If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late

Under constant correction,
A fraud,
A fraud,
Someone's perception, trying not to bore
I'm a cold-hearted kidda,
Applaud
Applaud
If you're the highest bidder, I'm yours

You figure out pathetic sets
And We're not sure of the etiquette
We think out pathetic sets
We're not sure of the etiquette

And if you found this it's probably too late
Clinically cynical, hereditary hate...

...If we concentrate on being off the cuff
Not sure we're ready but probably rough
Frightened that honesty isn't enough
And it's nothing on the early stuff

- "If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late" by Arctic Monkeys

My Love-Hate relationship with Arctic Monkeys has ended.

Those assholes may have killed at least two Ipods that I know of (one being mine), and I may have slightly flamed them in the past by saying they were not to be taken too seriously but 7 months ago I was CLEARLY "fuckin' mental" (said in my best Yorkshire/Sheffield (?) accent). And highly unstable.

This band has fast become one of my favourites. I retract any ill I may have spoken of them in the past.

"Tonight there'll be some love. Tonight there'll be some rawkus regardless of what's come before."

And goddamn it, do we love those Ukkers.

And when my cutie Alex Turner says "don't believe the hype", I think I partially understand why...

May 15th, 2007

I'm sitting here trying to write a really fantastic blog entry about events on the above mentioned date but I really don't know how to begin addressing the topic at hand.

I could start by saying that my dilemma may be partially due to the fact that I'm really quite tired and beaten up. I'm in so much pain that I may have to take another pain killer in the morning.

H1's full of bruises from being the bad-ass that H1 only knows how to be by fighting betches off me left, back and right.

I'm hurting from fighting off betches off me from the left, front and right of me.

My neck aches from taking video footage. Why and how is that possible? Straining to see your camera screen above a crowd of jumping, moshing crazies as you hold it high above your head is tough work.

It also didn't help that my head was going back and forth from dancing (no, no dutty whiplash) and continues to do so even though I'm now 24 hours out of the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Our feet ache from standing way too long (which is a bitch when the opening act is Be Your Own Pet and they're so ass that even the Vibe magazine bought to pacify Frass becomes not only his saviour but yours as well. One long song disguised as nine is just god awful especially when your lead 'singer' is a female who cannot dance and H1 phrased it best when she said, "If Pulp Fiction didn't come out, this bitch wouldn't know what to do. She thinks she's Uma Thurman." And to answer your question, H1 - be thankful for small mercies that her hair was in her face the whole time because apparently trolls abound these days), jumping around to music you just can't help but jump around to and then racing along subway platforms to catch an 11.10 p.m. train home.

Another thing I can talk about is the fact that I had to elbow some asshole child who insisted I put my arms down because they were digging into her back. Well, asshole child, if you didn't push me out of my spot, or if you didn't actually take up someone's spot on the dancefloor by disregarding your mezzanine ticket purchases, then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?

Or how about the time I cut up the kids with X's Christmas present? Ah, we knew that ring would really be put to good use one day.

All that sounds awfully violent and should all be included in this blog but you'd swear we had a horrid night, yeah?

No.



Arctic Monkeys gave us one of the best concert experiences eva'!

Arctic Monkeys 05/15/07 @ Hammerstein Ballroom "Favourite Worst Nightmare" Tour Set List:

If You Found This, It's Probably Too Late
Brianstorm
Still Take You Home
Dancing Shoes
Balaclava
Fake Tales of San Francisco
Teddy Picker
You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me
D is For Dangerous
I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
This House Is A Circus
If You Were There, Beware
From The Ritz to the Rubble
Old Yellow Bricks
Fluorescent Adolescence
Do Me A Favour
The View From The Afternoon
When The Sun Goes Down
Leave Before The Lights Come On
A Certain Romance

(note - they played all these songs but in between 'Dancing Shoes' and 'The View From the Afternoon', the actual order may be slightly off) - (Oh yeah, and notice there was no need for a Chicken Bone incident. Phew. I really didn't want to see H1 attack my boy and his nose)

Grievances of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet

2. All the Asshole Kids Mentioned Before

3. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far back to see Arctic Monkeys in all their glory playing their set. I'm really bummed I didn't get to see Matthew tear it up on drums.

