Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part III

After a harrowing escape since the last guide to the Zombie Apocalypse Part II (if you had not noticed, there was something amiss), I came across something very disturbing on the train on Thursday.
It seems that the MTA Corporate & Public Affairs office has been overrun and replaced by highly intelligent Flesh-Eaters.

Keep the panic to a minimum because panic will get you killed that much faster during a Zombie Apocalypse, but you read that correctly.

Zombies are now in charge of the MTA Corporate & Public Affairs office; and they're issuing fake Safety Rules for travel on the Metro North.

Exhibit A: It takes a Zombie to know Zombie behaviour, therefore a Zombie wrote this.

The Zombies seem very adamant that you stay away from the gap.  Certainly this is sound advice that Metro North has been issuing for years but this latest exhibit may very well be a clever trick.

Do not be fooled.


Their level of comprehensive skill and penmanship seems to have improved tremendously (they can print now!).  Truly frightful is their ability to make jokes about their own Zombie-kind to garner your trust. 

As we know from point 4 of the first guide, the gap may save your life whilst in a Zombie Scenario.

It appears as though The Apocalypse is a lot closer than we thought...

Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part II

Hello,

It has become apparent that you lot don't much care for the oncoming Zombie Apocalypse, as gathered from your lack of interest and responses to Part I.

It's either you do not care or that you wish to die a gruesome death (except you, Bughie J.  You know the time is nigh and we're all just wondering what type of Zed Death we will be met with).

Whatever the case may be, here is your Part II Guide to the ZA in a ZS:

If you start getting messages, as below - 

Exhibit A

Exzhibit B

Exhibit C

Remember,

Exhibit A: the Zombies may not be able to spell that well but they sure know how to get their point across with the clever trickz!

Exhibit B: Also, try not to be dazzled by their handwriting even if it is pretty pretty for the Undead.  It only serves as another form of the trickery we spoke of before.  Though wow, they really do rite beautifully, don't they?

Exhibit C: And finally, do not let Zombies use your Muther'z name so familiar like.

Thank you to the experts at Plants Vs. Zombies for their assistance in these matters.

Sincerely with Luz,

the Zombies.

Urrhhhh.

Or 2.

We meant Or 2.

Currently listening to:  "Kicked In" by Death Cab for Cutie.  Well, if it isn't one of our...Or 2'z favourite bandz.

Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part I

Have you ever found your mind wandering to the prospect of a Zombie Scenario and planning an escape?

What's that? The Zed word is ridiculous?

That right there would be your Number 1 fail: doubting the Zombie Apocalypse!

The Wave of the Undead is coming, my friends and let us all hope that we have some pea shooter plants to guard ourselves with.

In the meanwhile, H1 and I have been envisioning and devising our escape as per The Zombie Scenario: Metro North Edition.

We are not going to lie.

If hordes of zombies were to invade Grand Central Terminal as we stood on the platform waiting for our train, we have decided we would die for lack of a solid survival plan.

We have been thinking on this for a couple of years now but we would be ill-fated.

What we would see as we looked ahead.  

Zombies would be pouring out of the main Terminal.

Behind us would be Zombies shuffling up the stairs.

Zombies to the left of us.

Zombies to the right... but wait! a train?

So, what would our best option be?

Jumping into the pit to the left and risk an oncoming train, electrocution via the third rail, or zombies piling in after us and it being much easier to trip?

Do we climb on top of the train to the right?

How long before the zombies take to climbing as well?

Do we board the train? What if the doors are closed (as pictured)?

What if we get on and the doors do not close? Sitting ducks we would be!

What if...zombies are on the train?!?!

The Hochies are not pessimistic, we are realistic.

The following footprints/feet (not owned by zombies or unwitting victims of Zombies) are the guidelines as deemed by The MTA for a safe commute.

We have doctored them to share with you our tips and observations you should abide by during a Zombie Scenario at GCS.  It's the least we could do for our friends who may fare better.  Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky.

