News While We Were Out

Sad times David Carradine. Sad times. =(

Futurama? New episodes? Fantastic!

Zombies Alert

This is also the stuff of nightmares for me. Lately I've been thinking about it lots but I don't know what I'd do if I saw zombies crawling around the front yard.



You know, that was just not funny. Whoever did this won't be laughing when it really happens.

Currently listening to: "Friends" by Flight of the Conchords. This show is phenomenal this season.

Perhaps They Need to Visit Where The HOchieS Live

Thanks to Bughie J. for pointing out this story, taken from CNN

Scientists baffled by mysterious acorn shortage

Story Highlights

Naturalists are baffled this fall by a shortage of acorns in the eastern U.S.

Residents in some areas report plenty of acorns, while others have seen none at all

Acorn growth runs in cycles, so a lean year may be normal after last year's big crop

Some scientists fear the shortage will affect squirrel populations

source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/12/12/acorn.shortage/

The real reason I wanted to write this story about the plague carriers I'm so obsessed with, was for this picture -



What a freakin' hilarious picture. Bwahahaha.

Currently listening to: "Freak Show" by Abingdon Boys School, from Songs for Death Note The Movie: A Tribute.

The Devil Made Me Do It

Jeebus' Face has shown up on a moth according to some guy in Middle America.



I have to say this image makes it seem like a vengeful, eye for an eye kind of Jeebus. Also, quite frankly, I think it looks more like a Rastafarian.

In other Jeebus saving news, it was the devil who made me play Rock music on a plastic guitar.

Thank God for Jeebus who will convert that plastic for good.



I wonder when the Rock Band Praise edition of this will come out? I'll be there, front and center. Maybe we could name our band... Creed?

I have seen the light.

Like a Moth to the Guitar Praise, I shall be.

Currently listening to: "An Honest Mistake" by the Bravery. Really, it was. Please don't strike me Lord. There's no name calling in vain going on here. Just merriment and amusement.

Ninjas In New Jersey...As If.

Another Stupid Story from 1/3 of the Axis of Evil:

Posted: Wednesday, 25 June 2008 1:22PM

N.J. School Locked Down for Ninja Sighting

BARNEGAT, N.J. (AP) -- It's the case of the nonexistent ninja.

Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school.

The lockdown began shortly after 9 a.m. Wednesday and lasted until 9:30.
(TM & Copyright 2008 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & Copyright 2008 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.


The moral of this bit of news:

He couldn't be no effin' Ninja; he was seen! This story is another example of proof that people from NJ are special. No one knows what a real ninja looks like. All we know is that they exist.

Memorable Quotes of Today:

H1: Luuuuiiiissss brought home a bottle of Johnsons' baby cologne. I said, "you know they market this kind of thing to Puerto Ricans, right? Where'd you get it? The Goya section?"

Oh, For Eff's Sake

Eff is not the word I wish to use.

For fuck's sake, people - you cannot be Gaara!

Teenager's Video with Naruto Quote Leads to Arrest
posted on 2008-03-04 14:56 EST
YouTube clip quoting Naruto's Gaara raises charges of threatening, breach of peace

Connecticut State Police arrested an 18-year-old on Sunday after he uploaded a clip to the YouTube video-sharing service that allegedly threatened the students of his former school and used a quote from the Naruto manga and anime character Gaara. The suspect, Brandon A. Brown of New London, Connecticut, had been expelled from Grasso Southeastern Technical High School last June. The allegedly threatening video contained a variation on Gaara's trademark line ("The Corpse's Crimson Bitter Tears Will Flow And Mingle Though [sic] The Endless Sand Feeding The Chaos In Me And Making Me Stonger [sic]") and a warning to Grasso students to "Beware All Those Who Cross My Path […] On March 19, 2008 THE END IS HERE.” The video was included in a user channel with two earlier, unrelated Gaara video clips.

After the allegedly threatening video was posted on February 27, another student's parent saw it and complained to police. Brown was then arrested on charges of threatening and breach of peace. He has been released on US$2,500 bail. In response to the situation, Grasso principal Kerry Bell wrote a letter to parents that described the incident.