4. Getting pushed out of the pit - too far to take any good pictures of the band due to their dark stage lighting. Damn it!

5. Not having Beetchie there to tear up the pit.

6. Having time fly by so quickly once our boys took the stage because of the fun, and fast-paced, great times of their performance.

7. My Hammer and Sickle pin got tossed off my bag and is now doing one of three things - a. floating around in Hammerstein Ballroom Hell lost forever, b. stuck under someone's shoe and then lost somewhere on 34th street and beyond or c. was stolen by one of the asshole kids who's blogging about it right now.

WTF Moments of the Night:

1. The Opening Act: Be Your Own Pet with special mention to that asshole Max, was it? The shirtless ass who did nothing but act a fool on stage. He's the kind of guy who's the '4th' useless member of the band. The one who has no talent so he sits around sucking the life out of the real members, who also happen to have no talent. Bad Combination + Bad Combination = Be Your Own Pet. I'll give small props to their drummer though. He actually worked.

2. No "Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"? WTF, Arctic Monkeys?! That's just wrong. I can almost forgive you boys for no "Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But..." too. Almost.

3. "Fake Tales of San Francisco"?! Ugh. Okay, so it was good in concert and singing "I don't want to hear you, kick me out" was pretty fun but still.

4. Finding out AFTER the concert that I could adjust my ISO on the camera to enhance the camera's ability to take better quality pictures when conditions make for poorly lit areas. That's more a 'fuckity-fuck-fuck' moment, really.

Fun Times of the Night:

1. Be Your Own Pet's guitarist's incident with the floor. When he tried to crowd surf and he hit the ground because they refused to hold him, THAT was the most single hilarious thing.

2. The fact that H1 was with me for this. It's been a while since we've been to a concert together. Goo'd times.

3. The insanity of the crowd during "Brianstorm".

4. The bassist, Nick O' Malley who actually didn't lose weight but is kind of an entirely different person. Heh Heh.



5. Jamie Cook(ie). Ah, the Cookie.



6. Matthew Helders. My favourite drummer and backing vocalist!



7. Trying to decipher Alex's accent. The fact that he spoke to us so much was fun too. "Boring, Boring. Yawn. Yawn." , "You've been very kind to us. Very kind." and "I'm very fond of New York" were all some of the cute quotes I could actually understand.
Did we mention we're in love with that clever little boy? Stop judging! 21's legal last I checked.

8. Alex's dancing.

9. And of course, Alex Turner himself. The brilliant lyricist with vocals unique. He really is just too damned adorable a boy, that. Annnnnddd I got no good pictures of him (and I really, really tried). Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck!





...about that hype: Disregard all the accolade you hear through the media. Listen for yourself because they're making music for themselves, for us and not the Vampires.

And like The HOchieS, you'll probably discover one of the most fantastic fuckin' bands to date.

I partially understand the statement because I'm sorry Arctic Monkeys, there is no unwarranted hype.

Currently listening to: All 53 songs (on random) I have belonging to them and ending this entry with "If You Were There, Beware" by Arctic Monkeys.

And stupidly bopping my head making my neck continue its ballistic insane pain.

Memorable Quotes of the Night:

"Akon Alert!" - H1, on Concert Security hitting on the 15 year olds.

"X is an ass." - Or 2, on X thinking she's too 'old' to be at this concert.

Another Missed Step

We're not necessarily obsessed; we're just amending the blog as our memories return.

There is another missed step in the Evolution of Frass and it falls between Taylor Hicks and Frass.

And so we were thinking, we've never actually seen Frass without a cap. The picture below is a pretty accurate representation of Frass as we know him (in missed step number 4):



So what would he look like without a cap? We can only speculate.



Shit. We forgot yet another. Tenderfoot. That's currently interchangeable with Frass, depending on the situation. Especially situations involving a JWFR.

Currently listening to: "505" by Arctic Monkeys.

A Few Words on Frass

In the Evolution of Frass, some may argue that there was a missed stage or two.

Let us review.

SF-->Giant Kitty-->SAF-->Taylor Hicks-->Frass

You'd be partially right. We did forget "Taylor Hicks" but Giant Kitty was never a missed stage. That title was self-imposed and therefore unacceptable.

