After Durian

This is a disgrace to bacon.

While it may smell like bacon, the chewing part is quite gross. I knew it'd be sweet but I did not expect to feel like throwing up from the taste.

After durian, this might be the second most vile thing I've eaten.





Here's the offending bean:



Hmmm, I wonder whose care package I can stick this into...

And Yet Another Example of Assiness

Today, H1 learnt a new phrase.



"Fan Service".

Memorable Conversations of the Day:

H1: Oh! I have to show you something in Bleach!
Or 2: I don't want to hear that Shinji got busted up!
H1: Page 8, okay. Page 8.
Or 2: ::reading, reading::
H1: There! What is that?! It's gross and unnecessary!
Or 2: Fan service?
H1: What?
Or 2: Fan service? That's fan service. It happens all the time. I'm so used to it now that it well, meh. It doesn't bother me really.
H1: Bleck!
Or 2: ::reading further:: See? There it is again.
H1: You see?!
Or 2: Yep. Fan service.
H1: Gross, I don't like that term! Ew!

While she may hate it, she already made appropriate use of the term for a very inappropriate situation.

Some hours later...

H1: Ow! I have a cramp in the weirdest place!
Luuuuiiissssss: What happened? Are you okay?
H1:::grinning and grimacing::
Or 2: ?
H1: I have a cramp...in my fan service!
Luuuuiiissssss: Wha'? ::honestly confused::
Or 2: ...

Here's a quote from yesterday that she did not care for me to post but here I am, posting away but this one is unrelated to the topic at hand.

H1: OMG! I have veins! I am starting to have veiiinnnsssss... wait. Is that a vein or dirt? ::rubbing smudge off of her leg::

The Situation Just Gets Worse

Some weeks ago, the inevitable happened - the brown multiplied.

H1 and I walked into the kitchen for lunch, to discover that the regular forks and knives were finished and replaced with cousins of the smug, shit brown spoon.



As if that was not bad enough, some weeks later, I walked to my desk first thing on a Monday morning and discovered that someone had left me a face mask.



A face mask.

At first I thought someone was trying to offend me by giving me a face mask because I am part Asian and I'd need it to protect against the wrongly named Swine Flu (stop the pig hate!), but then I realised everyone at work got them.

How do I feel about these new developments?



That pretty much sums it up.

Going Green

Sometimes "going green" translates to "going brown", or so it would seem by what The HOchieS have seen recently.

It's not that Or 2 doesn't like Earth, Or 2 just has a problem with GDDHs.

It's all well and good to do our parts to not waste because wasting is just wrong to begin with, and recycling's a cool thing too. Why not do it?

There is a problem though, when things are recycle to the colour of 'shit brown'.

H1 can tell you a story from years ago about the belief that toilet paper in Caracas was recycled using used toilet paper.

It was shit brown.

So, keeping this in mind, I've been having a hard time of it lately.

We walked into the kitchen at work some weeks ago, and discovered the hard plastic cups and paper cups were replaced with cups that had a tinge of... you guessed it, shit brown to them, when stacked.

Phased enough just to take note, we've been drinking from those cups just fine. They tend to get dirty with finger prints quite quickly and while a little skeevey, it's not horrible.

But then we witnessed monstrosity a few weeks later, Exhibit A:





A shit brown spoon.

Not keen on the colour or texture but with no other choice than using our hands to eat cereal which was not going to happen, Or 2 braved it while that bastard H1 took the last white plastic spoon.

Just a spoon, right?

Sure.

A spoon that tasted like shit!

Let it be known that I wash them before use.

Another Bleck Bathroom Gripe (I realize the nastiness of the pun)

I will never understand the need to use a bathroom stall right next to an occupied bathroom stall in a bathroom full of empty bathroom stalls.

What's the joy in that? Do you think I want to hear your pees and/or unmentionables? Do you think I want to smell them? Do you like to smell mine? Please, spare you and myself the disgust of that.

It's just well gross.

Currently listening to: "New" by No Doubt. Shocking? Yeah but that's the time period Gwen had talent. Oh wait, maybe that was all the other members of the band that carried her. Yeah, that makes sense.
I wouldn't mind singing this on "Rock Band"...

Sweet Potato Shochu?

A tad better than just straight up. A tad.
I'm beginning to think, like Japanese curry I should just lay off the Shochu. Of course, that won't be happening until I get that lychee shochu that B. keeps talking about. Just like, I won't stop eating Japanese curry until ... I don't know but I really need to lay off that. Big time.

currently: recovering from shochu.

Things We Don't Like To See

Ass shaped chocolate covered almonds are bad enough,



with holes is just revolting.

