Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Pumpkins and Lies at the Great Jack O'Lantern Blaze

It's been a couple of years since we went to the Great Jack O' Lantern Blaze at Van Cortland Manor, but it has not been long enough for us to forget the sights at the last exhibit.


October 12th was bitterly cold.  It was cold enough in fact, that Active Goat T. and Alex felt justified in proclaiming that "Winter is Coming" or rather, that "Winter Is Here".  I often marvel at their ridiculousness.  Everyone knows that the official start to Winter for our part of the world is December 21st.  Coincidentally, that is the start to the Zombie Apocalypse/Armageddon, so it's going to be our most brutal winter in the history of the world.

It might be the last Winter ever...but let us not dwell on that for now.

With the cold air, it was sort of nice trekking along with frenemies and family in tow, in the dark with our way lit by over 3,000 carved pumpkins.  It's the sort of fun October event to do to put one in the mood to celebrate all the tricks, treats and ghoulish fun of Halloween...



...Or so you may believe until you figure out that the exhibit is in fact full of shitnanigans.  As H1 and I made our way past the pumpkin grave yard, bursting with zombie hands (a preview of things to come in the near future) and single pumpkins that needed some grading (a lot of "F - -" pumpkins to be sure), our hearts trembled with fear upon the realization of something rather sinister.

Yes, even more sinister than this clownish, starry-eyed fool.  "D -", by the way.
 I believe it was past the house and around the bend that we made the startling discovery.

I don't know what is going on with those pumpkins on top of there.  I don't know what they're supposed to be.  Lumps of turds? Your guess is as good as mine.


The discovery was that not only was there a giant, skull faced spider lurking outside the house and the occupants should probably call in an exterminator for the hellish problem on their hands but it was also a very familiar spider.


No, no.  I'm pretty sure we did not meet him before at the bar or at a concert.

I'm fairly certain we met this very same spider at the Blaze some years ago.  I have no idea how long spiders can live (and this one may have been a special case being that...uh, he's...of special circumstances) but he was hanging out by some dinosaurs.

DINOSAURS.  The same damned dinosaur exhibit we saw when we were there the last time!

Look at them! Look at how familiar like they appear! Where's Stomp-a-saurus? Distant cousin to the Active Goat?
Logistically, there is no way for them to carve over 3,000 plus pumpkins to be able to withstand and hold up under warm weather conditions (which to achieve, they would have to be carving months in advance of October).

But, wax pumpkins? Fake pumpkins?! Are these the lies I've been dealing with all these years?! Are they using the same stencils and putting them in the exact same position as they did three years ago? Shitnanigans! Shitnanigans, I say!!!!!!!!

Don't you be beady-eying me!
And stop laughing at me Cheshire Cat!
Also, there are no such things as fairies!
And I will kick down your mushroom houses!
Ahem... anger aside, there were a couple of new portions of the fake exhibit that were spectacular.  There were giant jack-in-the-box displays as part of the Scary circus portion of the exhibit.  I did not get pictures of those because H1's phone battery died by the time we got to that point (and I still do not have my camera back from shop repairs hence double the anger and lack of blogging).

 Outside the house, a demonic dance around a giant fire pit looked like quite the fun to join in but alas, I do not think my living kind was welcome.


There were also some witches brewing some toil and trouble.  They also give us some stank eye which I did not appreciate.

But how is one supposed to take some witches with ridiculous hats seriously?
But perhaps the most brilliant display was the giant Grandfather, Halloween Clock complete with Jack O' Lantern Pendulum heralding the End of Times.  The Clock stood tall at the start of an eerie dirt road lined with mini Jack O' Lanterns that snickered and flickered off into the darkness, leading where? Who knows?



It was a spectacular sight and made me curse that much more for not having my camera to capture the sheer magnificence of the set up.


As I was standing there trying to get a decent enough picture to share, a chilling laugh could be heard in the dark somewhere down the path.  "That was not cool!", I shouted.  In that moment, it was fairly scary but yeah, it was actually fantastically cool and added so much more depth to an already amazing set piece. 

Despite the lies upon the realization of shitnanigans, we had a fun evening.  It's just not something we may revisit any time in the next few years or so.

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