At
the end of May, it will officially be six years since my friend and I
visited Japan. Six years?! Somebody get me a rocking chair, set me up
on a porch, and stage some children playing out front. All this so I
can tell the children to get off my lawn, mumble something about
Whippersnappers and then shake my fist when in the same breath I tell
them...You youngin's have no respect! Why back in my day... And they'll all roll their eyes and mutter, "Here we go! It's Flashback Friday..."
Come May of this year (come what May of this year?), it will be four years since Beetchie and I traipsed our way through Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka.
Four whole years is unreal, isn't it?
It's a sad reminder that I've not done any overseas vacations in quite the while. But never you mind me and my First World problems; I'll get by.
Kyoto gave us a lot of things to eat, now that I'm flashing back (not flash dancing because I don't do that, H1) to that time.
I finally got to live out an anime fantasy and eat manju from a street cart. Well, it wasn't on the side of a rural road but it counted. Not that it mattered because I ended up disliking the soy bean type powder coating on said sweet dumpling. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I was.
Then there was our kobe steak dinner which cost us a tasty arm and leg. And let us not forget the BEST freaking movie popcorn I ever ate. It was all caramel and amazing and I'll never get to re-live those good times again.
It was there that we ate plates and plates of sushi each. It was incredible and incredulous how many plates of sushi we ate. But what I was really thankful for other than the fabulous tasting meal was the fact that I did not have to take Beetchie to the hospital because she decided to eat fugu.
I had to make sure that at least one of us was not dying in the street so that said person could take the other to the hospital. It certainly was a good thing too because she came out of there feeling slightly light-headed. Oh, but for full disclosure, since I had no idea how to get to a hospital and the Japanese could not direct me to any place because they didn't know, I think things may have been grim for Beetchie.
Ah yes, those were fun times because no one lost an eye...or their life.
But a fugu event was not going to happen at my second outing at a Conveyor Belt Sushi restaurant because that happened just a few weeks ago at the Palisades mall. I highly doubt I will ever find fugu at the Palisades Mall but then, I was highly doubtful that I'd find a Conveyor Belt sushi restaurant there either. Oh, but we did and you know? East Japanese Restaurant wasn't too cringe worthy.
I could sit here and write about the millions of things that went through my head today, and how tearful and sad I was but there is only one thing that really needs to be said.
The HOchieS have Japan and all in the world affected, in our thoughts, after the horrific 8.9 earthquake that hit the country.
I've decided to attempt to cut back on the cursing and the calling of God's name in vain.
Now on to the story...
A few weeks ago, I ordered a couple of fuku-bukuro from JList.
As their description goes, for New Year's there are 'lucky bags' that are of high value that are sold at a discounted price and customers line up to buy them. The catch is that, you don't know what you're going to get in your lucky bag/fuku-bukuro.
If anyone knows me, they know I'm a fool for capsule machines because I love the thrill of getting something potentially cool but unknown.
But, if anyone knows my luck with these things, I always end up getting something stupid that I don't really care for.
The other factor in this story that is needs to be understood is the nature of JList.
JList is a Japanese based company run by this American guy living in Japan. The company sells all sorts of cool, and strange Japanese related items.
However, there are two parts to the site - there's JList and JBox.
The JList section allows one to browse their 18+ items, while the JBox keeps everything PG.
This story will get worse, is probably what you're thinking and you'd be right.
So, when I went to order my lucky bag of anime toys, the description read: get a large sexy ('sekshi' or 'se-shi' as the Japanese pronounce it) figure, plus 6 smaller figures, and Japanese snacks to brighten your New Year.
Being that I require no 'sekshi' up in my room and on my shelves, I ordered the 2nd Lucky Bag option, the description of which read: get a large cute figure, plus 6 smaller figures, and Japanese snacks to brighten your New Year.
The box came today and I was super excited.
Underneath the lucky bag, I discovered the first cool thing - some kind of weird tempura Japanese chip thing which also tastes of wasabi, so I'm not loving:
Notice it's R for Restricted. Eh?:
Followed by a Star Trek figure and I was actually fortunate to get the TNG Enterprise E, even though I secretly hoped for a Klingon Bird-of-Prey.
Then, I pulled out a 20th Anniversary Metal Gear Solid Kubrick figure. Umm, I'm not caring much about MGS, but whatever - it's Kubrick, so that's kind of cool. Of course, it turns out I got none pictured but rather, the secret figure which is a clear variant of Solid Snake, which is SUPER HELLA LAME to me.
Then out came 4 little boxes of girlie figures from an anime I had no clue about. It turns out they're from Lucky Star, which just seems too cutesy for me to watch but is really damned popular, so I'll give it a whirl sometime.
