The Evolution of SF

SF ----> SAF ----> Frass

SAF, we're not bringing "the shit" back.

To SAF, MC and TD5

Pee in the Pants and/or Golden Showers are not cool.

Stop loving Fergie, you assholes!

The Police Are Out of Control

Explain to me why The Police are trying to get me to join their fan club? Why?! So they can break up in a year and break my heart again like they did back in 1986?!

::tear::

SAF, you're on your own but can I just tell you that you need to stop living in the 80's. You too, X.

Huh...

Where is SAF, I mean...Taylor Hicks?

It is no longer "SF". It is now "SAF".

The word 'ass' is in there somewhere. Figure it out.

Manhattan was a Chamber of Farts

But it's no surprise that NJ is always a Chamber of Farts.

Monday saw this HOchie ready to dash out of Manhattan. Yep, thanks to the Mysterious Odor which is still a mystery, we're all going to die.

I'm currently drafting my will, as many of you know. Here's the tentative list thus far:
I've got Beetchie for dibs on my 80GB but on the stipulation that she hands her 30GB over to HOchie 1;

TD5 gets some of my dvds (Evil Dead? and whatever else you can think of);

Baby B wants my fridge and sleep sack;

Battler gets some of my stuffed animals (whatever HOchie 1 doesn't keep);

X gets nothing because she'll be coming with me since we both breathed in the odor;

my Miyamoto signed Link comes with me to the grave since I'll need protection in the next world;

Char Kar...I can't think of anything I have that'd you want;

MC gets nothing because he's D.T.U., besides which, he claims he can make it on his own, not to mention he'd probably just share my shit with Jamaicans & various Yardies;

HOchie 1 gets everything else, including my precious Wii since Beetchie is ungrateful;

and SF...

Well, exactly where is SF in all of this? Does anyone know?

X has a theory and it's one of the quotes of the day:

"Where's SF? I haven't heard from him..." - Me.
"Ummm, I told you! (they're trying to pinpoint it in Jersey City) SF exploded. SF = Gas. That's my story and I'm sticking to it." - X.

Other quotes -

"It's either a terrorist plot or a government experiment. It was a test to see how far they could get away with things and we all failed." - Aims.
"And you're thinking this way, not that I don't agree with you, but it's 'cause you watch too much 24." - Me.

A quiz ... and some revelations about The Hochies, MC, X , SF, J, Beetchie and Battler

Here's the thing, we're going to fill this out first then anyone who'd like to respond - copy and paste your answers in a comment. Remember, in the second part your answers should be in response to how you feel about us. Whoever responds, we'll do the same for you. You know you guys want to.

This quiz is not our own and was pilfered from sources we'd rather not disclose.

1.Your Full Name: HOchie 1 & Or 2.
2. Age: 13 & 62
3. Single or Taken: Taken but you know, I am my own Ho; Taken (Matt will find out soon enough) and I am also my own Ho.
4. Favorite Movie: Labyrinth; The Nightmare Before Christmas
5. Favorite Song: If God Will Send His Angels" by U2; This is hard for me so I'll go with two current - "Map of the Problematique" by MUSE & "What Do They Know?" by MSI
6. Favorite Band/Artist: U2; MUSE
7. Dirty or Clean: Half Dirty/Half Clean - depends on how you look at me; Dirty because dirt don't hurt.
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: None (my dad would have killed me); one piercing in the upper right ear portion and I live
9. Worst Habit: not exercising enough; not eating enough pork

