Ridiculous Sightings in Retail...Are you Sure?

This article was also published on zarnyx.kinja.com on December 9, 2013.  The article may be found at the following link:  http://zarnyx.kinja.com/ridiculous-sightings-in-retail-are-you-sure-1479737237

Your Favourite Worst Nightmare: Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Your Home Town: You’ve just about forgotten the day you stepped off that train into a life of Inadvertent Leadership.  Neighbros have come and gone.  Friends have visited your larger than life world with its zen garden, and the lonely lighthouse keeping watch over the cliff as it ushers Kappa safe passage to the Island.  Your house now looks fit for a king as you sit in front of your fireplace every night wondering when next that horse will make an unannounced visit.  Your museum has reached a new level of cultural sophistication and yet there’s still so much left to explore.

Ridiculous Sightings in Retail:.. GDDH

Let's see what we got here in our salad dressing aisle... a raspberry vinaigrette.  Cool.  Cool.  Asiago Caesar dressing, garlic going down...alright, alright.  Godd...what?


What the hell is Goddess?

...
"Made with Goodness"...

What does that even mean? Because all I see is that flowers, garlic, lemons, sparklies and goddesses (plus the world) went into the making of this salad dressing.
Psh.

Hipsters.

This article may be found at the following link:  http://zarnyx.kinja.com/ridiculous-sightings-in-retail-gddh-1282978439

SnackTAYku: Eating the Rocky Mountains for Breakfast

I am a firm believer that no matter the type of food, it can be eaten whenever.  A stupidly simple statement, right? But I know we are all a little bit different.  Some of us adhere to labels of breakfast, lunch, and dinner and that certain foods should be categorized and eaten strictly during their designated time zones.  I have respect to those of you who do said things.  It may be a matter of not being able to handle heavier foods earlier in the morning too or whatever the case may be.  I understand our needs may be different.  I probably should do same but sometimes eating half a burger at 7 in the morning may be a necessary evil! A bowl of plain old cereal for dinner? Yes.  Sometimes you just have to make up for the days' prior..."misgivings" in that half a burger you may have consumed.

The Things That Go Bump in the Night

Imagine if you will, you had been running for days on end through jungles in South America.  You've been chased by henchmen with all varieties of weapons at their disposal but you're not one to sleep on what's in your arsenal either.  A micro-9mm, a Wes-44, an AK-47, the dragon sniper rifle... the list goes on.  Jumping from cliff ledges, trying to avoid gunfire, and picking up treasure along the way - the sense of danger is somewhat exciting, the adventure exhilarating and it is all second nature to you.  There's no worry even as you see your life fading into the grey on those occasions you've encountered just too many gun-toting enemies.  Missing a jump means certain doom but that's not too worrisome either.  There's no fear here at all...that is until the zombies awaken.

Pumpkin

You know...I guess I always thought that I would have Pumpies for a long time still.  

Maybe another 5 years or so years, I thought.  In my head I always thought he would live until he was 18 and he only just turned 13 on August 31st.  

I remember when we got him.  I went with brother Bunji and Angelo to the shelter one day.  I walked around and he was the first to catch my eye.  This orange boy who came up to greet me and was super friendly in his cage.  An older cat .. he was near 2 when we got him and it was already hard for the older ones to be adopted.  I had no idea why he was still there because he was to me, the most beautiful, funny little cat with so much personality.  All I needed were those 3 or so minutes with him to know he was the one.

Angelo called us over to see this all black cat named Firefighter.  I was in mid sentence saying how cute he was when he slapped me in the face through his cage.  That was an immediate no, even if that story makes for a great laugh every time I recall it.

I went back to Pumpkin and excitedly called my brother to come see this charming, friendly cat.  When we got to his cage he was curled up in at the back and refused to be social.  "Come on cat...I am trying to help you out here! Be friendly like before and you can come home with us!"

My brother moved on to look at the other cats.  That day we almost went home with Firefighter.  I don't know how I convinced them but I remember I just kep harping on Pumpkin.  In my mind he was already my cat.  And even if he was going home to my brother's, I chose him.  I fought for him.  I always joked with Pumpkin that he owed me his life.

When they finally decided he was the one what I already knew in my heart, we took him home and tried to change his name.  Pumpkin was already his name and we liked it enough to stick with it.  There was nothing else to call him.  He was Pumpkin.  