The large figure was really frickin' hilarious and it's a series that was quite the in thing when Beetchie and I went to Japan. It's another one I'd like to watch but not sure I'd enjoy but I'll take my chance (again, because I tried before) on Fate/Stay Night.
I don't know why but this cracks me up terribly:
The last four items in my box were not copious amounts of snacks I was looking for.
No.
For some reason, those crazies at JList decided to 'sekshi' up my space, regardless of what I ordered.
Needless to say, I'm mortified.
I'm trying to palm off the green undies clad Hip Parade legs (I refuse to take a picture of them) with see-through Bust Emperor on Beetchie.
Something tells me, MC would like the off-shoulder Kimono one with black leather thong set.
Did I mention in my very innocent Bento Fuku-Bukuro set, I got all sorts of wonderful bento accessories and stationery...
...plus a pair of boobs?
Thank the Lork, Boohead didn't open this box with me like I intended. He's fascinated enough by boobs.
Currently listening to: "Apocalypse Please" by MUSE.
Beetchie and I have been through a slew of dishes at one of our most frequented eateries. Some of the dishes have been excellent, some of them have been rather unpleasant tasting and some 'odd'.
Here's a quick recap for those who may not remember: Beetchie and I have downed frog, bull penis and my ultimate worst at the time - turkey testicles.
Notice I said, "at the time".
I have a new favourite to hate.
Before I continue, please bear in mind that Beetchie and I have never been so revolted by a dish that we could not finish it. In spite of her loathing of the bull penis' gelatinous texture, I ate it. In spite of my loathing of the turkey testicles popping in mouth, she had one extra to finish it off and in both instances we got our $6.00 worth of money in our stomachs.
The day has come, when Kenka has 1UP'd us. Twice.
If only it could be so simple as a little green mushroom that gives you extra life and not a poisonous cross bone purple mushroom that poisons you.
That is what we got last night, friends. A whole lot of cross bone purple mushrooms that poisoned us in the form of raw squid and julienne taro.
For. Shame.
"Notice how tiny the dish is?" said Beetchie, when our raw squid came to us.
"Yeah...", I replied.
The reason? It tastes of the smell of a fish that's been caught and gutted right on a pier. It was Briny, and when in the mouth initially, it just hit you. As Beetchie pointed out, chewing it just made it get tougher.
I kept eating it because I realized that I could cut the taste some by eating with some cabbage. Thank goodness for the Japanese and their obsession with cabbage as a garnish/vegetable side but alas, there's only so much anything can do to cut the taste of raw squid. Instead of feeling nauseous every time I put a piece in my mouth, I decided to stop after half of it was gone.
As a side note, I can taste the raw squid today if I think about it.
Next up were the croquettes. I don't know what the love is for some croquettes with the Japanese but it was a welcome dish. We got the creamy style.
We followed our delicious croquettes with a delicious side of beef intestines in a miso sauce. However, they were a bit too salty. They did however, work well with our salmon onigiri.
The salmon onigiri was a bit of a disaster because I don't think I will find one as good as the 3 for 150 yen we found on the streets of Ueno (the first neighbourhood we stayed at in Tokyo). It was disastrous because it was massive with not enough salmon and that was dry. Oh how I missed my fatty pork filling. ::tear::
Our fifth dish was the Hotate Butter. You can't really go wrong with scallops cooked in butter as we discovered years ago from this place but somehow it managed to be slightly off. For some reason they fancied up the scallops and decided they'd dabble in the arts of presentation. I miss the plain old plate. It just adds so much more backstreet shadiness/Yakuza to the mix when everything's kept simple.
Okay, so maybe I don't know what Yakuza behaviour is like (thank goodness) but I have experienced, and with great fondness, just sitting in a dinky hole in the wall place full of comfort, with a Hattori Hanzo of a chef and a few 'on their way to being drunk but harmless' Japanese buisnessmen. The food's great and simple because the experience is great yet simple.
And another thing before I carry on with the food misadventures - what the hell happened at Kenka?! The servers had all changed. The Chefs looked different to me as well and ::gasp!:: one of the servers was white! It's possible she was mixed but if that's the case then she really sucked up the white there. Beetchie missed the bitchy girl that hated on us every time we got there and I missed my guy who nodded and smiled at me like a smart-ass when I ordered the bull penis. Oh, and this one girl judged us when we couldn't finish the squid, "You don't like that?". You know what you, shut the fuck up! I'm sure she doesn't even like it. The ass.
Back to the food with the next dish being grilled fishies filled with roe. It tasted like grilled fish and that was that. There was nothing too spectacular about it other than the fact that the fish seemed to be talking to us.
We were not satisfied and opted to get two more items. We decided on fried oysters (which was rather disappointing - it too, tasted of ocean but not strong like the squid) and taro. Taro was probably the worst suggestion I could make (and Beetchie was distraught that she whole-heartily agreed) and this was the other dish to slay us and made us admit defeat.
