Since Canada gave us their greatest son in William Shatner, we must accept that this gives them a broad license to defile our senses with rampant impunity. One would however think that Celine Dion would by herself more than repay our debt to those habs and nordiques. But as Bill was on the scene about three decades before the french-quebec wench turned our stomachs with her acidic Titanic song, all the other bad music we're forced to endure from our largely untalented neighbour to the north is merely to make up the difference. Thus, as soon as William Shatner dies, we won't have to listen to any more bad Canadian music. However, if the Canadians attempt to continue their trafficking of bad music across the border, I suggest this should be grounds for an invasion, or at the very least, a fine premise for a South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut sequel.
Also, hooray for comments longer than the original post!
also, pretending for a moment that the date reads march 22, happy birthday to the only Canadian worth enduring a decade of Celine Dion for--Bill Shatner!
1) william shatner needs to die.yes. like, right now. that price line.com add where he puts his hand on that girls hand? where where those dateline guys? "so mr shatner. did you know she was only 14?"
2)celine dion looks vaguely like that deaf girl on the l word, whos was also in the west wing, and got munch all hot in svu. except that girl is decent, and celine dion is an alien.
3)canadia makes kochane, one of the best beers in the world, and also thier beer is more potent than the watered down swill we get in the states. plus the buddha is not looked down upon. theys got bars for that. so they should stick to that and hockey, eh.
4)the south park movie bit. if they did a transformers parody, however..
5)tho i like one canadian band, thornely, but he could so kick nelly furtado and avrils ass.
I have to say, that pedophilia crack really didn't do much for me. It seemed very Jay Leno-ish. Aside from the fact that the woman in that particular commercial doesn't really look 14 at all, there are plenty of more creative ways to bust on the great William Shatner. Come on, I bet you can do better! He lived in the back of pickup truck once, for Bill's sake.
As for the beer, I believe Kokanee (a beer named after a fish? hmm) is about 5% alcohol by volume, which is only slightly higher than say, Miller Genunine Draft's 4.7% or the horse-piss of all beers, Pabst Blue Ribbon's 4.9%. So while I can't dispute the technical correctness of the statement, the small margin won't keep me from poking fun at our neighbours to the north. Besides, if alcoholic potency is the only meritable component of a beverage, why drink beer at all when you can destroy your liver with the likes of whiskey or tequila. Heck you can even mix some flour and water and wait a week for it to ferment, then drink the straight ethanol off the top! Mmm, delicious.
Speaking of silly things to do, it now comes as no surprise to me that Canadians are indeed woefully lacking in creativity. Marijuana should be illegalized everywhere for one paramount reason: it destroys creativity. If you've ever watched the "original programming" of Adult Swim on Cartoon Net, you know the atrocities chronic marijuana use leads to. Additionally, you know all that bad "music" you hate? Did you ever wonder why people can continue to play "music" that sounds so terribly awful, and yet continue to believe it's actually good? Have you smelled their jackets lately? Yeah. When you're "meditating with the Budda" all the time, everything seems better than it really is. It's also just plain lazy to think you can ride the C-Train to artistic expression. And the rest of us have to suffer for it.
For the defense of Southpark, I will defer to Or 2.
For Celine Dion, I only hope she's not from my planet. That'd suck.
Wow. These discussions are so much longer and more interesting than the actual post. Perhaps I should write more one-liners for a change?
Battler, I'd have to agree with Bughie J. on this but I do enjoy the points you both brought up and the banter between you two.
Bughie J. has said much in the way of William Shatner and I will not add anything further other than Happy Belated B-Day Mr. Shatner!
But on the subject of SP: Bigger, Longer and Uncut...
Blame Canada.
That movie was greatness... come now, John Cleese was in it!
Have we forgotten "Uncle Fucka'" and the fact that he needs to shut his face? Oh, I've this urge to listen to that song right now and the even more fantastic rap edit of it but I don't think I have the album now that I think about it...
Curses! Pox on that! Just like pox on Celine Dion!
The Chinese can do anything and make something out of nothing and/or poop. I'm convinced that if a nuc. were to hit my peeps, they'd survive after everything else is dead... uhh. I might be thinking of something else beginning with "C". No, no. This is right.
