Smug

After receiving 2 e-mails in the span of 10 minutes from Apple trying to sell me shart, with the 2nd e-mail telling me "you already enjoy your mac why not get blah blah blah", I could no longer handle their presumptuous assness (I don't HAVE a mac) and decided to unsubscribe.

This is the smug I received:



"Best Wishes"?! WTF! They tell it to me like I'm stupid! Ugh, Apple Asses.

The Curse of MC and Frass

Poor X did not have a good weekend at all but we are thankful she is relatively alright because it could have been worse and we try not to think about it.

She has joined the ranks of MC and Frass, in that she too was hit by a car by some asshole on the road on Friday.

People are idiots.

We hope you feel better X and we are sorry that you have had to deal with and continue to do so with not only the one asshole who misused his brain, car and unprotected 2 year old but now have to put up with more assholes in the form of attorneys and doctors.

Currently listening to: "Fell on Black Days" by Soundgarden. Sometimes, my random playlist is waaaaay too scary.

College, Stupid Kids, Goombas and December 1st.

It's the beginning of the last month of the year. It's one of my favourite months. Work's slow ::knock on wood::, we don't really "do" much because the Christmas season comes around and there are thoughts of usually happy times, presents and the like.

Surprisingly, this has been a very eventful December 1st and we are none too pleased about a lot of it.

I sort of remember college... I remember that I was never a crammer or a procrastinator when it came to writing papers.

Papa Ho on the other hand, well! I am shocked! I'm only kidding. In Papa Ho's defense, he has a lot going on and did not get around to his research paper until last night at 8 PM after knowing he had to do it for months.

He stayed up until 2 AM this morning doing work like the slacker college kid that he is and I with him because I was typing out his handwritten work. This was followed by a 6 AM session of hurriedly trying to finish said paper for a 9 AM class. I can now say I've had a true college experience and I know why I never did it. However, being the brainiac Nerdle that Papa Ho is, he still managed to get an early good review on his paper.

This day also found The HOchieS at the mall for some Christmas perusing. I have returned very angry thanks to some no ambition little bitch of a girl who decided to lie about a lost twenty that did not belong to her. After her friend did the right thing and told me that I had dropped a twenty (which I strongly believe I had not), she yelled at him after he told her the story for 'being stupid' and came over to me to tell me she had in fact dropped the money. All this as if I had not seen what went down. She knew she was wrong and a liar and I made her feel like an ass when I smirked at her like she was the stupid fuck that she is and handed over the twenty.

She may think she got away with her dishonesty and that I'm the stupid ass that let that happen but I gave her the money knowing that when her 13 year old fucking ass goes off and gets knocked up or jailed for bigger things than a 20 dollar bill, she'll truly regret this day. That little bitch is headed for no where and that gives me satisfaction. In the meanwhile, I am very disgusted by rude, lack of ambitious people I've encountered in the past week. All you pushers, self-obsessed, unaware people walking around the street, on the the trains, in the back of an alley with your stolen $20 dollars of food, drugs, alcohol or whatever - you're going to get kicked, pushed back, screamed at and end up somewhere horrid one day.

Memorable Conversation of Yesterday:

Or 2: Did you see the Goomba I put on the blog for you, Beetchie?
Beetchie: Yes. You ass. You should leave those poor Goomba alone!
Or 2: What? They deserve it besides, I think they're having fun.
Beetchie: Would you have fun if you were kicked around?! You're so mean!
Or 2: Hey, I spin them around on their little heads THEN kick them along. Who wouldn't have fun?
Beetchie: It's so sad, you ass!
Or 2: Hmmm, I know. I guess...they're just happy and so cute walking along then the Italian (Mario) that I am like a Mafioso comes along and kicks them in the head, right?
Beetchie: Yeah! It's just like me. There I am walking along all cute in my neighbourhood then some Guido comes out of no where and attacks me.

