Dodaars

Contrary to popular belief, the dodo was not hunted into extinction by humans for its delectable meat (in fact, sources reveal that the meat may have actually been unsavory) or by humans directly.

Rather, animals such as the Crab-eating Macaque may have played a role in the Dodo demise of the 17th Century.

However, I'm not even sure those things exist! According to this photo found on www.wikipedia.org,



I don't see any crab-eating macaques around here, do you?

All I see is a popsicle-fancying macaque.

Oh No.

I had my first Wii related incident today when Jazzie leaped from the window sill on to the recliner, just as I was playing jump rope in Rayman: Raving Rabbids.

Poor Jazz got knocked in the face by the Wii-mote and is now hesitant for me to touch her.

Here's hoping this will be only Wii related injury to visit the HOchies and those in our close proximity.

For When X Wakes Up Tomorrow Morning

Don't forget, the moon is grey not blue and 3 pints of beer makes for a drunk X!

The HOchies love a good Peep Show.

You should too.


click here for the Peep Show...


Sort it out.

- H1

Seriously, How Could Anyone Not Lov' Alex Turner?

photo source: www.NME.com

Sad Times, Kobayashi, Sad Times

Jaw-Dropping News: Hot Dog Champ No-Show for July 4 Event?

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's like Tiger Woods tearing his rotator cuff, or LeBron James blowing out his knee. Takeru Kobayashi, the six-time defending Nathan's hot dog eating champion, received a chilling diagnosis that could end his Fourth of July roll:

Jaw-thritis.

The Japanese eating machine's complaint of an achy jaw set stomachs rumbling throughout the dog-eat-dog world of competitive eating in the days before the annual Independence Day chowdown.

On his blog earlier this week, the 29-year-old said a mouthful with the news that he was visiting a specialist and a chiropractor for relief of the bum jaw. "Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit,'' he wrote.

Word of the champ's woes spread quickly from Kyoto to Coney Island.

Some believe his mandible misery is a ploy to unnerve his bun-swallowing bete noir, Joey Chestnut, who recently broke Kobayashi's world record by downing 59 dogs in 12 minutes. Others suggest it's a dodge to avoid Chestnut.

Or maybe it's true: a half-dozen years of inhaling hot dogs at the rate of one every 14 seconds really has left Kobayashi's overworked jaw in an upright and locked position.

Kobayashi was keeping his mouth shut Thursday, although he issued a written statement promising to ``aggressively pursue treatment for my condition ... I intend to do everything I can to treat this condition in what little time I have.''

"I look forward to facing my fellow competitors on July 4,'' he said Thursday, although there was no guarantee that would happen.

A weak jaw won't cut the mustard in a competition where the winner will likely need to down more than 50 hot dogs and buns. During his six years as champion, the 165-pound Kobayashi has consumed 301 hot dogs -- a string of performances that made him the Michael Jordan of mass consumption.

His personal best was 53 last year. Chestnut, who smashed that mark June 2 in Phoenix, was among those perplexed by Kobayashi's reported condition.

"I hate to call anybody a coward, and I wouldn't call him that,'' said Chestnut, 23, from his San Jose, Calif., home. ``But I don't know. He's shown up the six previous years. It's a strange coincidence, now that he's the underdog.''

No less an expert than Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, on his ESPN show "Pardon The Interruption,'' suggested Kobayashi was trying to lull Chestnut into a false sense of gluttony.

"I think he's playing possum,'' Kornheiser said of the defending champion.

Chestnut, despite his skepticism, acknowledged Kobayashi might have strained his jaw while training (gorging?) for the event -- similiar to a pitcher throwing out his arm. "Your jaw and the muscles in your esophagus are the first to get sore,'' he explained, providing a little too much information.

The Japanese have recently dominated the annual event, which started on Brooklyn's beachfront in 1916. The only American winner since 1996 was New Jersey's Steve Keiner in 1999; two years later, Kobayashi -- whose voracious appetite earned him the nickname "Tsunami'' -- launched his belly busting reign.

Kobayashi plans to appear in Coney Island for Wednesday's event even if he can't compete, said Rich Shea, one of the founders of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (and inventor of the term jaw-thritis).

At the very least, Shea hoped, Kobayashi would present this year's winner with the mustard yellow belt emblematic of eating excellence.

"I think, like all great champions, Kobayashi doesn't want to shy away from competition,'' said Shea. "But I don't want to put words in his mouth. And if I did, they'd have to be monosyllabic -- not too much for him to swallow.''

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

I hate these assholes who are raggin' on Kobayashi. They're idiots, all of them.

Sad Times, Dummy, Sad Times

Westchester Chopper Gets Too Close, Dummy in Life Jacket Sinks

Posted: Thursday, 28 June 2007 1:07PM

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. (AP) -- The brand new rescue boat worked fine, but the dummy drowned.

Westchester County's police department staged a rescue drill Wednesday in a harbor off Long Island Sound. It was the debut of Marine 4, the department's $200,000, 27-foot patrol boat. County Executive Andrew Spano was aboard, and a cluster of reporters observed from a second boat.

