A Warning To Alex Turner

The concert is very soon! Just about one week away and the plan is to create a new tradition. The last time we were at the Hammerstein, we had Popeye's Chicken before the show and as we all know that show was Matisyahu, and the only good thing about that night was the chicken.

Well, we expect Arctic Monkeys will be better than the chicken but we started something we'd like to continue. The plan then, is to get Fraas to have chicken waiting for us when we get there. A pre-show feast, if you will.

However, in typical H1 fashion, I present to you a warning to Alex Turner.

Notes: **indicates disclaimers

H1: If Arctic Monkeys doesn't perform "Old Yellow Bricks", I will toss a chicken bone at Alex Turner.

Or 2: What?! Toss it at the bassist! (** in the event Nick O'Malley reads this ever, I heart you too, really I do!)

H1: Nope. I'll toss it at that big nose of his. (** in the event Alex Turner ever reads this, she didn't mean it.)

Or 2: Awww. Don't make fun of him and his nose...

And the conversation continued later that night

Or 2: do you like my new picture of Alex? (**it's a profile pic. on GChat so it's relatively small)



H1: are those muscles?

Or 2: yep

H1: well, they don't make his nose look so big

Or 2: ...
It just means if you toss a chicken bone at him, he could probably go hooligan on you.

H1: oh no
oh no

Or 2: that's how he got those muscles in the first place

H1: he will get cut

Or 2: by hooligan-ing

H1: I have Frass with me

Or 2: I'm fairly certain Alex could take out Frass

H1: yes but not before he gets cut. I will throw Frass under the bus to hear "Old Yellow Bricks".

Or 2: Hahahahahahahahahaha

H1: I'll have Fraas collect up a heap of chicken bones to throw at Alex Turner. And if the biscuit isn't very good, he could throw that as well.

Or 2: What about the mystery meat rice?

H1: No! Can't make good mystery meat rice go to waste! What is wrong with you?!

"I've Been Converted!"

...

is what I would be saying had that blasted Matisyahu concert been any good!

In Matisyahu's defense, even though I still don't like his genre of music, I could tell he put on a good show.



You can tell from that picture, right? For some reason that picture really cracks me up.

But as I stated before, thanks to Mitch Connors, my December was ruined! RUINED!

The Lowlamps:

1. The little 15 year old, rich, gansta' wannabees with their "Ohhhh, he's playing our shit!", smoking up, & self-made drama of "fainting" but then passing it off as we "fell asleep" certainly made for a rotten evening.

2. The opening act, Mr. Lif was the worst opener I've seen all year. Or ever. I didn't think anyone would take the place of Seether but I'll be damned. So if you ever see this man and friend,




stay the hell away.

3. The waiting. 6.30 to 8. Horrible Opener then 9 to 11. Oh. the. agony.

The Highlights:

1. SF & MC. SF with the Popcorn. MC's face during the crowd surfing when he almost got killed by some kid and MC's face during the show, proving my point that we never should have been there in the first place.

2. DJ Boo.

3. The really tall kid who couldn't dance. Anyone who wants to see video footage, I will gladly show it or please reference the Seinfeld episode with Elaine's infamous dance. But hey, he was having fun, so that's all that matters.

4. Matisyahu the Monkey. He's very energetic and the climbing was out of control.

There he is climbing from one balcony level to the next.

Ah, climb Monkey Boy. Climb. ( I was actually nervous watching him)



5. The Rocky Theme Song Sung and Mixed with Hebrew.

And just the lights:

"Well I Refuse To Let You Go"

It's been 3 years since I've had what many call an unhealthy obsession with MUSE.

There was the time I was assed out of seeing them at Webster Hall. I was incredibly pissed. I cursed.

Then there was the time I seriously considered going to London for 3 days, the week of Christmas in 2004 to catch them at Earls Court. I never made it and cursed some more.

