Sunday, March 31, 2013

What Have I Become?

Recently, I started up a new game of The Cave.

As the beautiful, hilarious introduction ended and after I took the time to read through the descriptions of my playable cast of characters, I had no idea what to do next.

Indeed, the game had already started and I was none the wiser.  I opened up the in-game manual and the controls were simple enough but what the heck? "X" did not start my game?!

What sort of shenanigans was this?!

I reached for my phone to see if there was something wrong with me because the Internet has made it so easy to just find a walkthrough and hide any and all embarrassment (well, there is that thing called personal shame but...yeah, no one has to know).

Flash back to last year.

I bought a copy of the Jak & Daxter HD collection because I had to replay that greatness and capture a piece of my youth again.  I loved the series so much, so why not?

Memories are a funny thing.

Or maybe, somehow, I've just grown a little bit dimmer as the years have gone on and my skill which one would think should increase as time goes, actually got dull.

I played through the first Jak & Daxter (the one that still had Daxter in the title.  Psh) and I adored it.  I absolutely loved it this time around.  I remember when I played it back at its release, I was so blown away by parts 2 and 3 of the series! I always thought Part 1 was just okay.

At it's HD release though? I collected every trophy (not a hard task by any means) and genuinely had a fascinating, fun time.

Given that, I booted up the 2nd game (my favourite back in the day) eager to feel that excitement again.  "It's going to be amazeballs!", I thought to myself.

It was anything but.

The controls on the hover devices were a lot harder than I recall.  And I died a lot more than I remember.  And how THE HELL did I manage to do all those blue ring challenges when I was younger? The game suddenly seemed near impossible! In fact, I stopped playing and have yet to go back.

What happened to me?

Who am I?!

With that I bring you back to The Cave.

I figured out what to do and was happily listening to the funny tale and plowing through my game, until I came to the part where I was supposed to throw a hot dog on a spike.

For the life of me, I could not figure out how to throw something.

Umm, what?

Maybe I want to excuse myself and blame it on recent real world stress in my life.

Or maybe I am shamefully admitting that I am no longer the sharpest tool in the shed.

Hi, it's me, Or 2.

And yep, I'm a rubber mallet.


  1. Hmm, maybe you have a case of gamer's dystonia!

    Dystonia inordinately effects a number of musicians who have achieved very high levels of mastery in whatever instruments they play--I read some the wheres that every major orchestra in the world has lost at least one of its members to the disorder! It's like the musician's hands just "forget" how to play the thing he or she has spent years and decades mastering. Perhaps, in parallel, your game mastery has simply become too great. Like your brain has built up this amazing gaming pre-cache lobe where it instantaneously solves out all your little gaming challenges but doesn't pass that info to your conscious self. Instead it just shoots them straight to your fingers, but at such a torrid pace as to cause nervous system traffic jams! Making you feel slow and clunky, when in fact you're simply too fast! Lots of exclamation points!!!!!

    I remember when I got you J&D for Christmas, and SSX something something or whatever too because you wanted a snowboard game, having outgrown the snowboarding mini-game at Gold Saucer. Little did I know that by contributing all those games to your library of masteries (like Dew Prism! the biggest culprit of them all!) I was making it harder and harder for you to throw a hot dog onto a spike. This puts sadness in my heart. All those gifts were curses, draining your gamer's hp. I have unwittingly assisted in the engineering of this tragedy!

    But then maybe you just need more sleep. Many ailments of the fog-shrouded brain and stumbling fingers were cured by an eight-hour shuttering of the eyes! I will hope this is the case.

    1. Always looking on the bright side of things... perhaps you are right. Any excuse provided to make me not look like an idiot might be okay with me.

      Also, I appreciated your Gold Saucer reference. Hilarious. Thank you.


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