Source: www.aninenewsnetwork.com

Today there was yet another Gaara related incident in the news - some 10 year olds felt they could bury their friend in the sandbox because they could do sand manipulation.
You know, there's a reason why it's called "desert coffin". Yeesh.

And so the backlash of Naruto and all anime shall begin, much like the attack on video games.

It was very unfortunate what happened but don't blame Gaara for shit.

No H1, Gaara should not be banned. You'd be banning yourself.

Ridiculous.

Thanks for ruining things for the rest of us, people. Thanks.

Greatness

It is quite possibly, the coolest seagull eva'.

And So...

"Tony's uncertain fate near the end of Day 5 left the door open for his
return," executive producer Howard Gordon said in a press release. "And
since there was no silent clock at the conclusion of his last appearance
-- the '24' tribute to a major character's demise -- we always kept this
as a possibility."

...Fox proves its asshattery time and time again.

Lies! All of it! They didn't plan this out!

This is what we call, 'trying to save our asses after a debacle of a season'.

Still, we'll get to test my theory that 24 sucked last season because there was no Tony A.

Pigeons and Google Will Be The Death of Us All

X sent me this article yesterday about how Pigeons may be partially responsible for the bridge collapse in Minneapolis earlier this month. Apparently their dung build-up contributed to the wearing of bolts and metal on the bridge due to the acidity of said dung.

X has established that if this was a contributing factor in that bridge collapse then NY is screwed.

She's right.

H1, did you discuss this at the conference as well?

I always knew pigeons were evil, just like Google.

In fact, I'm sure the pigeons are using Google Earth to spy, and target their next attack and are planning the entire population of earth's demise as we speak.

For Once In Our Lives, Lamb Korma Is Not Something We Want To Eat Today

Vets set to put down seven-legged lamb

Animal in New Zealand a hermaphrodite and ‘happy’ but badly deformed

MSNBC News Services
Updated: 2:53 p.m. ET Aug 2, 2007

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A lamb with seven legs was born in New Zealand but so badly deformed that it was to be destroyed, a local newspaper reported.

The lamb was born with an extra set of front legs and three back legs, the Ashburton Guardian newspaper, at Ashburton on the South Island, reported.



Farmer Dave Callaghan found the lamb in his field. Two of its legs hung useless behind the forelegs. The lamb walked using its two forelegs and three healthy hind legs.

"I have never seen anything like that," he said.

Veterinarian Steve Williams said the lamb was also hermaphrodite, and was missing a part of its bowel so was unable to pass feces.

He said it was this latter problem, rather than the fact it had seven legs, that meant it would have to be destroyed.

"It's quite a happy bright wee lamb, he's just slowly going downhill really," Williams said. "To keep it alive is probably inhumane really."

Williams said he believed an error during embryo formation had resulted in the lamb’s being born polydactyl — with many legs — a condition that occurs once in several million sheep.

The Associated Press and Reuters contributed to this report.

Places to add to the list of "The HOchieS Won't Be Going There": New Zealand.

You know, if that lamb had just one more leg, we would have had a new species of spider.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

::singing::

Spider Lamb, Spider Lamb

The Chinese, Cardboard and Bao

It turns out that the cardboard bao story, which we posted earlier this month, was untrue.

The Chinese claimed that the story was fabricated by the journalist to increase television ratings.

That's a bit of a relief. Or is it?

We think the Chinese Government's doing damage control!

You just don't fuck with the Chinese, as we already know.

Uhhh, but if by chance members of the the Chinese Government read our blog...heh heh, we only keed. That story was a fabrication, just like you said!

Currently watching: our backs...

Goddamned Scots, Speak Some Goddamned English!

It was a flashback.

Please come flashback with Or 2.

Let's go back to November 2006 to that weekend in Edinburgh when Char Kar, Battler and I were surrounded by a bunch of Scots and had our lives depended on getting directions from them, we would have been dead.

Even the Japanese have a better sense of the English language than the Scots!

Now flash forward to last night at the Roseland Ballroom where Beetchie and I saw The Fratellis.

It was like 2006 all over again.

If perchance The Fratellis had to issue a warning to us concert kids that we needed to clear out the venue due to the chaos that went down in NYC on Wednesday, once again, the situation would be bleak.