The idea was to put a dummy into a life jacket, drop the dummy into the harbor, have the chopper pilot spot the dummy and transmit its location -- using global positioning technology -- to the boat crew.

However, the wash from the helicopter's rotor pushed the dummy out of its life jacket and the flesh-colored mannequin quickly sank.

Only the life jacket was recovered.

(TM & © 2007 CBS Radio Inc. and its relevant subsidiaries. CBS RADIO & EYE Logo TM & © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. Used under license. All Rights Reserved.)

Maybe Jeebus knows but ...

I don't understand why I have bad concerts in between my good ones.

Not that I think the Fratellis will be God-awful but Switches will be.

Quote: "I think I'm coming down with love." WTF?!

::sigh::

And then there was the Bon Jovi incident.

Save me Jeebus.

An epiphany y'all...

Mal = Bad

Malaysian = Bad Asian?

The "y" is in there because they may not only be bad asians, they cannot spell.

Beetchie, don't be sensitive. You know how we lurve you.

-H1

Dear TD5:

We do not believe that you need to make a trip to Jerusalem in March of 2008. Have you forgotten that we already found Jesus? Remember? He was hiding behind the couch.

Love,

The HOchieS, who would like you to come to NYC instead to find the Arctic Monkeys and MUSE.

How Are You Doing, Wembley? It Looks Like You're Having Fun, We Are!" - Dom

Y & M & M @ WS:

We came to London with a purpose and that was to be a part of history.

My boys, after a very long career of ups and down, four studio albums and acquiring the title of being one of the best live acts around, have made it.

They finally made it to a venue that could actually house and do justice to their sound and energy.

Wembley Stadium


photo source: www.NME.com

+



photo source: www.NME.com

MUSE

=

Fucking Beautiful.



photo source: www.muse.mu

From their stage entrance (and everything in between including huge, searching-the-night-and-the-crowd satellites; thousands of lights; brilliant stage set up; giant crowd-surfing balloons filled with confetti we've come to know and love; and acrobats) to their farewell, everything MUSE did was phenomenal. Sure it seemed a little cheesey sometimes and always over the top but MUSE are incapable of doing anything on a small scale.

All other concerts of theirs before this (that I've been to) have paled in comparison simply because like I said, nothing could contain their greatness and it'd finally take a newly built Wembley Stadium to even begin doing it proper. And even then, Wembley needed two nights to pack it all in. I'm fairly certain those boys could sell out many more nights @ 75,000 + people per show had they added them.

As Matt said, they were finally ready for this.

The eerie anticipation was dispelled by confetti raining down on WS as MUSE came up from the center of it, masked by a confusion of white for just a moment until those red, green and grey clothes became visible to us.

The cat walk was a little lengthy but at the end of it, the boys took their instruments and began belting out KofC.

They kept the excitement going strong with the real greatness for us starting up with the "R&B" track Dom liked to call it.

"R&B?", H1 questioned.

"It's Supermassive!", I screamed and sure enough, they did not disappoint. The dancing robots filled the screens and my favourite stripper song started blasting from Dom's kit, Chris' bass and Matt's guitar.

Yeah, I know. R&B. Forgive Dom. He's a joker.

The song that sold them for H1 (you know, she dislikes MUSE for the most part but I think she's now been converted some, to the point she's considering going to see them at MSG in August) was their performance of "Map of the Problematique".

It was indeed well worth standing there for the 5 hours before MUSE took the stage. That already killer track (possibly one of MUSE's greatest) took on a whole new life. TD5, it was at this point that I started cursing you under my breath every 2 seconds as opposed to the 50 minutes intervals I was doing before.

Matt, being a lover of the Rage Against the Machine, metted out some good ol' Tom Morello riffs. They were so well done and they were songs that aren't as well-known RATM pieces that H1 has now taken to calling my boy an elitist. It's true. I really hope that what Matt has said is true and that a Rage/Muse show will go down. It better be in NY though but something tells me it's going to be Cali. and I'm going to be really pissed off.

I could rant about all the other tracks during the first part but here are the highlights and lowlamps -

H1 got "City of Delusion" and I got "Butterflies and Hurricanes". Stop laughing H1. Stop laughing. I like B&H.

The megaphone got tossed again! Ahaha. That slays me everytime.

Sunburn! Do you hear me?! Sunburn! "From our very first album, our very first song." Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. The boys do love me...

...but not so much when they dedicated "Starlight" to the fans as they hoped that they could see them in the back. Okay, I'll admit it. I was clapping and singing right along. It's kind of hard not to.

Once again, they tried to get me to tear and have a meltdown. "Citizen Erased" was played but then those bitches went straight into Hoodoo. Two of my personal tear jerker songs in a row?! They were trying to kill me!

And oo, we got that new MUSE track that came out while I was in England. It's one of the funkiest things I've heard in a while... You know, in the 3 weeks I stopped listening to Arctic Monkeys. It was well played in concert though. Well. Played.

Encore 1 began as an acoustic set with the thousands of fans willingly holding up their lit mobiles in unity at Dom's request.

