Guess What?

Season 5 of 24 Starts NOW. Ahahahahahahahaha.

Let's call this season the "I Hate All Of You Writers On This Show For Killing Almost Everyone I Love Off!!!!"

7 AM to 8 AM:

...

no words can describe the grief I feel right now for the DP.

WTF is up with taking the black man down not even 3 minutes into the show?! =(

HOchie 1: What is this hat Jack is wearing? It's looking ridiculous.

Wait, wait, wait...who's this kid Chloe's with? This isn't THE Andrew!

HOchie 1: Who knew that Chloe had a body on her. She lOOkin' pretty good.

Awwwww, Jack's BFF is dead and he's crying! He must have really felt that one.

We're posing as "Frank" now? Frank what? Black? Har Har.

Crap! Damned Smallville is new today and I can't continue watching 24! I'll continue tomorrow when it's Y&M&B&J.

Ok, I'm back but Michelle, not so much...not so much. Poor dead Michelle and poor soon to be dead Tony A. This show is cruel.



Do I want to do an Audrey Cry Count this season? Hmmm, why not I guess.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes.

Head Count: 5. Damn, Jack killed that guy's ass like nobody's business. That ass, he deserved it. Out of respect, let us take a moment to remember The DP:



DP, you were the best but who's going to sell us car insurance now?

And Michelle, just the way we'd all like to remember her:



8 AM to 9 AM:

Ah, look how they blame Jack for everything. You know Jack is going to kill some asses for being set up as the murderer of his BFFs.

Oh no! They're going to bring Chloe back to CTU to interrogate her! But it's okay, as long as Jack doesn't do it, you'll live.

Audrey Cry Count: 0 Scenes but she's definitely gotten close to tears.

Head Count: 4 or 5. 3 for sure. I don't know how many people got blown up in that one scene...

9 AM to 10 AM:

And once again, Chloe makes an ass out of someone by being so damned blunt and awesome.

Ewwww! He didn't wash his hands after using the urinal, I wouldn't take the security entry card from him and then put it in my mouth. Wow, Mrs. Logan is really crazier than I thought.

Umm, is that Geraint Wyn Davies looking all old and scary? I thought vampires didn't age!

Audrey Cry Count: O Scenes. Perhaps I should change this to the Mike cry count. Audrey's being a little hardcore this season.

Head Count: 2 and if that ugly Ryder Strong dies, he'll have only himself to blame.

10 AM to 11 AM:

Quote of this episode: Mr. President, you are not responsible for the actions of these murderers.

Or 2: No, but I (Walt) am.

And why look, if it isn't the Hobbit, Samwise. And his name is Lynn. Ooooooo, asshole is trying to out Buchanan. Oooooo.

Hobbits save lives.

Head Count: 12.

11 AM to 12 PM:

HOchie 1: Jack Bauer just collects bitches wherever he goes.

Ok that was the worst death on this show - the way that Jack stabbed those scissors

Did Audrey forget that Jack killed her husband? I guess 18 months is enough to heal the heart.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene.

Head Count: 1 rat, 2

12 PM to 1 PM:

Oooooo, Aaron's on to Walt. Aaron is apparently another of Jack Bauer's bitches.

Audrey Cry Count: 1 Scene

Head Count: 1. I should go ahead and Walt on the headcount too because once Jack finds out Walt was responsible for the DP's death, Walt can consider his ass grass. Ok, that was the most hardcore act of interrogation Jack laid down ever. I really wanted to see Walt's eyes go though...damn.

1 PM to 2 PM:

Who Mike would like to see dead in the near future: Mrs. Logan.

You know, as ugly as that Ryder Strong look a-like, he's a better child for Jack than Kim will ever be. Ugh, do we really have to see her useless ass again?

Headcount: 5. Awwww, Walt offed himself. I was hoping Jack would get his retribution. Yeesh, how many times do we have to play the woman scorned card? It was a twist this time but the result is always the same. I can write this damned show now.

2 PM to 3 PM:

Headcount: 22. Jack Bauer would save Baby A and Baby B, Suga'Face not so much.

5 AM to 10 AM S 3 The 24 H C

5 AM to 6 AM:

"It was you! You killed Danny!" Listen Stupid, Michelle had to do what she needed to do because your husband was being an ass!

"It's the pre-series villain." - Mitch *Connors*
"CTU is the worst federal agency ever. We need to stop spending money funding them. Didn't we also think Victor Dresen was dead too but he wasn't? Why is it hard to believe that Steven Saunders also died?" - HOchie 1.

Don't worry, Michelle. No virus can kill your ass. Only car bombs can do that.
"That's kind of sad. I kind of like her now. She chose her job over Tony A. Not only that but she tried to sell him up the river. That's what happens when you marry one of Jack Bauer's bitches." - HOchie 1.