Currently listening to: "Tenteko Mai Mai!" by Toshiro Matsuda, from the Di Gi Charat Soundtrack. One of them, anyway.

Fishy

For those of you who think Tilapia tastes good, to you I say, "sure, if you like the taste of dirt."

That damned dirt fish is all over the damned place these days.

Sometimes dirt hurts.

Bathroom Etiquette

The constant trauma of using the restroom at work has finally led to a meltdown and a few clever ideas.

Today, on two separate occasions, I found two unwanted nasties sitting proudly within the bowels of two separate bowls.

Mortified and ill I remained for a better part of the morning upon finding suspect number 1, which by the way was a Number 2. I recovered sometime after lunch, only to have a relapse when I discovered the second monstrosity later that afternoon.

A gross misuse of the facilities has prompted a suggestion be made 'anonymously' to the higher ups.

Due to people and their shit, signs should litter the bathroom with the slogan: LFW

"Did You Remember To:

Look,
Flush,
Wash*?"

*Yes, there have been instances of non-hand washers too.
Disgusting? Beyond that, yeah.

What's so hard about looking before you leave, people?

Currently listening to: "Solve et Coagula" by Mudvayne, but really hearing "Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo" in my head. For shame. Remember that one son with the piece of corn stuck in it? Blech.

Stop Your Keed!

When it comes to juice, cranberries should stop associating with the likes of mangoes and carrots.

Cranberries should stick to their own kind!

H1 should stop trying to poison me!

Yule Blog

In a HOChieS' Quest today to find various Christmas related things, such as new recipes for cupcakes other than red velvet, we stumbled upon a Wikipedia article that had a list of traditional food served at Christmas from 23 different countries.

It was rather disappointing but Trinidad and the Caribbean were not on the list, which means we can contribute to the article! I may be displaced but I do remember Christmas. It was my favourite time of year followed by Divali, Eid and Easter...sniff..., I miss the goo'd times.

Our rummaging through the eats of various countries led to other articles, one being the yule log.

As I was reading up on said yule log, (and let me digress for a moment, I find the concept of a televised yule log an utterly ridiculous 'tradition' but I suppose some find the constant repetition of A Christmas Story for 24 hours utterly ridiculous, and to them I say, "pox on you"), I came across this horrid thing:



photo source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Durianlog.JPG

You are also confused by this Durian Bûche de Noël, right?

There is no need to respond to that question, Beetchie.

It's been 12 hours since I viewed that picture and I still feel rather ill.

I also have a strong desire to never go to Singapore at Christmas time.

Blog Gems Continue but oh, the Sullying.

It's a continuation from yesterday. I forgot to post these:

"He's lame. Dear Daniel's a pussy. There, I said it." - Beetchie

"Well then, I don't want to say it but since she went there, I'd think Beetchie would really like him." - H1

O.M.G. I am BEYOND Traumatized

BEIJING, China (AP) -- Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and flavored with fatty pork and powdered seasoning, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighborhood, state television said.


Steamed buns sold in Beijing contain 60 percent cardboard, a report on China Central Television said.

The report, aired late Wednesday on China Central Television, highlights the country's problems with food safety despite government efforts to improve the situation.

Countless small, often illegally run operations exist across China and make money cutting corners by using inexpensive ingredients or unsavory substitutes. They are almost impossible to regulate.

State TV's undercover investigation features the shirtless, shorts-clad maker of the buns, called baozi, explaining the contents of the product sold in Beijing's sprawling Chaoyang district.

Baozi are a common snack in China, with an outer skin made from wheat or rice flour and a filling of sliced pork. Cooked by steaming in immense bamboo baskets, they are similar to but usually much bigger than the dumplings found on dim sum menus familiar to many Americans.

The hidden camera follows the man, whose face is not shown, into a ramshackle building where steamers are filled with the fluffy white buns, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.

The surroundings are filthy, with water puddles and piles of old furniture and cardboard on the ground.

"What's in the recipe?" the reporter asks. "Six to four," the man says.

"You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?" asks the reporter. "Fatty meat," the man replies.

The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda -- a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap -- then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on the screen. The reporter takes a bite.

"This baozi filling is kind of tough. Not much taste," he says. "Can other people taste the difference?"

"Most people can't. It fools the average person," the maker says. "I don't eat them myself."

The police eventually showed up and shut down the operation.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

...

I'd try one.

The Tokyo-Ho Japan to New York-Ho (or is it just Ho, in that case?) Chronicles - Day 14, Almost. And The Japan Wrap Up

We gained a day flying back. It was awesome but has me completey wrecked.

Day 14, Saturday, June 9th.