If there's one Japanese word/dish I need to learn let it be this one, so I know to avoid it like the god damned Plague.
Of all the things, Yamaimo Senbongiri is by far the most embarrassing and vile thing we've ever eaten there. Who knew that a root vegetable could be evil! I've decided that I will only eat taro mashed, deep fried and stuffed with meat i.e. I will only eat it at dim sum.
The texture was slimy but to the point of it almost being as though it was cut up and then spat upon by a 3 people who had massive collections of spittle. Honestly, you'd think Beetchie would be okay with dish considering she drank the Water of Thousands of People's Spit last year in Tokyo. Heh, heh. Sorry B., I had to go there.
Here's some video to better demonstrate why:
Beetchie likened it to the taste of vomit. I likened it to nothing because I tried 2 pieces and have since repressed that memory.
Can you believe Beetchie actually kept eating it, first trying to give it a chance by suggesting maybe we didn't eat it right - proceeded to douse it in soy sauce and wasabi? That didn't help the situation either.
At least no one can say we're not fighters.
Ugh.
We left unhappily and with our little cups of sugar for the Cotton Candy Machine.
Even that turned out to be a failure.
Currently listening to: "Bullet in the Head" by Rage Against The Machine.
The Wii Wheel is fun but damn is this game hard! I guess I'll just need some time to really sit and play though but there are so many other distractions such as...
...Mario Party 8 (Wii)
Boo no longer reigns supreme and H1's Yoshi has been kicking ass! Well, as long as that damned Mario hasn't been cleaning up too much then I'm okay with that. Heh.
The World Ends With You
Initially, this game was a tad annoying and might still be with some of the horrid j-pop songs tossed in there but it's fun now, in a weird way that I can't explain.
Surprisingly, there's no character I really love but memories of yen and Tokyo in 2007 keep me interested. Also, I can collect 300 pins in the game and if anyone knows me, they know I love a pin. Wheeee!
Currently listening to: "Nobody Knows" by Suga Shikao
Sometime last week I was watching tv (oooo, rare) and I saw a commercial for "Soyjoy". It's one of those things we ate in Japan. This is just a notice to Beetchie, and a note to myself that that's pretty cool. Now if only they would bring some of that Man Scent gum to the US...
Currently: pondering what to do about my lack of Dexter
To be more specific, it's really that my memories of the good times at the Japanese Arcades have been sullied in my living room here in NY.
I bought Taiko Drum Master today and completely forgot that games such as these when they come over to the U.S. are created to suit our 'tastes'.
So instead of all those cool-assed Japanese songs that I taiko-ed to in Japan, I get crap like "ABC" by the Jacksons and ugh, wait for a cringe... "Toxic" by the train wreck Britney S.
Of course, I am not saying that the Japanese didn't have some J-pop bullsheet in the Arcade versions but they also had traditional Japanese songs.
Powerful Logic:
This is Taiko Drum Master. A taiko drum is Japanese. A U.S. created song is not Japanese. therefore, need I finish this equation?
Eh.
It may not be that horrible for the Powerful Logic reason described above but it certainly loses something hearing that type of drum over a regular trap set. It doesn't quite fit. Also, those drums were massive and the sound in the arcade was greatness for actually hearing the taiko drum.
That and I miss the cool Namco/Nintendo songs they had going down at the Arcades. Who knew that taiko-ing the Mario Themes and The Legend of Zelda Theme could be so damned hard?
One of the coolest things Beetchie and I brought back from Japan is the gum "Otoko Kaoru" which, after some internet-ing, we discovered the name translates roughly to "Man Scent".
Why is the gum called "Man Scent"? Because the Japanese are crazy but we already knew that.
Or perhaps it had something to do with the fact that this gum is targeted towards Japanese businessmen as apparently, the women find the men stinky and in need of some goo'd-time smelling scents.
So, a brilliant (but let us not forget crazy) Japanese company created this gum that after being chewed will release chemicals, causing a rosy scent to be emitted from the body. They estimate the desired results will come 2 hours after the gum has been chewed.
Anyway, the results of some testing from the 6 packs I purchased in Japan with my last 1000 yen have varied.
First, Beetchie and I tried the stuff in Japan on 2 occasions. It worked both times but did not kick into effect until way after the 2 hour time. This leads us to believe that the Japanese stink something fierce. But wait... I can attest to that. They do. They really do. Okay, not all of them but yeah, some of them can get preeeettttty stinky and gaseous. Let us not re-visit that nastiness, though if you wanted to you could read it in The Chronicles of a Tokyo/Kyoto Ho back in June.