He had more personality than I ever imagined.  We heard from the shelter that he used to knock the toys down from the shelf down to the other cats so they could play with them.  During his time with us we spoiled him rotten and he became this bratty beast.  I say brat but really all he ever did was want attention and constant petting.  But most of all he was pretty smart.  He was insanely smart to the point where there was just so much knowing and intelligence in his eyes.  It is something I could never describe to you.  He was dog like in his ways.  Human in his thinking.  

This is still the funniest picture of him. 

I apologized to him for making the decision I made.  I could have held on for selfish reasons but I knew I could not put him through that.  He was mild-mannered and happy to be with me even to the end.  Bughie J. told me that Pumpkin knew I did right by him by making the decision I made and that it would have been hard watching Pumpkin not do all the Pumpkinie things he used to do that made him who he was.  The problem was that even in his state he was being the boy I always knew.  Maybe he slowed down some but there he was, still begging for food and still headbutting your hand for petting.  

It broke me when he was given his sedative and he turned to look at what the vet was doing and then just like that, my hand which had been cradling the side of his face, he took comfort in it like he always did, nuzzled his little face down into it and went to sleep.

Yesterday I could not sit on the couch when I got home after holding his little face in my hands and kissing him goodbye.  I just couldn't sit on the couch.  Every time I did there was always a little orange/bottle blonde beast that would come out of no where and nuzzle his way into my lap and yesterday I looked around aimlessly because even though I knew what had just happened, it snapped like a routine and for one brief second I looked around puzzled.  

This was a habit he picked up later on his life.  I don't know what changed him but one day he just decided he would be a lap cat.  The first time he did it it was with a complete stranger who happened to be quite a pretty woman.  We joked about that - here he was hamming it up for a pretty face.

Then one day he just crawled into my lap and never left.  He had been doing it for years and it is hard for me to remember what he did before that.  I don't know.  Maybe I just became beautiful to him that day.  I guess I should feel flattered.

When I looked down, there was my little Pumpkin.

But the couch... I don't know when I can get back to it.  There's no cat to sit in my lap.  I can't even bear to look at it.  I can hardly bear to walk in the house.  I remember all those nights I spent sitting on that thing and here he was fighting his way to crawl on my lap.  "Pumpkin!", I would always joke as if I were exasperated and annoyed but he knew I would have it no other way.  I missed him after all whenever he decided he was more interested in being on his cat perch than being with me.  I would beg him to come.  That irony was never lost on me.

We watched countless shows together.  All the USA Network ones I sometimes feign I have no knowledge on.  Luther.  Futurama.  Gravity Falls.  News.  Any and everything.  We also played so many games together.  Uncharted.  Countless hours of dozens of JRPGs.  How many hours of the same Japanese tropes and dramatics did we sink time with together?  How many chocobos did we ride together? How many fantastical beasts and bosses did we fight together? How many times did he have to hear me gasp at a plot twist? How many explicit cries of frustration at not being able to overcome a portion of a game? How many times did he have to hear Link do a signature cry when attacking some stalfos?  

All you jerks will remember how fat he was.  But he was big-boned! He did love his food though.  That little jerk would never leave my plate alone! He grabbed food off of it the other day.  After I had been saving that piece of chicken to enjoy last too... Oh, Pumps.

I'm also glad Beetchie got to say goodbye to him too.  Thank you, B.

I say he was my cat.  But really H1 always said that it was not that he was my cat...it was that I was his girl.  It's true.  But I always made that other joke the wrong way, Pumpkin because I owed you my life.

I miss you so much, Pumps.  I'm sorry I didn't let you come sleep on my head one last time the night before.

I miss that orange butt in my face. 

What Have I Become?

Recently, I started up a new game of The Cave.

As the beautiful, hilarious introduction ended and after I took the time to read through the descriptions of my playable cast of characters, I had no idea what to do next.

Indeed, the game had already started and I was none the wiser.  I opened up the in-game manual and the controls were simple enough but what the heck? "X" did not start my game?!

What sort of shenanigans was this?!

I reached for my phone to see if there was something wrong with me because the Internet has made it so easy to just find a walkthrough and hide any and all embarrassment (well, there is that thing called personal shame but...yeah, no one has to know).

Flash back to last year.

I bought a copy of the Jak & Daxter HD collection because I had to replay that greatness and capture a piece of my youth again.  I loved the series so much, so why not?

Memories are a funny thing.

Or maybe, somehow, I've just grown a little bit dimmer as the years have gone on and my skill which one would think should increase as time goes, actually got dull.