We now need to add a new stage.

H1: Why does Joey Fatone's face look like wax? He looks like Frass.

Quote of the day: "How could someone who is a Trini and not a Chinee be the one responsible for writing out checks at their job?!" - X, while pondering Frass' job situation.

Awww

I found my kid! And he's as cute as ever, with his twix-self.
Awww.

You know what's not cute? My fat ass in a Ryokan bath house in two weeks.

Stuff of nightmares that.

I will return a Smunderling. Hardcore.

H1...please. Stop.

Fraud Alert!!!

In the coming weeks, if Harry D. Coo shows up in Japan and in Canada, check dates. He might be in two places at the same time.

Harry D. Coo?

Harry D. Fraud!

Battler and Or 2 are trying to perpetrate a hoax of mega-tsunami like proportions.

Thunder-Thighs, KAPOW!!!!

(source: dlisted.com)

But more importantly, what is that shadow? Is that her panty?! Props girl, at least you wear them.

Quotes for the Day:

"X is only ghetto when it comes to eating." - Beetchie

"I like Arctic Monkeys, just not their faces." - Beetchie

H1: "You shouldn't five finger discount cats (from the clinic or otherwise)"
Beetchie: "Chinese people are all about black market cats."

Yes. It's True About the Smelly Underlings

I have two Smunderlings.

X is one of them.

Beetchie, she's the other. Though sometimes she comes home a Diseased Underling, also known as a Dunderling.



The above Smunderling has been sourced and is a copyright 2007 of www.homestarrunner.com)

I heart my Smunderlings.

And at +8 Armour Class, they're pretty impressive.

Hot Fuzz = Good Times

You know who's Hot Fuzz? Yes, we said before and we'll say it again. Look at the pictures! These two are Hot Fuzz:



We love Simon and Nick! And I can't wait for the dvd so I can re-watch to see all the wit I may have missed the first time around.



Seriously, how could you not love the Bad-Assness?



Yeah. That swan? Particulary hot.

But not hot? The Ginger-Nut.

Where's My Kid?

=,(

Meh. Music Post.

I listened to the four songs the band "Air" had up on their myspace today, after receiving a barrage of concert alerts, and reading articles heralding how fantastic they are.

Why do I feel as though I really need to be on drugs and/or a hipster to understand any of their bullshit?

In The Next Five Years

The HOchies predict that Amy Winehouse will age a like so -



(troll source: thirdwayblog.com)

Then, there'll be some kind of rehab, after being dragged there kicking and screaming, and will balloon into this after a 2 day stint -



(troll source: littleshavers.com)

Yeah. That's how it's going to be. We're pretty sure after seeing the state of things now.



(troll source: dlisted.com)

Two Nights In A Row

Sid! Sid, where are you?!
I have to post about stupid bands and/or betches, AGAIN tonight.

Tonight, it's all about that betch Amy Lee.

Look! Another stupid Amy in the music world! And shut up, Mitch Connors, I DO NOT remind you of her. Just like I am in no way, reminiscent of Rosie. Ever. ::mutter mutter:: Stupid Frass ::mutter mutter::

Evanescence cans guitarist, drummer
POSTED: 9:22 a.m. EDT, May 8, 2007

NEW YORK (Billboard) -- The guitarist and drummer with Evanescence have left the top-selling rock act for undisclosed reasons.

Guitarist John LeCompt claimed on his MySpace.com blog that he was fired during a cell phone conversation with singer Amy Lee, while drummer Rocky Gray said he was asked by band management not to discuss the situation.

However, Lee said in a statement that Evanescence remains "alive and well" and will soon return to the road with new musicians.

"John and Rocky were in Evanescence for four years and we shared some great times together playing live, but they were ready to move on and so we have parted ways," she said. "Evanescence is something I have loved and nurtured since I was 14, and I will continue to protect and fight for it as I always have.

LeCompt did not paint the situation so rosily on his blog. "Without any warning or negotiations for my future, I was fired for no good reason," he said. "We have not always seen eye to eye on everything, but who does? Our common goal was always the same. To make Evanescence the best rock band it could ever be. I have always given blood, sweat and tears to make that happen but apparently that is not enough. I have now become just another of the people fallen by the wayside on the revolving door of her life."