I love how those federal agents at CTU are always flashing their identifications but what does it matter? No one knows that the hell CTU is.

Did anyone else see that woman, Diana White who "worked" with Steven Saudners put some pants on when she was getting dressed? We sure didn't, she went to MI6 with a bare bottom!

MI6 - another crap agency. Like CTU, it's easy for them to be infiltrated.
And what the fudge is MI6? What about MI5?

Michelle is part Japanese so she has no trouble pushing suicide. Those Japanese hate Christianity. Every soul should burn in hell! Damned Michelle. Keep your seppuku to yourself!

Head Count: 6. ::sniff:: Gael. The entire MI6 office was taken out. I only counted 5... it's a small agency, I guess.

6 AM to 7 AM:

No, Tony A. You shouldn't be there with Michelle because you're not hardcore enough to survive a virus.

Ryan Chappelle - Japanese?:



When is the asshat Chase going to die? Talking out of line like that. Stupid Chase.

Oooo, Daniel Dai Kim is back. He has lived too long in this show. Today's the day to add him to the headcount.

Head Count: 9. R.I.P. Chappelle, even if you were CTU's resident assbackside for the past 3 seasons.

7 AM to 8 AM:

More reasons to love Tony A.: he tried to get Kim killed off in the field by strongly suggesting she be a decoy in a dangerous operation, a job Kim took but of course, that bitch just won't die.
Good try though, Tony A. Good try.

Head Count: 2.

8 AM to 9 AM:

It's all well and good that Michelle was not infected by the virus but what about the poor black man who found out that his results were positive?

Head Count: 2. this including The poor black man who unlike Michelle, will not make it until the end of this day.

Finally, I can blog on 24 again (The HC S 2: 12 AM to 4 AM)

Stupid Netflix and their staggering of my dvd shipments!

12 AM to 1 AM:

Well, let's see. You just tell Kate the world can be plunged into WWIII but it's all dependent on you if that goes down, do you honestly think she's going to say she won't help you?!

But Jack Bauer saved my life twice! Of course I base my entire decision on what he says. Jack Bauer's bitches: Char Kar, Or 2 and President Palmer.

Ahhh, two more years of Michelle and her asshattery. Then boom. Goo'day Michelle. Muwahahahahahahahahaha.

Damn, Tony A. Could you have a bigger wrist watch? What do you need that for anyway? Isn't there a clock on this show at every minute?

Winner of the Worst Actress Award: Mrs. Garcia, wife of the guy who held up the convenience store and killed the owner.

What's this District everyone keeps talking about?

Head Count - 1

1 AM to 2 AM:

Who The HOchies would like to see dead in the near future: Carrie but not before a good bitch slap.

"Tony A., what's up with you liking the women who are all over Jack? You want to BE Jack!" - HOchie 1.

Awwwwwww, only two more years of Michelle and her asshattery. Then boom. Goo'day Michelle. waaaauuugggghhhhhhhhhh.

"I like those smoke things." - HOchie 1.
"Tear gas?" - Me.
"Yeah." - HOchie 1.
"Look Earl, pretty gas...my eyes are burning...pretty gas." - Randy.

What kind of lame, easy escape is that for Kim? LAME!

Head Count: 7.1 - .1 for Miguel's .1 of a leg.

2 AM to 3 AM:

"That 24 music sounds like the Batman music. Wait, it...all makes...sense now. Jack Bauer is Batman!" - HOchie 1.

Ewww! Naked and vomiting. This is not how we like to see Jack's ass! Not in this kind of situation! Ewwwwwwww. And what exactly is he puking up? He hasn't eaten since before 8 AM.

Apparently Jack's not the only one good at extracting information. The leader of the "Chip Troop" is doing a fine job. Perhaps I can be his bitch as well?

This whole Danny story that Michelle just laid down is crap. I believe that both Danny and Carrie were to blame.

Reasons why Tony A. and Michelle shouldn't be together: Danny. Why would Tony A. want to deal with that crazy ass? Perhaps, craziness runs in the family.

I might vomit up my chinese food from this horrible Tony A. and Michelle scene. And this is why this is the lazy season. That 2 minute footage was unnecessary.

I don't know what to say about Mike. Whhhhyyyhhhyyyyy. Stupid ass!

Head Count - 1 - Jack is D-E-A-D. Dead.

3 AM to 4 AM:

15 minutes before the last of the "Chip Troop" dies. Jack has enough time to put some pants on before extracting information.

That Chappelle is a real ass.

Head Count - 6. Poor Lynn looks like a chalk drawing but she's 'not dead yet'. Not true for poor Yusef. =( Did in by a bunch of hicks.