Then H1 and I tried it at Wembley Stadium during the opening acts. By the time MUSE took the stage, we were smelling quite rosey. Matt, sadly, was too far to smell me but curses, he would have been all over me. Ha.
Here are some responses from others on the gum -
From MC:
So I didn't smell like roses none at all after chewing that horrible tasting gum. not one babes. not ONE.
Or 2: you obviously already smell like good times. That's odd. It worked for me three times
MC: hahahaha. Good answer. I tried smelling myself and nothing. Had others smell me....nothing
Or 2: How long after? Took 3 hours for mine to kick in. Worked for H1 too. Or MAYBE you were so potent in the bad smell arena, that even man scent couldn't save you
MC: 3 hours...hmmmm. That could also be it. I even went around the Savannah for a cool, non stalker type stroll around the Savannah after my chew. NADA. No hot sweaty babes going crazy and tearing off my clothes
Or 2: you had to go really close to actually smell it I found MC: ah well
Or 2: look, maybe it's just that you didn't smell after, period. It did what it could to soak up your man scent.
H1: Yeah, it didn't work because the Japanese don't know how to manufacture a scent for the black man.
From Clownie:
It didn't work but I did like the taste.
From Joey:
Is this a joke? I'm going to wait until someone eats theirs first.
Or 2: It's not a joke! You don't trust me?!
Joey: Naw man. You're pulling my leg. Is this going to turn my tongue some weird colour? I'm just going to wait...
I think he's still waiting.
From Chloe:
Or 2: Chloe, did you eat your gum yet? Chloe: yeah i ate it after work that day. Ironically my man said i reeked Or 2: of roses, right Chloe: no, he just said bad Or 2: tch. He doesn't know better. It works! and it's roses! Chloe: I rather liked it
From Train BFF:
Or 2: Would you like to try? and after my explanation...
Train BFF: Uhhh. I think I will pass.
From Gen Frien':
Gen: Haha that gum. It's so funny - to make boys smell like a rose. Just great. Or 2: I know! It's the coolest thing ever. The gum actually works Gen: Yes. I ate it Or 2: You did?! yay! it worked right? Gen: Now we can make boys un stink Or 2: haha, and you smell like roses now? heehee Gen: haha yes. It's so cool
From KR:
From TD5:
Or 2: Did you try your man scent gum yet? TD5: I can't find it. lol Or 2: WHAT! ass. That cost me all of 150 yen divided by 6 TD5: that and the Japanese disc Or 2: ! TD5: LOL Or 2: WHAT! It's in your room somewhere, yeah? TD5: it's in my room. I have not been in my room in a while. That's all. lol Or 2: ... TD5: i am here now. hold on. see, i found it Or2: I do not want to know. TD5: Yeah, you don't want to know.
T.M.I., TD5. T.M.I. especially since all I asked about was a stick of gum.
From X:
I should eat this on my wedding day so I can smell like roses!!! Wait, it's a mild laxative? Hmmm...maybe not then...
From Bughie J.:
Or 2: did you ever try your man scent gum?
Bughie J.: still saving it! Or 2: I can blog about it now. but i will have to take pictures Bughie J.: pictures, eh? Or 2: man scent deserves it's own picture! Interesting man scent photos Bughie J.: hmm, not too "interesting" I hope! I don't want to have my sensibilities offended on my next visit to the blog :-) Or 2: just think! Manscent at the beach! Manscent at the pool! Bughie J.: hmmm, manscent on the moon? Or 2: did we really go there? Bughie J: to take some manscent up there, yes Or 2: but we never really landed, right? Bughie J.: well how'd we get all this yummy cheese?Or 2: hmmmmmmm. Wallace and Gromit went Bughie J.: finally, some heroes we can stand behind. Neil who? Buzz what? Yuri snotball? No thank you, just good ol' Wallace and Gromit please
From Frass:
"I'm not eating that poison! ::insert grey shouting face that turns red::"
So that's that. It seems to have worked for some but not so much for others but since some have not yet tried theirs, I will have to update the experiment results at a later date.
Also, I can't really get a grip on what Killer Rabbit's results were since my quota for getting dangerously close to him for the year has now been fulfilled.
Gum, I noticed, is quite plentiful with a huge selection over in Japan. I probably only made note of this because they are strangely named and/or packaged things - or just interesting flavours. I never went back to get the xxxStylish one but I did get this:
Look at Rock Lee and his "Men's Style" gum! He is quite the manly man with style there....
We gained a day flying back. It was awesome but has me completey wrecked.
Day 14, Saturday, June 9th.
We awoke before 6 AM to catch our flight back to NY. There's nothing truly worth mentioning on this day other than the breakfast that was served to us before we left Homeikan. So. Much. Food.
Ugh.
The Day's Eats:
Here's a list of all you saw above - miso, rice, tea, egg, sweet red beans, ham, and cold tofu.