I played through the first Jak & Daxter (the one that still had Daxter in the title.  Psh) and I adored it.  I absolutely loved it this time around.  I remember when I played it back at its release, I was so blown away by parts 2 and 3 of the series! I always thought Part 1 was just okay.

At it's HD release though? I collected every trophy (not a hard task by any means) and genuinely had a fascinating, fun time.

Given that, I booted up the 2nd game (my favourite back in the day) eager to feel that excitement again.  "It's going to be amazeballs!", I thought to myself.

It was anything but.

The controls on the hover devices were a lot harder than I recall.  And I died a lot more than I remember.  And how THE HELL did I manage to do all those blue ring challenges when I was younger? The game suddenly seemed near impossible! In fact, I stopped playing and have yet to go back.

What happened to me?

Who am I?!

With that I bring you back to The Cave.

I figured out what to do and was happily listening to the funny tale and plowing through my game, until I came to the part where I was supposed to throw a hot dog on a spike.

For the life of me, I could not figure out how to throw something.

Umm, what?

Maybe I want to excuse myself and blame it on recent real world stress in my life.

Or maybe I am shamefully admitting that I am no longer the sharpest tool in the shed.

Hi, it's me, Or 2.

And yep, I'm a rubber mallet.

The Ides of March

The Ides of March visited my world one week and one day too early this year.

No, I did not get stabbed by Senators and no, in my dying breath I did not utter a very dramatic "Et Tu, Brute?" but it certainly felt that way when my boss of 9 years hauled my department in for an emergency 1:20 p.m. meeting on March 8th and began the meeting with the news, "It's not good, guys".
It was a gross understatement if ever I heard it.

For the 9 years I've worked at a large law firm in Midtown, I've been at the receiving end of a pay scale that supposedly meets "Industry Standards".  Speaking with colleagues employed in other sectors and other firms confirms that I'm an underpaid peon.  Perhaps it's my fault for staying so long but having a job lulls you into a sense of security.  That cushioned feeling one gets when a steady pay check comes in - enough for bill paying, saving, the occasional concert and maintaining a hobby such as playing video games - is calming.
In the 23 years that the collective 'we' were employed by our client, the news of a filing of bankruptcy took all of 10 seconds to tell and with that, 8 plus people (at least those we know about in our immediate circle) were left with looming unemployment.

The nature of the work has required us to wind down operations and without a fixed end date,  it's been nothing but mixed emotions coming into work every morning knowing that you are hastening the end of your job.

I've heard a lot of advice in the past few weeks:

"Start looking right away!", "Go on vacation, mope around your house for a month then dust yourself off and start looking then." 

"Wait for a severance package!" or quite possibly my favourite today, "Oh...don't rely on a severance package because you're probably not getting one of those that's going to be any more than a 2 week pay check for your almost 10 years of service." 

Well that's completely lovely, isn't it?

These days, I've started noticing a lot more too, now that I am not so self-absorbed.  As I make that death walk to work on mornings, suddenly there seem to be a lot of people with portfolios tucked under their arms.  I whisper "good luck" to them every time I see them under my breath.  It's a little prayer for them and certainly one for myself as I face the same grind in a week or two.

And then there are the moments that I try to be optimistic.

"Well hey, the job provided me the opportunity to buy myself some games.  In between looking I can catch up on that atrocious backlog!"

But my heart has not really been in it.  I've been struggling to play "Breath of Fire IV" amongst other things for the past few weeks and I have the occasional chuckle at some of the dialog but if I can play for more than five minutes at a time, it's a lot. 

I think this is what they call a funk.

Tomorrow though, I am off to pick up my copy of "Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon" at Nintendo World's launch party in NYC.  It was bought on a Christmas credit I had from my very kind sister.

It's probably the last game I will purchase for some while.  So, here's hoping that little green plumber can show me his brave stance against the scary things in this world and give me the courage to go out there and do same.  Well, you know...not become a Ghostbuster (although, any job openings in that field?!) or anything, but some encouragement to stay strong during the tough job hunt would be welcome.

At the very least, I hope he whistles that nervous little tune/theme song as he did in the first game. 

That always cheered me up.

Happy H1's Day

Happy St. Paddy's Day (or whatever it is you people call it)!

In celebration of her own day, H1 bought us some cupcakes.  Hiding within the chocolate muddy frosting were nasty surprises...