I finally got to hear "Blackout" and it was then the floating acrobats drifted among the thousands of people in the pit. Again, Matt was trying to make me cry but succeeded in not doing so because H1 and I were confused by the acrobats.

It was a good thing that happened too because "Unintended" had me really cheesed out.

The lowlamp - "Plug In Baby". The opening riff is always great but um, yeah. I still dislike that song for the most part. I know. I'm a MUSE fan that slightly dislikes "Plug In Baby". Stop judging me, you assholes.

They like to tease me, my boys. Well, not really. I knew they'd be back but oh my god I didn't expect what came next...

...Encore 2 began with one of my favourite damned songs ever. It's probably the song I really fell in love with Matthew for and while most ::cough:: H1 ::cough:: may find his falsetto sometimes grating, "Micro Cuts" just wins it for me. There's something about destroying the puppet strings to my soul that does it for me. I love my Banshee.

Before we knew it, the night was almost done. Well, that's not entirely true. I actually couldn't believe after that extra long performance of "Stockholm Syndrome" that they were actually doing to do another song but once "Take A Bow" came on, we knew for sure that was it.

I saw my man bow and 3 minutes later it was over. Just like that, we were filing out of the stadium with his words ringing harsh in my heart "see you tomorrow!". No Matt. I wasn't going to but you had to rub it in, yeah?

::sigh::

It's alright. I'll be all over you, Dom and Chris on August 6th for probably the last time at a concert until you grace us with your next new collection of songs.

The Brilliant 06/16/2007 MUSE, the first artists to sell out (the new) WEMBLEY "FUCKING" STADIUM Set List:

1. Knights of Cydonia
2. Hysteria
3. Supermassive Blackhole
4. Map of the Problematique ~ Maggie's Farm riff (RATM)
5. City of Delusion
6. Butterflies and Hurricanes
7. Citizen Erased
8. Hoodoo
9. Feeling Good
10. piano interlude + Sunburn
11. Invincible
12. Starlight
13. Time is Running Out
14. Man of Mystery
15. New Born + Microphone Fiend riff (RATM) + Ashamed outro

Encore 1:

16. Soldier's Poem (acoustic guitar)
17. Unintended
18. Blackout
19. Plug In Baby

Encore 2:

20. Micro Cuts
21. riff + Stockholm Syndrome + riff
22. Take A Bow

Finally, (and whoever actually had the patience to read through this which I'm sure is not a lot of you, indulge me one last swoon) I must say that one of the most memorable moments of the night for me was seeing the smiles on their faces. Those little smiles beamed of relief, pure excitement and the feelings of being on top of the world.

And seeing those smiles made me genuinely, and happily content and had me beaming back in adoration.

This is what I consider my most expensive concert considering transportation costs but oh was it worth it.

I've no regrets.

*This is the blog in photos, since I'm sure none of you got through any of this though I didn't expect you to. But you know, who am I kidding? I'm posting these pics for myself! Har Har!:

Confetti filled fun-time entrance!



photo source: www.NME.com

Walking the Catwalk. They're too cute and it's just hilarious to me:



photo source: www.NME.com

"Look! Look! He's strutting!" - H1
"Yeah. Because he can." - Or 2



photo source: www.NME.com

One of my own pics. My lot's not very good because even though I think we had fairly decent seats, it was still far back as all heck but notice... A little obscene there, yeah Matt baby?



The traditional HOchie blog post would include the following -

The WTF Moments of the Night

1. Alright. Again, no fookin' "Muscle Museum". But AT LEAST, I finally got some justice and would consider our set list better than Sunday's. Thank goodness. I mean, I would have liked to hear "Apocalypse Please" but it's okay that those bastards at Sunday's show got it.

2. I finally get to hear "Blackout" and right when the most beautifully sung portion of the song comes on, Matt's fookin' mic. gives out for the 6 seconds I need it most! WTF!!!!!

3. I've seen Matt wear better outfits. By the way Frass, he did a costume change. But anyway, back to the better outfits. It is thus far, their biggest gig and he comes out in this red suit? Granted I still found it very hot especially the silk lining and the red shoes but come now, the 'cape' at the arena was better lookin'. And then out came the white pants... ah, who am I kidding. I loved it but only on Matt! This is not an invitation for the rest of you to start going about in my line of vision all white pant-ed!

Currently listening to: "Space Dementia" by MUSE. A song I'm still waiting to hear in concert. Here's hoping for it at Y&M&M@MSG!!!!

The HOchies Muck About in England!

That's right, we're not adults but louts. At least I am but I think H1 would disagree on that assessment of her character.

She's more like Terry.

Law-abiding and all.

All legal.

4.5 days after the Tokyo-Ho trip, H1 and I jetted off to London for basically 2 days.

I was very much destroyed at that point but what did I care?! I was off to London with a purpose!

And that was to have H1 enjoy the best In-Flight Entertainment ever!

Perhaps that's not the only reason why but goddamn does that airline keep proving to be the most fabulous ever. More on Virgin-A later. Before I forget, I'm sorry Pandy but we did not ask the flight attendants if "all of allyuh is virgin?".

