The Unexpected Friday

Our Friday plans did not go as planned.

There was supposed to be a dinner at Brasserie 8 1/2 but as the day wore on, work happened and other crazy stories involving a certain Frass happened (but best of luck to you!) and dinner was canceled.

It happens and that's that but H1 and I still managed to find some amusement after work obligations.

What we found was a "safe" haven in preparation for the future Zombie Apocalypse, Fandango Paper Bags getting the Handbag treatment, cutie owls in retail and Bitler.

In our ongoing series for preparation in Our Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, which many of you have chosen to ignore, H1 and I have continued to find plot our escape and scope out suspicious activity in Grand Central Terminal.

On Friday, we found one such suspicious thing.

We see some folks at Grand Central have been prepping and start construction on something but don't they freakin' know that zombies can climb ladders?! Not very smart, folks.  A re-design is in order.

Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part III

After a harrowing escape since the last guide to the Zombie Apocalypse Part II (if you had not noticed, there was something amiss), I came across something very disturbing on the train on Thursday.
It seems that the MTA Corporate & Public Affairs office has been overrun and replaced by highly intelligent Flesh-Eaters.

Keep the panic to a minimum because panic will get you killed that much faster during a Zombie Apocalypse, but you read that correctly.

Zombies are now in charge of the MTA Corporate & Public Affairs office; and they're issuing fake Safety Rules for travel on the Metro North.

Exhibit A: It takes a Zombie to know Zombie behaviour, therefore a Zombie wrote this.

The Zombies seem very adamant that you stay away from the gap.  Certainly this is sound advice that Metro North has been issuing for years but this latest exhibit may very well be a clever trick.

Do not be fooled.


Their level of comprehensive skill and penmanship seems to have improved tremendously (they can print now!).  Truly frightful is their ability to make jokes about their own Zombie-kind to garner your trust. 

As we know from point 4 of the first guide, the gap may save your life whilst in a Zombie Scenario.

It appears as though The Apocalypse is a lot closer than we thought...

Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part II

Hello,

It has become apparent that you lot don't much care for the oncoming Zombie Apocalypse, as gathered from your lack of interest and responses to Part I.

It's either you do not care or that you wish to die a gruesome death (except you, Bughie J.  You know the time is nigh and we're all just wondering what type of Zed Death we will be met with).

Whatever the case may be, here is your Part II Guide to the ZA in a ZS:

If you start getting messages, as below - 

Exhibit A

Exzhibit B

Exhibit C

Remember,

Exhibit A: the Zombies may not be able to spell that well but they sure know how to get their point across with the clever trickz!

Exhibit B: Also, try not to be dazzled by their handwriting even if it is pretty pretty for the Undead.  It only serves as another form of the trickery we spoke of before.  Though wow, they really do rite beautifully, don't they?

Exhibit C: And finally, do not let Zombies use your Muther'z name so familiar like.

Thank you to the experts at Plants Vs. Zombies for their assistance in these matters.

Sincerely with Luz,

the Zombies.

Urrhhhh.

Or 2.

We meant Or 2.

Currently listening to:  "Kicked In" by Death Cab for Cutie.  Well, if it isn't one of our...Or 2'z favourite bandz.

Zombie Scenario: Your Guide to the Apocalypse, Part I

Have you ever found your mind wandering to the prospect of a Zombie Scenario and planning an escape?

What's that? The Zed word is ridiculous?

That right there would be your Number 1 fail: doubting the Zombie Apocalypse!

The Wave of the Undead is coming, my friends and let us all hope that we have some pea shooter plants to guard ourselves with.

In the meanwhile, H1 and I have been envisioning and devising our escape as per The Zombie Scenario: Metro North Edition.

We are not going to lie.

If hordes of zombies were to invade Grand Central Terminal as we stood on the platform waiting for our train, we have decided we would die for lack of a solid survival plan.

We have been thinking on this for a couple of years now but we would be ill-fated.

What we would see as we looked ahead.  

Zombies would be pouring out of the main Terminal.

Behind us would be Zombies shuffling up the stairs.

Zombies to the left of us.

Zombies to the right... but wait! a train?

So, what would our best option be?

Jumping into the pit to the left and risk an oncoming train, electrocution via the third rail, or zombies piling in after us and it being much easier to trip?

Do we climb on top of the train to the right?

How long before the zombies take to climbing as well?

Do we board the train? What if the doors are closed (as pictured)?

What if we get on and the doors do not close? Sitting ducks we would be!

What if...zombies are on the train?!?!

The Hochies are not pessimistic, we are realistic.

The following footprints/feet (not owned by zombies or unwitting victims of Zombies) are the guidelines as deemed by The MTA for a safe commute.

We have doctored them to share with you our tips and observations you should abide by during a Zombie Scenario at GCS.  It's the least we could do for our friends who may fare better.  Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky.

No. 1 and 2

1. In a Zombie Scenario, definitely *glance down once in a while to make sure you're not going to trip over your fellow, "can't save you now...sorry" commuters.  You will see why it may not matter when we get to No. 3 as slipping might become a regular Olympic Event.

Do not glance back too often.  It'll just slow you down, not to mention you never know when a Zombie might pop up in front of you all of a sudden.

2. In a Zombie Scenario, if the train is operational, hell yes, run for your train.

 No. 3

3.  In a Zombie Scenario, slipping will have to become an Art Form.  Using the stair handrails may be a good idea when it rains, but when it rains blood, I'm not sure anything will save you from a fall here and there.  Everything will be slippery in a Zombie Scenario.  The handrails won't work.

No. 4

4.  In a Zombie Scenario, throw caution about bridgeplates to the wind.  You may be better off being wedged under a train.  Maybe the zombies won't be able to get you out.  Fall through the gap, it might save your life even if it may break your arm.  *This could also apply to Rule 1.

 No. 5

5.  In a Zombie Scenario, and this may be painfully obvious...it's every child for himself.  Toss the buggers to the zombies because it may slow the Zombies down.  The more chirren you have, the better but remember, their bodies are tiny.  It's like eating popcorn, you might want a whole lot but it can only keep you filled for so long and there's never enough to feed everyone.

Currently listening to: "Pioneer to the Falls" by Interpol.(No. 6)

6. In a Zombie Scenario, remember that Interpol can't do shart for you.

Unnecessary Panic

Oh yes, so the other night, Frass (who pulled an MC and Alex and FELL ASLEEP! He claims the cupcake did him in) and I went to see Zombieland.

Why was it, as I was hurriedly trying to walk down the avenues to catch my train that all I could think about was to watch my back?

And then again on the train?

Zombies, man.

Nothing happened so we'll call this Unnecessary Panic...

For now.

Currently: Awake because Aims' birthday dinner to me is not really sitting well, but do I need to panic?! It's 4:44 AM! That's the tri-force of evil dead numbers, right there! Yeah, you guys thought it was the triple 6 but I watch way too much anime to know that "4" is unlucky, I am part Asian and subscribe to Asian things (when convenient to my delusions)!

Orrrr, maybe I really need to just go to bed.

Clean Zombies

A Conversation in Badly Drawn Comic Form (and poorly scanned). Click to enlarge:



Editor's Note: No clean zombies were actually found in Resident Evil 5.

Zombies Alert

This is also the stuff of nightmares for me. Lately I've been thinking about it lots but I don't know what I'd do if I saw zombies crawling around the front yard.



You know, that was just not funny. Whoever did this won't be laughing when it really happens.

Currently listening to: "Friends" by Flight of the Conchords. This show is phenomenal this season.