And then, I passed up getting tickets to Audioslave due to potential conflict with MUSE's concerts dates. They ended up sucking it up by doing a campus invasion tour and the only NY campus they performed at was Albany. And hell, I'd certainly go to London for 3 days but there's no way in hell I'd go to Albany for a day. No one in their right mind would do that crap.
I cursed MTV and stupid Americans for not supporting them enough to give them a chance to play bigger venues than crappy campuses. They're big everywhere else but here.

Result: Completely missed the Absolution Tour. And as expected, a lot of !@?*$?!@!-ing went down on my part.

18 months later, the first U.K. single was released from the new album Black Holes and Revelations and I was mortified.

"What the hell is this?! Noooo, that's not Matt's vocals! Well, they kind of are...Oh god, this is so embarrassing... But hey, it's...Kind of good, actually. Unlike them but I can deal with this. It's totally a stripper song but I do love me some strippers (don't forget this was BEFORE the Pussycat Lounge)."
Being a MUSE elitist, I fell in love with "Supermassive Blackhole" but please, don't go watch the video. They're Brits. You have to excuse their 'art'.

A week later came the U.S. single release. I was not fond then and I'm not overly fond now. The video also doesn't help. Please don't go watch the video. They're Brits. You have to excuse their 'art' and sometimes, their sense of humour. Though, fighting off robots in a western setting by the awesome power of B H & R's reflective properties is somewhat funny. It's reminiscent of Mentos, the fresh maker. Or Footos. Either one.

Anyway, B H & R came out. I listened. I loved. Not as much as say, Origin of Symmetry but after last night, I've an appreciation for every goddamned song off that goddamned album. Even that "Knights of Cydonia" but like I said, I'm still not overly fond now. I will only listen to it in a concert setting because only then is it amazing to me.

That's right. I was actually trying to make a point here.

The 3rd day of August has finally ushered some sense of awesome into this HOchie's life after a long 7 month spell of bad luck, more downs than ups and a series of mishaps.



Thank you, MUSE.

Those who came with me:

1. Beetchie, who I had to drag kicking and screaming. Haha, just kidding. Don't kill me. And no, I don't hate you long time. I heart you, "Hardcore", as you would say.
2. No. 8, who I know was secretly trying to ruin things for me somehow.
3. Franz, the skeptic but who actually wanted to come and no I don't owe him anything in return. You hear me, Franz?! NOTHING!!!!

We waited in line forever amidst a wonderful frickin' heat wave NY had to go through for 3 days with temperatures reaching near 100. Finally we were ushered into the Hammerstein ballroom and I had to deal with two boys trying to oust me from my spot on the floor, some crazy fan girls who I made 'friends' with for the night to my benefit and theirs and an anorexic girl with her anorexic boyfriend who managed to push me aside even though I had the elbows out. I now know that being annorexic works to your advantage at a concert as it's so easy to slip between a crack.
What didn't work out was the B.O. she was spewing. I don't know what is up with people smelling before a concert but as discussed in the MSI blog, it's just plain wrong. And oh! oh! I think I saw that MSI B.O. kid at MUSE but he wasn't ranking this time. Good for you, kid. Good for you.
What also didn't work out for me, didn't work out for her. She must have been very conscious of herself and perhaps my evil glances and words to Beetchie didn't help the situation because she and her bf left much to my delight and I grabbed my chance to get in there, much to the dismay, bitchin' and complain' of the two guys who I had to fight before.

Result: I lost Franz, Beetchie and No. 8 who had been standing behind me. It was okay though because I could still look over and see Franz during the show.
Beetchie informs me there was a semi-pit which she tried to tear up but no one was really moshing so she had to jump in one place but she had fun.
And I've no clue where No. 8 got to during the whole thing but she was okay as well.

After an interesting set by the opening act The Cloud Room, which was not well received by anyone in that crowd but honestly, I didn't find them that horrible (but let's keep that dirty little secret to ourselves, shall we?). Wait, you know what? I'm going to give a tiny blurb to this band because they sounded good minus the indistinguishable vocals on lead and I rather enjoyed the drum work even though it almost killed my heart. They were from Crooklyn and I think they tried to diss Queens which always gives one creds. So yeah, for those of you who care, which I suspect is no one, here's their little setlist minus the 2 songs because I just don't know what they were:

Sunlight Song (possibly the Reprise)
Waterfall
Blackout!
Hey Now Now
The Hunger
*new song
????