Currently listening to: "Babyface" by U2

Those GD Japanese

Money Found in Toilets Across Japan

TOKYO (AP) -- Envelopes containing 10,000 yen ($82) bills and well-wishing notes have been discovered in municipal toilets across Japan, media reports said, baffling civil servants and triggering a nationwide hunt.

Local media have estimated that over two million yen ($16,400) worth of bills were found at men's rooms in city halls in at least 15 prefectures (states) in recent weeks.

Each package of 10,000-yen bills, some wrapped in traditional Japanese washi paper, was accompanied by handwritten letters that read "Please make use of this money for your self-enrichment," and "One per person," according to reports.

Officials are baffled over the identity of the benefactor or any motives, the reports said. Packages turned over to police were to be kept for some time in case someone claimed them.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

You know, the Japanese would be the kind of assholes who would do this AFTER we leave Tokyo.

Beetchie and I could have been scouring toilets looking for free cash, then eating like good times, sleeping like good times and blowing the money in arcades like good times!

Sons of bitches.

Sad Times, Kobayashi, Sad Times

Jaw-Dropping News: Hot Dog Champ No-Show for July 4 Event?

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's like Tiger Woods tearing his rotator cuff, or LeBron James blowing out his knee. Takeru Kobayashi, the six-time defending Nathan's hot dog eating champion, received a chilling diagnosis that could end his Fourth of July roll:

Jaw-thritis.

The Japanese eating machine's complaint of an achy jaw set stomachs rumbling throughout the dog-eat-dog world of competitive eating in the days before the annual Independence Day chowdown.

On his blog earlier this week, the 29-year-old said a mouthful with the news that he was visiting a specialist and a chiropractor for relief of the bum jaw. "Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit,'' he wrote.

Word of the champ's woes spread quickly from Kyoto to Coney Island.

Some believe his mandible misery is a ploy to unnerve his bun-swallowing bete noir, Joey Chestnut, who recently broke Kobayashi's world record by downing 59 dogs in 12 minutes. Others suggest it's a dodge to avoid Chestnut.

Or maybe it's true: a half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has left Kobayashi's overworked jaw in an upright and locked position.

Kobayashi was keeping his mouth shut Thursday, although he issued a written statement promising to ``aggressively pursue treatment for my condition ... I intend to do everything I can to treat this condition in what little time I have.''

"I look forward to facing my fellow competitors on July 4,'' he said Thursday, although there was no guarantee that would happen.

A weak jaw won't cut the mustard in a competition where the winner will likely need to down more than 50 hot dogs and buns. During his six years as champion, the 165-pound Kobayashi has consumed 301 hot dogs -- a string of performances that made him the Michael Jordan of mass consumption.

His personal best was 53 last year. Chestnut, who smashed that mark June 2 in Phoenix, was among those perplexed by Kobayashi's reported condition.

"I hate to call anybody a coward, and I wouldn't call him that,'' said Chestnut, 23, from his San Jose, Calif., home. ``But I don't know. He's shown up the six previous years. It's a strange coincidence, now that he's the underdog.''

No less an expert than Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, on his ESPN show "Pardon The Interruption,'' suggested Kobayashi was trying to lull Chestnut into a false sense of gluttony.

"I think he's playing possum,'' Kornheiser said of the defending champion.

Chestnut, despite his skepticism, acknowledged Kobayashi might have strained his jaw while training (gorging?) for the event -- similiar to a pitcher throwing out his arm. "Your jaw and the muscles in your esophagus are the first to get sore,'' he explained, providing a little too much information.

The Japanese have recently dominated the annual event, which started on Brooklyn's beachfront in 1916. The only American winner since 1996 was New Jersey's Steve Keiner in 1999; two years later, Kobayashi -- whose voracious appetite earned him the nickname "Tsunami'' -- launched his belly busting reign.

Kobayashi plans to appear in Coney Island for Wednesday's event even if he can't compete, said Rich Shea, one of the founders of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (and inventor of the term jaw-thritis).

