"The Mother-Fookin' Cornerstone"

Sadly, I did not get to meet Nick at the Mother-Fookin' Cornerstone, and hell, I was barely able to see him from where I stood.

One day perhaps.

In the meanwhile, the real arctic monkeys went to see Arctic Monkeys the band.

The lot of us who stood outside that Cornerstone, that is literally on the corner of 11th and the West Side Highway, were freezing.

Calling Friday night 'cold ass' is an understatement.  It was the first cold blast we got for the season/month and of course, it had to happen whilst H1 and I had plans to be in the middle of nowhere.

I cannot stress how much I dislike Terminal 5 but I'll go ahead and say it again.

The Low-lamps:

1.  Terminal 5.  What the hell... Summer or Winter, it's a bad venue.  Terminal 5 secured a bout of NINfluenza thanks to poor ventilation back in August and last night? No heat! The only time it got hot was when those damned ukkers were farting on me.

2. Ukkers.  Beer-drinking Ukkers.  Rude, Hooligan Beer-drinking Ukkers.  Rude, Hooligan Beer-drinking Ukkers who fart without hesitation or apology reminiscent of Stinky, Beer-drinking Japanese men who sit on a 14 hour flight with a poor unsuspecting girl while her ass friend is oblivious to it all because she is too busy sleeping near the window.

3.  American children.  For some reason, the already young crowd for Arctic Monkeys seemed much younger.  We're not sure why or how they heard this is one of the best bands ever but there they were at Terminal 5 last night and it was embarrassing.  Being a bit of an elitist, I'm not sure why they like Arctic Monkeys because I don't think they're clever enough to keep with Alex's brilliant lyrics.  It boggles the mind, really.

4.  NJ.  More specifically (though need I say more?) Screaming Females.  Arctic Monkeys continues to pick losers for opening acts.  Okay, so Modey Lemon last AM concert were really good live (but note, not so much on disc).  And maybe Screaming Females was not as bad as say B.Y.O.P. but nothing is worse than that other than Seether.  However, Screaming Females need to tighten what they're doing.  As H1 rightly said, the female lead needs to give up writing songs and singing them.  She can keep playing guitar because she's a decent player but other than that, she's keeping the band of rats from getting out of the Bridge and Tunnel.  Also, they need to pick a genre and go with it because they 'sample' way too many and rip off way too many other songs from other bands.

5. Remember Fucking Albert Chung ? Well here we have Fucking Alexa Chung.  When will Alex be smart as we know him to be and ditch that bitch.  She was there last night being an annoyance to my senses.  It was bad enough she was dressed like a hipster, but then she had to act like one too.  And anyone who's got the blood of weople and asians just do not have a chance at being able to dance.  Oh lork, it was like Diddy all over again.  You really have to wonder what people hear when there's a beat to a song.  Rhythm? What's that? More mind boggling stuff, really.

6.  The set list.  Why did we get the exact same set list as the night before? Alex apologised but it's not enough! You couldn't even play "Catapult"?! Or one song different?! Not right, boys.  Lazy!

7.  The sound.  What happened? I've come to realise that every Arctic concert comes with technical difficulties.  But last night was the worst - I can deal with the cutting off of sounds because great banter usually follows but everything sounded as though it was in a vaccum.  While Matthew's drumming just took over everything which to me is not a bad thing being he's the best, we could barely hear Alex at the start.  Who knows where Nick's and The Cookie's sound got to.  I could blame Terminal 5 but having heard NIN there, that'd be a straight out untruth.

8.  "My Propellor".  No, that wasn't my song, H1.  "Red Right Hand" was my song.

9.  My crap photos. Well, I could barely see the stage to begin with (save The Cookie, who I never want to see...he scares the shit out of me), much less get good photos for a band I never get good photos of.

The Highlights:

1.  "Last Christmas" as performed by Matthew Helders.  It.  was.  frickin'.  h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.  And he sounded good.  And it made me enjoy "Fluorescent Adolescent" even more that I usually do (I'm not the biggest fan of that song, it's true).  That performance was nothing short of classic - it involved a stool, shades and an afro sported by my favourite drummer.  That was one of the finer concert moments I've had.



2.  Nick.  I may not have seen him a lot thanks to assholes who shoved their way in front of me but when I did, I felt really happy.  Too bad after all the times I've seen AM, I only now pay attention to him especially since I was right in his face back in August.  Even then when things were quiet then, I wanted shout out to Matthew.  Awww, Nick.  You're my new favourite.  I love how you handle the bass as if it's too awkward for you and you've anything but a bassist cool stance.  It's quite comical watching you play, actually but it's endearing.  And you're a good bassist. 

But please, cut your hair or do something with it.  That goes for the rest of you guys as well.  Except maybe Helders and his 'fro.  I'm liking how funny THAT mess is.

3.  Matthew Helders - the Agile Beast.  He continues to impress, that one.

4.  "Sketchead".  I was really hoping for "Catapult" but this was good too.

5.  Alex.  He couldn't see me, so it was the first time he missed Suga'Face although he may have glanced briefly in my direction.  Ahahaha.  Ah but I was more concerned I couldn't see my bassist. 