We fled the office at 2 PM on Thursday, June 14th only to get a car driver who was suspect at best. This man was so mother-fookin' racist. There was no conversation he could have with you that didn't involve the phrase, "the whites like to attack you, man. They attack your culture if you're not pure bred."

Normally if someone asks you about a band they don't know of, what do you think their first question would be? You'd think it be along the lines of what type of music that is, right?
Is it just me to think this? This guy didn't care about that. All he wanted to know was whether or not the band was white or black. I almost didn't want to answer for fear he'd kill us.

The airport was fairly uneventful. We did eat some great cheese fries with bacon and the flight was delayed.

The flight going to London was greatness. It was not without some sadness though. For one, the very politically incorrect safety flight video that I really wanted H1 to see was not working thanks to interference.

Secondly, we got stuck sitting between this family of annoying daughters. Those little bastards were so rude.

And finally, my gay British boys were not working that flight. We had mostly female attendants which was fine because they were so cute with their constant laughing. No fear though, I got all of my boys on the flight back.

We got to Heathrow on Friday London time at 8 AM or so. And as per usual, Heathrow was a mess. We were in the line at customs for a little over 1 hour, hoping that our friends Marvs and T. checked the flight to see it was going to be late.

We finally made it out of there and was greeted by our sleepy friends who had been there since 6.30 AM.

That day we did some sightseeing!

H1 and Or 2's Adventures in the Famous...Slough?

We saw Windsor Castle. Never you mind it was in the distance! We still 'saw' it!

We also saw where The Office UK was filmed. The series centered around an office in Slough and here it is -



Impressive, yeah?

We then headed to Tesco Extra, which is the most fantastic place ever. We came back to NY with 10.5 pounds (in weight) worth of candy (40 pounds in money) thanks to that place. We were told that Tesco's out to take over the world and start branching out overseas including the U.S., so here's hoping that happens very soon and that they stock all the great Euro. candies. Although, that won't help make us sugary...

The rest of the day was spent hanging out with friends we had not seen in years. It was fun, relaxing times.

WTF Moments of the Trip:

1. I didn't get my chip butty this time but next time for sure!

2. Euro Fried Chicken?

3. It's Three Tuns, H1. Not Nuns. Tuns.

4. Joy Dining, Joy Living, Joy Sleep at Joy Fur iture

5. The cameras both dying at the most inopportune moment.

6. That fookin' vending machine at Heathrow robbed me of 30p!

7. The idiot American children who did not know the meaning of complimentary and continue to give other people in the world good reason to hate Americans. Oh those kids deserve to be kicked hard in the head for their disgusting behaviour on the plane.

8. Those racist croatians and their racist bags of peanuts!



The Great Moments of the Trip:

1. Peepshow and That Mitchell and Webb Look. Those two are killer. Oh if only I could find video of the banana dance...

2. Virgin Atlantic's In-flight Entertainment

3. Tony, a flight attendant with Virgin Atlantic. He's the bitchiest Brit. I've ever seen. That man was eye-rollin' everybody, grabbed my cup hatefully out of my hand with an exasperated 'thank you' and what's more, he looked as H1 described him, "like Matt's uglier brother". I loved-ed him and he loved-ed him some Indian baby, which made him even more endearing to me because he actually has a bit of a heart.

I hope that one day, on a 7 hour flight (or a 45 minute drive...in my imagination you're waiting lying on your side), I'll run into his cranky ass again.

On Saturday, we ran off to Paddington Station (the second time we were actually in London) to catch our show at Wembley Stadium.

The highlights and yes, some lowlamps of the day:

Lamb and mint pie - yum



Somewhat of a lowlamp was the rain that poured down on us before the show started but cleared up nicely for the show.



The Drunken "headless" lout at WS was definitely a highlight. H1 rather enjoyed his hijinks, as did many others. It was very sad when they took him away and all we have left is the memory of an abandoned beer...



A Lowlamp for sure were the majority of slags at WS.

Another Lowlamp was the lack of Klaxons. Those idiots! I think it would have been awesome hearing their sound in that space. It certainly sounded fantastic during Zane Lowe's DJ set.

Rodrigo y Gabriela = good times. TD5, if you haven't already, you may want to check them out.

Dirty Pretty Things = crap band live & possibly in studio as well which is sad because they've potential. The HOchies have a suggestion though and that is to get rid of the singer!

While we love the Streets dearly, we do not think they were the best opening act. Still, it was good seeing Mike Skinner even though my one major complaint was his lack of a good selection of songs for the set list.

The Streets @ Wembley Stadium 06/16/07 Set List

Prangin' Out
Radio Ga Ga
Don't Mug Yourself
Time Is Running Out (MUSE)
Let's Push Things Forward
Smile (Lily Allen)
Has It Come To This?
It's Too Late
When You Wasn't Famous
Never Went To Church
Turn The Page
Blinded By The Lights
Weak Become Heroes
Dry Your Eyes
Fit But You Know It

Mike Skinner -



Oh by the way, Mike, what was up with your constant Radio Ga Ga-ing?!