LeCompt was referring to the messy 2003 departure of founding guitarist Ben Moody, who was replaced by former Cold principal Terry Balsamo, and the 2006 exit of bassist Will Boyd, who was replaced by former Revolution Smile guitarist Tim McCord.

Lee said no shows would be canceled due to the lineup shift, but the group won't have long to draft replacements for LeCompt and Gray. It is due to return to the stage May 19 at the first Rock on the Range festival in Columbus, Ohio, and has European dates on tap through late June.

Copyright 2007 Reuters. All rights reserved.

Three things -

1. H1's right to ask, "If you have but one of your original members, are you still the same band?"

2. I did so enjoy reading LeCompt's assessment of the situation and of Amy Lee's character.

3. Amy The Stupid Lee, what the f.? Did you think just because Korn asked you to cover "Freak On a Leash" you're hot shit? I'm sorry to say it to Korn but you guys went downhill ever since Head found Jeebus. And though I may hate David, his ass was smart to leave or go on 'hiatus' as it were. Korn! Your time is done and working with Amy Lee made you lose whatever creds you had left. ALL.

On a side note, I've come to a realization in the past few days.

You know how I always rant that if it's female and sings then chances are TD5 loves it?
I now know that, in addition to this, if it's female and sings then chances are I hate it.

And on another random note, but still music related, did anyone see the video for The Red Hot Chili Peppers' new song? Let us just say...RHCP going street made me incredibly scared yet I couldn't... look... away.

Maybe it was AK's big, gold grill? Or the fact that I never thought I'd hear the words "Hump de Bump" come out of his mouth? Well, one thing's for sure, I knew the day would come that if that ever happened, it'd sound stupid. And sure enough...



- Or 2, weeding out the assholes since 1992.

Currently listening to: "Teddy Picker" by Arctic Monkeys. Now THERE's a band. Yeah. At this time one week from now, I'll be too tired to blog but really wanting to. I love you, Alex! He is a clever little man, isn't he?

Peter Parker...

...Goes Emo?



Shameful.

To: Battler. From: Pandy.

Battler,

Pandy wanted to leave you a response to your comment on the Dragon Boat Incident. If I may refresh your memory, your comment was "is that the MC in a hello kitty floatie? Was that a pommie ship?".

Pandy would have left his comment in the comment section, if not for the jpeg response he needed to leave. While he understands that you were trying to rag on MC, he feels you still crossed a line. I have offered to post his response here. It is as follows:

This is For Anyone Who Has Ever Been Called A Pussy



Who's the Pussy Now?!

~EOM~

I told you not to cutie-fy the Dragon Boat.

A Warning To Alex Turner

The concert is very soon! Just about one week away and the plan is to create a new tradition. The last time we were at the Hammerstein, we had Popeye's Chicken before the show and as we all know that show was Matisyahu, and the only good thing about that night was the chicken.

Well, we expect Arctic Monkeys will be better than the chicken but we started something we'd like to continue. The plan then, is to get Fraas to have chicken waiting for us when we get there. A pre-show feast, if you will.

However, in typical H1 fashion, I present to you a warning to Alex Turner.

Notes: **indicates disclaimers

H1: If Arctic Monkeys doesn't perform "Old Yellow Bricks", I will toss a chicken bone at Alex Turner.

Or 2: What?! Toss it at the bassist! (** in the event Nick O'Malley reads this ever, I heart you too, really I do!)

H1: Nope. I'll toss it at that big nose of his. (** in the event Alex Turner ever reads this, she didn't mean it.)

Or 2: Awww. Don't make fun of him and his nose...

And the conversation continued later that night

Or 2: do you like my new picture of Alex? (**it's a profile pic. on GChat so it's relatively small)



H1: are those muscles?

Or 2: yep

H1: well, they don't make his nose look so big

Or 2: ...
It just means if you toss a chicken bone at him, he could probably go hooligan on you.