Again from SP, "The only Canada is French Canada/It's the best Canada in ze land. And all those other Canadas are bullsheet Canadas..."
I'd say horses have at least as good a chance of bringing about peace in the Middle East as smart bombs and poorly feigned texan bravado, so my hat off to Bill in his endeavor. Plus he's Jewish, so it's nice to see him aim a nice tax write off in that direction, huh?
Did you know he was once known as Ranger Bill, of the Howdy Doody Show? Somehow it seemed a nice fit with this interesting tidbit about panda shit.
His spoken word albums, and really, his entire musical career, were long before their time; if he'd started now, he'd likely rule Youtube with his campy, monotone recitations of Norah Jones and U2 songs!
Speaking of music, I find the Doors were less influential for their music and more for the antics of their oft-intoxicated frontman. It is fun on occasion reading some of Morrison's lyrics though, because they remind of me of happy afternoons workshopping students' lazily written poems in college--all those awkward, non-sensical couplets forced together merely because they rhymed and passed off as deep and cryptic poetry by inexperienced writers hoping desperately to blow away their teacher and peers. And never you mind that the rhythm of those poems mysteriously and precisely matched whatever Greatful Dead or generally lame emo song it was playing on their iPod when they wrote it! Just never you mind! But I'll be a good sport and capitulate to the fact that the pivotal bands cited here, even those I haven't even heard of, bear some historical and artistic importance, at least to those who revel in the culture these groups idealize(d)--as long as my distinguished opponent in this intellectual exercise concedes that there is a far greater number of far lesser bands running around out there tossing about the happy spice like rice at a wedding and doing serious damage to our ears.
And yes, American beer does come up lacking most of the time, though I have had some good microbrews.
Since Canada gave us their greatest son in William Shatner, we must accept that this gives them a broad license to defile our senses with rampant impunity. One would however think that Celine Dion would by herself more than repay our debt to those habs and nordiques. But as Bill was on the scene about three decades before the french-quebec wench turned our stomachs with her acidic Titanic song, all the other bad music we're forced to endure from our largely untalented neighbour to the north is merely to make up the difference. Thus, as soon as William Shatner dies, we won't have to listen to any more bad Canadian music. However, if the Canadians attempt to continue their trafficking of bad music across the border, I suggest this should be grounds for an invasion, or at the very least, a fine premise for a South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut sequel.
ReplyDeleteAlso, hooray for comments longer than the original post!
- j
also, pretending for a moment that the date reads march 22, happy birthday to the only Canadian worth enduring a decade of Celine Dion for--Bill Shatner!
ReplyDelete- j
okay. lets get this under control:
ReplyDelete1) william shatner needs to die.yes. like, right now. that price line.com add where he puts his hand on that girls hand? where where those dateline guys? "so mr shatner. did you know she was only 14?"
2)celine dion looks vaguely like that deaf girl on the l word, whos was also in the west wing, and got munch all hot in svu. except that girl is decent, and celine dion is an alien.
3)canadia makes kochane, one of the best beers in the world, and also thier beer is more potent than the watered down swill we get in the states. plus the buddha is not looked down upon. theys got bars for that. so they should stick to that and hockey, eh.
4)the south park movie bit. if they did a transformers parody, however..
5)tho i like one canadian band, thornely, but he could so kick nelly furtado and avrils ass.
I have to say, that pedophilia crack really didn't do much for me. It seemed very Jay Leno-ish. Aside from the fact that the woman in that particular commercial doesn't really look 14 at all, there are plenty of more creative ways to bust on the great William Shatner. Come on, I bet you can do better! He lived in the back of pickup truck once, for Bill's sake.
ReplyDeleteAs for the beer, I believe Kokanee (a beer named after a fish? hmm) is about 5% alcohol by volume, which is only slightly higher than say, Miller Genunine Draft's 4.7% or the horse-piss of all beers, Pabst Blue Ribbon's 4.9%. So while I can't dispute the technical correctness of the statement, the small margin won't keep me from poking fun at our neighbours to the north. Besides, if alcoholic potency is the only meritable component of a beverage, why drink beer at all when you can destroy your liver with the likes of whiskey or tequila. Heck you can even mix some flour and water and wait a week for it to ferment, then drink the straight ethanol off the top! Mmm, delicious.