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of the blog community? Yes
2. What's your philosophy on life? "Only the good die young"; "Bacon"
3. Negative or Optimistic? Negative; Realistic or is that I just don't care enough?
4. What was your dream growing up? To be a singer; I'm still growing up and I still have dreams
5. Worst thing ever happen to you? Those stupid assholes. x2.
6. Would you kiss me? Ew. You're my sister! x2.
7. Tell me one weird fact about you: I can sleep with my eyes open; I have really violent dreams, why just last night I dreamt I had been feasting on human flesh for years and only reconsidered my actions when I got a bad piece of finger. It tasted nasty.
8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down? I would have your assback AND kick you when you're down. It depends on my mood; Thanks, HOchie 1. Thanks. I'd have your back whenever it worked out for me.
9. Do you Trust me? Yes; Yes
10. Have you ever kept anything from me? Yes; Yes
11. What do you think of me as a Person? I think you da bomb; You're a Kitty.
12. Do you think I'm sane or insane? I think you're sane; I think you're sane.
13. Would you cry for me if I died? I would lay down and die myself but that was before Beat; I would follow you into the dark.
14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? I would be your partner in crime then be your conscience AFTER; I would be your crime partner then let you deal with the consequences
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? Yes, I would make you more ambitious so you could make me more money; No. Biatch.
16. How do you fall asleep? On my left side; on my left side thanks to my piercing.
17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call? Both; I never yell.
18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up? Yeah, totally; Yeah. As long as it's no emo kids. I am not Emo.
19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie? Honest because I'd want you to do lots of things before you die. I would want you to go to England just in time to get there and die. You wouldn't find Matt but at least you'd be there where he is unless he's doing a concert in Seattle; I would be honest so we can go do stuff like burn bridges.
20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it? I would take it in a suitcase to my workplace, curse out all those bitches, leave then go on vacation; I would invest to make more millions THEN I would curse everyone out and go on vaction.
21. What is your worst fear? That Or 2 would die before me; that HOchie 1 would die before me.
22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? It used to be reading but now I'm illiterate thanks to Baby B.; play vgames
23. How many times did u curse at me while filling out this thing? Twice; four times
24. Can you sing or dance? Yes and yes; I can do something like both.
25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest.... Suga'Face; Hilarical

My Christmas Un-WishList

I happened upon a very disturbing blog last night. I couldn't believe my eyes - that bitch wrote up a wishlist. I have a problem with writing up a wishlist. Maybe it's just me and because I know her but how much of a bitch do you have to be to put up a wishlist on your blog, online for the public to see? Well alright, maybe her friends asked her to do so but when I read what she wanted... my word. Her list was high maintenance and demanding. I'm sorry, but if your ass wants an upgraded electronic item then you should go out and buy it your damned self since your original is working just fine.

Anyway, so in response to the atrocity I read, I've decided to create the Un-WishList of my own.

1. I don't want 'trendy and overly expensive' coats and sweaters.
2. I don't want an entirely new 130 dollar gaming system JUST because it's pink and been slightly upgraded.
3. I don't want ridiculously priced perfume that's only what it is due to brand name.
4. I don't want gift certificates to lame ass, trendy stores for hoochies when I know their clothes aren't going to fit me properly nor should I be trying to rock such obscene gear.

Yes, I am a bitch but you guys already know that. But because you assclowns love me, I'll put a wishlist of my own here:

1. SF, get me Fergie and I will destroy you. The same goes for Gwen. Don't forget what I told you. Remember what I said - you give any of those to me for Christmas and I will give you video footage of my destroying them for YOUR Christmas gift. I love you too, SF. I love you too.

2. Matt.

"I Bitch-Slapped Death With My One Good Hand"

It's true...Ash did it. And all 8 of us saw it and loved it!



Evil Dead The Musical was greatness. It was cheesey, brilliant and bloody. Oh the blood! It was everywhere and on everyone! At least it was on everyone in the first three rows and wouldn't you know it? Or 2, Giant Kitty, TD5, X, Beetchie, Marie, Jess, & Battler were FRONT and CENTER.

The highlights of the evening all involved X. Beetchie and X got grabbed by Cheryl but did Beetchie and X save poor Cheryl when she was being dragged away by evil trees?! No.

And then came the Splatter Zone along with that blood I was mentioning before. I don't think anyone in our group saw that scene of gore because we were all too busy covering our faces and protecting our bodies from the blood.

And again, Cheryl, now zombiefied, grabbed X and riiiiippped her poncho all the way down and apart! Protection from the blood for X was gone! But X, being a Dr. and all, improvised and bunched the poncho in front, bent foward and covered her body. Triumph was X's...front but not so much the back. It was brilliant when the blood rolled off her back and unto her ass. And it was even more brilliant when she had to walk the streets of NYC with it too.

Classic songs and lines and of the evening -

"Death's a bitch...a stupid bitch." - Scott.

"What The Fuck Was That?"