No. 1 and 2

1. In a Zombie Scenario, definitely *glance down once in a while to make sure you're not going to trip over your fellow, "can't save you now...sorry" commuters.  You will see why it may not matter when we get to No. 3 as slipping might become a regular Olympic Event.

Do not glance back too often.  It'll just slow you down, not to mention you never know when a Zombie might pop up in front of you all of a sudden.

2. In a Zombie Scenario, if the train is operational, hell yes, run for your train.

 No. 3

3.  In a Zombie Scenario, slipping will have to become an Art Form.  Using the stair handrails may be a good idea when it rains, but when it rains blood, I'm not sure anything will save you from a fall here and there.  Everything will be slippery in a Zombie Scenario.  The handrails won't work.

No. 4

4.  In a Zombie Scenario, throw caution about bridgeplates to the wind.  You may be better off being wedged under a train.  Maybe the zombies won't be able to get you out.  Fall through the gap, it might save your life even if it may break your arm.  *This could also apply to Rule 1.

 No. 5

5.  In a Zombie Scenario, and this may be painfully obvious...it's every child for himself.  Toss the buggers to the zombies because it may slow the Zombies down.  The more chirren you have, the better but remember, their bodies are tiny.  It's like eating popcorn, you might want a whole lot but it can only keep you filled for so long and there's never enough to feed everyone.

Currently listening to: "Pioneer to the Falls" by Interpol.(No. 6)

6. In a Zombie Scenario, remember that Interpol can't do shart for you.

Unnecessary Panic

Oh yes, so the other night, Frass (who pulled an MC and Alex and FELL ASLEEP! He claims the cupcake did him in) and I went to see Zombieland.

Why was it, as I was hurriedly trying to walk down the avenues to catch my train that all I could think about was to watch my back?

And then again on the train?

Zombies, man.

Nothing happened so we'll call this Unnecessary Panic...

For now.

Currently: Awake because Aims' birthday dinner to me is not really sitting well, but do I need to panic?! It's 4:44 AM! That's the tri-force of evil dead numbers, right there! Yeah, you guys thought it was the triple 6 but I watch way too much anime to know that "4" is unlucky, I am part Asian and subscribe to Asian things (when convenient to my delusions)!

Orrrr, maybe I really need to just go to bed.

Nightmares Return!

I listened to the "Exogensis Symphony Parts I - III".

It's very "OoS" in nature and amazing. It's not as 'HUGE' as I thought it would be but it's very, very good.

Except...

Part III's beginning has a familiar sound, much like that piece of music I can't listen to anymore for fear of zombies.

Curse you, Resident Evil!

I'm really waiting for the day zombies rise from the earth.

It's going to happen, you know.

H1 and I must practice our scenarios daily!

Currently listening to: "Resistance" by MUSE. If only this song didn't have a terrible chorus, it'd be almost awesome.

Clean Zombies

A Conversation in Badly Drawn Comic Form (and poorly scanned). Click to enlarge:



Editor's Note: No clean zombies were actually found in Resident Evil 5.

More Zombies, More Debacles

There was a panic attack.

You'd panic too if a chainsaw weilding zombie was chasing you! I couldn't think straight to get my gun out to blast through the heavy duty chained pad lock... instead I tried cutting it with a knife, and the zombie cut off me 'ead with a chainsaw. See? Another year, another incident involving my being knicked in me 'ead. Tch.

There was a Zombie Field Day.

Literally.

Bunji and I must have had a hundreds of them to slay only to be slain multiple times ourselves, while they rode after us on their bikes through the deep Kalahari...uh, Savannah.

There was a boat.

He says I can't drive the boat. He lies. I am still awesome. I don't see me driving us into flambeau throwing zombies!

There were two gators.

Gators? They'll pick you off your raft and eat you. That's why I'm never going to the FL Everglades, or Kikuju in RE5.

There were chickens.