And so begins Or 2's tale of Wednesday, July 18th, 2007.

After some heavy rain that fell the night before that managed to downpour into Wednesday morning, slowing down the metro system - The HOchies trudged to work. When I heard that thunder at 5 AM, I really wanted to stay in bed but alas, I have to make up some kind of hours requirement at work, so to work I trudged.

It was an uneventful day and then all hell broke loose.

The disaster/misadventure of the day all began right after I met up with Beetchie for the concert. A coincidence? Ummm. Beetchie and I would rather be mum about the incident. We always know something's going to go down yet we still seem a little bit surprised...

Luckily H1 managed to get a train out of NYC before it hit but a steam pipe exploded near 42nd Street/Grand Central Terminal causing a whole lot of hell I didn't find out about until much later.

Beetchie and I ate, and went up to the Roseland Ballroom to see her pick - The Fratellis.

The line was long but we still managed to get a great spot on the floor with the magical number for me, third row from the front.

We waited amongst some rich, surprisingly really young kids, poked fun at them because they were annoying, drank a yager bomb and watch the first support band fiddle on the stage while setting up their equipment. More to come on Illinois, that support band after this post.

After Illinois, The Switches took the stage.

Oh. Goodness.

I went there not loving them and came out not loving them. They weren't bad but they weren't outstanding either. They performed two songs that were semi-decent but meh. Meh.

They can be classified under "The WTF Moments of the Night I".It's not that it was all bad but yeah, wtf:

1. Here's the lead singer that cracked me up some. Beetchie couldn't stand to look at him:



Notice the bad Flock of Seagulls' hair? Yeah. I don't ever want to hear about how Matt has bad hair again, as I told Beetchie.

2. The bassist who smiled not once during the entire set. Beetchie enjoyed him:



3. As for me, I enjoyed the little keyboardist, who I don't think is even part of the band but probably only accompanies them during live performances. He smiled the entire time and even smiled at me when he realized I was taking a picture of him. Awww, he posed until I got my shot. Cutie:



But sorry Brit dude. I'm already going after two other Brits. Maybe when you join a better band? Ahhhh. I keed.

4. This thing which Beetchie was trying to explain to me. Good picture you took there, Beetchie. Please explain its situation again:



After their roadies cleaned up their stage (wow, they had roadies!), we waited for a few for The Fratellis to show up.
And show up they did. Looking a little hard on the eyes...



They took the stage at 9.20 PM and when they began playing, H1 came to mind. They started with her favourite track or at least the one that she enjoys terrorizing me with...

The 7/18/2007 The Fratellis "Costello Music" Tour Set List:

Baby Fratelli
Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night
The Pimp
Vince the Loveable Stoner
Whistle for the Choir
Flathead
Doginabag
For the Girl
Cuntry Boys and City Girls
Pretty Like a Girl
Henrietta
Ole Black 'n' Blue Eyes
Got Ma Nuts From a Hippie

Encore:

Johnny Come Last (acoustic & solo) - (also cool was the fact that this was the first time this song was played for anyone, as the lead singer put it. At least that's what I think he said...)
Creepin' Up the Backstairs (acoustic)
Chelsea Dagger (the song everyone was waiting for - it's the hooligan anthem of 2006)



I came to this concert not totally loving this band. I, like I'm sure many others were, got hooked on "Flathead" when I heard it used in the Itunes commercial months ago. I was curious to see what the rest of the album was like because they're quite big over in the UK. I was also very wary of them because like The Caesars's "Paper Tiger", and I know I mentioned this before in a previous post, Itunes commercials sometimes feature really good songs from bands who may be under the radar but as I discovered with The Caesars, I liked the commercial song but not the album.

As it turns out, I took a chance on "Costello Music" and ended up not liking it that much. I will give them credit for being the kind of music you'd like to hear in a stadium before a football game in the UK, or at a pub as so nicely displayed in "Hot Fuzz" but for me, the album has never been in constant rotation, nor did I care enough to learn the lyrics before this show.

Simply put, Kenna's "New Sacred Cow" is still to this day, the best $9.99 album I've taken a chance on.

I thought that seeing them live wouldn't be a tragedy because they do have that fun kind of comradery going down and it wasn't but it really wasn't that fun either.