Of course, the highlight of the entire trip for me, and the reason why I came to London for two days - MUSE. I've an entire blog forth coming and yes, I don't expect any of you to read it (except you, TD5) but I can assure you, they were totally worth the trip.

And Frass, your comment to me the other day about Madison Square Garden being too big for MUSE was perhaps one of the most frasslike things I've ever heard come out of your mouth.

My boys sold out TWO nights at Wembley Stadium @ 75,000 people per night (and did it in half an hour per show) and with good reason.

If anything, MSG's not big enough, despite what ticket sales for this may be. They may not have sold out this show yet and that's really unfortunate because people have no clue what they'll be missing.

Quotes of that weekend:

"I do like foie gras but I don't like Alzheimer's." - H1

"When God was giving out asses that girl said, 'two please!'" - H1

"When God was giving out hair that girl said, 'two buschel please. Calves? No thanks!" - H1

We found on a card featuring two nuns and one says to the other, "Jesus loves you but I think you're a bitch." Ahahaha, that's good stuff that.

Currently listening to: "Battle for Britain (The Letter)" by David Bowie

MF DN!

That damn mofo show Death Note is taking its toll on me.

I hate that motherfookin' Light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grrarrgh!

Reminscing II - This Time on Transformers

I remember when we had Shockwave and he was broken in the most inappropriate place that that little Decepticon could be broken. That's exactly the kind of thing an asshole country in Africa would do to him.

Two Dead Animals

Angry Squirrel Finished Off by Crutch

BERLIN (AP) -- An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off.

The squirrel then bit a builder before fleeing into a nearby garden, where it bit a 72-year-old man who eventually killed it with his crutch, police said.

The dead animal was to be tested for rabies.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Learn more about our Privacy Policy.

=,(

And now for this story, which is not as traumatic to the HOchies but perhaps plenty to others -

Turtle causes Parkway wreck, then dies

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 9:38 AM

UPPER TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Why did the turtle cross the road?

We'll never know, but it sure caused one heck of an accident.

A woman who swerved to avoid hitting the amphibian as it crawled across the northbound lanes of the Garden State Parkway Tuesday afternoon lost control of her car, crashed through a guardrail and tumbled down an embankment before the car flipped over onto its roof.

Saranne Goldinger, 65, of Cape May, was wearing a seat belt and was not critically injured, State Police said. Her car, however, was heavily damaged.

The turtle fared even worse. A vehicle that had been driving behind Goldinger flattened the critter.

"All of that for nothing," Trooper Scott Farkas told The Press of Atlantic City for Wednesday's newspapers.

Good Luck Today!

Good Luck on the Dragon Boat Race, Pandy and MC.

A Winner is You!

Reminiscing

The Cowboy Bebop soundtrack really is phenomenal and that series was and still is, one of the best I've seen.

Currently listening to: Bad Dog No Biscuit by Yoko Kanno & The Seatbelts

The Tokyo-Ho Japan to New York-Ho (or is it just Ho, in that case?) Chronicles - Day 14, Almost. And The Japan Wrap Up

We gained a day flying back. It was awesome but has me completey wrecked.

Day 14, Saturday, June 9th.

We awoke before 6 AM to catch our flight back to NY. There's nothing truly worth mentioning on this day other than the breakfast that was served to us before we left Homeikan. So. Much. Food.

Ugh.

The Day's Eats:



Here's a list of all you saw above - miso, rice, tea, egg, sweet red beans, ham, and cold tofu.

And so ends the Japan Adventure. I can't wait for all of us to make the trip in the future. It'll be fun, fun times.

Next up is the H1 and Or 2 London Adventure.

This is for everything I missed or need to re-cap:

1. Japanese people smell. And not good either. At least, this is what I've discovered of some of the males.

Said males especially enjoy sitting next to me on the plane.

On the flight to Japan, this man with B.O. sat right next to me. I was actually concerned it had been me and kept sniffing my armpits but figured out 10 hours in that it was indeed that dude.

On the way coming back from Japan, the man next to me smelt, not of B.O. but would constantly let out these rank farts. Seriously, beer is evil.

And where was Beetchie in all of this? That's right, she was safely sitting by the window while my senses got all the foulness and she was shielded.

I hate her sometimes...

2. In keeping with point 1, the Japanese have created the most fantastic thing ever. I won't go into the details now since I have to first distribute the presents I have for you lot but I'd like to point out now before I forget, it doesn't work on your shit.

3. If I had heard Avril Lavigne one more time in Japan, I was going to have to bitch slap them all. Like I said, foward thinkers they are but not so much when it comes to their love of crap music like AL.

4. When we do said trip in the future, remember to bring lots of money and/or lots of access to money.

5. Toilet Misadventures in case I missed them:

a. First there was smell of mildew in the toilet at the Kyoto Ryokan. Everytime we into the stalls, it stank. But as soon as I would get into one stall, everything would be alright but Beetchie would always leave the stall next to mine complaining up a storm. It turns out mildew may have been growing only in her stall.

b. Beetchie was convinced that our ryokan in Kyoto was haunted. I felt that nothing was wrong with our room but we both agreed that walking the long hallway to the toilets on the first floor was a creepy deal everytime. That part may have been haunted but upon reflection, it could have been the mildew... Mildew always makes you feel scuzzy and spooked.

c. The Bidet Incident.