And so ends the Japan Adventure. I can't wait for all of us to make the trip in the future. It'll be fun, fun times.
Next up is the H1 and Or 2 London Adventure.
This is for everything I missed or need to re-cap:
1. Japanese people smell. And not good either. At least, this is what I've discovered of some of the males.
Said males especially enjoy sitting next to me on the plane.
On the flight to Japan, this man with B.O. sat right next to me. I was actually concerned it had been me and kept sniffing my armpits but figured out 10 hours in that it was indeed that dude.
On the way coming back from Japan, the man next to me smelt, not of B.O. but would constantly let out these rank farts. Seriously, beer is evil.
And where was Beetchie in all of this? That's right, she was safely sitting by the window while my senses got all the foulness and she was shielded.
I hate her sometimes...
2. In keeping with point 1, the Japanese have created the most fantastic thing ever. I won't go into the details now since I have to first distribute the presents I have for you lot but I'd like to point out now before I forget, it doesn't work on your shit.
3. If I had heard Avril Lavigne one more time in Japan, I was going to have to bitch slap them all. Like I said, foward thinkers they are but not so much when it comes to their love of crap music like AL.
4. When we do said trip in the future, remember to bring lots of money and/or lots of access to money.
5. Toilet Misadventures in case I missed them:
a. First there was smell of mildew in the toilet at the Kyoto Ryokan. Everytime we into the stalls, it stank. But as soon as I would get into one stall, everything would be alright but Beetchie would always leave the stall next to mine complaining up a storm. It turns out mildew may have been growing only in her stall.
b. Beetchie was convinced that our ryokan in Kyoto was haunted. I felt that nothing was wrong with our room but we both agreed that walking the long hallway to the toilets on the first floor was a creepy deal everytime. That part may have been haunted but upon reflection, it could have been the mildew... Mildew always makes you feel scuzzy and spooked.
c. The Bidet Incident.
"When in Japan, do as the Japanese do! And what better place to try a bidet than in this really high class, clean Starbucks?" - Beetchie. She came out of the bathroom at a local Kyoto Starbucks in our area one morning looking very sheepish.
"What happened?" - Me
"Nothing...I just tested out the bidet." - Beetchie
"...and...?" - Me (asked nervously)
"Oh, nothing. It was...strange. I didn't realize you could press this button for stop and there were puffs of air but I couldn't figure out why it wasn't stopping." - Beetchie
"::shaking head in embarrassment::" - my reaction and response
6. Japanese television is great. They're into reality tv but it's all centered around food and/or animals. We also watched whatever the latest "Power Rangers" is being aired in Japan, and got into it. Sue me, I like the new Red Power Ranger! He's so stupid...
7. For some reason they're still obsessed with the "Dragon Ball" Series and "Neon Genesis Evangelion". I was slightly confused by it all and I'm wondering if there's some sort of new EVA thing coming out.
8. Japan is all about pork. I must have eaten pork almost every day for at least 2 times out of the day. It was great times. I kind of miss that. I feel oppressed in this house!
9. The Japanese really do all do the 'victory' sign for their pictures. They're so frickin' lame and hilarious. Gotta love them. Beetchie and I, however, refused to do it with Hello Kitty. We Devil-Horned that Wholesome Betch.
Confessions I'd Like To Make Now. I'm Ready To Be Ridiculed:
1. I have to admit, I actually really enjoyed holding Hello Kitty's hand. When she stared at me with those blank eyes, I was hooked. I wanted to let go...but I just...couldn't bring myself to do so...
After a not so restful night at the capsule, we ventured off to find the last of our sleeping quarters which was by far our most expensive, traditional quarters.
I wonder if part of the tradition is that you couldn't find that damned Homeikan?!
We got lost... In the hottest day in Tokyo since we'd been there... On practically our last day. It was not fun times but whatever, we managed to get there in one piece and lived to blog about it.
At least it was quite aesthetically pleasing.
We went to Harajuku again so that I could find that coat I wanted. I didn't quite get what I wanted but got something I like. If any of those spots for the Harajuku Girls' becomes available, I'm ready for it.
I also finally found a good capsule machine and it was of Bleach pins! But my ass had to get a damned Mayuri pin. Why wouldn't I? Ugh, that freakin' Mayuri but hey, at least it wasn't Tousen - worst Bleach Character in the Bleach Universe.
We contemplated going to Akihabara to spend our last hours at the arcades and ufo catcher machines but decided that that was money we didn't have. Next time though, when I make it back to Japan with you guys, you can go off and do the touristy things but you'll find us at the UFO catchers.
So we had a quiet evening back in our neighbourhood, where we had a mini-foodie adventure which almost turned out to be a misadventure.
