Your humble abode: it's just one room and you. There's a single-sized bed with other modest furnishings in a lone table and two chairs. Some paintings hang on the walls, three pots on the lower left line the wall in a most unassuming fashion, and a mask adorns the opposite side of the room. Not far north stands a grand castle and to the west, a quaint village with its laid back atmosphere found in its milk bar, farm, citizens and cuccos happily clucking while roaming free. Everyone knows your name but you prefer to live the solitary life with your late mornings, and idle thoughts of becoming a Blacksmith.
Your house that sits on a hill, has a scarecrow outside near the front door. A tiny blue bird nestles peacefully in its hat and neat rows of bushes keeps them both company. There's not much else here and these are your humble, carefree beginnings. Perhaps it is that you're just content living a simple existence with no real direction and no real responsibilities. No responsibilities that is until a seemingly easy errand puts a sword in your hand, and a chain of events ensures that a legend is reborn! You're going to need all the help you can muster. It's dangerous to go alone, they say. But who's this? A purple rabbit willing to aid you on your journey? Bunnies are so mild-mannered, what could possibly go wrong…?
The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds brings our favourite hero clad in green back to the realm of Hyrule. With him comes an entire arsenal of weapons - familiar, improved and more brilliant than ever - with new tricks and beautiful ways to use them to solve some masterful puzzles. There's a new system of renting these items and well, a shady new black market type fiend to greedily oblige in overseeing that profitable process.
***There are minor spoilers for A Link Between Worlds below***The rabbit Ravio found his way into my home. The how or why is not what baffled me, young Link. At the time, it seemed the least of my worries as all chaos was threatening Hyrule once more. It did startle me just a tad - this odd purple monstrosity of a rabbit moving into my home - but the uncomfortable nature of his presence was fleeting for only a moment.
With all of Hyrule in peril, I set the strange rabbit from my mind and continued on my ever so important quest.
Fight after fight ensued.
Tragedy after tragedy followed.
It was at a moment when life felt hopeless and grim, that I decided to once again visit my house to find some solace in that space I held dearest to my heart.
Upon my arrival, something seemed terribly different about the place.
Inside I discovered the absolute horror. "Where's my bed?!", I pondered. "Yeah, alright. I know I cannot think about sleep right now but... hey listen, didn't I have more stuff in here?"
I don't really recall ordering renovations. Is...is that storefront?!
In the subsequent internal conversation I imagined I had with the purple, beastly, untrustworthy rabbit devil; my mind struggled to comprehend my situation:
So that we're not confused, I am to save Hyrule from these sudden appearances of monsters (not to be confused with the monstrous creatures that usually inhabit Hyrule… grumble grumble hideous Zoras grumble grumble)...and you, Ravio, are going to help me? And you shall be doing so by taking over my house, slumming it here (for free, mind you) and then charging me premium prices to rent out equipment... Equipment that I need to even begin thinking about saving the world from darkness, blah blah blah…
As my mind continued to wander, I gazed upon the beauty of his wares. "Where did he even get this stuff?!", my thoughts interrupted my already bizarre imaginary conversation with Ravio. I began to wonder if he crafted some of the items himself.
Being that I had no choice in the matter and I needed these weapons, I opted to engage in one of the best courses of actions I could think of: chopping anything and everything in sight for those precious rupees. He later told me that I could choose to buy the weapons. Feeling confident with the small fortune I collected from the carcasses belonging to the many creatures destroyed by my sword, I complied.
Take this boomerang, for instance. It flies so expertly. It may look like a blur when it goes but that just means fools don't see it coming.
You know damned well I'm going to spend it all in one place! And what that place would be! And I did. I almost cried.After two measly item purchases, I found myself running seriously low on rupees. Rupees may grow on trees (or live...in them?), or hide under bushes, and moonlight as the souls of many of the monsters (...what?) but all that murder started to become a bit tiresome. Plus! I discovered that all those weird temples I was forced to explore (for reasons I did not quite understand), contained treasure chests.
Sometimes, the treasure chests gave me absolute rubbish like gross monsters' tails. "Who goes around hiding this stuff, anyway?", I would ask every time I was met with a nasty surprise. But there were those times when the chests contained the shiny rupees Ravio required. Other times, I even found gold and silver ones! Why yes, I did feel lucky finding those! Half the fun of those temples involved searching for treasure chests, I guess and since that jerk with his shady rental policies dictated my course of action…
...I soon became obsessed with collecting rupees. I wanted to be able to purchase all the alluring, magical items Ravio had to offer.
I'll just take this. And that. This too. Oooo, that thing sparkles. 1200 rupees?! That's highway robbery! What about a slum (in my house) chum discount?
The initial discounts were pointless and did nothing to soften the blow of all the rupees I needed to complete my task. I knew what had to be done.
I turned to a life of crime.
Using some persuasion and shady tactics of my own, I did all sorts of questionable...things.
After many creatures were felled by my sword, bushes chopped and treasure chests ransacked; I returned to Ravio's store formerly known as my house. With a proud smile, I purchased every item he had in my living room.
Oh, whatever. He probably had it coming anyway. At least I spared his life. I cannot say the same for his cousins.
Then he did it.
With his new found wealth, he kicked back and start relaxing without a care in the world. All my hard work to save his bunny tail went into paying for his retirement...
...In MY house.
Yeah, I bet you do.
I suppose one could say that I should be thankful that he even came around with these items. The power of those tools and Ravio's assistance did help me save everyone's meaningless little lives, after all. Though after acquiring a roommate I never asked for, being the victim of a well-executed con and being evicted from my home; I know no one here will fault me when I ask...
Oh! Well that's interesting! I too like to sing! "Happiness is a Warm Gun" is one of my favourite songs! Got any of those in stock?
...is duck hunting season over yet?
TAY Classic has some black market dealings of its own. What do they deal in, you ask? Stories on life, video games and anything else you may fancy discussing. It's all up to you! Start a discussion of your own and/or join in one. It's quite simple and the handy tutorial for TAY has all the answers you need.
The Original Article was published on December 3, 2013 on tay.kotaku.com. It may be found at the following link: http://tay.kotaku.com/your-favourite-worst-nightmare-trust-no-bun-ny-1475496746