Ready The Popeye's!

The rest of our summer into fall is turning out to be a little bit busy.

There are potential chicken bone incidents to dole out, so let us begin this consolidated post.

A Warning to Cold War Kids:

Listen, CWK. I am not in love with your album. I can appreciate it's originality though. There are some great tracks on there and the story-telling element is fantastic. However, due to your supposed lack of respect of MUSE and your utmost adoration of The White Stripes, I am a little resentful. I hope you realize you're opening for one of the greatest bands in the world by opening for MUSE @ MSG.

While you may think that being asked by the White Stripes to open for them on their tour is an honour, quite frankly, I think Jack White is overrated. He should stop being hailed as a god because he's far from it.

He's a stupid ass.

My warning to you is that I want you to perform "Electioneering". While you may have bastardized Radiohead some, I can understand that it's hard to cover Radiohead. It may even be virtually impossible, actually. That is of course, unless you're Mindless Self Indulgence then most things you touch become gold. Hmm, maybe I should write MSI. Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, even though you bastardized it some, you did the best you could and it didn't turn out THAT bad. So, I'd kind of like to hear it.

Redeem yourselves some and then maybe you'll get fewer chicken bones to the head but just know they're coming regardless.

Not a Whole Lotta Love,

Or 2.

A Warning To MUSE:

To my beloved Matt, my funny-assed Dom and that other guy...ahaha, I keed and Chris,

Boys, boys, boys. I love you so much. It's really hard for me to issue a warning to you but I feel that I must.

I've seen you 3 times for this album. Everytime I saw you, I was amazed by your brilliance but you know what didn't amaze me? The fact that you insisted on screwing me over by not playing "Muscle Museum". I've had enough of your bullshit.

You bitches best be playing that song or else there'll be a barrage of chicken bones. I'm already collecting them because I fear that if I didn't hear it at Wembley Fuckin' Stadium, then there's no hope for me.

And I hate you for it.

Please boys, this will probably be the last time I see you for this tour until the new album.

Don't make me cry.

Love you lots,

Or 2.

A Warning to Alex Turner II:

Dear loveable Alex Turner,

It was great seeing Arctic Monkeys back in May. That was really fun times and I was very upset when I didn't get to go to Malahide but oo! Perhaps there'll be muddy fun at Central Park's Summerstage on September 5th just like there was at Malahide Castle?! Well, I sure hope for no mud but ahhh, the greatness that will be that pit, which makes me really scared actually.

In any event, H1's super excited to be seeing "the little boy she's having dirty thoughts about". That's just wrong, H1. I loved him first but no worries. Anyway, the point of all of this is that H1's issuing you another warning.

Apparently you will get a chicken bone to nose (and she's confident she won't miss - yes, she continues to keed) if you do not sing "505". Stop...and wait a sec. Think about it, Alex. Think about it.

Sincerely,

Or 2 (kind of on behalf of H1).

P.S. Don't hate me, the messenger.

A Warning to Paul Banks II:

Hello Paul Friend.

I'm falling in love with that voice of yours. It's sort of sexy and dirty.

But please be aware that you will no longer be my friend if Interpol does not perform "All Fired Up".

Loving me some of you these days,

Or 2.

A Warning To J.K Rowling:

Bitch, if we get tickets to see you at Carnegie Hall on October 19th, you are so assed out. There'll be 2 chicken bones for every death in the last installment of Harry Potter and if Ron dies, there'll be 7 buckets of the stuff.

- H1, backed up by Or 2.

Currently listening to: Beetchie on the phone. She interrupted the MUSE I was listening to. Pox on her.

A Warning To Paul Banks

Dear Paul,

Please do not crack on "PDA" at the MSG concert on September 14th. H1's already threatening a chicken bone to the head if you do. Your nose may be spared due to its normality but that significantly smaller left eye of yours might not be as fortunate*.

Love,

Or 2 (looking out for your best interest and apologizing profusely in advance for any potential chicken bone incident).

*disclaimer - in the event Paul ever reads this, please know that I have a similar situation. I heart you and she likes to keed.

Currently listening to: "Take It or Leave It" by The Strokes and the cover done by Arctic Monkeys.

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late

Under constant correction,
A fraud,
A fraud,
Someone's perception, trying not to bore
I'm a cold-hearted kidda,
Applaud
Applaud
If you're the highest bidder, I'm yours

You figure out pathetic sets
And We're not sure of the etiquette
We think out pathetic sets
We're not sure of the etiquette

And if you found this it's probably too late
Clinically cynical, hereditary hate...