At the very least, Shea hoped, Kobayashi would present this year's winner with the mustard yellow belt emblematic of eating excellence.

"I think, like all great champions, Kobayashi doesn't want to shy away from competition,'' said Shea. "But I don't want to put words in his mouth. And if I did, they'd have to be monosyllabic -- not too much for him to swallow.''

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

I hate these assholes who are raggin' on Kobayashi. They're idiots, all of them.

The Kyoto-Ho to Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 12

Day 12 - Thursday, June 7th

The last thing that happened in Kyoto was that we got liquored up at 10 AM on our final day there. Thanks to some sake happy old women selling the good stuff at the market in Kyoto Mall, we were drunk off 3 samples of high class sake. Fun times with the cute old ladies. Oh those bitches will try to sell you anything after they've made you proper drunk.

We took the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and this time the kids next to us were not noisy. It was fairly uneventful save our sushi bento boxes we ate for lunch on the train.



Once we got to Tokyo, we made our back to Akihabara to the Capsule Hotel to drop off our gear, then headed off to Ginza to go to Japan Sword.

Japan Sword, according to Frommers, is one of the most well-known sword stores in Tokyo and is like a museum of antique swords and armour. They weren't kidding. We got the tour and I couldn't gaze for too long because that place was beautiful and their collection was nothing short of amazing and that's an understatement. I was unworthy. Also, the prices on those antiques made my head hurt.

The main point of this trip was to buy Bunji his functional katana. And although I promised him a Hattori Hanzo from Okinawa, I didn't quite make it and decided this was second best. It's not due here until the 18th, so we'll see... I'm nervous that he won't like it. But at least it's not zinc alloy! It'll have to do until I can afford the real thing.

After much stressing about dropping all that cash, (and who am I kidding, I stressed the entire rest of the day), we made our way back to Shinjiku so that Beetchie could check out the Gay scene once more now that we had more time.

Oh did we see plenty of the gay boys. They were fabulous. We hung out there for a while with a bunch of English speakers (all theatre actors) from all over including Europe and America. Those boys were bitchy but cool. And we ran into celebrity when we met the voice actor for Zero from Tekken 5! Ha.

And then it all went downhill. We met a bridge and tunnel rat. But he posed as a New Yorker, tricked us and touched us. ::shudder:: Just kidding. That Jersey-ite was cool enough and very happy to see us as we were him.

We returned to our capsule and settled in for the night - our second to last in Japan.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

The Cost of our 100 yen piggyhs rose. We may have won 7 pigs for 100 yen but the pain, grief and suffering of carrying said pigs more than took its toll on us. Beetchie was ready to ditch their little piggyh asses when we got back to Tokyo because the locker we offloaded them in tricked us and cost us so much money to bail them out, it wasn't even funny.

We were under the impression that every day after the initial 4 days would cost 100 yen. Oh, were we wrong. The total cost of the extra 2 days those pigs were in the locker came up to 2000 yen.

WTF.

But, I, being a lover of pork, could not leave their little porky selves behind. Not to mention I had some presents in the locker with the piggyhs that could not be left behind. I like to feel that I went to Sanrio Puro Land for a purpose other than trauma.

The Shooed Away Incident Count:

2 times -

1. For some reason the ever so reliable Japanese metro was not so reliable! It got to a station stop before the one we needed and for some reason could not go further. We were booted off the train because of course, we didn't understand that we had to get off until the conductor came around and gave the sign for no, which oddly likes like you're going to get your head chopped off.

2. This time we actually we got shushed and yelled at. Apparently this woman thought we were speaking too loudly (we were talking in hushed tones) when she was trying to sleep at a capsule hotel.

And then I heard in perfect English, mind you, that "some people had to work". Yet, 10 minutes after we went to bed I didn't hear anything when two other girls came in practically shouting to each other for five minutes.

Racist effin' Japanese biatch.