The highlights for me were my favourite songs, "Flathead" and "Henrietta" and I always enjoy a good breakdown of adding extended versions of kick ass music to a song so "Got My Nuts From A Hippie" was cool as well. I mean, they are no MUSE when it comes to riff adding but it was a decent attempt.

For Beetchie, I think her highlight was the bassist, Barry Fratelli. She loves her a bassist and he was in perfect bassist stance.



Sadly, I felt their performance was more bad than good though.

They slowed the playing down which threw me off as the album's so fast but not only that, they weren't very in-sync.

That's number 1 "WTF Moment of the Night II":

1. The Fratellis... It's okay to slow things down some. I mean, maybe not really because the music's fast on the album but I'd applaud you if you at least, played in time with each other. Tsk tsk.

2. The kids in attendance at this show. Those annoying fucks with their poor dancing was horrendous. They also were delusional and thought this was the greatest concert ever. Clearly they've never been to a concert before and would have nothing of high quality to compare it to. Stupids. Also, why were they all European?

3. The surprising young age of the crowd. H1 thinks The Fratellis should be embarrassed.

4. I couldn't understand much of what the lead singer was trying to say to us when he was talking to us. All I got was the ocassional mention of "New York" that he would make. Ah, Scots. Those hooligans slay me.

5. The Drummer Mince Fratelli's bare back! Well he wasn't actually. That was some effed up wife beater he was wearing under some effed up light show. Ahahahaha.



6. We almost got a guitar pick and the drumsticks from them. Alas, I was once again assed out by two blonde bitches.

7. Frontman Jon Fratelli's hair. This, I'm sure, is a 'WTF' for Beetchie, as it should be.



WTF Moments of the Night III:

As mentioned before, NYC was in a state of chaos on Wednesday when an old steam pipe exploded. We did not know the extent to the damage and as per usual, after the show ended I ran (and dragged Beetchie with me) all the way to 42nd Street and Madison only to discover that things were indeed REALLY bad.

Grand Central was closed off and some idiot cops, wrong and strong with the yelling at us for their not doing THEIR job, directed us and others to an entrance that didn't exist.

On the way I almost broke my foot, which is scarily becoming a norm when with Beetchie for me, by slipping on a piece of paper. I missed the train at 11.10 but luckily caught the one at 11.20 to Croton.

Beetchie was not as fortunate.

Beetchie had to catch the train back at 49th and 6th because we totally didn't think that if Grand C. was closed, that the subways weren't running.

It was a mess.

"First the Typhoons, Now the Earthquakes...?"

I swear that Beetchie and I had nothing to do with what went/is going down in Japan.

Well maybe I am a catalyst but oye! If you people are looking for a finger to point, point it at Beetchie.

O.M.G. I am BEYOND Traumatized

BEIJING, China (AP) -- Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and flavored with fatty pork and powdered seasoning, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighborhood, state television said.


Steamed buns sold in Beijing contain 60 percent cardboard, a report on China Central Television said.

The report, aired late Wednesday on China Central Television, highlights the country's problems with food safety despite government efforts to improve the situation.

Countless small, often illegally run operations exist across China and make money cutting corners by using inexpensive ingredients or unsavory substitutes. They are almost impossible to regulate.

State TV's undercover investigation features the shirtless, shorts-clad maker of the buns, called baozi, explaining the contents of the product sold in Beijing's sprawling Chaoyang district.

Baozi are a common snack in China, with an outer skin made from wheat or rice flour and a filling of sliced pork. Cooked by steaming in immense bamboo baskets, they are similar to but usually much bigger than the dumplings found on dim sum menus familiar to many Americans.

The hidden camera follows the man, whose face is not shown, into a ramshackle building where steamers are filled with the fluffy white buns, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.

The surroundings are filthy, with water puddles and piles of old furniture and cardboard on the ground.

"What's in the recipe?" the reporter asks. "Six to four," the man says.

"You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?" asks the reporter. "Fatty meat," the man replies.

The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda -- a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap -- then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on the screen. The reporter takes a bite.

"This baozi filling is kind of tough. Not much taste," he says. "Can other people taste the difference?"