"When in Japan, do as the Japanese do! And what better place to try a bidet than in this really high class, clean Starbucks?" - Beetchie. She came out of the bathroom at a local Kyoto Starbucks in our area one morning looking very sheepish.

"What happened?" - Me
"Nothing...I just tested out the bidet." - Beetchie
"...and...?" - Me (asked nervously)
"Oh, nothing. It was...strange. I didn't realize you could press this button for stop and there were puffs of air but I couldn't figure out why it wasn't stopping." - Beetchie
"::shaking head in embarrassment::" - my reaction and response

6. Japanese television is great. They're into reality tv but it's all centered around food and/or animals. We also watched whatever the latest "Power Rangers" is being aired in Japan, and got into it. Sue me, I like the new Red Power Ranger! He's so stupid...

7. For some reason they're still obsessed with the "Dragon Ball" Series and "Neon Genesis Evangelion". I was slightly confused by it all and I'm wondering if there's some sort of new EVA thing coming out.

8. Japan is all about pork. I must have eaten pork almost every day for at least 2 times out of the day. It was great times. I kind of miss that. I feel oppressed in this house!

9. The Japanese really do all do the 'victory' sign for their pictures. They're so frickin' lame and hilarious. Gotta love them. Beetchie and I, however, refused to do it with Hello Kitty. We Devil-Horned that Wholesome Betch.

Confessions I'd Like To Make Now. I'm Ready To Be Ridiculed:

1. I have to admit, I actually really enjoyed holding Hello Kitty's hand. When she stared at me with those blank eyes, I was hooked. I wanted to let go...but I just...couldn't bring myself to do so...

I was strangely comforted.

The Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 13

Day 13 - Friday, June 8th

After a not so restful night at the capsule, we ventured off to find the last of our sleeping quarters which was by far our most expensive, traditional quarters.

I wonder if part of the tradition is that you couldn't find that damned Homeikan?!

We got lost... In the hottest day in Tokyo since we'd been there... On practically our last day. It was not fun times but whatever, we managed to get there in one piece and lived to blog about it.

At least it was quite aesthetically pleasing.





We went to Harajuku again so that I could find that coat I wanted. I didn't quite get what I wanted but got something I like. If any of those spots for the Harajuku Girls' becomes available, I'm ready for it.

I also finally found a good capsule machine and it was of Bleach pins! But my ass had to get a damned Mayuri pin. Why wouldn't I? Ugh, that freakin' Mayuri but hey, at least it wasn't Tousen - worst Bleach Character in the Bleach Universe.

We contemplated going to Akihabara to spend our last hours at the arcades and ufo catcher machines but decided that that was money we didn't have. Next time though, when I make it back to Japan with you guys, you can go off and do the touristy things but you'll find us at the UFO catchers.

So we had a quiet evening back in our neighbourhood, where we had a mini-foodie adventure which almost turned out to be a misadventure.

Things We Observed This Day - Volume IX

1. a 5 minute walk to the Japanese is in actuality a 30 minute walk for us. 5 minutes from the train station to Homeikan my ass! Even in the taxi it took about 15 minutes. Those liars.

2. Beetchie noted that everything tastes 'watered-down' in Japan. Especially their beverages. That might be true. I had some cocoa from the vending machine and it was not that impressive. I still drank it like it was good times though. I was thirsty, okay?!

The "OOPS" moment of the Day:

We took off our shoes like good guests before stepping on their wooden floors but we forgot to put on the slippers provided to us. The concierge was quite mortified by our behaviour and hurriedly brought them to us.

The Day's Eats:

1. Korean food. Can you believe the little Japanese girl mixed up my food for me like I was a kid? She may have been appalled by the fact that I wasn't eating it 'Korean style' so she badgered me and mixed my food for me and asked me if I didn't like spicy food. Clearly she doesn't know Trinis. Except for you, TD5, you fake pi you.

Sometimes I enjoy having my food segregated especially when I was trying to keep the raw egg from getting into my bowl. That B. mixed all that up in my rice.

2. Suspect ramen that was black. Beetchie thought maybe it was squid ink that gave it that colour. I just think the way they curried that broth was not very appealing to me. It certainly was better than most curry we had but those curry noodles still got overwhelming. I must be the only crazy to think that though because that little noodle house was very packed, with a line out the door.

The Kyoto-Ho to Tokyo-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 12

Day 12 - Thursday, June 7th

The last thing that happened in Kyoto was that we got liquored up at 10 AM on our final day there. Thanks to some sake happy old women selling the good stuff at the market in Kyoto Mall, we were drunk off 3 samples of high class sake. Fun times with the cute old ladies. Oh those bitches will try to sell you anything after they've made you proper drunk.

We took the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and this time the kids next to us were not noisy. It was fairly uneventful save our sushi bento boxes we ate for lunch on the train.



Once we got to Tokyo, we made our back to Akihabara to the Capsule Hotel to drop off our gear, then headed off to Ginza to go to Japan Sword.