Things We Observed This Day - Volume IX
1. a 5 minute walk to the Japanese is in actuality a 30 minute walk for us. 5 minutes from the train station to Homeikan my ass! Even in the taxi it took about 15 minutes. Those liars.
2. Beetchie noted that everything tastes 'watered-down' in Japan. Especially their beverages. That might be true. I had some cocoa from the vending machine and it was not that impressive. I still drank it like it was good times though. I was thirsty, okay?!
The "OOPS" moment of the Day:
We took off our shoes like good guests before stepping on their wooden floors but we forgot to put on the slippers provided to us. The concierge was quite mortified by our behaviour and hurriedly brought them to us.
The Day's Eats:
1. Korean food. Can you believe the little Japanese girl mixed up my food for me like I was a kid? She may have been appalled by the fact that I wasn't eating it 'Korean style' so she badgered me and mixed my food for me and asked me if I didn't like spicy food. Clearly she doesn't know Trinis. Except for you, TD5, you fake pi you.
Sometimes I enjoy having my food segregated especially when I was trying to keep the raw egg from getting into my bowl. That B. mixed all that up in my rice.
2. Suspect ramen that was black. Beetchie thought maybe it was squid ink that gave it that colour. I just think the way they curried that broth was not very appealing to me. It certainly was better than most curry we had but those curry noodles still got overwhelming. I must be the only crazy to think that though because that little noodle house was very packed, with a line out the door.
The last thing that happened in Kyoto was that we got liquored up at 10 AM on our final day there. Thanks to some sake happy old women selling the good stuff at the market in Kyoto Mall, we were drunk off 3 samples of high class sake. Fun times with the cute old ladies. Oh those bitches will try to sell you anything after they've made you proper drunk.
We took the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and this time the kids next to us were not noisy. It was fairly uneventful save our sushi bento boxes we ate for lunch on the train.
Once we got to Tokyo, we made our back to Akihabara to the Capsule Hotel to drop off our gear, then headed off to Ginza to go to Japan Sword.
Japan Sword, according to Frommers, is one of the most well-known sword stores in Tokyo and is like a museum of antique swords and armour. They weren't kidding. We got the tour and I couldn't gaze for too long because that place was beautiful and their collection was nothing short of amazing and that's an understatement. I was unworthy. Also, the prices on those antiques made my head hurt.
The main point of this trip was to buy Bunji his functional katana. And although I promised him a Hattori Hanzo from Okinawa, I didn't quite make it and decided this was second best. It's not due here until the 18th, so we'll see... I'm nervous that he won't like it. But at least it's not zinc alloy! It'll have to do until I can afford the real thing.
After much stressing about dropping all that cash, (and who am I kidding, I stressed the entire rest of the day), we made our way back to Shinjiku so that Beetchie could check out the Gay scene once more now that we had more time.
Oh did we see plenty of the gay boys. They were fabulous. We hung out there for a while with a bunch of English speakers (all theatre actors) from all over including Europe and America. Those boys were bitchy but cool. And we ran into celebrity when we met the voice actor for Zero from Tekken 5! Ha.
And then it all went downhill. We met a bridge and tunnel rat. But he posed as a New Yorker, tricked us and touched us. ::shudder:: Just kidding. That Jersey-ite was cool enough and very happy to see us as we were him.
We returned to our capsule and settled in for the night - our second to last in Japan.
The WTF Moment of the Day:
The Cost of our 100 yen piggyhs rose. We may have won 7 pigs for 100 yen but the pain, grief and suffering of carrying said pigs more than took its toll on us. Beetchie was ready to ditch their little piggyh asses when we got back to Tokyo because the locker we offloaded them in tricked us and cost us so much money to bail them out, it wasn't even funny.
We were under the impression that every day after the initial 4 days would cost 100 yen. Oh, were we wrong. The total cost of the extra 2 days those pigs were in the locker came up to 2000 yen.
WTF.
But, I, being a lover of pork, could not leave their little porky selves behind. Not to mention I had some presents in the locker with the piggyhs that could not be left behind. I like to feel that I went to Sanrio Puro Land for a purpose other than trauma.
The Shooed Away Incident Count:
2 times -
1. For some reason the ever so reliable Japanese metro was not so reliable! It got to a station stop before the one we needed and for some reason could not go further. We were booted off the train because of course, we didn't understand that we had to get off until the conductor came around and gave the sign for no, which oddly likes like you're going to get your head chopped off.
2. This time we actually we got shushed and yelled at. Apparently this woman thought we were speaking too loudly (we were talking in hushed tones) when she was trying to sleep at a capsule hotel.
And then I heard in perfect English, mind you, that "some people had to work". Yet, 10 minutes after we went to bed I didn't hear anything when two other girls came in practically shouting to each other for five minutes.