I could very well respect her need to go to sleep because of work but the attitude was highly unncessary. Seriously, you're at a capsule hotel and you don't expect to hear noise? The fact that you're in a cube surrounded by other cubes in extremely close quarters with a place with no curfew, means your ass is going to be disturbed by people shuffling around with their coming and going.

And I did not need to hear about people and work. I know about work and I know about going in for 7 AM and leaving the next morning at 4 AM only to go back to work 2 hours later. On a Saturday. Whatever, her stupid cranky ass should have found itself home or in a better hotel if she was so concerned about waking up at 7 AM after going to bed at 10 PM.

That stupid bitch is still making my blood boil. Could you tell?

The Day's Eats:

1. A Cheese stick. Which was kind of like a cheese cake/cream cheesey thing on a thin layer of sponge cake.

2. My high class custard roll.

3. Sushi Bento. That was some good sushi. And it was a lot.

4. Shabu Shabu. Oh the good times. We had the kimchi broth and the pork broth. And we ate 25 pieces of beef and pork per person. 25 pieces of meat each! Ugh. It was 2100 yen for all you could eat in 90 minutes. Those peeps cut us off after the 4th round but luckily for them, we couldn't handle much more after that.

The End of Greatness

Those stupid assholes at CW have ruined things for us.

While we do not want to truly discuss it because it'll just really angry up the blood, this here is our tribute to one of the greatest shows in recent history.

3 years of the greatness that is Veronica Mars comes to an end.

Fantastic characters, interaction and development; detailed and cleverly written plots; wit; Logan and Veronica; Keith and Veronica - all things that made this show amazing and as expected, overlooked and tragically underrated.

::sob::

And so Veronica Mars has paid the price for being too clever a show and has drowned within the sea of television nonsense.





We bid thee farewell with frowns, crest fallen faces and teary hearts as we watch Veronica walk off in a chilly drizzle to the tune of "It Never Rains in Southern California", her future unknown but we can only hope it will be to a successful career with the FBI; Keith's fate uncertain but grim; Logan being Logan with his boyish grin and his confirmed love for the girl; and everyone else living their lives in Neptune, for now, blissfully ignorant to all the creepiness that certain citizens of Neptune are capable of executing.

Ugh.

MUSE has annoyed me some today.

WTF is up with their having mcr support them at Wembley Stadium?! mcr?!
...

They're so un-deserving of that gig. I cannot even begin to express my disgust.

Anyway, those suckers at the Sunday show can suffer through that bullshit.

H1 and I will be seeing The Streets.

And while those other assholes sort out what they're doing over there in London, I'm going to sort out H1 and try to fanagle a trip to Malahide Castle to see our boys, Arctic Monkeys in Ireland.

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late

Under constant correction,
A fraud,
A fraud,
Someone's perception, trying not to bore
I'm a cold-hearted kidda,
Applaud
Applaud
If you're the highest bidder, I'm yours

You figure out pathetic sets
And We're not sure of the etiquette
We think out pathetic sets
We're not sure of the etiquette

And if you found this it's probably too late
Clinically cynical, hereditary hate...

...If we concentrate on being off the cuff
Not sure we're ready but probably rough
Frightened that honesty isn't enough
And it's nothing on the early stuff

- "If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late" by Arctic Monkeys

My Love-Hate relationship with Arctic Monkeys has ended.

Those assholes may have killed at least two Ipods that I know of (one being mine), and I may have slightly flamed them in the past by saying they were not to be taken too seriously but 7 months ago I was CLEARLY "fuckin' mental" (said in my best Yorkshire/Sheffield (?) accent). And highly unstable.

This band has fast become one of my favourites. I retract any ill I may have spoken of them in the past.

"Tonight there'll be some love. Tonight there'll be some rawkus regardless of what's come before."

And goddamn it, do we love those Ukkers.

And when my cutie Alex Turner says "don't believe the hype", I think I partially understand why...