Japan Sword, according to Frommers, is one of the most well-known sword stores in Tokyo and is like a museum of antique swords and armour. They weren't kidding. We got the tour and I couldn't gaze for too long because that place was beautiful and their collection was nothing short of amazing and that's an understatement. I was unworthy. Also, the prices on those antiques made my head hurt.

The main point of this trip was to buy Bunji his functional katana. And although I promised him a Hattori Hanzo from Okinawa, I didn't quite make it and decided this was second best. It's not due here until the 18th, so we'll see... I'm nervous that he won't like it. But at least it's not zinc alloy! It'll have to do until I can afford the real thing.

After much stressing about dropping all that cash, (and who am I kidding, I stressed the entire rest of the day), we made our way back to Shinjiku so that Beetchie could check out the Gay scene once more now that we had more time.

Oh did we see plenty of the gay boys. They were fabulous. We hung out there for a while with a bunch of English speakers (all theatre actors) from all over including Europe and America. Those boys were bitchy but cool. And we ran into celebrity when we met the voice actor for Zero from Tekken 5! Ha.

And then it all went downhill. We met a bridge and tunnel rat. But he posed as a New Yorker, tricked us and touched us. ::shudder:: Just kidding. That Jersey-ite was cool enough and very happy to see us as we were him.

We returned to our capsule and settled in for the night - our second to last in Japan.

The WTF Moment of the Day:

The Cost of our 100 yen piggyhs rose. We may have won 7 pigs for 100 yen but the pain, grief and suffering of carrying said pigs more than took its toll on us. Beetchie was ready to ditch their little piggyh asses when we got back to Tokyo because the locker we offloaded them in tricked us and cost us so much money to bail them out, it wasn't even funny.

We were under the impression that every day after the initial 4 days would cost 100 yen. Oh, were we wrong. The total cost of the extra 2 days those pigs were in the locker came up to 2000 yen.

WTF.

But, I, being a lover of pork, could not leave their little porky selves behind. Not to mention I had some presents in the locker with the piggyhs that could not be left behind. I like to feel that I went to Sanrio Puro Land for a purpose other than trauma.

The Shooed Away Incident Count:

2 times -

1. For some reason the ever so reliable Japanese metro was not so reliable! It got to a station stop before the one we needed and for some reason could not go further. We were booted off the train because of course, we didn't understand that we had to get off until the conductor came around and gave the sign for no, which oddly likes like you're going to get your head chopped off.

2. This time we actually we got shushed and yelled at. Apparently this woman thought we were speaking too loudly (we were talking in hushed tones) when she was trying to sleep at a capsule hotel.

And then I heard in perfect English, mind you, that "some people had to work". Yet, 10 minutes after we went to bed I didn't hear anything when two other girls came in practically shouting to each other for five minutes.

Racist effin' Japanese biatch.

I could very well respect her need to go to sleep because of work but the attitude was highly unncessary. Seriously, you're at a capsule hotel and you don't expect to hear noise? The fact that you're in a cube surrounded by other cubes in extremely close quarters with a place with no curfew, means your ass is going to be disturbed by people shuffling around with their coming and going.

And I did not need to hear about people and work. I know about work and I know about going in for 7 AM and leaving the next morning at 4 AM only to go back to work 2 hours later. On a Saturday. Whatever, her stupid cranky ass should have found itself home or in a better hotel if she was so concerned about waking up at 7 AM after going to bed at 10 PM.

That stupid bitch is still making my blood boil. Could you tell?

The Day's Eats:

1. A Cheese stick. Which was kind of like a cheese cake/cream cheesey thing on a thin layer of sponge cake.

2. My high class custard roll.

3. Sushi Bento. That was some good sushi. And it was a lot.

4. Shabu Shabu. Oh the good times. We had the kimchi broth and the pork broth. And we ate 25 pieces of beef and pork per person. 25 pieces of meat each! Ugh. It was 2100 yen for all you could eat in 90 minutes. Those peeps cut us off after the 4th round but luckily for them, we couldn't handle much more after that.

The Osaka-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 11

Day 11 - Wednesday, June 6th

This entire day can be classified as a WTF Moment.

We Shinkansened it to Shin Osaka Station. We weren't sure what the heck was up with Shin Osaka as opposed to Osaka.

Well, whatever the case, all thoughts of going to the Osaka Station were thwarted when we got to the Shin Osaka station and stepped outside.

Oh, it was shady. As all hell.

A Brief Summary of Osaka is as follows,



Bunraku and Love Hotels is a dangerous, and ugly combination.

I rather enjoyed violating people's privacy by getting their pictures at midday visiting the love hotel but what i did not enjoy was the plethora of lewd santas. Oh, wrong.

Ha. We didn't hang about for too long but just caught our Bunraku Puppet Play at the National Bunraku Theatre. It was fabulous but slow and most of the dialog escaped us because it was purely Japanese. We also were admist an audience of only high school children. Again. With the children. Most of them were annoying and needed to be slapped but whatever. At least the puppets were very awesome as was the storyteller. He was quite the emotional actor and amazing at his job.