Racist effin' Japanese biatch.
I could very well respect her need to go to sleep because of work but the attitude was highly unncessary. Seriously, you're at a capsule hotel and you don't expect to hear noise? The fact that you're in a cube surrounded by other cubes in extremely close quarters with a place with no curfew, means your ass is going to be disturbed by people shuffling around with their coming and going.
And I did not need to hear about people and work. I know about work and I know about going in for 7 AM and leaving the next morning at 4 AM only to go back to work 2 hours later. On a Saturday. Whatever, her stupid cranky ass should have found itself home or in a better hotel if she was so concerned about waking up at 7 AM after going to bed at 10 PM.
That stupid bitch is still making my blood boil. Could you tell?
The Day's Eats:
1. A Cheese stick. Which was kind of like a cheese cake/cream cheesey thing on a thin layer of sponge cake.
2. My high class custard roll.
3. Sushi Bento. That was some good sushi. And it was a lot.
4. Shabu Shabu. Oh the good times. We had the kimchi broth and the pork broth. And we ate 25 pieces of beef and pork per person. 25 pieces of meat each! Ugh. It was 2100 yen for all you could eat in 90 minutes. Those peeps cut us off after the 4th round but luckily for them, we couldn't handle much more after that.
This entire day can be classified as a WTF Moment.
We Shinkansened it to Shin Osaka Station. We weren't sure what the heck was up with Shin Osaka as opposed to Osaka.
Well, whatever the case, all thoughts of going to the Osaka Station were thwarted when we got to the Shin Osaka station and stepped outside.
Oh, it was shady. As all hell.
A Brief Summary of Osaka is as follows,
Bunraku and Love Hotels is a dangerous, and ugly combination.
I rather enjoyed violating people's privacy by getting their pictures at midday visiting the love hotel but what i did not enjoy was the plethora of lewd santas. Oh, wrong.
Ha. We didn't hang about for too long but just caught our Bunraku Puppet Play at the National Bunraku Theatre. It was fabulous but slow and most of the dialog escaped us because it was purely Japanese. We also were admist an audience of only high school children. Again. With the children. Most of them were annoying and needed to be slapped but whatever. At least the puppets were very awesome as was the storyteller. He was quite the emotional actor and amazing at his job.
We went back to Kyoto for our last night there and visited the mall at Kyoto Station. It was lame, much like Kyoto Tower.
Things We Observed This Day:
1. Baruse?
2. Carnival Pepsi?
The Day's Eats:
1. Takoyaki
2. Sukiyaki - Beef, udon, veggies, simmered in pot with rice
3. I had to cook my own pork! It was pretty good though and one of the tastiest things I ate in Japan.
4. Noodle bao and regular pork bao. That Noodle bao was far from good times. That makes me sad.
5. Big Mac
6. Carnival Pepsi. This was also disgusting. It wanted to be orange soda with a pepsi aftertaste. Bleck. Nothing carnival about it! Not that I would know being displaced and all.
Another easy day in Kyoto. One that involved our going to a ghetto zoo. The Kyoto Zoological Park was quite sketch and once again, we found ourselves surrounded by school children. It had a petting zoo section for crap's sake!
There were no alligators which made it lame. And as per usual, I end up at a zoo on a really hot day so the red pandas refused to show themselves. But the vulture was really damned hilarious to me. He lumbered around like nobody's business. Beetchie enjoyed the multiple fowl because according to her, if it's a bird, it's edible.
After the short-lived zoo visit, we made our way back to the maze strip mall and couldn't find the movie theatre we had seen the day before. Why did we want the movie theatre?
We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End.
Look, don't judge us okay? We wanted a movie experience in Japan and it was really hot that day!
Anyway, the movie theatre impressed Beetchie due to something about the high resolution screen and reserved seating. I was impressed by the fact that I could eat caramel popcorn as my choice of popcorn and it was good too. A choice in popcorn that isn't extra butter! It was a little burnt but still, it was fantastic. I was confused by the hippo mascots and the fact that the Japanese were very quiet in the theatre.
As for the movie itself, it was better than part 2 save that whole stupid role of that "jamaican" woman. Ugh. But TD5, we need to discuss.
Next we hit up Gion Corner, which literally was a corner. Those Japanese can be so humourless sometimes though alright, maybe I found that slightly amusing. Unfortunately we arrived too late as the Geisha had already retired for the night. It was only a little after 8 p.m. but who am I to judge a Geisha? They certainly know how to reel in the money. Damned rich Gion...
Things We Observed This Day - Volume VIII
1. Frankly, we'd observed this a long time before but the Japanese are all about day trips and school trips for their kids. I question whether the children go to school at all. Look at those children, the real animals at the zoo!