Zombie chickens or regular chickens that will peck you if provoked? Yeah...I'm pretty sure they were just regular chickens and we got what we deserved for trying to cut them for their eggs.

Currently listening to: "Mama Minku" by Tsuyoshi Sekito, from the Brave Fencer Musashiden Original Soundtrack. Well, Well. Minku... man, I love them. That game needs to be released for the psp or ds. I'd be all over it! That and original Ape Escape. Oh hells yes.

Zombies Alert

This is also the stuff of nightmares for me. Lately I've been thinking about it lots but I don't know what I'd do if I saw zombies crawling around the front yard.



You know, that was just not funny. Whoever did this won't be laughing when it really happens.

Currently listening to: "Friends" by Flight of the Conchords. This show is phenomenal this season.

Cambodia, Sacrificial Lamb, a Black Heart and a Pumpkin Blaze

Yep, sounds like October.

On Friday last, X took me out for some Cambodian Street Eats that were not in the Streets or in Cambodia but rather in the vicinity of the Delancie Station Stop on the F Train.

There was a threat of being whisked away to Crooklyn but instead a Rooster punishment was delivered.



At Kampuchea, roosters were everywhere to torture me - on matchbooks, plates and mason jars used as glasses. At least there was no rooster engraved in the backless seat (priviledged people should stop their complaining - there's nothing wrong with stools!), nor was there rooster on the menu.



If one were to expand the menu, you'd see pork and belly pork at that, which is exactly what X and I got -



Along with a crispy bacon sandwich with all sorts of yummies in it - a chili pepper sauce, carrots, cucumbers and great bread,



a goo'd time cat fish sandwich with the same dressings,



and a pulled oxtail sandwich? Yep -



We followed it by a soup infiltrated by pork:



Alcoholic beverages of mango and a lychee martini were had, and then it was off to Rice to Riches for coconut cream pudding for dessert. Yummy!





Thank you, X, for the goo'd times.

Saturday was fairly uneventful, until H1 grilled some lamb in the evening. It was then she had a bit of an asthmatic attack that she says I shouldn't talk about, thanks to a trigger of oven cleaner on the stove top and heat. It was horrid but she's okay now.

Oh yeah, we also baked cookies and we made a sugar cookie to represent the colour of H1's heart.



You're right Frass, it probably could be blacker.

Sunday, our cousins came over which was nice. Momma Hochie baked cakes that came out heavy thanks to a cold house and cold margarine.

After curry goat, channa & potatoes, beef pelau, roti, squash, cake, and pumpkin pie were eaten with joy, Boobey-Head, Luuuuuiiiisss, H1 and I headed off to the Jack O' Lantern Blaze at van Cortland Manor.

It was fun and frustrating trying to take pictures in the dark and some of the carvings were pretty spectacular. This year there was a Dinosaur exhibit, along with the Aquarium exhibit we saw three years ago, with pirates added. The snakes and spiders were also back, with a garden display (a pumpkin patch display? har har), skulls, bats and butterflies were floating about too.

Also new this year, were some awesomely carved white pumpkins, a scary clown patch, a pumpkin wedding and Thriller, complete with guitar riffs and cheesey music to boot, smoke screens and dancing zombies.

(click pictures to get larger view and the full effect!)



Snakes, Dinosaur Hatchlings, Spiders, Fish, Aliens, Oh My!











This clown looks awfully like drunk clown hiding in the bush. Runk like a skunk!





It was a pretty good weekend for the most part. It was quiet and sometimes entertaining...

No thanks to the peeps who are cut off!

Yeah, MC you're cut off as well because the wishes didn't come on the day but not really, because I always forget yours nor am I ever close to remembering.

No one's as clever as CLee who wished me Happy Halloween to distract from the fact that he was not the first to wish me well wishes.