Speaking of silly things to do, it now comes as no surprise to me that Canadians are indeed woefully lacking in creativity. Marijuana should be illegalized everywhere for one paramount reason: it destroys creativity. If you've ever watched the "original programming" of Adult Swim on Cartoon Net, you know the atrocities chronic marijuana use leads to. Additionally, you know all that bad "music" you hate? Did you ever wonder why people can continue to play "music" that sounds so terribly awful, and yet continue to believe it's actually good? Have you smelled their jackets lately? Yeah. When you're "meditating with the Budda" all the time, everything seems better than it really is. It's also just plain lazy to think you can ride the C-Train to artistic expression. And the rest of us have to suffer for it.
For the defense of Southpark, I will defer to Or 2.
For Celine Dion, I only hope she's not from my planet. That'd suck.
- j
Wow. These discussions are so much longer and more interesting than the actual post. Perhaps I should write more one-liners for a change?
ReplyDeleteBattler, I'd have to agree with Bughie J. on this but I do enjoy the points you both brought up and the banter between you two.
Bughie J. has said much in the way of William Shatner and I will not add anything further other than Happy Belated B-Day Mr. Shatner!
But on the subject of SP: Bigger, Longer and Uncut...
Blame Canada.
That movie was greatness... come now, John Cleese was in it!
Have we forgotten "Uncle Fucka'" and the fact that he needs to shut his face? Oh, I've this urge to listen to that song right now and the even more fantastic rap edit of it but I don't think I have the album now that I think about it...
Curses! Pox on that! Just like pox on Celine Dion!
jay leno..i got compared to jay leno?
ReplyDeletejeeze man. im too tired to get fired up.
random facts about bill:
thinks horseback riding will promote peace in the middle east--wtf
his first spoken word album..again, wtf
theres nothing wrong with buddha. think of pivotal bands that threw that around like rice:
the doors
jefferson airplane
greatful dead, they were good at one point
L7
seven year bitch
wu tang clan
canadian bands dont suck cuz of the
trees. they suck cuz of the french.
beer is better everywhere but here.
i hear the chinese are making paper out of panda shit. your thoughts?
i win
The Chinese can do anything and make something out of nothing and/or poop. I'm convinced that if a nuc. were to hit my peeps, they'd survive after everything else is dead... uhh. I might be thinking of something else beginning with "C". No, no. This is right.
ReplyDeleteAgain from SP, "The only Canada is French Canada/It's the best Canada in ze land. And all those other Canadas are bullsheet Canadas..."
I'd say horses have at least as good a chance of bringing about peace in the Middle East as smart bombs and poorly feigned texan bravado, so my hat off to Bill in his endeavor. Plus he's Jewish, so it's nice to see him aim a nice tax write off in that direction, huh?
ReplyDeleteDid you know he was once known as Ranger Bill, of the Howdy Doody Show? Somehow it seemed a nice fit with this interesting tidbit about panda shit.
His spoken word albums, and really, his entire musical career, were long before their time; if he'd started now, he'd likely rule Youtube with his campy, monotone recitations of Norah Jones and U2 songs!
Speaking of music, I find the Doors were less influential for their music and more for the antics of their oft-intoxicated frontman. It is fun on occasion reading some of Morrison's lyrics though, because they remind of me of happy afternoons workshopping students' lazily written poems in college--all those awkward, non-sensical couplets forced together merely because they rhymed and passed off as deep and cryptic poetry by inexperienced writers hoping desperately to blow away their teacher and peers. And never you mind that the rhythm of those poems mysteriously and precisely matched whatever Greatful Dead or generally lame emo song it was playing on their iPod when they wrote it! Just never you mind! But I'll be a good sport and capitulate to the fact that the pivotal bands cited here, even those I haven't even heard of, bear some historical and artistic importance, at least to those who revel in the culture these groups idealize(d)--as long as my distinguished opponent in this intellectual exercise concedes that there is a far greater number of far lesser bands running around out there tossing about the happy spice like rice at a wedding and doing serious damage to our ears.
And yes, American beer does come up lacking most of the time, though I have had some good microbrews.
- j