One day perhaps.
In the meanwhile, the real arctic monkeys went to see Arctic Monkeys the band.
The lot of us who stood outside that Cornerstone, that is literally on the corner of 11th and the West Side Highway, were freezing.
Calling Friday night 'cold ass' is an understatement. It was the first cold blast we got for the season/month and of course, it had to happen whilst H1 and I had plans to be in the middle of nowhere.
I cannot stress how much I dislike Terminal 5 but I'll go ahead and say it again.
The Low-lamps:
1. Terminal 5. What the hell... Summer or Winter, it's a bad venue. Terminal 5 secured a bout of NINfluenza thanks to poor ventilation back in August and last night? No heat! The only time it got hot was when those damned ukkers were farting on me.
2. Ukkers. Beer-drinking Ukkers. Rude, Hooligan Beer-drinking Ukkers. Rude, Hooligan Beer-drinking Ukkers who fart without hesitation or apology reminiscent of Stinky, Beer-drinking Japanese men who sit on a 14 hour flight with a poor unsuspecting girl while her ass friend is oblivious to it all because she is too busy sleeping near the window.
3. American children. For some reason, the already young crowd for Arctic Monkeys seemed much younger. We're not sure why or how they heard this is one of the best bands ever but there they were at Terminal 5 last night and it was embarrassing. Being a bit of an elitist, I'm not sure why they like Arctic Monkeys because I don't think they're clever enough to keep with Alex's brilliant lyrics. It boggles the mind, really.
4. NJ. More specifically (though need I say more?) Screaming Females. Arctic Monkeys continues to pick losers for opening acts. Okay, so Modey Lemon last AM concert were really good live (but note, not so much on disc). And maybe Screaming Females was not as bad as say B.Y.O.P. but nothing is worse than that other than Seether. However, Screaming Females need to tighten what they're doing. As H1 rightly said, the female lead needs to give up writing songs and singing them. She can keep playing guitar because she's a decent player but other than that, she's keeping the band of rats from getting out of the Bridge and Tunnel. Also, they need to pick a genre and go with it because they 'sample' way too many and rip off way too many other songs from other bands.
5. Remember Fucking Albert Chung ? Well here we have Fucking Alexa Chung. When will Alex be smart as we know him to be and ditch that bitch. She was there last night being an annoyance to my senses. It was bad enough she was dressed like a hipster, but then she had to act like one too. And anyone who's got the blood of weople and asians just do not have a chance at being able to dance. Oh lork, it was like Diddy all over again. You really have to wonder what people hear when there's a beat to a song. Rhythm? What's that? More mind boggling stuff, really.
6. The set list. Why did we get the exact same set list as the night before? Alex apologised but it's not enough! You couldn't even play "Catapult"?! Or one song different?! Not right, boys. Lazy!
7. The sound. What happened? I've come to realise that every Arctic concert comes with technical difficulties. But last night was the worst - I can deal with the cutting off of sounds because great banter usually follows but everything sounded as though it was in a vaccum. While Matthew's drumming just took over everything which to me is not a bad thing being he's the best, we could barely hear Alex at the start. Who knows where Nick's and The Cookie's sound got to. I could blame Terminal 5 but having heard NIN there, that'd be a straight out untruth.
8. "My Propellor". No, that wasn't my song, H1. "Red Right Hand" was my song.
9. My crap photos. Well, I could barely see the stage to begin with (save The Cookie, who I never want to see...he scares the shit out of me), much less get good photos for a band I never get good photos of.
The Highlights:
1. "Last Christmas" as performed by Matthew Helders. It. was. frickin'. h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s. And he sounded good. And it made me enjoy "Fluorescent Adolescent" even more that I usually do (I'm not the biggest fan of that song, it's true). That performance was nothing short of classic - it involved a stool, shades and an afro sported by my favourite drummer. That was one of the finer concert moments I've had.
2. Nick. I may not have seen him a lot thanks to assholes who shoved their way in front of me but when I did, I felt really happy. Too bad after all the times I've seen AM, I only now pay attention to him especially since I was right in his face back in August. Even then when things were quiet then, I wanted shout out to Matthew. Awww, Nick. You're my new favourite. I love how you handle the bass as if it's too awkward for you and you've anything but a bassist cool stance. It's quite comical watching you play, actually but it's endearing. And you're a good bassist.
3. Matthew Helders - the Agile Beast. He continues to impress, that one.
4. "Sketchead". I was really hoping for "Catapult" but this was good too.
5. Alex. He couldn't see me, so it was the first time he missed Suga'Face although he may have glanced briefly in my direction. Ahahaha. Ah but I was more concerned I couldn't see my bassist.
6. For the first time since I've seen them, AM managed to riff new sounds into their set. They changed up their songs to extended versions with different elements of the guitars and bass and it was fun. They're comfortable enough now to do that and it was most welcome.
7. H1 and my Imaginary Friend Fred were both there. Ooo, and H1 finally got to hear "505" and it sounded much better than it did at the Highline Ballroom (save that one screeching bit of the mic). I've yet to tell TD5 that he may have gotten to hear it first but his sucked compared to H1's experience.
8. While not the greatest technical sounding show, Arctics blended old with new even better than at Highline. It was more fun even though the Highline show was great for the first live run of the new album. Playing "The Jeweller's Hand" to start made the show interesting but mostly dull and I feared another desert experience as back in August but with that out of the way, the rest of the songs were more well-balanced and more frantic, making this show an overall success and not as mellow even if the crowd energy seemed pathetic.
In a way, this show is probably the worst I've seen of them but that's due to the lack of first album material (alright, that bus has come and gone - as someone put it, but those will always be my most fun memories) and the sound (and of course, the venue) but is in no way a reflection of their skills. They really have come quite a ways, my boys. I think I might always feel a twinge of sadness that they've matured so much.
9. Who knew Harry Potter was a member of Screaming Females? And he plays drums!
10. No "Dangerous Animals". Thank. GOODNESS. I 'boring' that song with a passion.
11. The usual banter, and our Number 1 Roadie giving us such great moments as ....
Memorable Quotes and Moments of the Evening:
Alex: New York, this house is a circus. An observation and an introduction. (he lies of course..there was no circus. The crowd pretty much sucked).
Alex: I apologise for the same set but I am wearing different boots. We hope no one's been telling our secret from last night to you folks tonight. ::and then into "Fluorescent Adolescent" with Matthew's "Last Christmas".::
Alex: Are you feeling good tonight? Of course you are, unlike last night, you've got Friday behind you.
Alex: ::singing:: At the mother-fooking cornerstone...
Matthew's drumstick broke and he threw it in front of him and it fell near Alex. The number 1 Roadie walked on stage, picked it up complete with being deadpan in the face as he usually is, and threw it right back at Matthew.
The Arctic Monkeys at Terminal 5, NYC on 12/11/2009 Set list:
1. The Jeweller's Hands
2. Brianstorm
3. This House is a Circus
4. Still Take You Home
5. Potion Approaching
6. Red Right Hand (Nick Cave cover)
7. My Propeller
8. Crying Lightning
9. Sketchead
10. I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
11. The View from the Afternoon
12. Cornerstone
13. If You Were There, Beware
14. Pretty Visitors
15. Do Me a Favour
16. Fluorescent Adolescent with Last Christmas (Wham Cover by Matthew Helders)
Encore:
17. Secret Door
18. 505
Currently listening to: "This House is a Circus" and "Catapult" by Arctic Monkeys.