Thanks to Alex for goo'd times with Flight of the Conchords.
Thanks to Bughie J. for defeating Takuman or at least, them bidders who outsmarted me for the past month. And all the music, too.
Thanks to Frass for giving me a charcoal-less monkey and D. Gray-Man figures.
Thanks to X for the Cambodian even though no tarantulas were harmed in the making of the meal and for a diamond filled kitty.
Thanks to Pumps and Jazz for waking my ass up at 2 and then again at 4.
Thanks to Momma HOchie & Papa HOchie for the sweaters.
Thanks to Bunji for my Nightmare Before Christmas figures, with the bug-eyed Sally and the very toxic green Oogey Boogey.
Thanks to H1 for suffering to make yummy lamb, and for Dragon Quest IV.
Thanks to Boobey for the Handisnacks, D. Gray-Man manga and a Blaze ticket.

Currently listening to: "Dancing Choose" by TV on the Radio. I gave them a chance since the album Dear Science got such great reviews (and made sure to research they're nothing like a band such as Panic at the Disco, since their names always remind me of each other) and I have to say, could they sound any more like some other bands I know? See: R.E.M. for "The End of the World" on this song, and a reminder of Bloc Party and others I know are out there. They're not bad though.

Or 2's The Famous London (B)log - DAY 1.5

Chapter 1: 7 PM to 7 AM (No no, this isn't 24)

The flight to London on the 15th messed up this HOchie and company big time. NY time was 7 PM when we departed and arrival at Heathrow was 7 AM on November 16th. What messed with the head was the fact that the head was still in NY time @ 2 AM November 16th. As you can tell, I'm still very much confused and incoherent.

I have to say though that Virgin Atlantic's got some bad-assed plane gear. The in-flight entertainment is so fun. I got to watch this UK comedy series called Peepshow which I liked but like most British comedies, it was painful to watch sometimes. I got to listen in full to albums that I've been meaning to preview for some while and walked away with an appreciation for Arctic Monkeys. The hype surrounding them is still too great but really, it isn't bad at all. I really couldn't get through The Kaiser Chiefs though.

Another point of interest worth mentioning was my very gay flight attendant. He was adorable.

The boring details of that day after getting into London involved renting a phone, taking a rail to the hotel (and by the way, a lot of the London Outskirts looks like Queens. That alone is really scary. Also, taggers in England got nothing on NY Taggers - when you do graffiti, do it right!) and trying to find our hotel.
Things didn't start out THAT fantastic. We got stuck in the elevator at the hotel and I almost broke my foot when I missed a step, with suitcase in hand. My foot went under itself in the worst way possible. I guess it wouldn't be a London trip if I didn't fall at some point (ahaha, London Trip? Get it? Ahhh. I slay myself) but it was scary because it's shocking I didn't actually break it off. This was an ongoing concern of mine during the entire trip actually. I always felt that I was going to break my foot either on some cobblestones or spiral staircases.

The rest of the day was spent walking around like zombies as Battler and I went on an almost fruitless search for flip flops. After getting lost for 3 + hours, I finally remembered that I could have saved us the aches since I knew fully well that flip flops are not in use in England. Heh. Oh well. Not only could I have saved us the achey feet but I could have saved myself some grief:



The only real thing of interest I found in the tuck shop other than my childhood in cadbury chocolate was Fido. That's right, Fido is still rockin' the 7UP can in London:



That night after some fish and chips (not in newspaper much to my dismay) at the corner pub "The Pride of Paddington", Battler, Char Kar and I knocked out for the night.

Wow, what a fairly boring day. It's a sad thing when the flight was the most exciting event.

D-H F

The Internet Bringing Back the Dead (?), Cave People and Zombies, oh my!

This HOchie broke out of work early to do a Horror movie Double-Header Friday with good friends Beetchie and the Giant Kitty. Yes, Mitch *Connors*, Giant Kitty is SF.

We started out with Pulse. I knew this movie was going to be crap but being that I have a heterosexual girl crush on Suga'Face #1, Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars fame, I felt the need to go support her. And she truly is a Suga'Face but I'm not used to seeing her be so dense... so smart on VM. Not so much in this movie... Blondes. Tch.