...If we concentrate on being off the cuff
Not sure we're ready but probably rough
Frightened that honesty isn't enough
And it's nothing on the early stuff

- "If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late" by Arctic Monkeys

My Love-Hate relationship with Arctic Monkeys has ended.

Those assholes may have killed at least two Ipods that I know of (one being mine), and I may have slightly flamed them in the past by saying they were not to be taken too seriously but 7 months ago I was CLEARLY "fuckin' mental" (said in my best Yorkshire/Sheffield (?) accent). And highly unstable.

This band has fast become one of my favourites. I retract any ill I may have spoken of them in the past.

"Tonight there'll be some love. Tonight there'll be some rawkus regardless of what's come before."

And goddamn it, do we love those Ukkers.

And when my cutie Alex Turner says "don't believe the hype", I think I partially understand why...

May 15th, 2007

I'm sitting here trying to write a really fantastic blog entry about events on the above mentioned date but I really don't know how to begin addressing the topic at hand.

I could start by saying that my dilemma may be partially due to the fact that I'm really quite tired and beaten up. I'm in so much pain that I may have to take another pain killer in the morning.

H1's full of bruises from being the bad-ass that H1 only knows how to be by fighting betches off me left, back and right.

I'm hurting from fighting off betches off me from the left, front and right of me.

My neck aches from taking video footage. Why and how is that possible? Straining to see your camera screen above a crowd of jumping, moshing crazies as you hold it high above your head is tough work.

It also didn't help that my head was going back and forth from dancing (no, no dutty whiplash) and continues to do so even though I'm now 24 hours out of the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Our feet ache from standing way too long (which is a bitch when the opening act is Be Your Own Pet and they're so ass that even the Vibe magazine bought to pacify Frass becomes not only his saviour but yours as well. One long song disguised as nine is just god awful especially when your lead 'singer' is a female who cannot dance and H1 phrased it best when she said, "If Pulp Fiction didn't come out, this bitch wouldn't know what to do. She thinks she's Uma Thurman." And to answer your question, H1 - be thankful for small mercies that her hair was in her face the whole time because apparently trolls abound these days), jumping around to music you just can't help but jump around to and then racing along subway platforms to catch an 11.10 p.m. train home.

Another thing I can talk about is the fact that I had to elbow some asshole child who insisted I put my arms down because they were digging into her back. Well, asshole child, if you didn't push me out of my spot, or if you didn't actually take up someone's spot on the dancefloor by disregarding your mezzanine ticket purchases, then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?

Or how about the time I cut up the kids with X's Christmas present? Ah, we knew that ring would really be put to good use one day.

All that sounds awfully violent and should all be included in this blog but you'd swear we had a horrid night, yeah?

No.



Arctic Monkeys gave us one of the best concert experiences eva'!

Arctic Monkeys 05/15/07 @ Hammerstein Ballroom "Favourite Worst Nightmare" Tour Set List:

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late
Brianstorm
Still Take You Home
Dancing Shoes
Balaclava
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Teddy Picker
You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me
D is For Dangerous
I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
This House Is A Circus
If You Were There, Beware
From The Ritz to the Rubble
Old Yellow Bricks
Fluorescent Adolescence
Do Me A Favour
The View From The Afternoon
When The Sun Goes Down
Leave Before The Lights Come On
A Certain Romance

(note - they played all these songs but in between 'Dancing Shoes' and 'The View From the Afternoon', the actual order may be slightly off) - (Oh yeah, and notice there was no need for a Chicken Bone incident. Phew. I really didn't want to see H1 attack my boy and his nose)

Grievances of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet

2. All the Asshole Kids Mentioned Before

3. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far back to see Arctic Monkeys in all their glory playing their set. I'm really bummed I didn't get to see Matthew tear it up on drums.

4. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far to take any good pictures of the band due to their dark stage lighting. Damn it!

5. Not having Beetchie there to tear up the pit.

6. Having time fly by so quickly once our boys took the stage because of the fun, and fast-paced, great times of their performance.

7. My Hammer and Sickle pin got tossed off my bag and is now doing one of three things - a. floating around in Hammerstein Ballroom Hell lost forever, b. stuck under someone's shoe and then lost somewhere on 34th street and beyond or c. was stolen by one of the asshole kids who's blogging about it right now.