...the sort of nasty surprises that one may close their eyes and have nightmares about.

Or perhaps the sort that will have me sleeping with one eye open tonight.

As if these tiny, green hellions are not terrifying as is, what with a third hand growing out of their heads and straight through their hats (a feather in their cap, you say? Look again!), whilst digging their hands into their chests to tear out their hearts, then certainly...

...the "gold pots" clutched under their arms are cause for alarm.  Gold pots? Or children's heads turned to gold?!

Currently: nervously watching my back.

What the What.

My camera has finally returned to me and I couldn't be more excited.

And what sort of craziness do I get to take (awful) pictures of on it's first foray back into the world?

Yep, snow. 

I could not stay out there to take any sort of interesting pictures because it's pretty dangerous out there with the wind kicking up.

However, I just wanted to show you the shitnanigans regarding the snow, as H1 would probably want me to point out.

After the Hurricane last week and the Nor'Easter we're currently embroiled in, it's only serving to make me that much more convinced that the Zombie Apocalypse is soon headed our way.

Seriously though, this storm is a tragedy on top of all the hell many others faced last week and are still facing.

I did not get a chance to wish my good luck chant at the beginning of November but I'll wish it now for everyone.

"Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit.  Hare, Hare, Hare."

November....please stop this ridiculous behaviour.

A "Keed"napping at the Job

It was Thursday when members of The Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. and Friends of Hello Kitty went missing.

A missing report with Reward details were posted.

I guess no one will take a knuckle to the eyeballs seriously.

A ransom note and follow up "demands" letter were received.

I Have Not a Clue

If this trailer for the upcoming Wii U game "Little Inferno" does not creep you out, then you are a stronger person than I.

I have no idea what the gameplay is like but this trailer was enough for me to be highly interested and that alone is way frightening to me.



I absolutely adore it but mostly I'm pretty worried at the same time.

It's Happened

There are no high hopes for Muse's new album after hearing that rubbish new single "Madness".  If I could describe a pop song in the most disgusting of ways, I would do so for this.

However, there are currently no words to describe the horror.

That is all.

Unfreakin' Believable

Say what you will about the official song for the Olympics 2012 but as the OFFICIAL song, you'd think NBC wouldn't cut it out of their closing ceremony "broadcast", right?

It should come as no surprise to me the level of assness NBC has displayed during these entire games and yet they still managed to piss me off this day in one final hurrah.

I might be on a bit of a breakup from Bells but that is besides the point and what NBC did was really, really idiotic.

Really.

Yet I had to sit there and listen to that asshole Ryan Seacrest talk out of his asshole showcasing his lack of musical knowledge, watch Posh Spice almost fall off her car (which would have been fabulous except she didn't), Kate Moss heroin walk in a daze, Jessie J. butcher Freddie Mercury and waste two and a half hours of my life watching commercials and terrible performances when I could easily have wasted that time playing Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance instead.

Absolute brilliance, that.

Edit at 12:39 a.m.: I'm sure they cut tons of material and I'm seeing Kate Bush got cut too.  Complete shitnanigans.

The Shitnanigans of the Olympics Google Doodles

What does it take to get Gold on Google Doodles Featured Page during the Olympics 2012?!

This week, the Google homepage has been hosting Google Doodles you can "Play".

On Tuesday, I jumped hurdles and made a score of 13.4 seconds, jumping every hurdle without fail and only got silver.

Silver.

I call Shitnanigans!

Tonight, I was defending my goal like nobody's business in Football (which reminds me, I saw a great shirt today that read "I play football with my feet".  I need it) and managed to save 23 times.

Silver.

Silver.

Shitnanigans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Curse you, Goolympics.

I curse you with my silver tongue.

Well, then...

This is awfully...

...

I don't want to say awful but it really kind of is...kind of awful.

Plenty kind of awful.



Alright.

Here's what I think, truly.  It's everything from the last two albums I did not fancy mixed into one track (think Knights of Cydonia (which I really dislike no matter what any of you louts say; that song is mostly lame) plus United States of Eurasia (which as the name implies was full of rot)) but will sound amazing in concert (no surprise) and somehow manages to be ever so slighty less agitating.  As an Olympic Theme, I can give it a pass in its ridiculousness.

What else can I say about it? I can say it's actually typical later Muse and not the dreadful influenced drivel I was expecting since the Unmentionable happened.  I'm still expecting some of that on the new album but it's not present here.  A glimmer of hope, perhaps?