"Most people can't. It fools the average person," the maker says. "I don't eat them myself."

The police eventually showed up and shut down the operation.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

...

I'd try one.

Those GD Japanese

Money Found in Toilets Across Japan

TOKYO (AP) -- Envelopes containing 10,000 yen ($82) bills and well-wishing notes have been discovered in municipal toilets across Japan, media reports said, baffling civil servants and triggering a nationwide hunt.

Local media have estimated that over two million yen ($16,400) worth of bills were found at men's rooms in city halls in at least 15 prefectures (states) in recent weeks.

Each package of 10,000-yen bills, some wrapped in traditional Japanese washi paper, was accompanied by handwritten letters that read "Please make use of this money for your self-enrichment," and "One per person," according to reports.

Officials are baffled over the identity of the benefactor or any motives, the reports said. Packages turned over to police were to be kept for some time in case someone claimed them.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

You know, the Japanese would be the kind of assholes who would do this AFTER we leave Tokyo.

Beetchie and I could have been scouring toilets looking for free cash, then eating like good times, sleeping like good times and blowing the money in arcades like good times!

Sons of bitches.

And I Am Very, Very Happy...

Public toilet has 1,000 stalls in four stories

Chongqing officials hope for Guinness record

BEIJING, China (AP) -- They're flush with pride in Chongqing, where a recently opened porcelain palace features an Egyptian facade, soothing music and more than 1,000 toilets spread out over 30,000 square feet.


Some of the 1,000 stalls are open air overlooking the street in Chonging, China.

Officials in the southwestern Chinese city plan to ask Guinness World Records to have the free four-story public bathroom listed as the world's largest, state-run China Central Television reported Friday.

"We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is. "After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy."

Footage aired on CCTV showed people milling about the sprawling facility and washing their hands at trough sinks. For open-aired relief, there's a cluster of stalls without a roof.

Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary.

There are also plans to build a supermarket nearby, which will sell toilet-related items, CCTV reported.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.

...yes. Yes I am.

or at least I was until I saw the sinks:



Well, at least they're wearing undies.

photo source: www.cnn.com

Those damn Chinese really do eat anything ...

BEIJING (AP) -- Villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinosaur bones and boiled them in soup or ground them into powder for traditional medicine, believing they were from flying dragons and had healing powers.

Until last year, the fossils were being sold in Henan province as "dragon bones" at about 4 yuan (50 cents) per kilogram (2.2 pounds), scientist Dong Zhiming told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

Dong, a professor with the Institute of Vertebrate Paleontology and Paleoanthropology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said when the villagers found out the bones were from dinosaurs they donated 200 kilograms (440 pounds) to him and his colleagues for research.

"They had believed that the 'dragon bones' were from the dragons flying in the sky," he said.

The calcium-rich bones were sometimes boiled with other ingredients and fed to children as a treatment for dizziness and leg cramps. Other times they were ground up and made into a paste that was applied directly to fractures and other injuries, he said.

© 2007 The Associated Press.

I hope the soup was good but I don't know how it could be.

- H1

Sad Times, Kobayashi, Sad Times

Jaw-Dropping News: Hot Dog Champ No-Show for July 4 Event?

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's like Tiger Woods tearing his rotator cuff, or LeBron James blowing out his knee. Takeru Kobayashi, the six-time defending Nathan's hot dog eating champion, received a chilling diagnosis that could end his Fourth of July roll:

Jaw-thritis.

The Japanese eating machine's complaint of an achy jaw set stomachs rumbling throughout the dog-eat-dog world of competitive eating in the days before the annual Independence Day chowdown.

On his blog earlier this week, the 29-year-old said a mouthful with the news that he was visiting a specialist and a chiropractor for relief of the bum jaw. "Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit,'' he wrote.

Word of the champ's woes spread quickly from Kyoto to Coney Island.

Some believe his mandible misery is a ploy to unnerve his bun-swallowing bete noir, Joey Chestnut, who recently broke Kobayashi's world record by downing 59 dogs in 12 minutes. Others suggest it's a dodge to avoid Chestnut.

Or maybe it's true: a half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has left Kobayashi's overworked jaw in an upright and locked position.