I even got my picture taken with Ash for 10 bucks. That Ash is kind of cute even if he is Canadian...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to the Giant Kitty from the HOchies.

We hope your birthday turns out awesome, with all your enemies being fed to you a like so -



Or at least that you like all the presents you get, although there should be no worries about what Vendetta got you. It's fantastic.

The Start of a Horrible Birthday Month

1. The collapse of my shelf - dvds, cds and toys were ALL over this room. Thankfully, my WACOM seems to be intact as is my computer. And it could have been worse though, because I could have actually been sitting at my computer when it happened and let's just say I wouldn't be blogging right now or breathing, now that I think about it.

2. VM. Now, I watch pretty much only two shows on television during the tv season. I watch South Park and Veronica Mars. The season premiere of VM was on Tuesday and I was incredibly disappointed. The usually very intelligently written show has been dumbed down for CW viewers. Oh how angry I am. They better stop trying to sabotage my damned show or an angry letter will be penned and sent to the President of that network. ::shake fist::

3. Why Matt, why?! I lost the MUSE competition. I don't get a signed guitar. I don't get VIP tickets to any show in the UK and worst of all...I don't get to meet them. Clownie was right when he said my husband cheated on me. =( I am so sad right now. ::tear::

So maybe things aren't that horrible because I did have a good birthday in general. Thanks to my great friends who showered me with witty and thoughtful cards, stuffed me with donuts, candy and Dinosaur BBQ (three kinds of meat - oh yes! and wine that knocked me the f out), a really rich cake that almost did me in (but the thought of it was wonderful - thanks to the Char Kar), a HUGE Jack Skellington figure that I will hug as soon as I take it out of the box (thank you Beetchie! I love him dearly as you know) and some stylin' clothes that I've no clue on how to fit into after all the stuffing of food that went down yesterday.

So thank you to all - all except SF. SF has once again disappeared off the face of the planet and while my first thought is to make sure he's okay, I hear from my sources he's fine. Curse you, SF!

And No SF...

We are not bringing "Cork" back.

D-H F

The Internet Bringing Back the Dead (?), Cave People and Zombies, oh my!

This HOchie broke out of work early to do a Horror movie Double-Header Friday with good friends Beetchie and the Giant Kitty. Yes, Mitch *Connors*, Giant Kitty is SF.

We started out with Pulse. I knew this movie was going to be crap but being that I have a heterosexual girl crush on Suga'Face #1, Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars fame, I felt the need to go support her. And she truly is a Suga'Face but I'm not used to seeing her be so dense... so smart on VM. Not so much in this movie... Blondes. Tch.

Not much to say about that movie other than there were some freakish moments but we're still kind of confused as to exactly what went on there. I might need to go watch the original Japanese movie to try to figure it out but as we all know, those Japanese are often hella confusing as is, so I expect no real clarity.

With 50 minutes to kill between the end of that movie and the beginning of The Descent, we decided that a bathroom break was in order and whatever else we could find to do.

So who knew that the AMC 25 had a terrace? But let me tell you people now, keep away from that damned terrace! It's really frickin' high up there. Beetchie was holding on for dear life but more importantly, we blame the terrace for making us get the only available seats located in the second row from the front. Ugh, eye hurt! And for those of you following, so we had 50 minutes and we still managed to get crappy seats but if you had to backpack it through that theatre, as Beetchie pointed out, you'd be late too!

With a sleepy giant kitty on my right, a The Descent veteran on my left, and a theatre full of crazy MFs, we settled down and prepped for gore-filled fun.

Some girls screaming next to us scared Beetchie. What I don't understand is this: haven't they ever watched horror movies before? Every 'scary' moment that came, I certainly knew was coming. The movie followed a simple horror formula. It was still cool though.

We then headed to Dave & Busters (Beetchie, I didn't know you had stock in that place. You do, don't you, Buster? - har har) for some Zombie killing action. My accuracy was 67% the first time and incredibly less the second. Uh, my rings hurt my shooting hand. I know, I'm supposed to aim for the head but I swear, that thing was not registering properly. Beetchie agrees with me. Our "House of the Dead 4" ranks - C & D after level 1. Our rank after level 2: unknown. We didn't make it that far. Zombies ate our brains! I hate me some zombies... Beetchie and I will go back and rock that another day with more money and more time. Oh yes. Oh yes.

