The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 10

Day 10 - Tuesday, June 5th

Another easy day in Kyoto. One that involved our going to a ghetto zoo. The Kyoto Zoological Park was quite sketch and once again, we found ourselves surrounded by school children. It had a petting zoo section for crap's sake!

There were no alligators which made it lame. And as per usual, I end up at a zoo on a really hot day so the red pandas refused to show themselves. But the vulture was really damned hilarious to me. He lumbered around like nobody's business. Beetchie enjoyed the multiple fowl because according to her, if it's a bird, it's edible.

After the short-lived zoo visit, we made our way back to the maze strip mall and couldn't find the movie theatre we had seen the day before. Why did we want the movie theatre?

We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End.

Look, don't judge us okay? We wanted a movie experience in Japan and it was really hot that day!

Anyway, the movie theatre impressed Beetchie due to something about the high resolution screen and reserved seating. I was impressed by the fact that I could eat caramel popcorn as my choice of popcorn and it was good too. A choice in popcorn that isn't extra butter! It was a little burnt but still, it was fantastic. I was confused by the hippo mascots and the fact that the Japanese were very quiet in the theatre.

As for the movie itself, it was better than part 2 save that whole stupid role of that "jamaican" woman. Ugh. But TD5, we need to discuss.

Next we hit up Gion Corner, which literally was a corner. Those Japanese can be so humourless sometimes though alright, maybe I found that slightly amusing. Unfortunately we arrived too late as the Geisha had already retired for the night. It was only a little after 8 p.m. but who am I to judge a Geisha? They certainly know how to reel in the money. Damned rich Gion...



Things We Observed This Day - Volume VIII

1. Frankly, we'd observed this a long time before but the Japanese are all about day trips and school trips for their kids. I question whether the children go to school at all. Look at those children, the real animals at the zoo!



2. We had nothing but bus misadventures on this trip. Even when it wasn't our fault, we still mananged to hold up the bus because their stupid machines didn't want to read our 500 yen.

The Day's Eats:

1. Takoyaki.

2. Bad Hot Dog/Onion Cheese Bread.

3. Maple, condensed milk sandwich.

4. Caramel Popcorn.

5. Ramen with really fatty pork.

Obligatory Animal Picture for Beetchie:

Here's your squeaky toy sounding bush-dog, Beetchie. I'm sure he had a WTF moment of the day when you insisted on wakin' his tired ass. 'Thanks. Thanks for waking me.'



The Shooed Away Count:

1. The bus driver kicked us off his buss for holding up his bus. I think I got a free ride off of him or Beetchie. It wasn't our fault the stupid change machine wasn't working properly!

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 9

Day 9 - Monday, June 4th

Kyoto had the biggest, frickin' strip mall ever. That damned place was never-ending and scary.

We mostly just hung out around the giant mall and had many good time meals. We also got presents for a lot of you peeps including checking out a music store for the latest in Japanese music. And oo! I found my boys MUSE and Arctic Monkeys on the second floor of Juegia CD store. Awww. Sorry. They make me happy. Stop judging.

Now on to the food because it was the great thing of the day!

The Day's Eats:

1. There was a squashed custard bun incident that I'm trying to forget.

2. Takoyaki

3. X, yep - we did a Sushi Conveyor Belt. Mmmm, we ate 14 plates of sushi with 2 to a plate for 1990 yen. Good times, right X?



4. And now for one of the best eats of the trip and certainly the most expensive meal - the Kobe steak. We had a five course meal that included grilled mushrooms that were fantastic but it was all about the Kobe. Beetchie says it melted in the mouth and it did. It really did. And for 115 dollars, that damned steak better have melted in the mouth!



That's the shoddy picture of the kobe. I was in a high class place, people, I couldn't exactly be flash-photographing the chef and the kobe like a stupid American.

Things We Observed and the WTF Moments - Volume VII:

1. If I hear Avril Lavigne one more time...I'll kick a Japanese person. They are obsessed with her and I cannot understand it for the life of me. Stupid ass, Japanese and their love of stupid Canadians.