May 15th, 2007

I'm sitting here trying to write a really fantastic blog entry about events on the above mentioned date but I really don't know how to begin addressing the topic at hand.

I could start by saying that my dilemma may be partially due to the fact that I'm really quite tired and beaten up. I'm in so much pain that I may have to take another pain killer in the morning.

H1's full of bruises from being the bad-ass that H1 only knows how to be by fighting betches off me left, back and right.

I'm hurting from fighting off betches off me from the left, front and right of me.

My neck aches from taking video footage. Why and how is that possible? Straining to see your camera screen above a crowd of jumping, moshing crazies as you hold it high above your head is tough work.

It also didn't help that my head was going back and forth from dancing (no, no dutty whiplash) and continues to do so even though I'm now 24 hours out of the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Our feet ache from standing way too long (which is a bitch when the opening act is Be Your Own Pet and they're so ass that even the Vibe magazine bought to pacify Frass becomes not only his saviour but yours as well. One long song disguised as nine is just god awful especially when your lead 'singer' is a female who cannot dance and H1 phrased it best when she said, "If Pulp Fiction didn't come out, this bitch wouldn't know what to do. She thinks she's Uma Thurman." And to answer your question, H1 - be thankful for small mercies that her hair was in her face the whole time because apparently trolls abound these days), jumping around to music you just can't help but jump around to and then racing along subway platforms to catch an 11.10 p.m. train home.

Another thing I can talk about is the fact that I had to elbow some asshole child who insisted I put my arms down because they were digging into her back. Well, asshole child, if you didn't push me out of my spot, or if you didn't actually take up someone's spot on the dancefloor by disregarding your mezzanine ticket purchases, then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?

Or how about the time I cut up the kids with X's Christmas present? Ah, we knew that ring would really be put to good use one day.

All that sounds awfully violent and should all be included in this blog but you'd swear we had a horrid night, yeah?

No.



Arctic Monkeys gave us one of the best concert experiences eva'!

Arctic Monkeys 05/15/07 @ Hammerstein Ballroom "Favourite Worst Nightmare" Tour Set List:

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late
Brianstorm
Still Take You Home
Dancing Shoes
Balaclava
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Teddy Picker
You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me
D is For Dangerous
I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
This House Is A Circus
If You Were There, Beware
From The Ritz to the Rubble
Old Yellow Bricks
Fluorescent Adolescence
Do Me A Favour
The View From The Afternoon
When The Sun Goes Down
Leave Before The Lights Come On
A Certain Romance

(note - they played all these songs but in between 'Dancing Shoes' and 'The View From the Afternoon', the actual order may be slightly off) - (Oh yeah, and notice there was no need for a Chicken Bone incident. Phew. I really didn't want to see H1 attack my boy and his nose)

Grievances of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet

2. All the Asshole Kids Mentioned Before

3. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far back to see Arctic Monkeys in all their glory playing their set. I'm really bummed I didn't get to see Matthew tear it up on drums.

4. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far to take any good pictures of the band due to their dark stage lighting. Damn it!

5. Not having Beetchie there to tear up the pit.

6. Having time fly by so quickly once our boys took the stage because of the fun, and fast-paced, great times of their performance.

7. My Hammer and Sickle pin got tossed off my bag and is now doing one of three things - a. floating around in Hammerstein Ballroom Hell lost forever, b. stuck under someone's shoe and then lost somewhere on 34th street and beyond or c. was stolen by one of the asshole kids who's blogging about it right now.

WTF Moments of the Night:

1. The Opening Act: Be Your Own Pet with special mention to that asshole Max, was it? The shirtless ass who did nothing but act a fool on stage. He's the kind of guy who's the '4th' useless member of the band. The one who has no talent so he sits around sucking the life out of the real members, who also happen to have no talent. Bad Combination + Bad Combination = Be Your Own Pet. I'll give small props to their drummer though. He actually worked.

2. No "Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"? WTF, Arctic Monkeys?! That's just wrong. I can almost forgive you boys for no "Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But..." too. Almost.