We awoke before 6 AM to catch our flight back to NY. There's nothing truly worth mentioning on this day other than the breakfast that was served to us before we left Homeikan. So. Much. Food.

Ugh.

The Day's Eats:



Here's a list of all you saw above - miso, rice, tea, egg, sweet red beans, ham, and cold tofu.

And so ends the Japan Adventure. I can't wait for all of us to make the trip in the future. It'll be fun, fun times.

Next up is the H1 and Or 2 London Adventure.

This is for everything I missed or need to re-cap:

1. Japanese people smell. And not good either. At least, this is what I've discovered of some of the males.

Said males especially enjoy sitting next to me on the plane.

On the flight to Japan, this man with B.O. sat right next to me. I was actually concerned it had been me and kept sniffing my armpits but figured out 10 hours in that it was indeed that dude.

On the way coming back from Japan, the man next to me smelt, not of B.O. but would constantly let out these rank farts. Seriously, beer is evil.

And where was Beetchie in all of this? That's right, she was safely sitting by the window while my senses got all the foulness and she was shielded.

I hate her sometimes...

2. In keeping with point 1, the Japanese have created the most fantastic thing ever. I won't go into the details now since I have to first distribute the presents I have for you lot but I'd like to point out now before I forget, it doesn't work on your shit.

3. If I had heard Avril Lavigne one more time in Japan, I was going to have to bitch slap them all. Like I said, foward thinkers they are but not so much when it comes to their love of crap music like AL.

4. When we do said trip in the future, remember to bring lots of money and/or lots of access to money.

5. Toilet Misadventures in case I missed them:

a. First there was smell of mildew in the toilet at the Kyoto Ryokan. Everytime we into the stalls, it stank. But as soon as I would get into one stall, everything would be alright but Beetchie would always leave the stall next to mine complaining up a storm. It turns out mildew may have been growing only in her stall.

b. Beetchie was convinced that our ryokan in Kyoto was haunted. I felt that nothing was wrong with our room but we both agreed that walking the long hallway to the toilets on the first floor was a creepy deal everytime. That part may have been haunted but upon reflection, it could have been the mildew... Mildew always makes you feel scuzzy and spooked.

c. The Bidet Incident.

"When in Japan, do as the Japanese do! And what better place to try a bidet than in this really high class, clean Starbucks?" - Beetchie. She came out of the bathroom at a local Kyoto Starbucks in our area one morning looking very sheepish.

"What happened?" - Me
"Nothing...I just tested out the bidet." - Beetchie
"...and...?" - Me (asked nervously)
"Oh, nothing. It was...strange. I didn't realize you could press this button for stop and there were puffs of air but I couldn't figure out why it wasn't stopping." - Beetchie
"::shaking head in embarrassment::" - my reaction and response

6. Japanese television is great. They're into reality tv but it's all centered around food and/or animals. We also watched whatever the latest "Power Rangers" is being aired in Japan, and got into it. Sue me, I like the new Red Power Ranger! He's so stupid...

7. For some reason they're still obsessed with the "Dragon Ball" Series and "Neon Genesis Evangelion". I was slightly confused by it all and I'm wondering if there's some sort of new EVA thing coming out.

8. Japan is all about pork. I must have eaten pork almost every day for at least 2 times out of the day. It was great times. I kind of miss that. I feel oppressed in this house!

9. The Japanese really do all do the 'victory' sign for their pictures. They're so frickin' lame and hilarious. Gotta love them. Beetchie and I, however, refused to do it with Hello Kitty. We Devil-Horned that Wholesome Betch.

Confessions I'd Like To Make Now. I'm Ready To Be Ridiculed:

1. I have to admit, I actually really enjoyed holding Hello Kitty's hand. When she stared at me with those blank eyes, I was hooked. I wanted to let go...but I just...couldn't bring myself to do so...

I was strangely comforted.

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 5

Day 5 - Thursday, May 31st

We set out to the Tokyo Sea Life Park. I was expecting more sharks but otherwise, it was pretty decent. The space itself was nice and the displays were alright. I guess the big deal was the tuna exhibit, which I suppose was rather impressive. Those things are huge and scary. I've decided if I need to get a true Aquarium experience, I'd have to have H1 take me to see Marvin at The Shed Aquarium. Also, I can visit the Sunshine Aquarium on the next trip to Japan.

Anyways, look at them mean ass tuna!



After a billion photos taken at the aquarium, we headed over to Akihabara - Anime, Video Game and Manga Central.