6.  For the first time since I've seen them, AM managed to riff new sounds into their set.  They changed up their songs to extended versions with different elements of the guitars and bass and it was fun.  They're comfortable enough now to do that and it was most welcome.

7. H1 and my Imaginary Friend Fred were both there.  Ooo, and H1 finally got to hear "505" and it sounded much better than it did at the Highline Ballroom (save that one screeching bit of the mic).  I've yet to tell TD5 that he may have gotten to hear it first but his sucked compared to H1's experience.

8.  While not the greatest technical sounding show, Arctics blended old with new even better than at Highline.  It was more fun even though the Highline show was great for the first live run of the new album.  Playing "The Jeweller's Hand" to start made the show interesting but mostly dull and I feared another desert experience as back in August but with that out of the way, the rest of the songs were more well-balanced and more frantic, making this show an overall success and not as mellow even if the crowd energy seemed pathetic.

In a way, this show is probably the worst I've seen of them but that's due to the lack of first album material (alright, that bus has come and gone - as someone put it, but those will always be my most fun memories) and the sound (and of course, the venue) but is in no way a reflection of their skills.  They really have come quite a ways, my boys.  I think I might always feel a twinge of sadness that they've matured so much.

9.  Who knew Harry Potter was a member of Screaming Females? And he plays drums!

10. No "Dangerous Animals".  Thank.  GOODNESS.  I 'boring' that song with a passion.

11. The usual banter, and our Number 1 Roadie giving us such great moments as ....

Memorable Quotes and Moments of the Evening:

Alex: New York, this house is a circus.  An observation and an introduction. (he lies of course..there was no circus.  The crowd pretty much sucked).

Alex: I apologise for the same set but I am wearing different boots.  We hope no one's been telling our secret from last night to you folks tonight.  ::and then into "Fluorescent Adolescent" with Matthew's "Last Christmas".::

Alex: Are you feeling good tonight? Of course you are, unlike last night, you've got Friday behind you.

Alex: ::singing:: At the mother-fooking cornerstone...

Matthew's drumstick broke and he threw it in front of him and it fell near Alex.  The number 1 Roadie walked on stage, picked it up complete with being deadpan in the face as he usually is, and threw it right back at Matthew.

The Arctic Monkeys at Terminal 5, NYC on 12/11/2009 Set list:

1.  The Jeweller's Hands
2.  Brianstorm
3.  This House is a Circus
4.  Still Take You Home
5.  Potion Approaching
6.  Red Right Hand (Nick Cave cover)
7.  My Propeller
8.  Crying Lightning
9.  Sketchead
10. I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
11. The View from the Afternoon
12. Cornerstone
13. If You Were There, Beware
14. Pretty Visitors
15. Do Me a Favour
16. Fluorescent Adolescent with Last Christmas (Wham Cover by Matthew Helders)

Encore:

17. Secret Door
18. 505


Currently listening to: "This House is a Circus" and "Catapult" by Arctic Monkeys.

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late

Under constant correction,
A fraud,
A fraud,
Someone's perception, trying not to bore
I'm a cold-hearted kidda,
Applaud
Applaud
If you're the highest bidder, I'm yours

You figure out pathetic sets
And We're not sure of the etiquette
We think out pathetic sets
We're not sure of the etiquette

And if you found this it's probably too late
Clinically cynical, hereditary hate...

...If we concentrate on being off the cuff
Not sure we're ready but probably rough
Frightened that honesty isn't enough
And it's nothing on the early stuff

- "If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late" by Arctic Monkeys

My Love-Hate relationship with Arctic Monkeys has ended.

Those assholes may have killed at least two Ipods that I know of (one being mine), and I may have slightly flamed them in the past by saying they were not to be taken too seriously but 7 months ago I was CLEARLY "fuckin' mental" (said in my best Yorkshire/Sheffield (?) accent). And highly unstable.

This band has fast become one of my favourites. I retract any ill I may have spoken of them in the past.

"Tonight there'll be some love. Tonight there'll be some rawkus regardless of what's come before."

And goddamn it, do we love those Ukkers.

And when my cutie Alex Turner says "don't believe the hype", I think I partially understand why...

May 15th, 2007

I'm sitting here trying to write a really fantastic blog entry about events on the above mentioned date but I really don't know how to begin addressing the topic at hand.

I could start by saying that my dilemma may be partially due to the fact that I'm really quite tired and beaten up. I'm in so much pain that I may have to take another pain killer in the morning.

H1's full of bruises from being the bad-ass that H1 only knows how to be by fighting betches off me left, back and right.

I'm hurting from fighting off betches off me from the left, front and right of me.

My neck aches from taking video footage. Why and how is that possible? Straining to see your camera screen above a crowd of jumping, moshing crazies as you hold it high above your head is tough work.