3. "Fake Tales of San Francisco"?! Ugh. Okay, so it was good in concert and singing "I don't want to hear you, kick me out" was pretty fun but still.

4. Finding out AFTER the concert that I could adjust my ISO on the camera to enhance the camera's ability to take better quality pictures when conditions make for poorly lit areas. That's more a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck' moment, really.

Fun Times of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet's guitarist's incident with the floor. When he tried to crowd surf and he hit the ground because they refused to hold him, THAT was the most single hilarious thing.

2. The fact that H1 was with me for this. It's been a while since we've been to a concert together. Goo'd times.

3. The insanity of the crowd during "Brianstorm".

4. The bassist, Nick O' Malley who actually didn't lose weight but is kind of an entirely different person. Heh Heh.



5. Jamie Cook(ie). Ah, the Cookie.



6. Matthew Helders. My favourite drummer and backing vocalist!



7. Trying to decipher Alex's accent. The fact that he spoke to us so much was fun too. "Boring, Boring. Yawn. Yawn." , "You've been very kind to us. Very kind." and "I'm very fond of New York" were all some of the cute quotes I could actually understand.
Did we mention we're in love with that clever little boy? Stop judging! 21's legal last I checked.

8. Alex's dancing.

9. And of course, Alex Turner himself. The brilliant lyricist with vocals unique. He really is just too damned adorable a boy, that. Annnnnddd I got no good pictures of him (and I really, really tried). Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck!





...about that hype: Disregard all the accolade you hear through the media. Listen for yourself because they're making music for themselves, for us and not the Vampires.

And like The HOchieS, you'll probably discover one of the most fantastic fuckin' bands to date.

I partially understand the statement because I'm sorry Arctic Monkeys, there is no unwarranted hype.

Currently listening to: All 53 songs (on random) I have belonging to them and ending this entry with "If You Were There, Beware" by Arctic Monkeys.

And stupidly bopping my head making my neck continue its ballistic insane pain.

Memorable Quotes of the Night:

"Akon Alert!" - H1, on Concert Security hitting on the 15 year olds.

"X is an ass." - Or 2, on X thinking she's too 'old' to be at this concert.

My Brush With Evil.

It was on Saturday last.
There I was standing at the street cookie stand in Chinatown. I bought said good time cookies only to turn around and see one of my enemies.
I quickly turned around because where there is one asshole, there lurks another.
Sure enough second asshole comes STRAIGHT towards the cookie stand because of course, she wants some of those too. Ugh.
But thankfully this brush with evil was merely a close call. Still, hearing your enemy ordering 2 bags of cookies is a scary thing.
I'm very pleased I escaped that torture because tonight is one of those nights where it is re-affirmed that those two are truly disgusting, stupid people.
I don't know why it's justified for anyone to bash another person based on the fact that they are gay. And I don't know what right people have using derogatory terms to describe homosexuals.
And oh, the things I can go on about relating to those two but I need to get to bed.
Hopefully I'll have no brushes with evil tomorrow of the "I'm going to get squished in the mosh pit" variety at the MSI concert.
I am so nervous...

Mother-Snobs

Hochie 1 ... or 2 signing in and VERY cranky.

This is not a good day for me. The train was making weird grating sounds so I had to use my ipod and since the Audioslave concert is in a few days, I just made a playlist of the 14 songs that I have on there and listened to that. And of course, all the songs that I really know and can sing along to are not on their set list or so I have been told.

