In a day or two, Beetchie will begin a new chapter in her life which we lay claim to the publishing rights in the future.
The Island of Grenada may not be prepared for her but hopefully through this guide, Beetchie will be prepared for Island Livin'.
Things To Avoid:
1. West Indians - but seeing as how you've already ignored that rule, avoid MC's The Spices.
2. Them damned Folklore Creepies such as: Anancy. Anancy's a spider, so if you don't like those sort of things (which you don't), avoid it.
La Diablesse - wikipedia has called this a "well-dressed woman", really is just a damned female vampire who needs to get an updated sense of fashion for 2008. So, if you don't like females that suck on your neck (which you do), then avoid them as well.
Ligaroo - wikipedia has cited this as a werewolf. In Trinidad, we call them "Lagahoo". If there's one thing we've noted, it's that Grenadians cannot spell but that is no reason to avoid them. In any event, if you don't like puppies of the wolf variety (which you may or may not), then avoid them.
3. H1 says: Oildown - I'm not sure this is the National dish of the Island, they might claim it but it might be Trinidadian. They can have it as far as we're concerned.
Or 2 says H1 is crazy.
Thing To Do If Above Scenarios Cannot Be Avoided:
1. Always walk around with a cutlass (a West Indian machete). That pretty much takes care of most of the above if confronted by any of the situations previously listed.
A breakdown for you: La Diablesse always wears a long dress. If you cannot avert your eyes, then wait until she lifts up the dress to reveal a hoof. We know you're going to vet school but no, it's not a condition you need to diagnosis and treat accordingly. The only thing you should be doing, is taking your cutlass and chopping away.
The Ligaroo, as said before, is a werewolf. I guess arm yourself with treats and you'll be alright. We have not tested this ourselves, so I guess if it doesn't work out, we'll read about you in their newspapers. Do they even have newspapers?
Edit: Frass did some googlin' and discovered that they are also called "loogaroos" and that you should "look out for loogaroos skin hidden in bushes in bottles". He didn't say what you do after that but one would assume burn them to smithereenies. But you know what happens when one assumes. That's right, it makes an ass out of you and me and possibly more so you, when some Loogaroos get pissed off and come after you.
Your advice from Frass is one that is based on Trinidadian folklore. He can't quite remember which of the creatures you're supposed to do these things for but you have to throw rice in front of your house to repel something. And for another, if you're coming into your house after midnight, you're supposed to walk into your doorway backwards. I think it's called, "watching your back". Being that he can't remember which these are for and if Grenada even has these "things", then once again, one word: cutlass.
Things To Bring or Buy:
1. Bug Spray. If you can't travel with that sort of stuff, then go forth and purchase some "Det".
Det to de flies, det to de roaches, det to de mosquito (x3), Det kill dem Deeeaaaaaaddddd!!! - we're not sure if singing the jingle will work but it certainly is entertaining. If they don't have "det" then you screwed. Ahaha, kidding. But you know, get whatever.
2. Oh, and a little thing called a "cockset" you should also buy. It's a coil that when lit, burns all the way 'round during the night (you light it in the evening for when the nasties come buzzing around) and the smoke wards off those mosquitoes. However, being that you tried to burn down Or 2's apartment that one time in college, maaaayybe you should just stick to your bug spray. Chances are they don't even sell that anymore in Trinidad or anywhere else, it's so damned dangerous.
3. Frass says to get a "Vape Mat". It's an electric device that has a sweet smelling mat in it that can be changed daily. If it's anything like our Electric Mosquito killer at home, then the mosquitoes get attracted to the blue glowing light and get fried in there, then stick on to the mat. I'm not sure if it's same thing but one thing is clear, please don't throw raves by the blue light and end up like a mosquito.
4. Carry a flashlight.
A point which Frass disagrees on. He says to take a candle because we've forgotten that batteries are expensive.
While on the Island, Don't Forget To
1. Knock out your shoes in the event a scorpion or other creepie crawlies have gotten in.
2. Not make friends with multi-legged creatures.
3. Stay away from coconut trees. Even though they are tempting, they harbour scorpions. Just leave well enough alone. Also, don't try to climb those either. Leave it to the professionals! That's right, the beach peeps with no shirts and no cares in the world.
4. Not nap under a coconut tree for fear of falling coconuts.
5. Not nap under an almond tree for fear of falling coral snakes.
There's not much more we can add to this guide. You'll be attending a good and newly built school catered mostly to American and other foreign students, so we think you'll be fine for the most part.
Congratulations and we will miss you but we've skype, the phone, and the Internet for communication!
Don't forget that the months will go by quickly and we'll be "Rock Band" -ing and doing all manners of craziness very soon together.
No worries, you'll be fine!!!
P.S. Don't search Wikipedia on Grenada. They don't seem very reliable a source for information on this particular topic.
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