H1: oh no
oh no

Or 2: that's how he got those muscles in the first place

H1: he will get cut

Or 2: by hooligan-ing

H1: I have Frass with me

Or 2: I'm fairly certain Alex could take out Frass

H1: yes but not before he gets cut. I will throw Frass under the bus to hear "Old Yellow Bricks".

Or 2: Hahahahahahahahahaha

H1: I'll have Fraas collect up a heap of chicken bones to throw at Alex Turner. And if the biscuit isn't very good, he could throw that as well.

Or 2: What about the mystery meat rice?

H1: No! Can't make good mystery meat rice go to waste! What is wrong with you?!

Random Music Post

Okay, so it's a rant. Of course, it is.

We're sorry, Beetchie, but we heard that new The White Stripes song "Icky Thump" today and hated it. We felt it lacked direction, as H1 says "Where is this song going?". The cacophony really made us crazy. It was god awful.

On a side note, and a rant from H1, "Beck's "Nausea" is vomit-inducing stuff, that."

Preach, H1. Preach.

Why. Why. Why.

This is the first of the Random Posts for tonight. We were on a roll today. But why is it about Amy Winehouse. Again?

Maybe it had something to do with what dlisted.com was reporting, something about rumours thus far are that the DAAWD (Diseased Alcoholic Anorexic Whore Druggie) - (for those of you not keeping track of our assessment of her) may appear in the next Bond movie.



And the conversation that ensued -

H1: ewwwww
Or 2: ew, what?
H1: http://dlisted.com/node/9622 (this will take you to the article)
Or 2: is this going to upset me? .... She'll die before that happens. She'll die before she's made Bond Girl.
H1: her feet are huuuuge
Or 2: her feet are as large as her head. She looks like something that crawled out of a mossy, dead tree stump. A troll? Yeah, that's it.



(troll source: howardlyon.com)

TD5. You REALLY need to stop.

I Was Right!

The Chinese WILL save this show! At least, until next week when I expect it to all go down in flames again.

I'm not sure why The Chinese are taking orders from Jack's daddy but whatever.

***SPOILERS***

The S6 24 HC Continues

2 AM to 3 AM:

Okay. The Chinese Ryan Reynolds is awesome. Yeah?

I'm still in shock from this episode, so there won't be much to say on it but damn!

Head Count: 9. =,( Now Nadia really needs to die! Back to years without Milo...

I'm Off To Okinawa...

...to acquire for my Bunji a Hattori Hanzo!

Bleach Weekly - Episode 124!

Alright, this episode was boring save the Vizard scenes.

In an unrelated topic, we ask the questions, How? and Why?

First, the How:

How does Ichigo know he's in Soul Society? Everything looks like a frickin' desert in that show unless it's his inner soul which looks like Neo-Tokyo or the regular world. Ah, I know. The rocks are slllightly different in SS.

And, the Why:

Why...does Ichigo's Hollow have Chicken Feet?

Hmmmm...



Kon Abuse Sighting: 1 Omake Scene. Lion-Headed Bun? Oh my...

New Band...Or At Least New To Me

TD5! Check out Tokyo Police Club unless you already know them!

Gave it a quick whirl today (you know, quick 'cause I had to get back to Arctic Monkeys), they have a 7 song EP out and the songs are short, witty and catchy.

I like it so far!

Maybe that'll change after May 15th?

I've collected hundreds of new songs and all require my attention... I'm already overwhelmed.

What. The. Fuck.

...

Can someone explain to me why MUSE just announced a show at Madison Square Garden on August 6th?

1 week after I bought my blasted tickets to London?!

I am so unimpressed right now...

SO unimpressed.

Matt better watch it because I'm so going to be "A (Alex) S (Stacy) Hoell (Ho+Bell), the 'e' is silent" very soon...

Anyway. You know my birthday's coming up in October. Who wants to buy me an early birthday present and come with me to the show? Well, I see how it went down when I wanted a Christmas present of a WS ticket, so let me re-phrase... who wants to come with me for my birthday?

Talk to me by tomorrow! I have the opportunity to do the pre-sale!

(see how fast I got over that?)

Alright, I await your remarks riddled with assholery (if I may use a Beetchie term)

Disgusting?

source: www.ew.com

Hells yes.