy tiger.
For no other reason than it cracks me up, have a picture of the little guy I love.

Aww, so cute.
Now that I think about it, I actually got pictures of lions, tigers and bears this trip around.  Oh my, how mildy interesting.  Last time I think I got only a tiger, right?

This time, we saw a bunch of lazy lions.  I rather see a lazy lion than one trying to give me menacing mouths and dirty looks.

Oh wait...
Ehhhhh, shaadduup.  

Oh, heh heh.  Psy me no mind.  I was only kidding.
As it has probably become apparent to some by now, over the years I have discovered that no matter what the zoo, or animal encounter I have had - animals enjoy showing me their asses.

I'm not sure why that is but perhaps I have a face that is easy to insult in such a manner.  I do not appreciate it in the least, but I have come to expect such asshattery every where I go.  It's so common knowledge to friends that even Frass, in a text earlier that day, told me to have a good time at the zoo and take lots of pictures of animal asses for him.

And yet, what happened at the next exhibit was shocking even to me.

I almost died

I don't ever have to look at another animal ass again.  This was the biggest insult I have ever endured.

If that was not bad enough, I got the creepy eye from a stalker not far away.

Creepy!
Stop with the stank face.

Uh huh.  I saw you.  I got my eye on you.
Indeed, the jig is up.
After the narrow escape, we finally found a wild Lego animal.

The wild giraffe on safari.  Those unsuspecting fools don't even know what they're missing.

The wild giraffe is pretty beady eyed there.

Past the mouse house and the chinchilla I failed to see, was the reptile house and three little froggy friends.

Three friends!

Tree friends?
The best thing about the reptile house is one of my favourite friends, just hanging out in the open being all dangerous and cute.

He's not a lego masterpiece but this bronze or whatever statue is pure brilliance.
The Reptile house has always been one of my favourite exhibits because of awesome little komodo bitches like my boy above and crocodiles! I love them, but as I always say, I would never like to see one outside of glass and near my face, leg or any other part of my body.

I saw my crocs, but I also saw sad, bleak futures for some frogs.  It was terrible.

He was probably already pooped out by now...
There was the cutest little piggy-nosed turtle.  He was playing coy with me and did not want me to take a picture of his pig nose straight on unfortunately.

Piggy

So cute, so happy
Uh...also...all...smiles?
Beetchie wanted to see Mia and she was there in a double barricade confinement so as to help avoid any more escapades like last year's adventures on the lam.


Security details
I think I saw Beetchie on twitter whilst her visit to the incarcerated probably telling the world that Mia was done dirty.  I don't know but I think Beetchie needs to be watched closely - she may be plotting a jail break! Psh, as if Mia needs help.

Other than some food we saw...

and more asses

And hilarious toads, there was not much more I could photograph in the dark rooms of the  Reptile house without  blinding their senses.
The next Lego exhibit we saw was quite a fun one.

The salmon in the mouth was so cute.

Fat little bear.  So harmless except to some salmon
Then the bears just seemed a little bit too close in the actual exhibit.  It also did not help that they were sniffing the air as if the smelt some food.  People...food.






Hungry, aye? I saw a salmon a ways back.
The last Lego animal we managed to see...well no, the last one I took a picture of, was this spectacular bright orange tiger.  There were no frosted flakes involved but he did try to eat a small child.


No BH, don't do it! It's a trick! NOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo
It was not all terror at the zoo though.  There were cute otters, and fat rabbits.





But, it really was mostly terror at the zoo what with menacing peacocks giving me attitude at every turn.

Curse you too.

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