Alright, I'm done with them. Ok, not quite. The guitarist was cool. And they sadly had to clean up their own mess after their set. Ah, the life of an unknown opening act... Ok, now I'm done.

And after a long 40 minute set up by the roadies, with much oohs and aahs by all who saw the veil come off the gigantic drumkit Dom was supposed to rock on, my band finally took the stage.

The lights darkened and the techno started - Dom fiddling with equipment revealed the first track. Then in came Chris with that bass... Followed by Matt's vocals:

"Corrupt
You corrupt
Bring corruption to all that you touch
Hold
You behold
And beholden for all that you've done
And spell
Cast a spell
Cast a spell on the country you run
And risk
You will risk
You will risk all their lives and their souls

And burn
You will burn
You will burn in hell, yeah you'll burn in hell
You'll burn in hell
Yeah you'll burn in hell
For your sins

And our freedom's consuming itself
What we've become
It's contrary to what we want

Take a bow"

And when Matt took a bow, it was then it hit me - I'm finally here and this is going to be amazing...

Depending on who you love and if you're given that opportunity, you need to position yourself accordingly:

Left for Matt.
Center for Dominic.
Right for Chris.

I'm a lefty myself because as we all know, I'm all about my future husband. Luckily for me, and after much screaming at Franz to get in the goddamned line and to stop screwing with me by telling me he'll wait for me on the side since I was running a few minutes late, I made it in with Matt directly in front of me save the one body in my way. But she didn't count as she was short and I could easily look over her shoulder.

WARNING - unnecessary gushing ahead (and DISCLAIMER - I'm only kidding about Brits and their bad teeth, the assback and sense of humour because I have to cover my ass if say, Matt Bellamy for whatever reason were to read this one day or some Brit or European were to read this):

I could see his face, every sweet little smile, his very blue eyes, that scary crease he gets on his brow when he sings, his bad Brit teeth that I've come to terms with and that mole he's got on his cheek. And I was trying to figure out if he has an assback...I couldn't quite make it out but he may have had a little ass going there in those red jeans. The assback has yet to be confirmed.

The stage set up itself was for a big arena which I think would be stellar for their more epic songs like "Ruled by Secrecy" and "Apocalypse Please" and others which they performed that night but being right in front in that small venue was still hella awesome. They worked with what they had and did it nicely.

They played all the songs I thought they would save one which I will bitch about later but everything was incredibly performed and phenomenal. Matt played that piano with such class. I was wowed by the guitar changes that went on after every song and of course, just how skilled he is with that instrument. That guitar with distortion pad will be mine someday... And his voice...is so beautiful and holds up so well. I had to zone everything else out when he hit that falsetto. Dom rocked that kit like nobody's buisness and I couldn't really see Chris (mostly due to the fact that my eyes were glued to Matt) but I could hear his brilliance. The only bad thing was that I couldn't see Chris' skills on "Hysteria". Curses!

It was really cute how Matt and Dom were so proud of themselves in managing to work the crowd into a frenzy during "New Born". They were all smiles at how great the response from the crowd was for that.

There were a couple of nice surprises - they did one instrumental piece I never expected, and one that is new and will now desperately try to find. Also a surprise, "Soldier's Poem" which I welcomed with an "awwwww".

And even the songs I am not very in love with, namely "Invincible" and that blasted "Knights of Cydonia" sounded so much more fantastic live because they were done with such unrivaled energy with massive guitar solos coupled with grandiose stances involving Matt in the center of the stage with head held high and the 'we're number 1' finger in the air (not pictured here because damn that Bells, he's too frickin' quick for me - I got him when he took his hand down), that I would love to see them performed again.