Kobayashi was keeping his mouth shut Thursday, although he issued a written statement promising to ``aggressively pursue treatment for my condition ... I intend to do everything I can to treat this condition in what little time I have.''

"I look forward to facing my fellow competitors on July 4,'' he said Thursday, although there was no guarantee that would happen.

A weak jaw won't cut the mustard in a competition where the winner will likely need to down more than 50 hot dogs and buns. During his six years as champion, the 165-pound Kobayashi has consumed 301 hot dogs -- a string of performances that made him the Michael Jordan of mass consumption.

His personal best was 53 last year. Chestnut, who smashed that mark June 2 in Phoenix, was among those perplexed by Kobayashi's reported condition.

"I hate to call anybody a coward, and I wouldn't call him that,'' said Chestnut, 23, from his San Jose, Calif., home. ``But I don't know. He's shown up the six previous years. It's a strange coincidence, now that he's the underdog.''

No less an expert than Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, on his ESPN show "Pardon The Interruption,'' suggested Kobayashi was trying to lull Chestnut into a false sense of gluttony.

"I think he's playing possum,'' Kornheiser said of the defending champion.

Chestnut, despite his skepticism, acknowledged Kobayashi might have strained his jaw while training (gorging?) for the event -- similiar to a pitcher throwing out his arm. "Your jaw and the muscles in your esophagus are the first to get sore,'' he explained, providing a little too much information.

The Japanese have recently dominated the annual event, which started on Brooklyn's beachfront in 1916. The only American winner since 1996 was New Jersey's Steve Keiner in 1999; two years later, Kobayashi -- whose voracious appetite earned him the nickname "Tsunami'' -- launched his belly busting reign.

Kobayashi plans to appear in Coney Island for Wednesday's event even if he can't compete, said Rich Shea, one of the founders of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (and inventor of the term jaw-thritis).

At the very least, Shea hoped, Kobayashi would present this year's winner with the mustard yellow belt emblematic of eating excellence.

"I think, like all great champions, Kobayashi doesn't want to shy away from competition,'' said Shea. "But I don't want to put words in his mouth. And if I did, they'd have to be monosyllabic -- not too much for him to swallow.''

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

I hate these assholes who are raggin' on Kobayashi. They're idiots, all of them.

Sad Times, Dummy, Sad Times

Westchester Chopper Gets Too Close, Dummy in Life Jacket Sinks

Posted: Thursday, 28 June 2007 1:07PM

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. (AP) -- The brand new rescue boat worked fine, but the dummy drowned.

Westchester County's police department staged a rescue drill Wednesday in a harbor off Long Island Sound. It was the debut of Marine 4, the department's $200,000, 27-foot patrol boat. County Executive Andrew Spano was aboard, and a cluster of reporters observed from a second boat.

The idea was to put a dummy into a life jacket, drop the dummy into the harbor, have the chopper pilot spot the dummy and transmit its location -- using global positioning technology -- to the boat crew.

However, the wash from the helicopter's rotor pushed the dummy out of its life jacket and the flesh-colored mannequin quickly sank.

Only the life jacket was recovered.

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

Two Dead Animals

Angry Squirrel Finished Off by Crutch

BERLIN (AP) -- An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off.

The squirrel then bit a builder before fleeing into a nearby garden, where it bit a 72-year-old man who eventually killed it with his crutch, police said.

The dead animal was to be tested for rabies.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Learn more about our Privacy Policy.

=,(

And now for this story, which is not as traumatic to the HOchies but perhaps plenty to others -

Turtle causes Parkway wreck, then dies

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 9:38 AM

UPPER TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Why did the turtle cross the road?

We'll never know, but it sure caused one heck of an accident.

A woman who swerved to avoid hitting the amphibian as it crawled across the northbound lanes of the Garden State Parkway Tuesday afternoon lost control of her car, crashed through a guardrail and tumbled down an embankment before the car flipped over onto its roof.

Saranne Goldinger, 65, of Cape May, was wearing a seat belt and was not critically injured, State Police said. Her car, however, was heavily damaged.

The turtle fared even worse. A vehicle that had been driving behind Goldinger flattened the critter.

"All of that for nothing," Trooper Scott Farkas told The Press of Atlantic City for Wednesday's newspapers.