WTF moment of the night:

This girl was on her idiot man's shoulders and I thought it was a kid. And she was reaching out to touch Beetchie's hair but then I realized that it wasn't a kid, it was a grown ass girl being a bitch because she thought it funny to mess with people on the street. Why the hell was that bitch messing with my friend? Don't touch her hair! I hate assholes. I was thinking I should trip him which would result in her falling off his shoulders and breaking her stupid face but I also thought, two giant black guys and one ghetto bitch against little me would probably land me in the hospital. Karma will get them and I'll be out of the hospital.

Quotes of the day:

"Oh HEEELLLLSSS NO. No Bitch, you betta' run yo' ass outta there! If it was a Chinese girl in that situation, you best believe her ass is gone. Why do you think there's so many of us in the world? We know how to act." - Beetchie, on Pulse.

"Oh no...poor Christina Milian. ::sad face:: She's too cute to die." - Franz.

"DAMNED TERRACE!" - Me.

"That Juno reminds me of Patty. It's Patty! And she's...hardcore. Don't mess with Patty! Yay, Patty! Oh, Patty's kind of scaring me." - Franz

"You killed her child, that ugly face that only an ugly mother can love! Oooooooo..." - Me.

"You know Franz, just because you can't keep your husband doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." - Me, on Franz leading us to salvation out of the cave in The Descent.

Currently listening to: "Is It Any Wonder?" by Keane. Or what HOchie 1 and I like to call it,

"Give me one last chance and you'll be satisfied.
Give me two chances and you won't be denied.
Well my heart is where it's always been,
My head is somewhere in between,
Give me one more chance,
Let me be your lover tonight.

Is it any wonder...? or was it, you're the real thing?
Even better than the real thing?"

Despite my just poking a little fun at them, while I'm on the subject of Keane, I must say I am incredibly impressed by their second album "Under the Iron Sea". It is an amazing piece of work. I'm actually saddened that I will not see them at the Hammerstein on September 13th. ::sniff:: I'll catch my crazy pianist 'hardcore rocker', Tim Rice-Oxley next time.

Which Sesame Street Characters Are We Most Like?

A scarf started this entire discussion.

TheHOchies present:

Which Sesame Street Characters Are TheHOchies and Friends Most Like?

note: this list can be amended and recommendations are welcome but not necessarily accepted. =)

HOchie 1:

Preposterous Puppy

Oscar the Grouch's puppy who surprisingly, is even more of a grouch than Oscar. But who can deny the cuteness when he chews the cud and occasionally tries to bite all that touch him?

Or 2:

I haven't decided yet who I am most like... the only things I could think of was the Shark that jumped into Bert's & Ernie's boat after Bert called for him or the pink bottle cap with the black star that Bert has in his collection. I know. Weak.

Medium Budgie

Wilemmina

"Wuh Wuh Wuh!!! W is for Wilemmina!" Because what else could W stand for? Certainly not something ridiculous like "Wesley". Preposterous! Uh, HOchie 1!

X:

Remember that girl with the scarf over her head? The little vagabond who longingly gazed at Cookie Monster's cookies as he ate it? "Share?". And when CM finally did, that cookie was gone like nobody's buisness!!!! "Nyumm Yumm Nyumm grra rraa nyumm" SCARY! But so X... ahahahahahahahaha.

MC:

Grover

Quote HOchie 1: Grover is black. And Mitch is black.

SF:

Telly

Honestly, do I REALLY need to go into any sort of explanation?

Beetchie:

The Letter Q

Man 1 "That's a funny looking thing."
Man 2 "No it isn't, it's the letter Q."
Man 1 "Hmm, I still say it's a funny looking thing."
Man 2 "YOU'RE a funny looking thing."

Yep, that's Beetchie - a funny looking thing. Har Har.

Ah, so wrong yet so right on so many levels...

The Bughie

Travis Traveling!

Travis Traveling likes to travel! On a unicycle, no less. I'm not sure how this relates to the Bughie but it does. It's not the fact that he travels on a unicycle and any other form of transportation but he's so knowledgeable, that Travis Traveling. That is the character that comes to mind.

Currently listening to: "Map of the Problematique" - Muse