And the end of this song?

It is in no way awesome.  It's in no way a "Whhaauuhhhtt" in your face sort of awesome.

It's more of a "Whhhaaaaatttt" disbelief reaction in its terribleness.

Yep, it totally smells like dog buns.

Currently: Unamused.

Freakin' Zombies

I got Lollipop Chainsaw this weekend.  I was so excited!

Suda51, James Gunn, Jimmy Urine, Akira Yamaoka, insanity, crude but hilarious humour...all these things to love!

All things to love except the zombies.

In case you have not been paying attention, the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us and we've been warning you for years of its coming.  Of all the undead or things that go bump in the night creatures, zombies are the worst.

Thus, I was apprehensive about getting Lollipop Chainsaw on account that I would be scared out of my wits.

But in typical Suda fashion, it's been nothing but fun, crazy nonsense.  The zombies say ridiculous things including every manner of curse words possible and it's hard to take them seriously.  I had my first boss fight and it was Zed, voiced by Jimmy Urine if I'm not mistaken.  It was pretty fun and the music has been nothing but a trip.

It's been all fabulous and not in any way scary.

Tell me why then, I had to wake myself at 2 a.m. then again at 2:30 a.m. because I was having a zombie nightmare in which I was not going to make it.  Zombie food, man.  I was going to be Zombie food! I had to wake myself up.

But you know, the strangest thing? In the dream, H1 and I were running through golden fields and to desolate, country looking houses.  It was a clear indication that I have been traumatizing myself with a zombie induced frenzy with Wallander as a setting.

At least there was a small meeting with Magnus at some point.

Thor's Day

Everything about this day has been off.

Of all the days of the week, Thursdays are the days I hate the most.  This has been ongoing for some years now but it always seems like bad things happen on Thursdays, at least in my mind.

That bad feeling I just could not shake was not helped any by the news that a gunman tragically took the life of 5 people in Seattle yesterday.  My very great Gen' Frien' lives out there and thankfully, she is fine but it turns out the area in which the incidents occurred is one she frequents and almost did yesterday.

Frass is also well, having not heard from him in days after the zombie incident - another sad and scary event.

When I got to work and to cheer my spirits, roommate TonA had written "It's Thor's Day!" and scribbled a lightning bolt on our community white board (she has been a constant ear to my ramblings about anything and everything Loki/Tom H. and we have bonded solidly for the past month over Avengers).

Side Note: Last week for Fleet Week, I drew a Sailor.  Or... a Sailor Madeleine.  With a boomerang.

In keeping with bad drawing tradition, I decided at 8:45 this morning to poorly sketch a Thor.

Those aren't khakis but Pajama Pants.  Halloween plans to go as Thor and Loki in Pajamas are underway for TonA and I.

For my efforts, I received an "F- -" from H1.

But the true "F - -" moment came when Alex made a sighting as to a tall, blonde celebrity outside our building while one of our co-workers spoke to him.

And we later found out that it was indeed Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth.

Thor.

Freakin' THOR was in my building and I had a missed opportunity to have him sign my Thor dog tag that I've had on my person for the past month.  And I missed my opportunity to tell him that while he was good in Avengers, my favourite was Tom.  Because I'm a fool who would say that and profess my obsession with the God of Mischief to the God of Thunder.

Six Degrees of Separation, I guess.

Me ---> Co-Worker G.Med ----> Thor/Chris Hemsworth ----> Loki/Tom Hiddleston + ???? = Profit

Knockin' About on Rainy Mondays and Tuesdays, Part II

In this Tuesday recap of a Rainy Day Knock About, there was not much H1, Ren, J and I did or anything fabulous to talk about.

It really rained on us that morning as we headed down to 34th street but it was what we found on the way that is truly worth showing.

This movie poster was at the 49th Street Underground Subway Station.  I know nothing of this movie but I had no idea that the awesome man with the awesome name was in it:

Another Round of Ass-Hattery

The abuse continues in this installment of Fortune Cookie Ass-hattery.

In this first fortune, there's not much abuse to be found here.  I did reflect on the number of new people I've met and have tried to think of what realizations or big issues have come along with meeting them.  Then it hit me that the fortune is rubbing it in my face.  We met A of Kels and A fame, who we recently met up with during their honeymoon trip.  The big realization was the fact that here in the U.S.A. unlike Australia and other countries, we do not have the option to book World Trip tickets.