Anyway, there was this woman with her baby on the train. The baby is probably a little over a year old and she is cute with her dark brown curls and big Irish eyes and she loves the sound of her vocals. The mom was trying to get her to fuss less by doing some weird thing with her hand that I could not quite understand since it started off as a flying motion and then a pinch on the baby's nose followed by a turn towards a wall and a bang of the fist thereupon. Strange. Exactly repeated though so it is some ritual. Now this woman walks around the train with her child just to keep her quiet I suppose and now that the baby is learning to walk, the mother sets her down and guides her through aisle between the seats. I constantly find myself hoping that the train does not have to break suddenly resulting in flying baby and mother. This mother is mindful of her baby's squalling and will try to reduce it for the sake of other passengers or to reduce embarrassment to herself, whatever the reason I am grateful for the courtesy. This woman in question is obviously proud of her baby as she should be and thankfully has not shown herself to be guilty of that disgusting type of motherhood for which I am compelled to blog.

Now, there are women (and men) who walk around with a God-complex as they push their oversized strollers around with their bundle(s) of DNA ensconced within. These people expect the non-reproducing population to jump out of the way when their golden carriages appear and We, the Unblessed, really have to scurry out of the way quickly or risk the bruised limbs or severed appendages that may be lost to a SUV Stroller that will barrel down on us with no second thought... or even a thought for that matter. I recently went to a Halloween event where there were hundreds of people and, being Halloween, hundreds of kids. There were as many strollers as there were vehicles. It was really a scary place. I mean, I was scared before I even got into the event but I digress. So, there I am standing in line with the other members of my party, not a child amongst my group when I narrowly miss being rammed into by a woman pushing a stroller that was almost as tall as she. I move aside with ample dexterity and look at the woman, expecting an apology (Stupid me) - this MOTHER looks at me with this haughty expression on her face as if I have wronged her by placing myself between her husband and child since the offspring was being carried in the father's arms paces ahead. She glared at me and pushed ahead. I WAS IN LINE!!! She was coming out of nowhere!!! If there weren't so many kids around I would have let a nasty word fly but then my own mother might have not stared at me so lovingly.

I am constantly meeting women who have no other interest but their own children. They also pretend to love children when, with little effort, you discover that they really only love their own. That brings me to another woman on the train who is always pushing her way forward to ensure that she gets a seat on the train. My observations led me to formulate that she thought she was superior to a lot of other people on the train. It was just something about how she carried herself, how she never made eye contact except to icily stare at anyone who got a sit she wanted, her whispered remarks and then sly laugh. I actually developed an aversion to this woman just by seeing her. Then one day, I realized she was with child! I was absolutely horrified and yet fascinated. She began to glow but not in the way that people often describe. It was almost a kryptonian aura and her lips would curl in smugness and I could just see her on the platform, now expecting that she would have to get on the train and sit where she wanted because, Peasants, SHE WAS PROGENITOR! A few months into her pregnancy, we had the luck(?) to be sitting in front of her and her husband when she began discussing her impending baby shower. She complained long and hard about how she hoped no one gave her clothes for the baby because she had her own style and refused to dress her child in "any old rags". I wanted to slap her and it was all I could do not to turn around and look at her. People are spending their hard-earned money on something to symbolize their well wishes for you, and all you can do is criticize before you even see something?! Months passed and one day she reappeared in the distance across the platform, pushing a gigantic stroller that was trimmed in white gold and diamonds (okay, maybe not but who knows if that was stainless steel? or whatever). Hochie or 2 and I were paralysed. The moment was upon us and we were about to be graced. Mother descended the stairs with a smile, mostly directed at the baby but still a smile that had never before made an appearance here. This was the debut, the shining moment. The carriage touched down on the imagined red carpet and the carriage was slowly wheeled to the spot on the platform that afforded the advantage of viewing by the masses but at the same time prevented close contact. Then, someone was brave enough and said "Cute baby" and the Mother barely turned her head, nodded regally and said, "Thank You" that was really a "Yes, but you should have said Beautiful." I almost vomited.

Now, I saw the baby and the baby really is cute. I will just wait to see what kind of character this child turns out to be. There are more stories to be had from this procreation.

I hope to be a mom someday. If it happens, I won't be a Mother-Snob. I will remember how it feels to be mother-snobbed but if I don't, I have to revisit this or you can all remind me.

Laters.