2. Those Japanese like to keed. We found this store that claimed it had the funniest things from America. Either the Japanese don't know funny or are trying to rub it in our faces that we're not funny. I hardly find this amusing at all -



3. Beetchie ate the fugu. I actually pointed it out to her like the good friend that I am. She got high off of it.

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 8

Day 8 - Sunday, June 3rd

We had a holy day of Temple Shrine Hopping. I didn't feel very holy though after those biatches made us pay to get in to see their shrines!

We did lots of walking and lots of getting lost along the way until we discovered that the easiest way to get around Kyoto is via their bus system and that it'd take you to whatever tourist spot you needed to see. I don't even take the bus in NYC, so the fact that Kyoto forced this upon me was criminal! But for 220 yen, we could pretty much tour Kyoto's major spots if we just stayed on the bus. And we did the day after but not because we wanted to but because we just had to make a roundabout as we got on the bus going in the direction opposite what we wanted.

Sadly, we never got to Nijo Castle. And the ninjas remained in hiding.

Not much more to say so just look at the pretty pictures!

This here is the Golden Pavillion. It's pretty golden, right?

Some Zen Garden Goodness

And please notice the duck, will you?

He argued with me the entire time I was there.

Asshole animals strike again!

I prefered the Ryoan-ji Zen Garden to the Golden Pavillion, even if I did get heckled by a duck. It's okay though, I paparrazi'd his ass.

But by far, the best temple we visted that day and perhaps for our entire journey, I felt (and not because it cost nothing to go to) was the one that was involved quick healing and safe travels. The atmosphere there was peaceful and felt special...



...ah yes, Goo Shrine. You cannot have anything but love and respect for a temple dedicated to pigs.

WTF Moment of the Day:

1. Seriously, 400 yen for the Golden Pavillion and 500 yen to see a tiny zen rock garden that lied to me in the pictures?! Those rocks were not as white as in the brochure!!!!

Things We Observed This Day:

1. The Japanese are trusting when it comes to the bus. I mean, if there's one thing you're taught in NY, it's that you should always have exact change for the bus. This is not needed on the Japanese bus. The bus actually has a machine to give you change! That's crazy.

Also, they do everything backwards and here's why they're 'trusting'. You get on the bus in the middle and you don't pay until you get off. They're insane.

The Day's Eats:

1. Pizza buns/bread

2. Green tea and vanilla Soft Serve Ice-Cream (which was fabulous)

3. Melon Cream Soda (which was a crime against nature)

4. "Regular" food - pasta, fries, baked pork with sweet sauce? Oh but was it good times.

5. Japanese Teriyaki pizza. (Gross. The chicken, the rice cakes, the mayo and corn. Ugh.)

The Tokyo-Ho to Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 7

Day 7 - Saturday, June 2nd

Well this was fairly exciting!

We traveled on the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto. The usual 8 hour trip by regular rail was only 2.5 hours on the Shinkansen.



The Shinkansen was not only super fast but also super quiet. It was quite amazing how smooth a ride it was. But while fast and impressive, that couldn't stop noisy little bastard children from invading our car. We would be the ones to get the noisiest children in Japan. There's nothing worse than a train riddled with brats, save the one bitchy fat assed baby who sat in his own chair and grimaced like nobody's business. Damned future Yakuza.

Misadventure number 1 of Kyoto was finding our Ryokan. We eventually found it by following a kind old lady who lead us to the place but not before accosting a plain clothed police officer? We're not sure what he was but he was awesome and his accent was awesome. He could have been from Osaka. He managed to help us some, even if all he did was direct us to an old lady after 15 minutes of listening to his prattling off about something. He wouldn't let us go for a while there.

The Ryokan was nice and was run by Yumiko, a woman we did not want to mess with.

Bad shot of our room -



And then came the communal bath which was quite sketchy. I tried to make a pact with Beetchie, who refused to shower the same time I wanted to until of course, she had to go clean her tattoo and begged me to come with her.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

For some reason the toilets were quite smelly. We later discovered that was due to mildew but man, was that nasty everytime we had to use the bathroom.

The Day's Eats:

1. Pork and rice for breakfast, salmon and rice for breakfast minus the natto this time.

2. Shrimp Fillet sandwiches laden with onions and potato salad sandwiches also laden with onions.