The 1 hour and 20 minute long setlist:

Take A Bow
Hysteria
Supermassive Black Hole
Butterflies and Hurricanes
Starlight
Forced In
Bliss
Soldier's Poem
Invincible
Feeling Good
*instrumental piece unknown
Plug In Baby
New Born
Stockholm Syndrome

Encore:

Map of the Problematique
Time Is Running Out
Knights of Cydonia

The time flew by so fast due to song after song of fast paced greatness, save the cooling down "let's give my vocals and our crazy playing a rest for two seconds by playing "Forced In" and "Soldier's Poem" moment. Even their rest between the encore was fast and I thought to myself, "Wow, they even pee fast". I was hoping for a longer show but was generally happy with this setlist. Of course, I was screaming when they played "Map of the Problematique" because it has to be, other than "Hoodoo", my favourite song from this album and one of their best songs ever.

So 3 years later, I am now partially blinded by an impressive laser light show NOT put on by The Cheat, partially deafened by speakers so huge had one fallen on me I'd be dead along with 20 people in my immediate space and one supermassive headache brought on by 3 1/2 hours of sleep due to too much excitement and pain all wrapped up in one - I finally saw the greatest band in the world. Yes, HOchie 1. I know, that title should be reserved for U2 but indulge me this moment.

Highlights of the show (ie the already awesome songs made even more awesome during a live show):

New Born
Stockholm Syndrome
Feeling Good - because when Matt laid that megaphone down on the piano, we all knew what was song was coming up. The megaphone is legendary! And so is how he got rid of it. Behind the back and off to the side ::TOSS::!!!!!!

WTF moments of the evening:

6. "Who the hell are these bitches on stage trying to introduce MUSE? MTV College Radio who what now?...huh?! WTF!!! Get the fuck off stage!!!!!!"

5. Why did Chris do the rocker's growl on "Supermassive Black Hole"? Matt? WTF?!!!!

4. WTF was that little gremlin doing next to Dom's drumkit? It looked like he was doing back up keyboard work but I'm not quite sure...

3. WTF was up with Matt's hair? It's called fans, people.

2. Matt to Dom - "Stop. Stop. STOP! Oh.. ::sheepish confused look:::" at the beginning of a song when he was having technical difficulties with his guitar but it started working soon after Dom started the song. The WTF moment came from Dom when he was looking at Matt with the WTF face. Hahahaha.

1. And the biggest WTF moment of the night - No "Muscle Museum"??!! I waited 3 years to see them perform one of their most popular, if not most popular song that they always play, ALWAYS - every time I've seen footage of them and the best live song as far as I'm concerned and they didn't do it!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am fully aware of what the ticket has printed in caps there but fuck it! I took pictures of them anyway!! "NO CAMERAS" my ass!!! Muwahahahahahaha!!! And now all of you get to gaze upon him too...Double the muwahahahaha! Don't you all feel lucky?

No, not a prison uniform.

Poor Megaphone...

Dominic!!!!!!!!! I can't see your hilarious self behind that drumkit. I love you anyway.


I anxiously await the time when I see them again. But next time I expect a longer set with my "Muscle Museum" tossed in, "Citizens Erased" and "Space Dementia".

And that comes, if all goes well, November 21st at Wembley Arena in London - Who's in???!!!!

Currently listening to: "The Queen and I" by Gym Class Heroes. Don't ask. I saw the video and it's kind of catchy. Don't judge me!!!!!

Lucky, Lucky... You're So Lucky

I had every intention of writing a vile blog bashing ticketmaster yet again at the end of this week regarding "the Incident". And that would have been today, well - April 14th (it's now April 15th as I write this). You know, the day I was supposed to be at the Franz Ferdinand/Death Cab for Cutie concert but got screwed out of it... yes. THAT incident.

Wednesday came.

And like all Wednesdays, and any other day for that matter, I checked my e-mail in the morning.

"Oh look...e-mail from Franz Ferdinand. It's probably going to be some bragging about how fantastic touring with DCFC is. Wonderful...this saves me the trouble of googling their website so I can torture myself. 'FF announces secret show'. Oh. Ok, whatever. Let's see the e-mail content here. ...eye twitch... 'secret show in NYC this week, details to come!' ...eye twitch..."