2. We had nothing but bus misadventures on this trip. Even when it wasn't our fault, we still mananged to hold up the bus because their stupid machines didn't want to read our 500 yen.
The Day's Eats:
1. Takoyaki.
2. Bad Hot Dog/Onion Cheese Bread.
3. Maple, condensed milk sandwich.
4. Caramel Popcorn.
5. Ramen with really fatty pork.
Obligatory Animal Picture for Beetchie:
Here's your squeaky toy sounding bush-dog, Beetchie. I'm sure he had a WTF moment of the day when you insisted on wakin' his tired ass. 'Thanks. Thanks for waking me.'
The Shooed Away Count:
1. The bus driver kicked us off his buss for holding up his bus. I think I got a free ride off of him or Beetchie. It wasn't our fault the stupid change machine wasn't working properly!
Kyoto had the biggest, frickin' strip mall ever. That damned place was never-ending and scary.
We mostly just hung out around the giant mall and had many good time meals. We also got presents for a lot of you peeps including checking out a music store for the latest in Japanese music. And oo! I found my boys MUSE and Arctic Monkeys on the second floor of Juegia CD store. Awww. Sorry. They make me happy. Stop judging.
Now on to the food because it was the great thing of the day!
The Day's Eats:
1. There was a squashed custard bun incident that I'm trying to forget.
2. Takoyaki
3. X, yep - we did a Sushi Conveyor Belt. Mmmm, we ate 14 plates of sushi with 2 to a plate for 1990 yen. Good times, right X?
4. And now for one of the best eats of the trip and certainly the most expensive meal - the Kobe steak. We had a five course meal that included grilled mushrooms that were fantastic but it was all about the Kobe. Beetchie says it melted in the mouth and it did. It really did. And for 115 dollars, that damned steak better have melted in the mouth!
That's the shoddy picture of the kobe. I was in a high class place, people, I couldn't exactly be flash-photographing the chef and the kobe like a stupid American.
Things We Observed and the WTF Moments - Volume VII:
1. If I hear Avril Lavigne one more time...I'll kick a Japanese person. They are obsessed with her and I cannot understand it for the life of me. Stupid ass, Japanese and their love of stupid Canadians.
2. Those Japanese like to keed. We found this store that claimed it had the funniest things from America. Either the Japanese don't know funny or are trying to rub it in our faces that we're not funny. I hardly find this amusing at all -
3. Beetchie ate the fugu. I actually pointed it out to her like the good friend that I am. She got high off of it.
We had a holy day of Temple Shrine Hopping. I didn't feel very holy though after those biatches made us pay to get in to see their shrines!
We did lots of walking and lots of getting lost along the way until we discovered that the easiest way to get around Kyoto is via their bus system and that it'd take you to whatever tourist spot you needed to see. I don't even take the bus in NYC, so the fact that Kyoto forced this upon me was criminal! But for 220 yen, we could pretty much tour Kyoto's major spots if we just stayed on the bus. And we did the day after but not because we wanted to but because we just had to make a roundabout as we got on the bus going in the direction opposite what we wanted.
Sadly, we never got to Nijo Castle. And the ninjas remained in hiding.
Not much more to say so just look at the pretty pictures!
This here is the Golden Pavillion. It's pretty golden, right?
Some Zen Garden Goodness
And please notice the duck, will you?
He argued with me the entire time I was there.
Asshole animals strike again!
I prefered the Ryoan-ji Zen Garden to the Golden Pavillion, even if I did get heckled by a duck. It's okay though, I paparrazi'd his ass.
But by far, the best temple we visted that day and perhaps for our entire journey, I felt (and not because it cost nothing to go to) was the one that was involved quick healing and safe travels. The atmosphere there was peaceful and felt special...
...ah yes, Goo Shrine. You cannot have anything but love and respect for a temple dedicated to pigs.
WTF Moment of the Day:
1. Seriously, 400 yen for the Golden Pavillion and 500 yen to see a tiny zen rock garden that lied to me in the pictures?! Those rocks were not as white as in the brochure!!!!
Things We Observed This Day:
1. The Japanese are trusting when it comes to the bus. I mean, if there's one thing you're taught in NY, it's that you should always have exact change for the bus. This is not needed on the Japanese bus. The bus actually has a machine to give you change! That's crazy.
Also, they do everything backwards and here's why they're 'trusting'. You get on the bus in the middle and you don't pay until you get off. They're insane.
The Day's Eats:
1. Pizza buns/bread
2. Green tea and vanilla Soft Serve Ice-Cream (which was fabulous)
3. Melon Cream Soda (which was a crime against nature)
4. "Regular" food - pasta, fries, baked pork with sweet sauce? Oh but was it good times.
5. Japanese Teriyaki pizza. (Gross. The chicken, the rice cakes, the mayo and corn. Ugh.)