Not much to say about that movie other than there were some freakish moments but we're still kind of confused as to exactly what went on there. I might need to go watch the original Japanese movie to try to figure it out but as we all know, those Japanese are often hella confusing as is, so I expect no real clarity.

With 50 minutes to kill between the end of that movie and the beginning of The Descent, we decided that a bathroom break was in order and whatever else we could find to do.

So who knew that the AMC 25 had a terrace? But let me tell you people now, keep away from that damned terrace! It's really frickin' high up there. Beetchie was holding on for dear life but more importantly, we blame the terrace for making us get the only available seats located in the second row from the front. Ugh, eye hurt! And for those of you following, so we had 50 minutes and we still managed to get crappy seats but if you had to backpack it through that theatre, as Beetchie pointed out, you'd be late too!

With a sleepy giant kitty on my right, a The Descent veteran on my left, and a theatre full of crazy MFs, we settled down and prepped for gore-filled fun.

Some girls screaming next to us scared Beetchie. What I don't understand is this: haven't they ever watched horror movies before? Every 'scary' moment that came, I certainly knew was coming. The movie followed a simple horror formula. It was still cool though.

We then headed to Dave & Busters (Beetchie, I didn't know you had stock in that place. You do, don't you, Buster? - har har) for some Zombie killing action. My accuracy was 67% the first time and incredibly less the second. Uh, my rings hurt my shooting hand. I know, I'm supposed to aim for the head but I swear, that thing was not registering properly. Beetchie agrees with me. Our "House of the Dead 4" ranks - C & D after level 1. Our rank after level 2: unknown. We didn't make it that far. Zombies ate our brains! I hate me some zombies... Beetchie and I will go back and rock that another day with more money and more time. Oh yes. Oh yes.

WTF moment of the night:

This girl was on her idiot man's shoulders and I thought it was a kid. And she was reaching out to touch Beetchie's hair but then I realized that it wasn't a kid, it was a grown ass girl being a bitch because she thought it funny to mess with people on the street. Why the hell was that bitch messing with my friend? Don't touch her hair! I hate assholes. I was thinking I should trip him which would result in her falling off his shoulders and breaking her stupid face but I also thought, two giant black guys and one ghetto bitch against little me would probably land me in the hospital. Karma will get them and I'll be out of the hospital.

Quotes of the day:

"Oh HEEELLLLSSS NO. No Bitch, you betta' run yo' ass outta there! If it was a Chinese girl in that situation, you best believe her ass is gone. Why do you think there's so many of us in the world? We know how to act." - Beetchie, on Pulse.

"Oh no...poor Christina Milian. ::sad face:: She's too cute to die." - Franz.

"DAMNED TERRACE!" - Me.

"That Juno reminds me of Patty. It's Patty! And she's...hardcore. Don't mess with Patty! Yay, Patty! Oh, Patty's kind of scaring me." - Franz

"You killed her child, that ugly face that only an ugly mother can love! Oooooooo..." - Me.

"You know Franz, just because you can't keep your husband doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." - Me, on Franz leading us to salvation out of the cave in The Descent.

Currently listening to: "Is It Any Wonder?" by Keane. Or what HOchie 1 and I like to call it,

"Give me one last chance and you'll be satisfied.
Give me two chances and you won't be denied.
Well my heart is where it's always been,
My head is somewhere in between,
Give me one more chance,
Let me be your lover tonight.

Is it any wonder...? or was it, you're the real thing?
Even better than the real thing?"

Despite my just poking a little fun at them, while I'm on the subject of Keane, I must say I am incredibly impressed by their second album "Under the Iron Sea". It is an amazing piece of work. I'm actually saddened that I will not see them at the Hammerstein on September 13th. ::sniff:: I'll catch my crazy pianist 'hardcore rocker', Tim Rice-Oxley next time.