We were quite happy to see this here building in true anime/gamers nerdy fashion:



However, after waiting all our short little anime lives (which really isn't that short - what's it going on for you now, Beetchie? 12 years?) to hit up this place/Electric Town, we found it to be kind of sad. We didn't find goods that we really wanted from our various anime series and what's worse, all the cool toys that we would have wanted all had release dates pegged after our trip to Japan, ie on Tuesday the 12th of June or September!

They rob me of the new anime love of my life, L! Those rat bastards.

So now I'm off on a mission to find the mini 5 piece chibi "L" figure collection that I want badly (and isn't out yet but already sold out over there), the new Bleach Soundtracks which come out in a few weeks, and my "Knights of the Round" Final Fantasy VII figure set.

Am I a nerd? Yes. Do I care what Frass has to say about it? No. I care about nothing Frass has to say and no Frass, no matter what you think, I am not Rosie O' Donnell and it is not a coincidence that she went off The View the same time I was out of the U.S. You insult me, and yet I still get you presents from Japan. But as I discussed with MC, your present is not one of meaning unlike his. Anyway, I'll give it to you when I see you next.

The UFO Catchers pretty much kicked our asses that day save the Kon and Ryuk plushies we acquired but oh was Beetchie angry by that L plush that escaped her. No worries though, she owned it the day after.

Things We Observed in Japan - Volume V.

1. Tokyo's one noisy place. Everytime you enter a store, every worker will greet you and bid you farewell when you're leaving. The constant babbling makes me wonder if they feel incredibly tired and have dry throats by the end of the day.

*2. Exactly how things might look if we were to use an Eastern Style Toilet...



The Day's Eats:

1. Japanese black curry with beef. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. If there's one thing the Japanese do not know about, it's curry. Ugh.

2. Hamburg Steak with rice and fries. The Hamburg tasted like frozen meatballs. Bleck.

3. Sukiyaki, a chain restaurant provided us with more bad Japanese curry. It was pork this time but not black but that really didn't matter.

4. This day began the string of Takoyaki eating that Beetchie set out to do. Those little octopus filled flour batter balls made her happy. They were good but I was never really hungry when she ate them despite her theory that I hate them.

Obligatory Photo Post of Ugly Fish For Beetchie:



*To protect our identities, since we do have enemies floating about on the internet, I will be inserting wacom-drawn bao heads where I deem appropriate. They are not loads of poop with stink lines. They are pork bao with steam lines. Please do not judge my drawings.

remember, b-a-o-s.

a like so:

Manhattan was a Chamber of Farts

But it's no surprise that NJ is always a Chamber of Farts.

Monday saw this HOchie ready to dash out of Manhattan. Yep, thanks to the Mysterious Odor which is still a mystery, we're all going to die.

I'm currently drafting my will, as many of you know. Here's the tentative list thus far:
I've got Beetchie for dibs on my 80GB but on the stipulation that she hands her 30GB over to HOchie 1;

TD5 gets some of my dvds (Evil Dead? and whatever else you can think of);

Baby B wants my fridge and sleep sack;

Battler gets some of my stuffed animals (whatever HOchie 1 doesn't keep);

X gets nothing because she'll be coming with me since we both breathed in the odor;

my Miyamoto signed Link comes with me to the grave since I'll need protection in the next world;

Char Kar...I can't think of anything I have that'd you want;

MC gets nothing because he's D.T.U., besides which, he claims he can make it on his own, not to mention he'd probably just share my shit with Jamaicans & various Yardies;

HOchie 1 gets everything else, including my precious Wii since Beetchie is ungrateful;

and SF...

Well, exactly where is SF in all of this? Does anyone know?

X has a theory and it's one of the quotes of the day:

"Where's SF? I haven't heard from him..." - Me.
"Ummm, I told you! (they're trying to pinpoint it in Jersey City) SF exploded. SF = Gas. That's my story and I'm sticking to it." - X.

Other quotes -

"It's either a terrorist plot or a government experiment. It was a test to see how far they could get away with things and we all failed." - Aims.
"And you're thinking this way, not that I don't agree with you, but it's 'cause you watch too much 24." - Me.

Am I Surprised? Not Really.

Let the record show that I've been an advocate for the death of onions, onion family vegetables including the green onion or scallion and California since the day I was born:


First lawsuit filed in E.coli outbreak

Officials believe they may have found the source

Eyewitness News
(New Hyde Park - WABC, December 7, 2006) - The first lawsuit in the wake of this week's E.coli outbreak was filed Thursday.

They say the contamination may have come from an onion grower in California, with scallions sprinkled on top of food at Taco Bell infecting customers.
A family on Long Island filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell for millions of dollars Thursday after an 11-year old boy got sick after eating at a restaurant.

copyright 2006 WABC - TV