WTF Moments of the Night:

1. The Opening Act: Be Your Own Pet with special mention to that asshole Max, was it? The shirtless ass who did nothing but act a fool on stage. He's the kind of guy who's the '4th' useless member of the band. The one who has no talent so he sits around sucking the life out of the real members, who also happen to have no talent. Bad Combination + Bad Combination = Be Your Own Pet. I'll give small props to their drummer though. He actually worked.

2. No "Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"? WTF, Arctic Monkeys?! That's just wrong. I can almost forgive you boys for no "Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But..." too. Almost.

3. "Fake Tales of San Francisco"?! Ugh. Okay, so it was good in concert and singing "I don't want to hear you, kick me out" was pretty fun but still.

4. Finding out AFTER the concert that I could adjust my ISO on the camera to enhance the camera's ability to take better quality pictures when conditions make for poorly lit areas. That's more a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck' moment, really.

Fun Times of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet's guitarist's incident with the floor. When he tried to crowd surf and he hit the ground because they refused to hold him, THAT was the most single hilarious thing.

2. The fact that H1 was with me for this. It's been a while since we've been to a concert together. Goo'd times.

3. The insanity of the crowd during "Brianstorm".

4. The bassist, Nick O' Malley who actually didn't lose weight but is kind of an entirely different person. Heh Heh.



5. Jamie Cook(ie). Ah, the Cookie.



6. Matthew Helders. My favourite drummer and backing vocalist!



7. Trying to decipher Alex's accent. The fact that he spoke to us so much was fun too. "Boring, Boring. Yawn. Yawn." , "You've been very kind to us. Very kind." and "I'm very fond of New York" were all some of the cute quotes I could actually understand.
Did we mention we're in love with that clever little boy? Stop judging! 21's legal last I checked.

8. Alex's dancing.

9. And of course, Alex Turner himself. The brilliant lyricist with vocals unique. He really is just too damned adorable a boy, that. Annnnnddd I got no good pictures of him (and I really, really tried). Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck!





...about that hype: Disregard all the accolade you hear through the media. Listen for yourself because they're making music for themselves, for us and not the Vampires.

And like The HOchieS, you'll probably discover one of the most fantastic fuckin' bands to date.

I partially understand the statement because I'm sorry Arctic Monkeys, there is no unwarranted hype.

Currently listening to: All 53 songs (on random) I have belonging to them and ending this entry with "If You Were There, Beware" by Arctic Monkeys.

And stupidly bopping my head making my neck continue its ballistic insane pain.

Memorable Quotes of the Night:

"Akon Alert!" - H1, on Concert Security hitting on the 15 year olds.

"X is an ass." - Or 2, on X thinking she's too 'old' to be at this concert.

A Warning To Alex Turner

The concert is very soon! Just about one week away and the plan is to create a new tradition. The last time we were at the Hammerstein, we had Popeye's Chicken before the show and as we all know that show was Matisyahu, and the only good thing about that night was the chicken.

Well, we expect Arctic Monkeys will be better than the chicken but we started something we'd like to continue. The plan then, is to get Fraas to have chicken waiting for us when we get there. A pre-show feast, if you will.

However, in typical H1 fashion, I present to you a warning to Alex Turner.

Notes: **indicates disclaimers

H1: If Arctic Monkeys doesn't perform "Old Yellow Bricks", I will toss a chicken bone at Alex Turner.

Or 2: What?! Toss it at the bassist! (** in the event Nick O'Malley reads this ever, I heart you too, really I do!)

H1: Nope. I'll toss it at that big nose of his. (** in the event Alex Turner ever reads this, she didn't mean it.)

Or 2: Awww. Don't make fun of him and his nose...

And the conversation continued later that night

Or 2: do you like my new picture of Alex? (**it's a profile pic. on GChat so it's relatively small)



H1: are those muscles?

Or 2: yep

H1: well, they don't make his nose look so big

Or 2: ...
It just means if you toss a chicken bone at him, he could probably go hooligan on you.

H1: oh no
oh no

Or 2: that's how he got those muscles in the first place

H1: he will get cut

Or 2: by hooligan-ing

H1: I have Frass with me

Or 2: I'm fairly certain Alex could take out Frass

H1: yes but not before he gets cut. I will throw Frass under the bus to hear "Old Yellow Bricks".

Or 2: Hahahahahahahahahaha

H1: I'll have Fraas collect up a heap of chicken bones to throw at Alex Turner. And if the biscuit isn't very good, he could throw that as well.

Or 2: What about the mystery meat rice?

H1: No! Can't make good mystery meat rice go to waste! What is wrong with you?!