Wednesday afternoon - no details on the show. "Damn, I know once I get home they're going to announce a 9 p.m. show!" I got home and quickly checked e-mail - nothing.

Thursday came.

Frantically checked e-mail at 7.26 a.m. and lo and behold, details! "'Free show at the Hammerstein on April 14th!' YES!!!!!!!!!!!! 'Must go to Tower Records in the Village to get wristband. And get there early to ensure success due to limited quantities!' FUDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Thursday morning at work, penned e-mail to supervisor and boss:
Please be advised I have an appointment this afternoon and will be leaving at 1.15

1.45 p.m. - is the time I actually left office to meet Beetchie down on 8th.
There were no problems getting the wristband except some shadiness went down that involved our profile printouts from MySpace being taken away from us...
And I picked up some cream puffs for the peeps at work because you know, if I didn't get through with the FF deal, I could at least get the best goddamned cream puffs eva' out of the whole deal.

Friday:
Hammerstein @ 2p.m.
in the line 2 p.m. - 3.25 p.m.
herded into Hammerstein - 3.25 p.m.
FREE (take that ticketmaster bitches) Franz Ferdinand Concert from the second row from the stage on the dancefloor - 3.45

The 50 minute setlist:

Michael
Auf Ausche
I'm Your Villain (IT ROCKED!!!!!)
Tell Her Tonight (Because we all wanted to hear Nick sing. I think Nick wanted to slug Alex for putting him on the spot. Truthfully, I think FF duped us into thinking that's what we wanted to hear.)
Van Tango (this after deliberation and suggestions from the crowd as to what song they should play. Someone wanted the Gwen Stefani cover but Alex didn't know the words since he had them in front of him the last time he did. Yeah, I've no clue what the hell these people were talking about. Then "All For You, Sophia" was suggested but they didn't remember how to play their own song so that idea was shot)
Do You Want To
L.Wells (new song! or at least one that we have not gotten in the U.S.)
Walk Away (This song was for Bob and everyone who loved him)
Evil and a Heathen
Darts of Pleasure (some kids got to go up on stage for this one. I couldn't jump the barrier to join them 'cause my ass would have fallen and been broken)
Outsiders (it was the one song I wanted to see them perform and it was superfantastisch)

My boys have great personalities. The show was extremely intimate. It was more of a jam session/private concert. With the guys chatting with us and each other, it felt as though we had all known each other and been old high school friends from good old days back in Scotland. All of us except for the 10 year old in front - she would not have been born yet. Perhaps she could best be described in this scenario as someone's bastard child? Whose? Meh.

And as if all that wasn't enough to make up for "the Incident"... I got to wrap my arm around Alex Kapranos, gaze lovingly up at him as he posed for a picture (yeah, he's hot and I was temporarily insane but only for a micro second I swear!!!!) and got my free poster signed by him. And thank you to Beetchie for making Alex take pity on me. "Awww". Don't 'aww' me just because Beetchie told you I was shy! ...Apparently there's truth in her saying that she cannot take me anywhere. How embarrassing. And now to quickly distract from my last statement - how cool was it that he came out to chat with the fans after the show especially since he had another one to do not long after?

Had I been thinking clearly (remember people, micro second of extreme insanity or what I like to call stupidity) I would have had him sign my arm and gotten it tattooed forever. I know I always said I'd reserve that for someone I really love if I ever met them but hey, I wouldn't mind having "ALEX" engraved into my arm. And so what if 20 years later I wouldn't have a clue who "ALEX" is...

So I didn't get to see Death Cab but that's okay. I was always in it for the FF though it would have been nice to hear DCFC play "Title and Registration" and hence reason 40 that Ticketmaster is evil.

The only downer about this whole adventure is that HOchie 1 was not with me.

I know this blog makes no sense. This is what we call, "I wanted to be in bed 4 hours ago".

Currently listening to: What else but "Outsiders" - Franz Ferdinand

I love you guys...