We went back to Kyoto for our last night there and visited the mall at Kyoto Station. It was lame, much like Kyoto Tower.

Things We Observed This Day:

1. Baruse?



2. Carnival Pepsi?



The Day's Eats:

1. Takoyaki

2. Sukiyaki - Beef, udon, veggies, simmered in pot with rice

3. I had to cook my own pork! It was pretty good though and one of the tastiest things I ate in Japan.

4. Noodle bao and regular pork bao. That Noodle bao was far from good times. That makes me sad.

5. Big Mac

6. Carnival Pepsi. This was also disgusting. It wanted to be orange soda with a pepsi aftertaste. Bleck. Nothing carnival about it! Not that I would know being displaced and all.

7. Oatmeal raisin cookies from the plane

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 10

Day 10 - Tuesday, June 5th

Another easy day in Kyoto. One that involved our going to a ghetto zoo. The Kyoto Zoological Park was quite sketch and once again, we found ourselves surrounded by school children. It had a petting zoo section for crap's sake!

There were no alligators which made it lame. And as per usual, I end up at a zoo on a really hot day so the red pandas refused to show themselves. But the vulture was really damned hilarious to me. He lumbered around like nobody's business. Beetchie enjoyed the multiple fowl because according to her, if it's a bird, it's edible.

After the short-lived zoo visit, we made our way back to the maze strip mall and couldn't find the movie theatre we had seen the day before. Why did we want the movie theatre?

We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End.

Look, don't judge us okay? We wanted a movie experience in Japan and it was really hot that day!

Anyway, the movie theatre impressed Beetchie due to something about the high resolution screen and reserved seating. I was impressed by the fact that I could eat caramel popcorn as my choice of popcorn and it was good too. A choice in popcorn that isn't extra butter! It was a little burnt but still, it was fantastic. I was confused by the hippo mascots and the fact that the Japanese were very quiet in the theatre.

As for the movie itself, it was better than part 2 save that whole stupid role of that "jamaican" woman. Ugh. But TD5, we need to discuss.

Next we hit up Gion Corner, which literally was a corner. Those Japanese can be so humourless sometimes though alright, maybe I found that slightly amusing. Unfortunately we arrived too late as the Geisha had already retired for the night. It was only a little after 8 p.m. but who am I to judge a Geisha? They certainly know how to reel in the money. Damned rich Gion...



Things We Observed This Day - Volume VIII

1. Frankly, we'd observed this a long time before but the Japanese are all about day trips and school trips for their kids. I question whether the children go to school at all. Look at those children, the real animals at the zoo!



2. We had nothing but bus misadventures on this trip. Even when it wasn't our fault, we still mananged to hold up the bus because their stupid machines didn't want to read our 500 yen.

The Day's Eats:

1. Takoyaki.

2. Bad Hot Dog/Onion Cheese Bread.

3. Maple, condensed milk sandwich.

4. Caramel Popcorn.

5. Ramen with really fatty pork.

Obligatory Animal Picture for Beetchie:

Here's your squeaky toy sounding bush-dog, Beetchie. I'm sure he had a WTF moment of the day when you insisted on wakin' his tired ass. 'Thanks. Thanks for waking me.'



The Shooed Away Count:

1. The bus driver kicked us off his buss for holding up his bus. I think I got a free ride off of him or Beetchie. It wasn't our fault the stupid change machine wasn't working properly!

The Kyoto-Ho Japan Chronicles - Day 9

Day 9 - Monday, June 4th

Kyoto had the biggest, frickin' strip mall ever. That damned place was never-ending and scary.

We mostly just hung out around the giant mall and had many good time meals. We also got presents for a lot of you peeps including checking out a music store for the latest in Japanese music. And oo! I found my boys MUSE and Arctic Monkeys on the second floor of Juegia CD store. Awww. Sorry. They make me happy. Stop judging.

Now on to the food because it was the great thing of the day!

The Day's Eats:

1. There was a squashed custard bun incident that I'm trying to forget.

2. Takoyaki

3. X, yep - we did a Sushi Conveyor Belt. Mmmm, we ate 14 plates of sushi with 2 to a plate for 1990 yen. Good times, right X?



4. And now for one of the best eats of the trip and certainly the most expensive meal - the Kobe steak. We had a five course meal that included grilled mushrooms that were fantastic but it was all about the Kobe. Beetchie says it melted in the mouth and it did. It really did. And for 115 dollars, that damned steak better have melted in the mouth!



That's the shoddy picture of the kobe. I was in a high class place, people, I couldn't exactly be flash-photographing the chef and the kobe like a stupid American.

Things We Observed and the WTF Moments - Volume VII:

1. If I hear Avril Lavigne one more time...I'll kick a Japanese person. They are obsessed with her and I cannot understand it for the life of me. Stupid ass, Japanese and their love of stupid Canadians.

2. Those Japanese like to keed. We found this store that claimed it had the funniest things from America. Either the Japanese don't know funny or are trying to rub it in our faces that we're not funny. I hardly find this amusing at all -



3. Beetchie ate the fugu. I actually pointed it out to her like the good friend that I am. She got high off of it.