It also didn't help that my head was going back and forth from dancing (no, no dutty whiplash) and continues to do so even though I'm now 24 hours out of the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Our feet ache from standing way too long (which is a bitch when the opening act is Be Your Own Pet and they're so ass that even the Vibe magazine bought to pacify Frass becomes not only his saviour but yours as well. One long song disguised as nine is just god awful especially when your lead 'singer' is a female who cannot dance and H1 phrased it best when she said, "If Pulp Fiction didn't come out, this bitch wouldn't know what to do. She thinks she's Uma Thurman." And to answer your question, H1 - be thankful for small mercies that her hair was in her face the whole time because apparently trolls abound these days), jumping around to music you just can't help but jump around to and then racing along subway platforms to catch an 11.10 p.m. train home.

Another thing I can talk about is the fact that I had to elbow some asshole child who insisted I put my arms down because they were digging into her back. Well, asshole child, if you didn't push me out of my spot, or if you didn't actually take up someone's spot on the dancefloor by disregarding your mezzanine ticket purchases, then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?

Or how about the time I cut up the kids with X's Christmas present? Ah, we knew that ring would really be put to good use one day.

All that sounds awfully violent and should all be included in this blog but you'd swear we had a horrid night, yeah?

No.



Arctic Monkeys gave us one of the best concert experiences eva'!

Arctic Monkeys 05/15/07 @ Hammerstein Ballroom "Favourite Worst Nightmare" Tour Set List:

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late
Brianstorm
Still Take You Home
Dancing Shoes
Balaclava
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Teddy Picker
You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me
D is For Dangerous
I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
This House Is A Circus
If You Were There, Beware
From The Ritz to the Rubble
Old Yellow Bricks
Fluorescent Adolescence
Do Me A Favour
The View From The Afternoon
When The Sun Goes Down
Leave Before The Lights Come On
A Certain Romance

(note - they played all these songs but in between 'Dancing Shoes' and 'The View From the Afternoon', the actual order may be slightly off) - (Oh yeah, and notice there was no need for a Chicken Bone incident. Phew. I really didn't want to see H1 attack my boy and his nose)

Grievances of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet

2. All the Asshole Kids Mentioned Before

3. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far back to see Arctic Monkeys in all their glory playing their set. I'm really bummed I didn't get to see Matthew tear it up on drums.

4. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far to take any good pictures of the band due to their dark stage lighting. Damn it!

5. Not having Beetchie there to tear up the pit.

6. Having time fly by so quickly once our boys took the stage because of the fun, and fast-paced, great times of their performance.

7. My Hammer and Sickle pin got tossed off my bag and is now doing one of three things - a. floating around in Hammerstein Ballroom Hell lost forever, b. stuck under someone's shoe and then lost somewhere on 34th street and beyond or c. was stolen by one of the asshole kids who's blogging about it right now.

WTF Moments of the Night:

1. The Opening Act: Be Your Own Pet with special mention to that asshole Max, was it? The shirtless ass who did nothing but act a fool on stage. He's the kind of guy who's the '4th' useless member of the band. The one who has no talent so he sits around sucking the life out of the real members, who also happen to have no talent. Bad Combination + Bad Combination = Be Your Own Pet. I'll give small props to their drummer though. He actually worked.

2. No "Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"? WTF, Arctic Monkeys?! That's just wrong. I can almost forgive you boys for no "Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But..." too. Almost.

3. "Fake Tales of San Francisco"?! Ugh. Okay, so it was good in concert and singing "I don't want to hear you, kick me out" was pretty fun but still.

4. Finding out AFTER the concert that I could adjust my ISO on the camera to enhance the camera's ability to take better quality pictures when conditions make for poorly lit areas. That's more a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck' moment, really.

Fun Times of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet's guitarist's incident with the floor. When he tried to crowd surf and he hit the ground because they refused to hold him, THAT was the most single hilarious thing.

2. The fact that H1 was with me for this. It's been a while since we've been to a concert together. Goo'd times.

3. The insanity of the crowd during "Brianstorm".

4. The bassist, Nick O' Malley who actually didn't lose weight but is kind of an entirely different person. Heh Heh.



5. Jamie Cook(ie). Ah, the Cookie.



6. Matthew Helders. My favourite drummer and backing vocalist!



7. Trying to decipher Alex's accent. The fact that he spoke to us so much was fun too. "Boring, Boring. Yawn. Yawn." , "You've been very kind to us. Very kind." and "I'm very fond of New York" were all some of the cute quotes I could actually understand.
Did we mention we're in love with that clever little boy? Stop judging! 21's legal last I checked.

8. Alex's dancing.

9. And of course, Alex Turner himself. The brilliant lyricist with vocals unique. He really is just too damned adorable a boy, that. Annnnnddd I got no good pictures of him (and I really, really tried). Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck!





...about that hype: Disregard all the accolade you hear through the media. Listen for yourself because they're making music for themselves, for us and not the Vampires.

And like The HOchieS, you'll probably discover one of the most fantastic fuckin' bands to date.

I partially understand the statement because I'm sorry Arctic Monkeys, there is no unwarranted hype.

Currently listening to: All 53 songs (on random) I have belonging to them and ending this entry with "If You Were There, Beware" by Arctic Monkeys.

And stupidly bopping my head making my neck continue its ballistic insane pain.

Memorable Quotes of the Night:

"Akon Alert!" - H1, on Concert Security hitting on the 15 year olds.

"X is an ass." - Or 2, on X thinking she's too 'old' to be at this concert.